Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[GoodOlBoy]

Muddy did not receive his full credentials as a mule.  A fully certified mule would not have sent his woman back to Ukraine.

Yes Gator, BUT....Did she really get on the plane??  :evil:

Maybe she "tricked" the Mule Muddy at the airport and she is still here in the GoodOl' USA? 


GOB

[GQBlues]

We really don't know.

Exactly. THAT and the ensuing rush to judgment.

[groovlstk]

Let's be fair.  Muddy did not receive his full credentials as a mule.  A fully certified mule would not have sent his woman back to Ukraine. Instead he would have kept her around the house until she implemented her escape plan.

Muddy tells a lot of tall tales, he posted this a long while ago to explain why he sent his ex-fiancee back to Ukraine:

MUDDY SAID:
You are 100% correct
I had a relationship with a Ukrainian girl and you wont believe some of the things she was writing her friends not about me but about the US and how life is here .....
If you really want to know them install a keylogger on your computer and see who/what they writing. Very cold and very stupid, thank god I sent her back to Ukraine.

Notice how he specifically says she wasn't insulting HIM, but her new country, and that's why he sent her back. What a great patriot!

Hmmm, but then many months later, Muddy forgot his little white lie and wrote this:

MUDDY SAID:
That is what my ex wrote her best friend in Ukraine her 1st week here
"Its paradise here"

So which is it, Muddy? Supposedly you sent her home for insulting your beloved country, but then in another post you claim she said it's paradise here. I think the truth is self-evident.

For the real deal on what Muddy found in his keylogger files, I think he inadvertantly confessed here:

MUDDY SAID: If she uses a computer I bet from the day you married this woman she has been writing and emailing her boyfreindS in Russia and has been writing her family and friends about you and her plans
 Make a note of it, I wrote BOYFRIENDS.

So what's the truth, Muddy? Your ex-fiancee loathed you, saw you as something less than a man, and married you simply for a GC. You don't have to lie to everyone about how great the sex was and how it was worth the expense blah blah blah, since even if you DID get anything she probably had her eyes clenched shut the entire time.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, but if you feel the need to lie about it so as to avoid looking like the fool you are, next time you should make an effort to stick with one story.

[mies]

mies, Aloe, Doll, etc...

Lost in all of these assumptions, I would like to ask you ladies the following.

I agree with you - OPs wife didn't have a chance to adjust to life in new country, and now is trying to get normal human communication.

regarding woman disappearing at nights I personally voiced no opinion till now. This is a rather slippery area, with lots of razor-thin lines between "OK, acceptable under some circumstances" and "totally wrong". The OP provided too few details about the nature of the relationship of his wife and her friends - to be honest I am not sure he took time to learn the names and genders of all those friends. He does not mention the age difference between him and his wife, he does not mention whether he was ever invited to join them partying and whether he had voluntarily refused to do so, and if yes - on how many occasions. I do not justify the woman's night wanders, but i never was capable to understand the devotion of prudent citizens who'd pick, marry, and will continuously try to convert the party animal into a prudent and quiet member of society and respectable family member of outstanding Chrisitan/Muslim/any other virtues.  

[Muddy]

groovlstk,
I am not going to read your long post, how long did it take you to put all of that together??

On page 21 LOL

Dude, you should stop thinking about Muddy so much! You are really a simple man!

[GQBlues]

Sorry, i don't see what assumptions I have made in this thread this far,

mies, you misunderstood the post. The assumptions stated are those made by the marauding males without the benefit of actual accounting. Not the opinions, like yours, based on what is actually given.

and why do you list all females' views on this thread as if we were expressing the same assumptions or same arguments. The only thing both me, Aloe, and Doll had agreed upon here is that dialogue provided by OP does not smell with affair.

I don't agree she's having an affair either based on the presented information on hand.

The female opinion solicited is prompted by the overlooked fact the OP's wife just recently had a baby. They were married over a year ago and now has a child hardly a year old. What that appear to me is this woman had other MORE important matters to attend to the past 1-1.5 years. Getting pregnant, bearing a child, then nursing him to those early months.

I was not only trying to acquire a female's point of view, but in fact, like the OP's wife, a recently immigated female's point of view.

Thus, I believe, the couple decided that she needed a break from this period. Which, as I stated, parallels what my female friends and their hubbies had done as well in their respective marriages, that is, to give the woman some moment of refuge or a break. Would a recently  immigrated FSUW (which is where the solicitation of your opinions come in), given the events of the last year or so, be longing for some time off like local women seem to do(?) - and if so, would the longing include the familiarity of any cultural identification i.e. anything Russian, which would be far more easily accomodating.

[Muddy]

groovlstk, write me the short version.

[mies]

mies, you misunderstood the post.

sorry, i misread it. my bad  


Our friends - mid 30s married couple have a young child, wife is staying at home with child.  Husband used to like to go out partying every weekend. He was not cheating, but he was out, often with female friends, often drinking beers, and he'd come home tipsy well past midnight. This was his way to relax from stress at work and child-related stress at home. Situation similar to OPs only this was a husband going out. Wife tolerated it to some point, and then one day she announced a party, invited all friends and husband's colleagues, and in the morning of that day she told her husband she wants some private time before party and left for a beauty/shopping stroll. She didn't come back at lunchtime, her phone was "forgotten" at home, husband was driven mad by screaming baby, had to feed baby and attend to her other needs. And on top of that - he realized that the guests will show up just in few hours, that it's too late to call off the party, and the house has to be cleaned by then, and meals cooked or ordered. What he later told us - this was the most stressful and dreadful day of his life. So bad - that getting a PhD in physics was child's play compared to the single day of running around the house, taking care of baby, cleaning, and cooking/ordering food at the same time. By the night of the day when guests left - he was totally worn out and barely breathing. Then wife showed up home, happy, after a great relaxed day and asked him how he spent his and whether he still thinks that taking care of baby and house is a relaxing pleasant duty.
Since that day - he started taking turns with his wife going out, or was inviting a babysitter to go out together with wife.  


Now, the question is: Does the OP spend every day/night with the baby? How much he takes care of own child? And how many duties his wife has?

[BillyB]

Hhhmm, if the OPs installed a key logger ~ there's a reason for it and hence it's understandable?!?.

BillyB, is that a mistake or do you actually support that?

Now who's making assumptions? I never recommend a keyboard logger. I don't need a keyboard logger. I wouldn't marry the OP's wife because I would understand her lifestyle doesn't match mine before marrying her and maybe she's not ready to be a wife and mother. If a wife did something I thought was out of line, then we talk. I don't ignore red flags and do nothing.

You and a few RW saying there's no problem and nothing to worry about will cause the OP more harm than help. Lack of action in this case is worse than action. The OP needs help to build trust and make his marriage stronger. It's up to the wife to be a team player or leave the marriage and find a man that she can play with. Counselling is one option but I'm not too sure the RW wife will agree to that. If they weren't married and without a child, it's so much easier to break up and find a person(s) they could live with.

Wedding vows I assume are similar everywhere. Love, devotion, faithul, honor, cherish are some of the words use. It's not happening in this marriage. Does anybody seriously think nothing needs to be done after what the OP posted?

[Misha]

Which, as I stated, parallels what my female friends and their hubbies had done as well in their respective marriages, that is, to give the woman some moment of refuge or a break.

Seeking refuge  So, that is the new euphemism  :evil: Oddly, my wife has not had the need to seek "refuge" in close to three years.

[GQBlues]

Now who's making assumptions? I never recommend a keyboard logger. I don't need a keyboard logger.

A question is hardly ever an assumption. Did you noticed how YOU easily to jump to that conclusion?

I wouldn't marry the OP's wife because I would understand her lifestyle doesn't match mine before marrying her and maybe she's not ready to be a wife and mother.

How well do you know the OP's wife?

[GQBlues]

Seeking refuge  So, that is the new euphemism  :evil: Oddly, my wife has not had the need to seek "refuge" in close to three years.

Of course not because we all know you took your time Misha. Would you like a cookie with that?

[SMS60]

but i never was capable to understand the devotion of prudent citizens who'd pick, marry, and will continuously try to convert the party animal into a prudent and quiet member of society and respectable family member of outstanding Chrisitan/Muslim/any other virtues.

This is why we have the GQ's of the world. They potray the strong, secure male of the herd. They exhibit the tolerance required for these type of women. They do it at the expense of their own dignity and of their partner. They convinced themselves they are the strong, secure alpha needed in these special situations. But in reality they are weak and probally more insecure than the so called player. Remove the mask and you see weakness.

They dont command respect from their mate. They are like jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them. They see the weakness. The mate wants a strong partner who respects himself and who has convictions and at least some morals.

The jelly fish eventually turns to blob when it must confront the very issues he was supposedly secure about. The mask comes off. Reality sets in.

[Misha]

Of course not because we all know you took your time Misha. Would you like a cookie with that?

Nah, just happy to have a wife who isn't seeking refuge 

[mies]

The female opinion solicited is prompted by the overlooked fact the OP's wife just recently had a baby. They were married over a year ago and now has a child hardly a year old. What that appear to me is this woman had other MORE important matters to attend to the past 1-1.5 years. Getting pregnant, bearing a child, then nursing him to those early months.

what if going out is her way of dealing with pregnancy-related depression? it won't be better if she was mentally rotting at home among bottles with formula and Pampers' packs.

Thus, I believe, the couple decided that she needed a break from this period. Which, as I stated, parallels what my female friends and their hubbies had done as well in their respective marriages, that is, to give the woman some moment of refuge or a break.

I agree with you and with the idea that break is needed

[mies]

This is why we have the GQ's of the world. They potray the strong, secure male of the herd. They exhibit the tolerance required for these type of women. They do it at the expense of their own dignity and of their partner. They convinced themselves they are the strong, secure alpha needed in these special situations. But in reality they are weak and probally more insecure than the so called player. Remove the mask and you see weakness.

They dont command respect from their mate. They are like jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them. They see the weakness. The mate wants a strong partner who respects himself and who has convictions and at least some morals.

The jelly fish eventually turns to blob when it must confront the very issues he was supposedly secure about. The mask comes off. Reality sets in.

I am not sure alpha male is the one who's asking opinions on forum. Also, I always believed that players are exactly the Alpha males. Those who are trying to match the TV-screen image of reliable head of household are strong B but then - what do I know with certainty? nothing.

this type of woman require either tolerance or a matching man. If two in a couple like going out - then there is no drama, and no tragedy. When wife likes going out and husband doesn't - it's the "bad boy syndrome" discussed in "ask russian woman" section of the forum. Only we have a "bad girl syndrome", and the question "Is it true that some men are constantly and inadvertently falling for bad girls and why so?"
Spying on the wife and feeding own fears with own wild imagination isn't a tolerance. It's masochism.

[BillyB]

How well do you know the OP's wife?

Enough to know she gets drunk with RM for a whole weekend while her husband stays home.

I don't get drunk and go out with female friends when I have a gf/fiancee/wife I can have fun/party with. I want the same type of woman. I also don't jump into marriage with strangers. Before proposing, I'd make sure I could live with the woman based off what I know from her behavior patterns. I'm older, wiser, and I certainly don't want to be in the position of asking for marriage help or another divorce statistic.

[Misha]

what if going out is her way of dealing with pregnancy-related depression? Do you think it would be better if she was mentally rotting at home among bottles with formula and Pampers' packs?

Her self-treatment for depression is hardly a great solution. Alcohol as a depressant would only exacerbate any postpartum depression.

[GQBlues]

what if going out is her way of dealing with pregnancy-related depression? Do you think it would be better if she was mentally rotting at home among bottles with formula and Pampers' packs?

mies, I agree. It isn't too much to ask, or give, a woman a break from the daily responsibilities of nurturing a child. This is often overlooked by our male population in the past. A lot of couples I know, as I'm sure it isn't isolated within that circle, do allow their wives an occasional 'break' from this responsibility i.e. shopping, dinner with friends, outing with friends, etc...

[GQBlues]

They dont command respect from their mate. They are like jelly fish, no backbone, eventually their mate loses respect for them. They see the weakness. The mate wants a strong partner who respects himself and who has convictions and at least some morals.

Translation: Control freak and abusers.

There Faux Pas, is a great example of what I was talking about when I spoke of the types of men who look for wives in FSU.

[Misha]

Translation: Control freak and abusers.

Translation: self-respect and being in a couple where both parties respect each other.

[mies]

Her self-treatment for depression is hardly a great solution. Alcohol as a depressant would only exacerbate any postpartum depression.

Misha, I was not talking of alcohol - I was talking about going out. Nobody here except for OP know with certainty how much, how often, and with whom this woman drinks. Women can't drink alcohol during pregnancy or breast-feeding. If the baby is about 1yo, that means woman stopped breast-feeding just recently. I see no harm if she wants to have a beer after the 2-year of alcohol-free life. Let's try to be more considerate of limitations women face when they decide to have a baby. I think a woman has a full right to have a drink if she wants to and it will not harm her baby.

[SMS60]

Translation: Control freak and abusers.

There Faux Pas, is a great example of what I was talking about when I spoke of the types of men who look for wives in FSU.

Actually You dont understand what it means. I will explain the term.

I used command not demand.

Demanding is controlling. Commanding is conducting yourself in a way where you recieve respect back without asking.

Anything else you want me to explain

[GQBlues]

Translation: self-respect and being in a couple where both parties respect each other.

So long as she remains subservient.

[mies]

Commanding is conducting yourself in a way where you recieve it back without asking.

with the help of google:
Control - the activity of managing or exerting control over something; "the control of the mob by the police was admirable"