Is my Russian wife cheating on me or am I overreacting?

[Muddy]

do you have a mystic ball to see the future in?   how can you know that their marriage is over?

Guys and gals who tell the OP that marriage is over - how can you give advices of this level and importance to a man whom you do not know personally, and whose full story you never learned? It's very easy to give an advices like that here on the forum board, especially if it will not touch/harm your family in any way. And for OP's family your advices could turn into tragedy for 3 people. Be sensible please.

Maybe because there is so much this woman has done that OP does not know anything about and its all bad!

[JR]

Ok, I'm getting confused here and wondering if I've been spending too much time at the computer this week.

Here are ALL of the original posters words, aside from the chat log he posted.
 

So... I don't see anywhere in this where:

- she can't drive
- she doesn't have a car
- she can only use buses
- she phoned her husband saying telling him that she'd be late
- her husband doesn't spend much time with her or the baby

Can you point these things out to me in the text above? Am I not seeing something?

He says directly "honestly its overbearing sometimes being around her 24/7" and "I didnt want to read this while at the house, as she was looking over my shoulder all day." Both imply that he spends a lot of time with her and the baby at home, just not when he's out of town on business.

It's also implied in the chat log that she has a job. Right?

Yeah, I went and read all his posts too and found almost none of what is being conjectured and attributed to this situation.

The further away from the source of information the more BS gets infused...

[mies]

Maybe because there is so much this woman has done that OP does not know anything about and its all bad!

 come on. If you tell me that you won't see such scenes in USA - i'll call you a liar. In my very first time out here in USA a girl approached me while i was talking to my husband, grabbed my hand (she was a bit tipsy/jolly) and said "you are going with us, i like you - always wanted to have a girlfriend like you" and kissed my lips before i or my husband were able to say anything.

i suspect quite a few males still feel nostalgic about witch-hunting times.
Muddy - if you think all women are so bad - why do you need one? Just stay good, no sinful women around - great recipe for happy life ;-)

[Muddy]

ok

[mies]

Yeah, I went and read all his posts too and found almost none of what is being conjectured and attributed to this situation.

The further away from the source of information the more BS gets infused...

I agree with you JR.
but what do we see?

OP's wife "drinks 24/7" - i wonder when she finds time to go to the toilet, sleep, and based on the volumes of alcohol consumption - puke, if she spends all time driking? Still 24/7 and "all weekend" are very specific numbers. Weekend is two days, she was gone for 48 hours. Easy math.

When OP talks about himself - he is much too vague:
he spends "much time" travelling
he spends "much time with kid"
he spends much time with "children" and "working"
I need numbers. I'm sure he knows how many hours/week he spends working if he is so hardworking. Therefore, i'm sure it won't be hard for him to tell how many hours each day, or each week he spends with his child.

Then he calls his wife irresponsible and tells he only knows partying, but then it is clear that she is working and has a baby. So is she a lazy bum or is she not?

Then he tells that the chat was saved on home computer, but wife was chatting from work.
Then he says that his wife is always drinking, while from the chat it is clear that she disapproves drinking and tells her friend he needs to stop doing it.
pieces do not come together.

See my point?

[OlgaH]

sorry, i don't see your point.

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree - A child grows up to be very similar to its parents in the way they act. In your case we talk about the girl's manner to talk her mother  

also - this was only an assumption ...

May I also make one  

From the post by the OP we know that "life in ukraine was filled with good friends and non stop parties...and what seemed like no responsabilities". Mother, who was watching her daughter's style of life in Ukraine and after all got to know about the OP's participation in the "non stop parties"  when he visited her daughter in Ukraine (of course if he participated), has all reasons not to approve  her daughter's marriage .  And every time when the mother tries to talk to her daughter about it she get's on her daughter's nerves especially when her daughter just returned after a "non stop night party"  

[SANDRO43]

This thread is getting unbelievably ridiculous :

1. We have only 1 side of the conversation, and already there are markedly divergent opinions on how that Russian one-sided chat should be interpreted.
2. Everybody is contributing opinions on its significance based on personal experiences, regardless of how applicable they might be.
3. The OP went mum after his initial post, never disclosing how he got that info and how he intends to act on the 'wisdom' proffered here.

At this point, ANY opinions are just GOSSIP mongering, IMO .

[mies]

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree - A child grows up to be very similar to its parents in the way they act. In your case we talk about the girl's manner to talk her mother  

thank you. I know what this term means. But i do not see how it applies here. If the OP's wife was calling OP a jerk, and their little baby "little bastard" - i'd see that apple doesn't fall from the tree. In the case of daughter talking disrespectfully to her mom who is trying to "fix" daughter's life her way - more appropriate words of wisdom would be "for every force there is a counter-force".

May I also make one  

From the post by the OP we know that "life in ukraine was filled with good friends and non stop parties...and what seemed like no responsabilities". Mother, who was watching her daughter's style of life in Ukraine and after all got to know about the OP's participation in the "non stop parties"  when he visited her daughter in Ukraine (of course if he participated), has all reasons not to approve  her daughter's marriage .  And every time when the mother tries to talk to her daughter about it she get's on her daughter's nerves especially when her daughter just returned after a "non stop night party"  

if mom knew that in Ukraine girl's life was filled with good friends, binge-drinking and partying, and now her daughter is married to a good man, living in the USa, and having a baby - a good serious woman - do you really think that mom would be talking negatively about daughter's choice, marriage, and differences in culture?  For me it is clear that she wouldn't.
Interestingly - mom said not a word about "non-stop partying", which for me indicated that there is no such problem. mom said about "culture differences" with husband.
I know, i know - it is always easy to accuse any woman for all women are sinful until they proven otherwise with years/decades of service, integrity, and team spirit. but... but... i'm not convinced with your assumptions - in my storage of life stories I do not have a story that could match your assumption, but i have plenty of stories to support my assumption. We all build assumptions on some prior knowledge or experiences ;-)

[JR]

Mies, where do you get this?:

Even stranger conclusion - if the OP's wife is in fact working AND looking after 1yo baby, AND the house - why the OP claims that she is irresponsible and lazy partying and drinking 24/7 like she used to be doing back in Ukraine. (how long did he live with her together back in Ukraine? Did he make his conclusions about her lifestyle based on her behavior during her 1-week vacation while he was visiting there? Under what circumstances they met?)
Where did he get it from that his wife is lazy and irresponsible? I suppose her working and having 1yo baby is what he calls "I helped her getting adjusted to life in USA" and when she tries to relax and have some fun he calls it "a huge step back to her culture". hmmm.... how interesting..

How you know they don't have a full-time nanny or several live-in servants?

Where is all this information coming from?

There are only a few reasonable conclusions that may be drawn from what is posted:
1. The marriage is in trouble.
2. The OP isn't happy with her behavior during the weekend in question.
3. If this behavior continues she'll probably cheat.

[mies]

the only guy in this story worth checking is someone with last name Martynov. He is apparently a guy, and the woman was in his apartment and forgot her shopping bag with freshly bought dress there. The questions are: is he married? Does he have a girlfriend? What are his relationship with the OP's wife?

the OP can talk to his wife, tell her he wants to meet her friends, and ask in detail about each of them. No need to tell her that he checked her chat history.
Then OP can go from there.

[mies]

At this point, ANY opinions are just GOSSIP mongering, IMO .

but isn't it what people like to do? 

[SANDRO43]

but isn't it what people like to do?  

Granted .

[JR]

I agree with you JR.
but what do we see?

OP's wife "drinks 24/7" - i wonder when she finds time to go to the toilet, sleep, and based on the volumes of alcohol consumption - puke, if she spends all time driking? Still 24/7 and "all weekend" are very specific numbers. Weekend is two days, she was gone for 48 hours. Easy math.

When OP talks about himself - he is much too vague:
he spends "much time" travelling
he spends "much time with kid"
he spends much time with "children" and "working"
I need numbers. I'm sure he knows how many hours/week he spends working if he is so hardworking. Therefore, i'm sure it won't be hard for him to tell how many hours each day, or each week he spends with his child.

Then he calls his wife irresponsible and tells he only knows partying, but then it is clear that she is working and has a baby. So is she a lazy bum or is she not?

Then he tells that the chat was saved on home computer, but wife was chatting from work.
Then he says that his wife is always drinking, while from the chat it is clear that she disapproves drinking and tells her friend he needs to stop doing it.
pieces do not come together.

See my point?

It is literal to say that the sun shines 24/7.

24/7 is not literal when used in this fashion: "She drinks 24/7." No one can drink 24/7 and remain alive. It is meant to say that in the OP's opinion she drinks too much.

Way too much is being infused into all of this and I believe that if Sculpto were here this thread would have a VERY different feel to it

[JR]

This thread is getting unbelievably ridiculous :

1. We have only 1 side of the conversation, and already there are markedly divergent opinions on how that Russian one-sided chat should be interpreted.
2. Everybody is contributing opinions on its significance based on personal experiences, regardless of how applicable they might be.
3. The OP went mum after his initial post, never disclosing how he got that info and how he intends to act on the 'wisdom' proffered here.

At this point, ANY opinions are just GOSSIP mongering, IMO .

I know you hate me and have me on ignore but I'm with you in this one

[OlgaH]

... but i have plenty of stories to support my assumption. We all build assumptions on some prior knowledge or experiences ;-)

I have no doubt you have  

And some men caring their horns also will find thousands even the most ridiculous assumptions and justifications for the behavior of their "faithful" wives just to  lessen the weight of the horns, and it is not easy for every man to admit a simple fact that he is a cuckold  

[mies]

Mies, where do you get this?:

Even stranger conclusion - if the OP's wife is in fact working AND looking after 1yo baby, AND the house - why the OP claims that she is irresponsible and lazy partying and drinking 24/7 like she used to be doing back in Ukraine. (how long did he live with her together back in Ukraine? Did he make his conclusions about her lifestyle based on her behavior during her 1-week vacation while he was visiting there? Under what circumstances they met?)
Where did he get it from that his wife is lazy and irresponsible? I suppose her working and having 1yo baby is what he calls "I helped her getting adjusted to life in USA" and when she tries to relax and have some fun he calls it "a huge step back to her culture". hmmm.... how interesting..

How you know they don't have a full-time nanny or several live-in servants?

Where is all this information coming from?

ok - about nanny and servants - you got me :-) see - my mind is framed by my life, and idea of live-in servants and nunny does not come to my mind. But is it very possible that they have live-in servants and nunny? :-) What do you think?
Woman on the unqualified work (customer service) earns about same or sometimes less than a nunny. It is financially infeasible to make woman with small baby work while paying nunny to look after the child. Just a common sense. and gossips of course.

having a 1yo baby is a 24/7 duty. It can be enough to fill the day with routine, and it won't be a lazily wasted day. having to clean the house and do some extra work - apparently takes the time extra.

about girl in Ukraine and a guy - How did I get what? How did I get my questions? No need to get irritated JR :-) Those are quite natural, and quite innocent questions. The OP can claim that the girl was drinking and partying 24/7 at home only if he was observing her over long period of time, at her home/normal lifestyle. That would be possible only if they lived together or were dating together for at least several months in ukraine. What's wrong with my questions? I do not doubt that he could possibly lived with her in Ukraine for longer time, i was simply asking whether it was indeed so.

about OP changing his mind - he admitted he changed his mind. At first he was not against her leaving for a weekend because he wanted to have time for himself at home, without his wife's company. After she came back - he changed his opinion. In addition - he bitterly remarks that she was partying all weekend while he was with child. I wonder if this was the time with child, that made him change his mind later. Also quite normal question. I have plenty of friends with young children, and I see how drastically the mood of men changes once they need to spend the whole day taking care of screaming baby, and not just playing with clean and fed baby for 30 minutes in the evening. No rocket science here.

[GQBlues]

OP said:

I'm curious what the summary of the conversation holds not a word by word translation

You got the summary AND a word by word translation. Now factor that into whatever you need to do. Everything else in this thread are pure speculation.

Maybe i'm misinterpreting her reverting back to her true ukrainian identity as somehow cheating on me. Myabe i'm a controlling jerk because how i feel is that i've worked so hard to assimiliate her into American culture and she finally is adapted extremely well i feel like she took a major step backwards. Its NOT that i have a problem with the culture itself is that life has been extrmely hard for her here, due to her nieveness of american ways and laws. I felt like i was back in Ukraine with her being drunk 24/7 and my life here in america is full of responsability with children and work and life in ukraine was filled with good friends and non stop parties...and what seemed like no responsabilities, just like she had done ALL weekeend.

[SANDRO43]

I know you hate me and have me on ignore but I'm with you in this one

JR, I don't really hate you, I just find your kind of 'humour' irritatingly childish for a grown-up and nauseatingly repetitive. Just my personal, biased opinion - you can't win them all - and back to Ignore you go .   

[JR]

ok - about nanny and servants - you got me :-) see - my mind is framed by my life, and idea of live-in servants and nunny does not come to my mind. But is it very possible that they have live-in servants and nunny? :-) What do you think?
Woman on the unqualified work (customer service) earns about same or sometimes less than a nunny. It is financially infeasible to make woman with small baby work while paying nunny to look after the child. Just a common sense. and gossips of course.

Sorry Mies, I am picking on you when a lot of people are running rampage. But you cannot logically draw your conclusion from what was written. The OP feels his wife parties too much (or at least did). That is all that is there, nothing more.

We all frame our opinions thru the filters of our experiences and what we personally consider to be "normal." But it is not known if she works because they need the money or to get away from a life she hates.

This whole thread has devolved into a circus. It is helping no one. We should try to stick with what is presented by the OP and give meaningful advice accordingly. They need help.

[JR]

JR, I don't really hate you, I just find your kind of 'humour' irritatingly childish for a grown-up and nauseatingly repetitive. Just my personal, biased opinion - you can't win them all - and back to Ignore you go .    

I KNEW I was going to get you to come off the button one day even if only for a moment

Sandro, you don't know what you're missing! I mean literally, you don't know! Get it? You have me on ignore so you can't possibly know, HAHAHAAA!!! Damn I'm funny

[Muddy]

 

[SANDRO43]

Sandro, you don't know what you're missing! I mean literally, you don't know! Get it? You have me on ignore so you can't possibly know, HAHAHAAA!!! Damn I'm funny

Sorry, I don't agree with that AT ALL - but don't let that deter you, just my personal taste as I said, probably others have a different opinion and you have an appreciative audience anyway, just don't include me in their number, I have a different palate.

[BillyB]

OP's wife "drinks 24/7" - i wonder when she finds time to go to the toilet, sleep, and based on the volumes of alcohol consumption - puke, if she spends all time driking?

Question: What do you call the OP's wife after she drinks a bottle of vodka, a jug of bourbon, and a case of beer? Answer below.

I don't think the OP meant his wife is loaded with alcohol all day everyday but she may be a quite the drinker and I hope she isn't breast feeding her baby at those times. Fuk, biatch and words used like that doesn't sound like she's a very sophisticated, classy or elegant woman.

I think the OP knew what kind of woman he married. That's why he's so worried now. Getting married and having a quick baby didn't get her to settle down or fall in love with him.

Answer: "Just getting started!"

[OlgaH]

You got the summary AND a word by word translation. Now factor that into whatever you need to do.

Here I agree. Maybe the OP should look back and recall if he ever had a conversation with his wife about their  life together, family life, expectations, "ways and laws" or all that conversations were lost in the non stop parties with good friends.  

[I/O]

how can you know that their marriage is over?

The trust is gone. Evidenced by his coming here in the first instance.