My RW is coming here to New York

[Faux Pas]

Al_C

Congrats! My Irka arrives a day before yours so we'll be experiencing much the same thing as to the holidays but the resemblance ends there. We'll also be spending TG with my parents and family but they are very welcoming or have been to this point. She has communicated with my brothers/sister/children as well as my parents during our extremely long and grueling K-1 process.

But I'd have to say if our situations were the same I'd agree more here with KenC. Once your lady arrives, her going back or pleasing Mother isn't an option. It is indeed time to grow a pair and let Mother know as diplomatically as possible that upsetting and disrespecting your lady won't be tolerated. Personally, IMO I'd take the position that if mother forced the issue she would lose me and indeed she would. Mothers can be some strange characters at times but, there is many that do require letting them know where their place is. It's unfortunate but is necessary at times.

Good Luck in any event

[boaterguy]

Perhaps; but much later would be better.

The first priority is for the man and woman to cement their relationship with such rigor that nothing can tear it apart.  This cannot be done in the presence of conflict with family members.

From what you have described in other parts of this tread; your lady is not going to be welcomed by your mother.  You run the risk of losing your lady because of this.  Why risk losing the chance for the love of your life . . . ?????  It makes no sense!!

Any reasonable and logical person (your woman in this case) will bail on a relationship where they see a serious conflict brewing with a family member and, at the same time, see that their intended will not separate permanently from the offending family member.

I have to agree here. Being accepted into your family should be very important to Elena. How many times have you seen men fail because a lady's mother didn't approve of a man?

At the very least you should prepare Elena for the worst possible senario that could arrise from your mother. You paint a picture that could possibly embarass and shame Elena into completely withdrawing from you and jumping on a plane to go home ASAP. Most Russian ladies are very emotional and sensitive. I could not see myself placing my wife in that scene...even after being married! I would make my mother make the 1st move to meet!

[BillyB]

Some of the guys make good points not letting your lady see your mama since it will harm your relationship but sooner or later your lady will have to meet mama anyway and if your lady lets mama break up the relationship, better sooner than later when you are in it deep.

If you lady is wise and mature, she understands that nobody can pick their parents and she should judge you as an individual. If your mom ever creates an uncomfortable situation towards your lady, your actions will speak volumes that you will choose your lady over your mom. The type of actions towards your mom could reflect highly or poorly upon yourself too.

Of course have some balls to do the right thing if your mom does the wrong thing but never raise your voice against your mom. Your lady will respect you that you can stand your ground with your parents without disrespecting them with an unpleasant tone of voice.

I have dated girls who's parents disapprove of me and didn't even want to meet me. My attitude with the lady is to insist that I meet her parents no matter how they may act towards me. I can handle uncomfortable situations but for me it's simply respectful to meet the parents of the lady I'm dating. The ladies like my reasoning and appreciate the fact I will not hold her parents behavior against her. Hopefully your woman has the same attitude.

Al, according to your profile you are 52 so I suspect your mom is easily over 70. Can't teach and old dog new tricks so you need to teach yourself how to behave and respond to possible bad behavior from your mom. If it's a stranger being rude with your lady, then you can get down and dirty with him. If it's your mom, always take the high road.

[Al_C]

Thank you.  Brilliantly written.  BTW Mom is 76.

Now a new problem, and BIG:  Have you heard about the Finnair strike that just hit today?  Well, guess what airline Elena is booked on!  Talk about rolling snake eyes!  I sure rolled one here.

As of now, Finnair is not pulling the plug on Friday flights and will not do so until Thursday, but I think they have serious pipe dreams about getting the strike settled by then.

I called both the airline and the booking agent, and they both told me that the airline is responsible to book Elena on another carrier, presumably Aeroflot through Moscow, which would be fine.  I just don't trust them to sit on their hands until T-24 hours and am concerned that they will tell me "Sorry, all you get now is a refund".

Anybody have ideas as to how I can assure us (or at least make it more likely) that we will get switched to Aeroflot instead of just being handed my money back?

[JR]

Hmmmm, I have read both sides of this mother dilema, both have merits. But consider this: You and your families perceptions and reactions to your mother's possible antics will be one thing, you are used to her. Your lady will be meeting her for the first time, in a foreign country and she will be out of her element and have only you in her corner. Consider carefully before you circly the wagons, dig in and slug it out.

Tell you mom before hand in less than three sentences that the first off remark (in your opinion) and the both of you are out of there. When your lady leaves you can come back and resume hostilities to your heart's content. Don't put her in that position.

[viking]

Regarding the flight issue...although Finnair can and will most likely rebook the flight, they will need to do this for hundreds of others and the remaining flights may be able to accomodate only a limited number of people on the same date/time frame.The last thing you need is for her to have to wait an extra day or two before coming over. Can you ask to have her flight rescheduled now, on a different carrier, even if it costs a few dollars more, just to be on the safe side?

[Al_C]

Regarding the flight issue...although Finnair can and will most likely rebook the flight, they will need to do this for hundreds of others and the remaining flights may be able to accomodate only a limited number of people on the same date/time frame.The last thing you need is for her to have to wait an extra day or two before coming over. Can you ask to have her flight rescheduled now, on a different carrier, even if it costs a few dollars more, just to be on the safe side?

Nope.  Already tried that.  The bureaucratic idiots at Finnair refuse to touch the booking until Thursday morning, engaging in wishful thinking that their money grubbing pilots and greedy management will come to their senses and stop behaving like pre-schoolers.

[viking]

Another possible option, more expensive of course, is to book a whole new flight on a different carrier and use the Finnair tickets later. They are usually good for 6 months and maybe you can use them to visit her? Or when she comes back here? Assuming all goes well? This is a dicey situation. Are you locked into this time frame, visa wise?

[Al_C]

The strike is over, and the pilots went back to work.

They figure on having a partial schedule for Wednesday and Thursday and a full schedule on Friday, the day of Elena's flight.  So, yes, this was a close call.

Still, I have no intention of getting complacent.  Things can still go wrong, such as an overly optimistic outlook on when they can get their full schedule going or overbooking of Elena's flight for passengers who were bumped these past two days.  So I am still going to stay on top of it and keep plan B in my hip pocket, ready to deploy at a moment's notice.

Would I have been willing to buy all new tickets to keep this thing alive?  You bet!  If $930.00 would break a deal of a lifetime of happiness, I would not belong in the RW scene to begin with.  I have been tracking Aeroflot tickets, and all flights seem to be open, even on one day's notice, so plan B is still viable if I need it.

Thank you for your advice.  Hopefully I can now re-orient my focus on better subjects, like what to do when she gets here.

P.S. I will be having dinner with mom tonight, and I intend to set some things straight with her (gently, of course).

[Vaughn]

P.S. I will be having dinner with mom tonight, and I intend to set some things straight with her (gently, of course).

Excellent strategy, Al_C. One of my deepest regrets since meeting Elvira in 2001 was that my Mom passed away
before they could meet. I truly hope the two of them forge what could be a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

Vaughn

[Al_C]

Excellent strategy, Al_C. One of my deepest regrets since meeting Elvira in 2001 was that my Mom passed away
before they could meet. I truly hope the two of them forge what could be a healthy mother-daughter relationship.

Vaughn

The dinner went well, not great but well.  Mom tried to throw me curveballs, but I threw them right back at her, and she gave up.

Typical exchanges went like this:

MOM:  RW are out to milk men for money.
ME:  You were never there, never met a RW, and therefore don't know that.  Besides, Elena already turned down a British millionaire because she did not love him.
MOM:  Didn't you learn your lesson about these RW from Arina?
ME:  What about <Listed the AM who hosed me in the past>.  Shall we condemn all AW too?
MOM:  I don't want you to get hurt.
ME:  Me neither, but I either run the risk or be alone the rest of my life.  I know what I am doing and can calculate my own risks.
MOM:  There is nothing wrong with being alone
ME:  How would you know?  You have been married for 53 years.

I asked her if she wanted to meet Elena before TG.  She said no and opted to wait for the holiday.  She then asked me if I was serious with Elena (I am) but told her that I do not know yet.  She ended it with "I wish youi the best of luck".

Act II of the Mom show will take place next Thursday.

Elena will be here in less than 48 hours, so my next post will focus on she and I.

[BillyB]

MOM:  There is nothing wrong with being alone
ME:  How would you know?  You have been married for 53 years.

Great comeback Al and keep us posted!

[Vaughn]

Again, well done, Al_C.

If this was as chaotic as it was while you and Mom spoke frankly in privacy, my
educated guess (still only a guess) is that Mom will be on good behavior when
faced with the real deal.

And BTW, I don't want you to get hurt, either, Al...   

[Al_C]

It is Saturday morning, and Elena is here.  She came in last night.  She got through customs at an unbelievable speed (30 minutes), and I was stuck on a rush hour train to get to her. As a result, she waited for me for 2 hours and was not too happy about that, but she got over it.

We had a good night once she calmed down from the 2 hour deal.

Right now she is sleeping off the jet lag.  When she gets up, I will make us breakfast, and then we will go out and start exploring.  Her friends already gave her shopping lists, including designer jeans and other hard to get items in their half of the world.

[KenC]

Al,
I think you really need to examine your priorities in life.  There is no acceptable excuse for you to have been 2 hours late for your woman's arrival in this country.  None.  Zero.  Zip.  It is one of the most inconsiterate actions I have seen from men here.  You tip toe around your Momma's feelings and treat your woman like crap.  You are not ready to be anyone's husband and at 52, I doubt you ever will be ready.  Go back to your Momma as she is truly the only woman in your life. 
KenC

[Ade]

It is Saturday morning, and Elena is here.  She came in last night.  She got through customs at an unbelievable speed (30 minutes), and I was stuck on a rush hour train to get to her. As a result, she waited for me for 2 hours and was not too happy about that, but she got over it.

We had a good night once she calmed down from the 2 hour deal.

Right now she is sleeping off the jet lag.  When she gets up, I will make us breakfast, and then we will go out and start exploring.  Her friends already gave her shopping lists, including designer jeans and other hard to get items in their half of the world.

Are "rush hour trains" usually a couple of hours late? Sorry, but I don't understand why you should have been late and I can understand why she'd be pissed with you. Seriously dude, if this is her first time visiting she must have been very much distressed and all sorts of horrible ideas probably went through her head.

I hope your time with her will not be too tarnished because of it.

FWIW, I don't think enough yankees try the tourist visa approach.

Good luck.

[viking]

Ken

I know Al and we discussed his options of him meeting her at the airport. He had a good plan. But when the Long Island RR takes a crap and service is disrupted, and your stuck on the train, there is simply nothing you can do. If a woman is meeting you in Moscow, and your flight is delayed, is this not the same thing? And I am sure that he was in communication with her to let her know of his situation.

[Ade]

Ken

I know Al and we discussed his options of him meeting her at the airport. He had a good plan. But when the Long Island RR takes a crap and service is disrupted, and your stuck on the train, there is simply nothing you can do. If a woman is meeting you in Moscow, and your flight is delayed, is this not the same thing? And I am sure that he was in communication with her to let her know of his situation.

Well, if the train is delayed that's a good enough reason IMO. Not much you can do when shit hits the fan and it's out of your control. If he'd taken a late train just assuming she'd be stuck in customs for 2 hours though, well, that would be just bad planning and inconsiderate to boot.

[Misha]

I know Al and we discussed his options of him meeting her at the airport. He had a good plan. But when the Long Island RR takes a crap and service is disrupted, and your stuck on the train, there is simply nothing you can do.

Depends on personality types. I always expect the worst and plan accordingly. Sure, I may end up hours early at an airport waiting for an arrival just to be "safe" but I have never been late to pick up someone that I loved.

[Mars]

The receiving party always must plan for the worst thing to happen with respect to all types of traffic.  He/she should plan to arrive a few hours early and be the one to wait if necessary for the arriving party.

On one of my return trips to meet only one woman, she got caught up in traffic also.  The cab driver who picked me up at airport (she arranged it) waited for her to arrive at our rented apt for 15 minutes and then said he had to go.  So I had to get out in the rain with a couple of suitcases and wait for my gal to arrive.  And me with no sleep for about 36 hours.  Luckily a person came out the coded door and I was able to go into the lobby area to wait out of the rain.

The mother of my gal gave her hell for not being there to receive me.  She felt bad too, but there is just no excuse to not plan for bad traffic.

[Al_C]

I know I screwed up with not getting to the airport early enough, and I don't pretend otherwise.  I don't hide my mistakes or blame someone else for them, and I think that was the part of it that enabled her to forgive me for such a screw up.  She had a right to be upset, and I told her that.  At least she saw that I was man enough to take the blame for my own screw up.

[Al_C]

Al,
I think you really need to examine your priorities in life.  There is no acceptable excuse for you to have been 2 hours late for your woman's arrival in this country.  None.  Zero.  Zip.  It is one of the most inconsiterate actions I have seen from men here.  You tip toe around your Momma's feelings and treat your woman like crap.  You are not ready to be anyone's husband and at 52, I doubt you ever will be ready.  Go back to your Momma as she is truly the only woman in your life. 
KenC

Perhaps I am mistaken, but I thought that this was a place where we go to help each other and not to exchange insults.  Did you ever make a mistake?  Were you ever caught in a crunch at work where you had to be somewhere essential and your company really did not care, insisting that you complete the task they needed you to do because the company's huge customer wanted the job done and equally did not care about your social life?  Did you ever have several things go wrong that morning such that the job you planned on starting at 8:00 A.M. did not start until 1:00 P.M?

I don't know about you, but I need my job.  If I were to lose it, what harm would that bring to Elena?  Somewhat more than being late to the airport?  She was not left hanging.  We were in constant SMS communication from the time she cleared customs until the time we met up.

I would have gladly been there two hours before the plane touched down, but I simply did not have those two hours.

I am glad that you have such an unbusy life that you have all of this spare time.  I have no such luxuries.  I spent the past three weeks using every possible minute that my company did not need from me to prepare for Elena's arrival, including a top to bottom cleaning of my house.

You may want to get all of the facts before you pass judgment.

[BillyB]

AL, We did not forget about you. I hope you did not forget about us. How'd it go between mama and your lady? How'd it go between you and your lady?

[Ulysses]

Hey Al,
            I do hope you'll get back here with a follow-up.   Realizing you didn't get the "warmest" reception, I would like to hear the results of the visit.........ok???    Thanks.....U

[brave girl]

I was stuck on a rush hour train to get to her. As a result, she waited for me for 2 hours and was not too happy about that, but she got over it.

Curious about final chapter of this story?? after mans bad behavior!!   brave girl