I'm new here

[Shadow]

DJG, missed you in chat last night (bedtime) and this morning (needed some shopping).
But good to know that you are used to the darkness around you.

As for depression, someone once told me to look in the mirror, straighten your shoulders, give a big smile at your self and say  "I feel so depressed".

As for Gomez and Morticia, we need a Thing here  around the house.

[I/O]

and that reply was just kind of insensitive AND unhelpful

The FSU is insensitive and unhelpful. If you want to play on that field, get used to the style of game.

do you mean to say get off my ass and go?

If you have the means, yes.

or do you mean crawl back inside your hole and forget your dreams?

Were you in a hole? I didn't know. If you were, make damned sure you are out of it before launching into the FSU, Cinderella doesn't live there.

Can't read I/O's mind but probably just a 'get real' type comment.

If "get real" means finding the professional help that seems to be required and getting one's ducks in a row before launching into the FSU where nobody will sympathise if you come up short, then yes............

[djgothman]

lol awesome post there...

just dont tell Alina Im probably more the uncle fester type.

Man, like 30 awake hours now... medding myself to sleep now as the keys are fuzzy bits of popcorn on the laptop laughing and pointing at me. Its time for sleep whether or not i like it. LOL (i do like it) sleep is the BOMB!

now to stumble to bed... wish me luck lol
I'll be back when i wake up but im always here now too.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
feel free to read my myspace blogs anytime... or even just look at the pics or music or whatever.

[Ade]

lol awesome post there...

just dont tell Alina Im probably more the uncle fester type.

Man, like 30 awake hours now... medding myself to sleep now as the keys are fuzzy bits of popcorn on the laptop laughing and pointing at me. Its time for sleep whether or not i like it. LOL (i do like it) sleep is the BOMB!

now to stumble to bed... wish me luck lol
I'll be back when i wake up but im always here now too.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
feel free to read my myspace blogs anytime... or even just look at the pics or music or whatever.

Dude, really, although Blues was a little harsh, the intent of her posts had merit. Be damned sure that you're not going to drag a girl half way around the world just to be immersed in your suicidal depressions where you will be unable to support her; this is not going to be a cake walk for her, not by a long shot. Try to see it from her perspective and don't be so selfish and self involved.

One more thing, I guess this girl is 20 or so? Are you sure that she knows what she's getting into here? Really? Remember, 20 year old girls may think that they know what they want but that can change pretty quickly. Is she just living out an angst ridden teenage fantasy? Are you?

FWIW, in my earlier years I went through several depressive phases so I can sympathise. However, I do know how tempting it can be to wallow in self pity but it certainly does not help. And yes, right, you have a clinical depression that requires medication, but it does not hurt to surround yourself with positive things, ideas, and imagery and it will probably help; surely, all that Goth blackness and negativity will just reinforce and exacerbate your own despair and depression?

[UTRO]

DJ, I get where you're coming from. Goth is in itself a culture and not understood by all. Kinda sorta was in your shoes in the late 70s with Punk and later in the 80s with New Romance and Goth. I Liked Bauhaus, Cure, Sisters of Mercy, Depeche Mode, et all....
But, admittedly the people I hung with brought me down and I needed a life. So, I dropped the dark clothing, eyeliner and frown. Kept the Doc Martens and Music
Your Alina looks beautiful. If she is pure Goth, as much as you are, and has truly experienced your ups and downs for 2 years, then she is obviously readily acceptable of your depressiveness(sp?) and darkness. Get your ass on a plane and go see her ASAP.
Two warnings.... many of her photos seem very 'mainstream' Goth?!? As in 'Poser'? Just an observation. Exotic Dancers, sometimes use the 'look' as part of their Persona on stage. A mask. Second.... she looks really young and that can mean she still hasn't found herself as a person.
But, you know her better than we do. Check it out and Good Luck!

[RussianWind]

if Alina and you have so much in common as Morticia and Gomez does (btw I like the show)

Olga, has anybody ever told you that you yourselves look like Morticia and Gomez? Do you have uncle Fester too? 

[Misha]

I sent an email to RLM and stood up and said that I've been a member for 2 years... followed the rules all in good faith... and requested immediate contact be made to Alina to discuss the issue of private contact information exchange.

If they give you the runaround, this is what I recommend. Go to http://mamba.ru and once there choose the "English (UK)" option. Set up an account and do a search by age (i.e. Alina's age) for women from Herson (Ukraine > Hersonskaya Obl. > Herson). Then go through the women you find on mamba and see if you can't find Alina there. It's free so you have nothing to lose. If you find her there, then you will be able to chat without agency interference. If she isn't, well at least you can say that you tried to get rid of the agency.

[UTRO]

Olga, has anybody ever told you that you yourselves look like Morticia and Gomez? Do you have uncle Fester too? 

OMG RussianWind, what a terrible thing to say!!!

But..... I was kinda' thinking the same thing!

Check out Olga's Album RW, a great looking couple


 

[RussianWind]

OMG RussianWind, what a terrible thing to say!!!

It was a COMPLIMENT 

Aren't they beautiful?  

[UTRO]

Yes lol!!

[Blues Fairy]

POOF!, im not depressed anymore... WOW youre pretty smart with your many many years of diagnostic techniques into the human psyche. Where did you get you psychiatric degree again?

Thanks for your help and being so kind... exactly what I needed to grow up and become a "REAL" man

You really dont understand anything that I HAVE SAID and demonstrated the nature of those that scorn the likes of poor pathetic loser rejects like myself. You are the reason I hate people... you are the epitome of all I detest about society.

Whoa, whoa.  Where did I say "don't be depressed anymore"?  I am perfectly fine with your being depressed and Goth et cetera; please feel free to stay forever young and depressed.    Just don't drag the girl across half the world if you don't plan to grow up and DEAL with your depression any time soon.  It would be selfish and cruel and a potential disaster for HER. 
That's all I'm saying.

Now you can continue wallowing in self-pity, please be my guest. 

[SANDRO43]

Aren't they beautiful?  

Gomez (British actor Tim Curry) in a previous incarnation (Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975) .

Djgothman, did you see that cult movie?

[JR]

As far as Goth - get over it... grow up... suck it up... Play a fiddle... heard it all. I didnt chose this life. Its a combination of my environment, upbringing, social interraction, and physical chemistry. It's 39 years of trying to understand the nature of the beast inside me. It's silently observing people from the shadows to obtain glimpses of the "other side". Depression is NOT something you just get over and it is people that say this kind of ignorant nonsense that further isolate those of us afflicted.

PULEEZ!
You take good advice and ignore it. Of course you have heard it all before and turn your face away. Why? Because you like your little manically depressive suicidal story. You cling to it like a security blanket. It allows  you to come to places like this and throw yourself a pity party. Sorry, I won't be in attendance.
What would be wrong with surrounding yourself with bright, happy, successful adults instead of people (goth) who can only offer you more of what you need less of? Perhaps they would rub off on you and you'd become more like them? Stop playing the victim. "I didn't choose this life." Hell, everyday you choose it! Choose to be something else...everyday, one day at a time.

[dogspot]

Gothman,

You gotta stop using goth as a reason or excuse for your depression. It's crap. Nobody made you goth except you. It was a choice. Like Utrobina, I have a history of listening to many of the bands he mentioned: Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, The Cure, etc. There was a time when I was involved in the goth subculture (early 90s) and know full well the types of people who are involved. But not one of them could realistically look down at their black painted nails or shredded stockings and say "I was created this way."

You are who you choose to be. You choose to be goth. There may be stigmas attached to your lifestyle but that just comes with the territory. Deal with it.

You were given some great advice last night in the chat. You seemed very receptive and attentive. Follow this advice and proceed with caution. It's the best advice you will receive from anywhere on this matter.

Also heed the advice of Blues Fairy. She knows what she is talking about here. It may not be what you want to hear but it is essential that you understand how difficult this process can be and that it can take its toll on you emotionally. This is not a process for the faint of heart. You need to first see if Alina is for real, then ask yourself if you are a man who is ready to brave the treacherous waters of FSU dating. So far, considering the information you have provided us about your history and emotional instability, I would wager that you aren't.

[BC]

PULEEZ!
You take good advice and ignore it. Of course you have heard it all before and turn your face away. Why? Because you like your little manically depressive suicidal story. You cling to it like a security blanket. It allows  you to come to places like this and throw yourself a pity party. Sorry, I won't be in attendance.
What would be wrong with surrounding yourself with bright, happy, successful adults instead of people (goth) who can only offer you more of what you need less of? Perhaps they would rub off on you and you'd become more like them? Stop playing the victim. "I didn't choose this life." Hell, everyday you choose it! Choose to be something else...everyday, one day at a time.

Jolly,

I don't see where djgoth has ignored anything yet..

People are not like light switches so you can turn this on or turn that off.  He's obviously in a 'place' few of us here are familiar with and he certainly didn't get there overnight either.

His writing is interesting and he does seem to have a functioning brain.  He is a performer, used to being on stage instead of in the audience.. maybe that's a part of 'him' we'll just have to accept for a bit.

I've never had any experience or interaction with the Goth scene or even know anything at all about it other than the 'look'.. so I'm sorta looking at this as a mini learning experience here - helps to know a bit about such when your kids are growing up.. Our daughter (almost 16 now) seems to like the 'look', Avril Lavigne influence..  At least we both like her music, quite different than my parents reaction to Aerosmith, Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd.. LOL

The fact that he landed here does indicate a desire learn or at least explore.  At the same time I'll keep an open mind too.

[RussianWind]

39 isn't it too old for a goth?

[Sculpto]

OK folks.. everyone calm down please..

DJ is a good guy.  Guess what, I understand him.  Surprised?  Of course not.

There are several issues going on here and they should be discussed separately.

1.  DJ has some self esteem issues that he has packaged into the Goth world.  As he says.. most people here are not going to understand that.  BF is the perfect example of non understanding.  BF and DJ are polar opposites, even more than BF and myself.  But, that does bring up an excellent point..

A.  Most of us here know that life in the FSU breeds a certain intensity.  Some of us might argue that FSU PEOPLE over compensate for the harshness with an exaggerated over confidence and loathesome fear or disdain for anything that can be perceived as weakness.  So, if that is in fact true, is DJ in for a train wreck no matter what?

2.  The girl Alina has been a member of the Kherson affiliate of RLM/HRB that SCAMMED ME for at least two years.  I remember her profile from when I was corresponding with ladies from that office.  After the chat here on RWD yesterday I definitely identified a number of the same BS techniques they used on me.  Additionally, Kherson is not a big town and the agency is very central.  There is no legit reason for the delay in her reviewing his IMBRA papers EXCEPT that she is not really interested, or, that it was a scam all along.  There is a good chance she is only vaguely aware of him, regardless of the number and length of their correspondence and chat sessions.  Also, based on her written profile, I personally know, IRL, the TERP that wrote it.  The style is identical to the profile of the girl they used to bait me.  That TERP is the same one that terped all my messages, letters and chats.  She used to have a profile on RLM/HRB btu it is now removed, however, she can be found on AFA, Army, Anastasia and probably several other sites.

3.  It was pointed out that the girls real life fotos are very different than her glamour shots on RLM.  In fact it was also pointed out that the girl is somewhat "average" in appearance, and, may in fact be quite lonely in Ukraine.  However... there is a small but vibrant and active Goth scene in Kherson.  In my short visit I encountered Goths several times passing out flyers to events.  I do not think she is lonely if she is really Goth.. there is a community and it would stand to logic that she is part of it.  However...

B.  If that is the case.. what the heck is she doing on RLM/HRB with glamour shots that don't look anything like her real looks?  She used to be active on the site.. I remember when she was on often even though I never chatted with her... I believe she has her "fans" and she gets her revenue stream whether she shows up to the agency or not.. she gets her % on letters and gifts that are sent and occasionally she meets men who actually show up.. the same exact way that I was played.. bait and switch..

The advice I gave to DJ is to call HRB customer service first thing Monday morning and demand to speak to Nadia and get an explanation.  He must stand firm because Nadia is slick and convincing and they will make all kinds of excuses.. primarily.. "just wait a little longer, they can't reach her"  If within 10 days or 2 weeks he has not had a confirmation from Alina he should immediately drop her, and of course drop that waste of a site.

The second part of the advice is more complicated.. and this is where DJ needs our COMPASSIONATE help.

What if she is in fact real?  And, she does agree to meet him.. and they manage to talk on the phone... and he follows through with his plan to visit...

DJ is in denial of something very real.  I quote from Alina's profile...  "Id like my husband to be serious, strong man who can protect a fragile girl from the danger and give the feeling of safety. I dont like the weak men who only whine about everything. I like men with self-esteem who are self-assured"

I asked DJ if that is him and he says YES!  I think we can all see from his postings that he has along way to go to understand what Alina's words really mean.

Be compassionate people.. Blues.. especially I ask you to try and phrase your comments in a way that he will actually listen instead of being defensive.  Our OP needs some tough love but I know he isn't going to respond to being beat up.  He has a pure soul and we should try to respect that.

[Sculpto]

39 isn't it too old for a goth?

He will be too old when he is dead.

[BC]

39 isn't it too old for a goth?

Is interesting that the RW 'bug' hits most of us around the age of 40 regardless..

[Sculpto]

Is interesting that the RW 'bug' hits most of us around the age of 40 regardless..

Its biological.. and by that time a lot of us have been through the ringer with AWs.. and then the slick agency sites just suck us in.. Our OP is the PERFECT sucker for this stuff.. Goth is depressed but always believing something better is just around the corner..

[Blues Fairy]

As he says.. most people here are not going to understand that.  BF is the perfect example of non understanding.  BF and DJ are polar opposites, even more than BF and myself.  

Be compassionate people.. Blues.. especially I ask you to try and phrase your comments in a way that he will actually listen instead of being defensive.  

Who's being defensive?!  I tried to get an important point across and all I got was "You are the reason I hate people..." 

And you, too, ASSume I know nothing about depression and don't understand the poor wretched guy?  Please be assured, I have some first-hand knowledge of depression; in fact the man who did drag me across half the world to marry me was in fact bipolar and depressed but had the good sense to deal with his issues before they were about to ruin the whole endeavor.  Please, don't tell me I know nothing of what our OP is talking about, just because I'm trying to provide a different perspective on the whole thing (not that he's able to process a different perspective). 

You can have all the compassion in the world for this dude but it's not gonna help him adequately prepare for what he's about to jump into.  It's ill service to him if you try to encourage him without pointing out the pitfalls. 

[Sculpto]

Who's being defensive?!  I tried to get an important point across and all I got was "You are the reason I hate people..." 

And you, too, ASSume I know nothing about depression and don't understand the poor wretched guy?  Please be assured, I have some first-hand knowledge of depression; in fact the man who did drag me across half the world to marry me was in fact bipolar and depressed but had the good sense to deal with his issues before they were about to ruin the whole endeavor.  Please, don't tell me I know nothing of what our OP is talking about, just because I'm trying to provide a different perspective on the whole thing (not that he's able to process a different perspective). 

You can have all the compassion in the world for this dude but it's not gonna help him adequately prepare for what he's about to jump into.  It's ill service to him if you try to encourage him without pointing out the pitfalls. 

Blues dear calm down please.. I didn't assume anything.. all I am saying is with his views you have to soften the message so it will get through.  His response proves it.  For once please try and see things from someone elses point of view.

[Blues Fairy]

Blues dear calm down please.. I didn't assume anything.. all I am saying is with his views you have to soften the message so it will get through.  His response proves it.  For once please try and see things from someone elses point of view.

Sculpto dear, don't patronize me.  I will not change the manner in which I deliver my messages for the sake of this kid's brittle psyche.  If he's not able to handle my writing style, how on Earth will he be able to handle a FSU wife? 

[Sculpto]

Sculpto dear, don't patronize me.  I will not change the manner in which I deliver my messages for the sake of this kid's brittle psyche.  If he's not able to handle my writing style, how on Earth will he be able to handle a FSU wife? 

Blues.. I am not patronizing you in the least.  In fact, I love you because you point out in your delivery what a lot of men are completely unaware of.  Please refer back to my post... How can DJ handle an FSU lady in his current mentality?  I don't think he can to be honest.  And, I think he is not being honest with himself in regards to what Alina's profile says she seeks. 

But, YOU dont have to be mean about it. 

[I/O]

It's ill service to him if you try to encourage him without pointing out the pitfalls.

B/F, back before you came to the board it used to be called the Rah Rah Cheer Squad and they did this all too often. jb and others belted some sense into their heads and they started to take a more mature view of this process. Over the last year or so I have noticed the quantity of Rah Rah increase here and the quality of information decrease.

I frankly fear for the lady little because I wouldn't be surprised if this is all BS however the thing which really concerns me is the members here trying to play armchair expert to a character who needs professional assistance.

If he's not able to handle my writing style, how on Earth will he be able to handle a FSU wife?  

Been said about a zillion times and is no less true now than it was when first spoken.

Sculpto: B/F hasn't a mean bone in her body by what I have read over the last year or two of her posts. She oozes class at every turn and yes I recall being sus of her when she first turned up here and baiting a bit to see where it went. She's been a class act from go to woe and her husband is a blessed man. Your comment is out of line.