My RW is coming here to New York

[facetrock]

Imagine....

Imagine for a moment everyone here knew Al personally and was his good friend. We would know Al has never been married, has an intrusive overbearing protective mother and a father who could care less about his personal life or future wife. We know he takes his work seriously and does fear for his job and the wrath of his father. We know this since he told us he has been fired before by him.
  But now our friend has spread his wings and has found a woman that really interests him. We are happy and thrilled for him. We hope he can find the courage to follow his heart and not let others intrude on his future happiness. We know inside him is a good man that would make a woman very happy, but only our friend can give himself the chance he deserves. But we, being his friends are afraid he wont summon the courage to give his heart to another no matter what the consequences are. We are afraid he will be alone forever, inherit the company and end up being like his father, living for a company.

Al, there are so many wonderful things in life and giving and recieving love with a woman is the greatest accomplishment any man can hope to achieve. You have been alone long enough Al, time to start living

[Al_C]

Was it before or after Elena expressed her feelings?   

It was as soon as she texted me that she cleared customs and I was not there yet.  This is not something it takes a rocket scientist to figure out.

Considering your parents' age they certainly are active in your life.  Some families are that way.  It matters little if Elena has the same views regarding family.  You have to reach some happy accord with your wife, not with the soap opera crowd. 

I know that and thought I already made it obvious that I know that.  The sopa opera crowd should read The National Enquirer and leave us adults alone.

The "help" is there in the soap opera crowd posts, albeit not sugar coated.

Their "help" is about as helpful as a cigarette machine in a lung cancer ward.

If you don't like something that somebody writes, ignore it or write around it.  There is no rule saying that you must respond directly to every comment.

Kind of hard to do when they dump tons of spam in my thread.

[Al_C]

Imagine....

Al, there are so many wonderful things in life and giving and recieving love with a woman is the greatest accomplishment any man can hope to achieve. You have been alone long enough Al, time to start living

I appreciate your advice, but I already know all of that.  Did I write something to lead you to believe that I am a workaholic like my father?

[Gator]

Please take a break.  Maybe in a few days you could tell us the story.

[brave girl]

Imagine....But now our friend has spread his wings and has found a woman

Nice fairytale about man!!
imagine....poor Russian womans fairytale about this situation!!

has an intrusive overbearing protective mother and a father who could care less about his personal life or future wife.

Agree completely!! so I ask where is profit for nice Russian girl with crazy foreign family??   brave girl

[Jumper]

 

if you expect the man to continue his story,
which most of us would like to hear.

beating the already long dead horse seems a bit pointless for all parties involved ?

If anything wasn't perfect in the visit, (which a snag here or there would be possible ? and normal enough )
 , in AlC 's view
the vultures have circled , ready to pick the story apart. why post at all?

seriously, folks what happened to using a bit of tact in the trip report section?
if you like reading them,then obviously not everything that pops into your head (right or wrong) needs posted?

Most trip, reports involve personal feelings that may or may not pan out, it's understandably a pretty sensitive issue.
This is one place someone can share their experience..hopefully with some bit of understanding of how challenging it can be.
Their friends and family may listen,may have empathy,but never really understand..

Someone posting here i think the expectation is one of a bit more true understanding,,of both missteps and just the general way things can go pear shaped rather quickly over almost *nothing*.

I remember some of Al's other journeys.. and hope to hear more of his story
if anyone cares to step back from their opinion for a moment..and just look at the overall thread..

I think Al was lashing out a bit,
hoping to get some reassurance of  some much needed tact in his thread,before continuing it.
 

 I likely havn't helped by now perpetuating the middle school drama,
sorry AL!

but yes , i'd simply like to hear how it went. good or bad..
and either way wish you both success.
I think the majority of the readers here would agree.

[Gator]

so I ask where is profit for nice Russian girl with crazy foreign family??

Profit?  Interesting choice of words. 

I don't know how 'profit' translates back into a Russian word, and other meanings for that Russian word.  I can only imagine from what you have written in other threads.

[Ludmila]

As a matter of fact, a very, very sad story. A sad life story. The life story of a man in America. The life story of a family in America. An overwhelming tragedy behind  the economic success of a family in America.



Al is paying, rather, has paid a super high price for the economic super success of his father and the inheritance he is hoping to possess in his older age.



Al, my heart is tugging, when I am reading your post--your  family version of Once Upon a Time in America .



The story of how your father's business started, has been operated for more than 50 years and the price paid for it  may serve as a good idea for a talented film director to make a  quality feature movie.



The film could be about what price is paid by some people for survival in a most cruel merciless competition .... Those people do stand the competition, but.......the price they pay-- THE RUINED LIFE, MUTILATED PSYCHE, CIRCUMCISED VALUES, WHEN LIFE BECOMES SIMPLY A MOVEMENT OF A WELL TUNED MECHANISM. IN THAT LIFE THERE ISN'T PLACE FOR ANYTHING HUMAN-- LOVE, JOYS OF LIFE , HUMAN  WARMTH, HUMAN ACTS, COMPASSION, FRIENDSHIP.



BUSINESS  SUCCESS  TURNS OUT TO BE FOR THE SAKE OF BUSINESS SUCCESS AND BECOMES THE ULTIMATE GOAL  AND PRIORITY IN LIFE, LEAVING THE PERSONALITY, CHARACTER FORMATION FAR BEHIND, MAKING THEM ALMOST NON- EXISTENT.



THE PRICE PAID IS A RUINED LIFE OF SEVERAL GENERATIONS:



FATHER-- who started the business and has been operating it all his life to make everybody around him..... unhappy-- they have been sheer aliens with his wife , ignoring each other for more than 40 years!



WIFE-- a person who is in a sheer economic union with him.



SON-- whom they made bury everything human in him-- feelings, the joy of being next to a lady, friends, the joy of having kids and so much more life has in store for us. But what is a REAL tragedy is that they made the son yield and put up with this inhuman choice and become a slave of the economic success, sacrificing LIFE AND HAPPINESS.  They broke him morally, instilled an inferiority  complex in him that he would never make it in life independently, without them. They prepared a " software" they "entered" in his life. That software does not stipulate happiness.



I cannot help recollecting The Christmas Carol.  But Dickens does show a way out. Scrooge is reborn. But, evidently, your father hasn't heard the word " Dickens". He may think that somebody made a slip of the tongue and meant "dicker".........



Sorry, Al.....

[JR]

Scrooge is the name that came to my mind also, but hey...whos perfect? Oh yeah, I am!

Hope things work out for you Al. Happiness is worth the struggle

[Al_C]

Hey everyone!  She is here again, and we are having a great time.

If anyone wants to know any details, please let me know.

I just wanted to let the prophets of doom know how wrong they have been.  Please spare me your platitudes because I will ignore them as I have been doing so all along.

[KenC]

Great for you!  I wish you only the best.

[daveyj]

So many mean spirited people smugly hoping for the misfortune of another so they can trumpet their wisdom in predicting it.  How unpleasant. Seriously. 

Glad things are going well, Al.

[Boethius]

Nobody here smugly hoped for misfortune for Al, or for any other poster.

[viking]

I had the pleasure of meeting this woman again, along with my, wife and we both feel she is a great gal. We took in a nice dinner together and watched the local fireworks from the beach. Alena and I both wish you the very best.

[Ludmila]

Al,

no person in his sober mind would want or wish anything less than happiness to you. If everything works for both of you, and your parents understand that your happiness, finding your soulmate and having a family is  not less important than material things in life, folks will only root for you, and nothing can be greater news than everything's worked out. All the best to you and your lady !

[I/O]

Helluva thread. Personally, I think Ken went further than usual and IMO fertilized the facts slightly once his view wasn't uniformally supported. One thing which stands out to me is America, Aus or anywhere else, Russian women marrying locals is more common and there are a host of assisting mediums around now but it is very far from mainstream, very far.

On the other hand, I would point out to the freshman, the first time Mrs I/O came to Australia, she was flying into Sydney and had to transfer to domestic before flying to Brisbane. Sydney is a crap airport by any measure and near impossible for someone without much language to change to domestic unaided. She was convinced she would be fine. I was not. Most of you know I don't cut much slack with helpless people / women. Nevertheless, she was landing at 6.00am. Sydney airport closes from 12.00am to 6.00am. I flew into Sydney the night before (10.00pm) on the last flight I could get, waited until security kicked me out at around 12.30am, slept on a chair under a tree outside until security kicked me out of there, took a taxi to a cafe, lounged around there and eventually got back to the airport about 5.30 am. Security let me in at 5.45. She cleared customs at 7.35am. This was all in the middle of winter I might add.

My parents, whom I am very fond of and very close to were told I would be receiving a "Lady Friend" from Russia. No conversation was entered into as they know I would not discuss such things. I would advise them as and when they needed to know developments. Their accepting my decision/s was and would continue to be a requirement of ongoing good relations, not an option or point of negotiation.

Sounds like this story has a happy continuance thus far and that, at the end of the day, IS all that is important.

So many mean spirited people smugly hoping for the misfortune of another so they can trumpet their wisdom in predicting it.  How unpleasant. Seriously.

A stupid comment based on what?  

[daveyj]

A stupid comment based on what?  

Post #'s 39, 40, 49, 51, 53, 61,63, 67,  70,  71, 75, 77, 104, 107, and echoed in various fashion by others throughout the thread.

[I/O]

Post #'s 39, 40, 49, 51, 53, 61,63, 67,  70,  71, 75, 77, 104, 107, and echoed in various fashion by others throughout the thread.

Sorry, I failed to mention the comment was stupid AND inaccurate. I see some over the top lecturing but nowhere any indication of desire for failure.

[daveyj]

Sorry, I failed to mention the comment was stupid AND inaccurate. I see some over the top lecturing but nowhere any indication of desire for failure.

Thanks for the constructive criticism.  I simply do the best I can with the limited intellectual gifts that I have been given.

[I/O]

Thanks for the constructive criticism.  I simply do the best I can with the limited intellectual gifts that I have been given.

Don't mention it, you're most welcome.

[ECOCKS]

Hey everyone!  She is here again, and we are having a great time.

If anyone wants to know any details, please let me know.

I just wanted to let the prophets of doom know how wrong they have been.  Please spare me your platitudes because I will ignore them as I have been doing so all along.

Al:

If you want to share your experience, then have at it.

Personally, I'd carefully consider the response you got in the first two rounds and then think whether you might want to adjust your presentation by either limiting your candor or downplaying the parts that seem to draw fire from the kibitzers on the sidelines.

Understand, it's not that you did anything particularly wrong, it just may be that you need to decide the value of the quality responses you receive and weigh that against the crap. If it will drive you crazy then adjust the presentation. If you don't want it that public, ask who would like you to PM it to them and then send to those you wish.

You get out of RWD what you put into it and there's a fine line between reacting badly to valid criticism and having to put up with those who distort your story and experience to fit something in their own minds. While you need reality checks and sound advice that may not be what you want to hear, there is also a line which is crossed often by those whose style is not acceptable to many in society.

You can put me on the list for a PM account if you wish. I find your story interesting and valuable in at least one respect. Specifically, the variation in how some AM families respond to "outsiders" is interesting since it is presumably real and not that uncommon except that you are probably sharing more frankly than most both the events and your own thoughts which take place. Be prepared for those who are insecure themselves or have their own issues who seize on your situation as a major topic. Act accordingly.

[KenC]

Criticizing disrespectful and questionable behavior is not wishing any misfortune on anyone.  Even a blind squirrel finds a nut on occasion.

How anyone could perceive the advice to "man up" or "grow a set" as an indication of insecurity is laughable.

[OlgaH]

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut on occasion.

Squirrels have a keen and highly developed sense of smell. They also don't locate buried food from memory. They find buried food with the use of their sense of smell.

[TheTraveler]

Al,
I think you really need to examine your priorities in life.  There is no acceptable excuse for you to have been 2 hours late for your woman's arrival in this country.  None.  Zero.  Zip.  It is one of the most inconsiterate actions I have seen from men here.  You tip toe around your Momma's feelings and treat your woman like crap.  You are not ready to be anyone's husband and at 52, I doubt you ever will be ready.  Go back to your Momma as she is truly the only woman in your life. 
KenC

Gee, let me see.  A 52 year old man (?) whom still needs his Momma's approval for a girlfriend, is tied in knots over her meeting his gf, whom is 2 hours late to pick up his gf because his daddy would not ALOW him to go to pick her up.

I do not need nor want your approval.  Go back to nuzzling your momma's teat as any RW with half a brain would run from such a girly man.
KenC

Wow.  And to be frank, I don't even think Ken was harsh enough.

Showing up 2 hours late is worse than unacceptable.

And if a guy doesn't understand this by age 52, if he's still under momma and daddy's thumb, then he's probably beyond the point where advice will do any good.

In fact, I'd reserve my advice for the girl in this story:  Run!

[Boethius]

All water under the bridge.

His lady forgave him, and in the end, that's all that matters.  Who are we to judge?