Why are some members on here, arrogant?

[KenC]

Handycam,
I have made tons of mistakes, but I am also man enough to accept the consequences of my own shortcomings or inexperience.  Only a weak man would look to direct the blame on others.  Especially weak to blame it on a teenager making goo goo eyes.  My God man, step back and take a good look at how ridiculous that action really is.  It is blaming a child for your totally juvenile behavior.

For the record, I too have been led astray by a 19 yo making goo goo eyes at me, but I was 19 yo too!  For Christ's sake man, you're 36 and should be a fully matured man.  Start acting like a man.

If you were truly angry with yourself, the whole tone of your post would have been different than just a blame game where the big bad teenager took advantage of poor lil ol you.  It might have been titled "Don't be a fool like me."  Man up, dude.
KenC

[Handycam72]

Handycam,
I have made tons of mistakes, but I am also man enough to accept the consequences of my own shortcomings or inexperience.  Only a weak man would look to direct the blame on others.  Especially weak to blame it on a teenager making goo goo eyes.  My God man, step back and take a good look at how ridiculous that action really is.  It is blaming a child for your totally juvenile behavior.

For the record, I too have been led astray by a 19 yo making goo goo eyes at me, but I was 19 yo too!  For Christ's sake man, you're 36 and should be a fully matured man.  Start acting like a man.

If you were truly angry with yourself, the whole tone of your post would have been different than just a blame game where the big bad teenager took advantage of poor lil ol you.  It might have been titled "Don't be a fool like me."  Man up, dude.
KenC

You have made your feelings known on this subject time and time again. Lets just agree to disagree.

How about you now keep on the subject of this topic and answer the questions raised here, or do you hold yourself in such high regard that the questions are beneath you, or do you feel that your arrogance and certain anger issues will not allow you to answer this topic?

[Turboguy]

Turboguy

Please accept my apology, I used your quote more as an example than directing this topic at you. I think should of made that clear in my OP

Your apology is accepted Handy!   It's not a problem.

I have to admit when I first saw the title of the thread I expected it to be about one of KenC's comments and was a little shocked to see you quoting me but that is fine.   I think it was the first time in my life that I was accused of being arogant and is probably the least used word used in describing me although other words may not have always been complimentary.    

Personally I am not so sure there is so much of a GOB's club any more.   At one time I would have thought so but not so much now.  

RWD is a great place for learning and sharing your story will help others learn and not make the same mistake.  I have encountered more serial daters, pro daters, scammers and ladies with the wrong motivations than most but always felt it was my own stupidity for taking the hook they dangled in front of me.  Just as someone with 500 million to transfer out of Nigeria sounds too good to be true and someone falling for the scam should know better a beautiful, hot, sexy young woman who expresses an interest in some average, run of the mill, dude is often something too good to be true and someone falling for it should know better.   RWD helps them know better.  

[Son of Clyde]

My experiences with KenC have been good and bad. Maybe being overly sensitive (even in cyberspace) I take everything at face value. So I am at fault for occasionally posting indirect remarks at KenC. Sometimes trying to get to him as maybe he has gotten to me. Probably very childish but people can be defensive at what they consider unjustified behavior. Ken, if you are reading this, the issue I have had with you in the past was your tendency to be extremely compassionate in one post and to call the same person a moron or an idiot in your very next post. I am sort of taken aback by inconsistant behavior like this. Since I stopped posting as much as before I am sort of looking at the members as individuals who may be having a bad day. Some will never let others know that they having a difficult time so we assume everything about their life is perfect. I don't know what the heck I am getting at but it makes sense to me to accept people as people with their own individual traits. And KenC is usually correct it is maybe his delivery. Maybe KenC is the Don Rickles of RWD.

[tim 360]

I don't think KenC is being so rough on you Helmet, actually he has the gloves on--perhaps you bruiseth to easily?  What do you expect a commendation?  You made some mistakes now get over it.  Do you find this to be an "attack" too? 

You readily and willingly paid out the $$$ to buy this 18 year old Ukrainian girl stuff and things did not go as you hoped for.  What were your intentions?  If you had done the same thing with an 18 year old in the UK and posted on the internet the girl was a scammer etc--her mum would probably give you a beating.  Her father surely would.

[KenC]

You have made your feelings known on this subject time and time again. Lets just agree to disagree.

And which part exactly do you disagree?  That you are a fully mature man?  Or is it that you should continue to act like a girly man and NOT "man up?"  Huh? :noidea:

How about you now keep on the subject of this topic and answer the questions raised here, or do you hold yourself in such high regard that the questions are beneath you, or do you feel that your arrogance and certain anger issues will not allow you to answer this topic?

Consider my comments the brutal truth.  If you want sunshine blown up your arse, go read an agency website.  I am sure they will molly coddle you about a 36 yo man chasing teenage tail and about how mature she really is.  (Truth is that she IS more mature and sharper than you, but that is not too much of a feat now , is it?)
KenC

[Handycam72]

I don't think KenC is being so rough on you Helmet, actually he has the gloves on--perhaps you bruiseth to easily?  What do you expect a commendation?  You made some mistakes now get over it.  Do you find this to be an "attack" too? 

You readily and willingly paid out the $$$ to buy this 18 year old Ukrainian girl stuff and things did not go as you hoped for.  What were your intentions?  If you had done the same thing with an 18 year old in the UK and posted on the internet the girl was a scammer etc--her mum would probably give you a beating.  Her father surely would.

Yet another person who does not answer the questions with regard to this topic, thus revealing who the arrogant ones are

Ken your anger seems to grow with each post you make, yet you still avoid the subject of this topic.

[Son of Clyde]

My new analogy to brutally frank posts should be "that is sooo KenC." 

[tim 360]

Yet another person who does not answer the questions with regard to this topic, thus revealing who the arrogant ones are

Ken your anger seems to grow with each post you make, yet you still avoid the subject of this topic.

Arrogance?   Aaahhhh,  so you see that as an arrogance attack.     "Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.”  Frank Lloyd Wright  

BTW:  I have seen little arrogance posted to you,  a lot of frank speaking though.

Main Entry: ar·ro·gance
Pronunciation: \ˈer-ə-gən(t)s, ˈa-rə-\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

[Vaughn]

So many times we see the recipient of tough advice make the arrogance accusation, when
in fact, they should be reviewing its definition. KenC rarely if ever holds himself up so high
that it's beneath him to admit an error. History here bears that out.

The Good Ole Boy Club insinuation is also quite laughable.

[KenC]

Ken your anger seems to grow with each post you make, yet you still avoid the subject of this topic.

Handyscam,
Must be your ever so "special" people reading skills gone arwy (again).  You are a laughable joke of a man; why should that anger me?  I pity you.  But I pity the woman more, if any, that would choose to be with you.  As for you, you will get what you deserve in the long run.  Oh yeah, and it will be everyone else's fault but yours.
KenC

[Handycam72]

KenC
Again you ignore the topic, and your aggression shines through or to use your term, Brutal Honesty. Maybe the following Psychology definitions may help you recognise yourself and what THIS TOPIC is about

"Aggression results as a psychological defense  against threats of fragmentation. That is, as infants, we are just a jumble of diverse biological processes over which we have no authority, and our first task in life is to develop a coherent identity which “pulls together” this fragmented confusion. This identity may give the appearance of a unified personality, but it really is just a psychological illusion that hides our essential human vulnerability and weakness. And so, when anything or anyone threatens us with the truth of our essential fragmentation, the quickest, easiest, and most common defense available—to hide the truth of our weakness and to give the illusion that we possess some sort of power—is aggression."
 Jacques Lacan - French Psychoanalyst

"Often people who are arrogant are not aware of their own behavior or don't want to recognize they are arrogant. A person can be arrogant but not show it externally to others due to his thoughts, actions and emotions.
A strongly arrogant person will usually try to downplay other people's achievements or ideas in order to make himself appear better. Arrogant people will even ignore or downplay good ideas from others, as they cannot accept that others might have better ideas than themselves. This makes reasonable communication difficult and arguments impossible to resolve fairly as the arrogant person will not accept the other person's point of view, no matter how logical/intuitive or correct it is, because the arrogant person is really having an emotional argument about his own arrogance.

Arrogance is an unpleasant unloving experience for people interacting with someone who has an arrogant personality. Most people do not like or enjoy being with excessively arrogant people which makes the arrogant person unpopular. Arrogant people do not notice this problem or cannot change their behavior because their personality/ego enjoys being arrogant much more than being liked by or having a respectful, loving and accepting attitude towards other people.

Arrogant people are often unable to realize they are not as good as they assume they are or have problems recognizing their own self limitations. Arrogant people are usually over competitive and don't know when to quit.

Often arrogant people can be overbearing and try to coerce/force people into doing what they don't want to do with little regard for the other person's feelings or the group's best interest."

Does any of this seem familiar to you Ken? 

[krimster]

M-m-my name HandyCam, de udder boys on dis web site, dey mean to me, dey arrogant and ag-ag-aggressive, I even lookup what it means and copy it here, in case you don know what such a big word mean, my mama always say to look up a word if you don know what it mean.

please don be mean no more to me, will you be my fwend?

[Misha]

Why is it, that a certain few long term members, who have written 1000's of posts and all tend to be married for a good few years are so belittling and arrogant towards those that are new here?

Perhaps because it is annoying to hear men who have yet to meet any RW going on and on about how RW are like this or like that. The self-proclaimed keyboards experts are annoying. Even worse are those who have made one trip, been duped by one woman as they let themselves be taken by a ride driven by their lust, and then come back an post how all RW are evil [fill in the blank] because of their experience. Rather than admitting that their own naivete was at fault, they then seek to degrade all RW because of one bad experience. When that happens, those of us who are married to women that we love, do get somewhat annoyed and defensive.

[BC]

Over the years, most of those raising claims of arrogance, or overbearing attitudes have been the same one's that insisted on swimming upstream, claiming to be exceptions to the rule.

Don't confuse arrogance with board consensus.

A message is a message however put forth.

Look at the message and not the messenger.

[KenC]

Handyscam,
If you think for one moment that I would listen to physco babble from a 36 yo man that was led around by his pecker by a teenager for a week, you are crazier than I first thought.
 
KenC

[I/O]

KenC: There’s a saying that goes something like “Don’t argue with an idiot, the onlookers may not see the difference”.  And……FWIW, I have noticed the quality of your posts deteriorate recently (Both presentation and substance). Seems like posts written at the end of a busy week which could be influenced by other things.

Enot: Yet again you’re wrong, my comment was not an affirmation of GOB club/s, it was a branch hung out for a monkey to swing off and on cue, the monkey swung.

Handycam: I really don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here. I honestly didn’t think your other thread was too bad. I thought it had value. You’ll need to learn to take the rough with the smooth both here and in this caper generally. This thread in and of itself is indicating an inability to do so. Something to think about.

[BillyB]

A message is a message however put forth.

Look at the message and not the messenger.

Easy to say but not always as easy when the delivery of the message sucks. If someone gave me advice with a hint of an insult or in a way it belittles me, I'm not going to attack the advice, I'm going to attack the messenger for bad attitude. Call me stubborn but I won't put up with that.

I've seen it in a few relationships including with one of my relatives. Almost everything said during a disagreement is insult laced and in a tone that belittles. They yell, or basically talk over each other to drown the others voice out. Behind each others backs they say they would not shed a tear if their wife/husband dies. I almost beleive they enjoy getting into those screaming matches.

Why does it have to be this way? Bad delivery of words don't work with your husband or wife and it won't work with other people. If a person is trying to give good advice and he fails in the delivery of it and fails getting the intented target to listen to the advice, then he failed at his objective. I don't like to fail. Some guys need a few good solid reasons or real life experiences why the advice is good. Some guys need a gentle push in the right direction, others need a kick in the butt to wake them up. One style of delivering advice does not work for all.

I remember the days of the 25+ page threads of the broken record PG/TG bashing. This forum is more enjoyable to read now than it was then. Anybody disagree with that?

[apple47]

Yes Turboguy is one of the better memebers here but their are a few members that are definetly arrogant and they think they know it all.

This arrogance will continue because the admins and mods don't care.  They don't even step in when someone is being verbally attacked.  You have to have thick skin to stick around here for very long.

Best of luck!

          This is an internet forum.  It requires one or all of the same 3 things that are required on most other internet forums.     You have already mentioned the thicker skin. Add to this  A better wit and/or a greater humor.    Possession of any one of these will allow you to survive an internet forum without having to resort to crying in your beer.

          Overly moderated forums are a bore.  My favorite forum is a motorcycle forum that has named mods that do little to no moderating.  Things can get tough for those that take things personally,but,it is more fun. 

 .....................................................Larry

[KenC]

Some guys need a few good solid reasons or real life experiences why the advice is good. Some guys need a gentle push in the right direction, others need a kick in the butt to wake them up. One style of delivering advice does not work for all.

  I absolutely agree.  Sometimes when you have a thread going a certain (incorrect) direction with everyone sleepwalking through it without stepping back to understand the big picture, there is a need for someone to stand up, get everyones attention and put the thinking back on the right track.

Handycam's original thread is a case in point.  Was he mistreated by the young fsu girl?  Yes.  Was she some level of a pro-dater?  Again, Yes.  Everyone has heard this story a hundred times and were kind of sleepwalking through the thread.  IMO, the bigger picture and the much more important lesson to be learned is for mature men NOT to allow this to happen to them.  The point that a 36 yo man allowed a teenager to have total control over him in hope of getting a little from her.  Yes, these girls are out there and be prepared to spot them, BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE HAVE FULL CONTROL OVER YOURSELVES TOO.

I remember the days of the 25+ page threads of the broken record PG/TG bashing. This forum is more enjoyable to read now than it was then. Anybody disagree with that?

I don't necessarily disagree, but things were a LOT rougher then than now.  There is no comparison in degree between what is being said here and then.  One other point I would make is that there are two sides to every debate.  You say it was a PG/TG "bashing", and I would say that a group of passionate members tried in vain to help another member avoid making some huge errors in judgement.  And that his ignoring of those errors brought upon his complete failure in the goals he set.
KenC

[BC]

Easy to say but not always as easy when the delivery of the message sucks. If someone gave me advice with a hint of an insult or in a way it belittles me, I'm not going to attack the advice, I'm going to attack the messenger for bad attitude. Call me stubborn but I won't put up with that.

I've seen it in a few relationships including with one of my relatives. Almost everything said during a disagreement is insult laced and in a tone that belittles. They yell, or basically talk over each other to drown the others voice out. Behind each others backs they say they would not shed a tear if their wife/husband dies. I almost beleive they enjoy getting into those screaming matches.

Why does it have to be this way? Bad delivery of words don't work with your husband or wife and it won't work with other people. If a person is trying to give good advice and he fails in the delivery of it and fails getting the intented target to listen to the advice, then he failed at his objective. I don't like to fail. Some guys need a few good solid reasons or real life experiences why the advice is good. Some guys need a gentle push in the right direction, others need a kick in the butt to wake them up. One style of delivering advice does not work for all.

I remember the days of the 25+ page threads of the broken record PG/TG bashing. This forum is more enjoyable to read now than it was then. Anybody disagree with that?

Billy,

Anyone that posts is going to receive response.  Whether or not to let the response get under their skin is either:

A. Looking at an issue that requires reflection
B. Taking his/herself a way too seriously, after all RWD is a slow moving, recorded open chat.  Expect some crap along the way.
C. Not utilizing their choice to ignore.

Yeah the TG/PG debacles keeps being brought up as an example of bad behavior.. guess what.. the offending posters are long gone and this has become a non issue IMHO.  The message though in those threads are still very valid and quite blunt:  Before going to FSU in search of a bride, ensure testicles are not dangling in front of eyes.  They are 'must read' material, and if one takes the time to do so they will find very little objectionable material within.  A handful of posts among hundreds is par for the course and a quite good record.  Besides one may learn new words... like 'ambivalent'.  

[GlobalEuphoria]

I think HandyCam has walked into an area that has some validity to it.

Firstly, those who are jumping all over Handy need to take a step back or in the very least give a little slack to the next guy. Some people live on message boards, emails and the like and other's are just on a novice level. I think Handy is somewhere in the middle and like so many others simply didn't explain himself thoroughly enough (initially)... this is where you message board pro's, guru's,etc need to chill a little before jumping on the implode button... feel the poster out a little before you hit the self destruct.

Now as the topic that got this ball rolling.... "arrogance." The majority of posters on here are pretty helpful and/or sincere in nature however there are a select handful who seem to gorge themselves on linguistic attempts to elevate their own ego's and self worth. While I wouldn't say that these select posters are in fact arrogant I would say the more appropriate label would be something that lies between obnoxious and self enamored. Then again we all have own ways of how perceive people, such as I've always found it insulting when a poster finds the inexplicable and consistent need to include his handle at the end of his posts. To me it simply smacks of either ... you're so enamored with yourself that you need to bring special attention to your postings or the poster thinks so highly of himself that the common reader is seen as so beneath them that the reader can't possibly comprehend that the name in the top left corner is the one who is making the post.... seems so self righteous and shallow to me or more simply put, sad... but as I said, that's to me, perhaps not to anyone else.


Since I'm obviously sitting comfortably atop my ivory tower I'm going to touch on what is the true derivative to what HandyCam mentioned as I think it's prevalent to the numerous discussions on this board and other FSU related boards. There is a change swirling through this world of FSU dating and the once proud and fearless leaders of the FSU pursuit are now becoming outdated. The "old guard" who toiled through antiquated mail order services, poorly managed websites,etc.. had to endure far more disadvantages then someone like myself who is getting stuck in at a time where "the search" is far more user friendly. This leaves the old guard feeling slightly jaded towards those who are venturing into a far more user friendly experience. Knowledge on most if not all aspects of the FSU search are plentiful and easily obtained to those who are willing to look, where as the veterans had to really roll their sleeves up and dive into a far darker world of unknown variables.... this brings forth the atmosphere of arrogance that HandyCam eluded to. Using myself as the example as someone newer and fresher then the old guard, I do have to admit that I don't give full credibility to the old guard. Times are a changing and whether it's from a political or technological standpoint our FSU search and it's subsequent situations aren't going to be nearly as the same as the old guards. Additionally, in regards to posting on here and other boards far too often I see the old guard as taking that same traveled road when trying to interact with the younger newer guys on the scene. I won't finger point but take a look around and you'll see the old guard going through the motions... cutting and pasting the same old tired lines and inserting them into a new discussion.... the newly created topics change and the inner lying variables change but the responses are the same old lines taken from one topic to another. I will put myself forward and state that I'm apart of this new guard coming into the light. My experiences, communications, travels, etc... have been and are going to be more far more different then the old guard as the new guard are simply more mobile and more in touch with today's world. Now, if you're looking for a woman who is over 45 then this is where the old guard still holds it's validity (let me state there is absolutely nothing wrong with a search for a FSU lady over 45). However, the new guard, as stated are more in touch... we text, facebook, blog, download/upload, etc... our information is finger tips away from our phones to our computers. Our street language is spoken all over the world and our street smarts come from streets that stretch throughout the globe. Granted you don't have to be young or apart of the newer guard to hold these advantages but it's pretty obvious on many levels that we as a group are simply more advanced and educated to the streets and the world then the old guard and while this doesn't put us in a role for instant success we are however better armed for success.

Now I'm not saying the above holds true for each and every poster & lurker (for the record I lurked the *snip* out of this place before I started posting here) and there are some personal issues within others that give off this arrogance but the majority are either new or old guard. While I don't foresee everyone or even anyone agreeing with me, there is a change of tide around these parts and those who are joining in on the search are bringing something new to the table.

[BC]

Since I'm obviously sitting comfortably atop my ivory tower I'm going to touch on what is the true derivative to what HandyCam mentioned as I think it's prevalent to the numerous discussions on this board and other FSU related boards. There is a change swirling through this world of FSU dating and the once proud and fearless leaders of the FSU pursuit are now becoming outdated. The "old guard" who toiled through antiquated mail order services, poorly managed websites,etc.. had to endure far more disadvantages then someone like myself who is getting stuck in at a time where "the search" is far more user friendly. This leaves the old guard feeling slightly jaded towards those who are venturing into a far more user friendly experience. Knowledge on most if not all aspects of the FSU search are plentiful and easily obtained to those who are willing to look, where as the veterans had to really roll their sleeves up and dive into a far darker world of unknown variables.... this brings forth the atmosphere of arrogance that HandyCam eluded to. Using myself as the example as someone newer and fresher then the old guard, I do have to admit that I don't give full credibility to the old guard. Times are a changing and whether it's from a political or technological standpoint our FSU search and it's subsequent situations aren't going to be nearly as the same as the old guards. Additionally, in regards to posting on here and other boards far too often I see the old guard as taking that same traveled road when trying to interact with the younger newer guys on the scene. I won't finger point but take a look around and you'll see the old guard going through the motions... cutting and pasting the same old tired lines and inserting them into a new discussion.... the newly created topics change and the inner lying variables change but the responses are the same old lines taken from one topic to another. I will put myself forward and state that I'm apart of this new guard coming into the light. My experiences, communications, travels, etc... have been and are going to be more far more different then the old guard as the new guard are simply more mobile and more in touch with today's world. Now, if you're looking for a woman who is over 45 then this is where the old guard still holds it's validity (let me state there is absolutely nothing wrong with a search for a FSU lady over 45). However, the new guard, as stated are more in touch... we text, facebook, blog, download/upload, etc... our information is finger tips away from our phones to our computers. Our street language is spoken all over the world and our street smarts come from streets that stretch throughout the globe. Granted you don't have to be young or apart of the newer guard to hold these advantages but it's pretty obvious on many levels that we as a group are simply more advanced and educated to the streets and the world then the old guard and while this doesn't put us in a role for instant success we are however better armed for success.

Global,

Old guard, new guard, if they are still looking, as far as methods go, yeah I can see what you're saying.  But believe me quite a few of those you might classify as 'old guard' may have found their mates in quite unconventional ways, far off the beaten path of agencies and beat up old monthly magazines.  In fact I think a good many of the 'survivors' if you will met in simple boy meets girl scenarios.

There are the basics though.. like the simple 'she ain't into you' that have validity regardless of guard or time, and it's these simple basics that seem to cause the most furor, a la' PG/TG. 

Other standard threads like WOVO vs WMVM will never go away.. thank goodness the ring threads seem to be gone.

Technology is surely advancing with SMS, MMS, Chats, Vid Chats, Skype and a bunch of other interesting communication media, but tell ya what..  If you have a penpal, GF or Fiancee try writing her an old fashioned snail mail letter by hand and slobbery stamp, even if you chat all day long and see what happens.

Grandpa 

[Misha]

Granted you don't have to be young or apart of the newer guard to hold these advantages but it's pretty obvious on many levels that we as a group are simply more advanced and educated to the streets and the world then the old guard and while this doesn't put us in a role for instant success we are however better armed for success.

Who is this "we" you refer to in your post? If I were to generalize in turn, I would say that for men who allegedly so "advanced and educated" they seem to be repeating the same old dumb mistakes. You can tweet, blog and facebook all you want, but if you can't tell whether a woman is into you on the first date, Wikipedia won't help you. The mistakes that men make are tied to one fundamental issue: they are infatuated with women who are not into them and think they can somehow magically change this by spending money on her or by trying to cater to each and every one of her whims. It never works. The only question is how far they will be taken for the ride. From what I have observed, the "new guard" isn't a whit better in this regard.

[Dave13]

Global, You can, text, facebook, blog etc. , but you still have to get your butt on that plane!