Pleasing your RW

[Amerkanski]

Amerikanski, if you didn't exist, it would've been worth to create you. You made my day, and I am laughing rolling on the floor :-)  :-) :-)

Quote Amer: "So I do NOT shave, shower, or iron my clothes everyday. Hell, I've even been known to go to the market (late at night) in my pajamas. Why? Because this is the US and we are not afraid to be judged by others because I can give a crap what others think of me."

USA!!!  USA!!!  USA!!!



Amerikanski, did you go to  a kindergarten and school ?


Were you ever told that the reason people brush their teeth, take shower, use toilet paper  has nothing to do with being afraid what OTHERS think of you, WHETHER YOU ARE IN US OR NOT?

Did your mama ever explain to you that boys and girls are supposed to brush their teeth, take shower just because THEY ARE HUMANS, even if they live in US, on the Mexican border ?

 What about the  garbage? Why to  take it out ? We live in the US and are not afraid of what others think of us?

You are  saying , you can give a crap. This is no secret. What if no one takes it from you, (and you are not afraid) ?




 

English please?

[Blues Fairy]

that is why they call it "self-esteem"- because you need it..

Look up the word in a dictionary before trying to explain it to others.  

And you even edited the post to emphasize the personal attack - sorry but it's still lame despite the effort.  Try harder.  

[Ludmila]

English please?

Depends on their age.

[Amerkanski]

Look up the word in a dictionary before trying to explain it to others.  

And you even edited the post to emphasize the personal attack - sorry but it's still lame despite the effort.  Try harder.  

Look it up? It's late, maybe you should go take off your self esteem and go to sleep? lol

[NJ]

Blues Fairy, please take your self esteem off while you're slepping and give it for 1 night to Amer. It seems this boy has to clue what does it mean to have one.   

[Ludmila]

Amerikanski,

may it please your honor, it was just a  pleasant pleasantry.

Do you feel pleased?

You still think  Russian pleasure ground isn't pleasurable?

[Ade]

In my experience, women will say such things invariably when they are with a man they do not love. Then, everything he does will be an annoyance  I have yet to hear my wife complain that I tried to do something nice for her 

Well, it's possible to try a little too hard to please. I guess it can get tiring for some people constantly on the receiving end.

While trying not to sound too much like a Jooky fanboy, I thought his post was mainly spot on particularly this part here;

Another thing I’ve noticed, sometimes what a woman appreciates most is simply you appreciating her! A lot of women like to give as well as take, so if you provide the opportunity for them to do something special for you, and you show you appreciate it, they will appreciate you in return.

[Nat]

Very interesting comment. I've heard many women tell me that what they appreciate least is a man trying to please them too much.

A lady friend was just telling me about her frustration with her current boyfriend. One of the biggest problems is that in order to please her, he always offers her to decide what they do and what they eat. He cooks for her and cleans for her and asks how to do everything to her liking. She says it drives her nuts and that as much as she likes his personality, she's tiring of being with a 'wuss' and not a man. Remember that song "Where have all the cowboys gone?".

It seems to me there should be a line between being a wuss and being attentive to your woman. When a person asks directions and instructions all the time, it doesn't look like pleasing - it looks like absence of wish to take decisions. It would be much better, if this man said something like: "Honey, I know you like Italian food, and I've heard about a new Italian restaurant - would you like to go there tonight?". Or "I knew you were going to get off late today, so I did the laundry to save some time for two of us". That is attention and affection, and just asking "What should I do to make you happy?" is useful sometimes, not every day.
As for cleaning and cooking, btw, I understand that it's customary in most families that a woman does that all, but don't forget that if both partners work it's fair to share all that chores, so when a man does his share it's not pleasing, it's common sense

To answer the topic question, for me often pleasing a woman (Russian or from anywhere, no difference) isn’t so much about what you do, but how you do it and how you make them feel.

For example, I was in Egypt with a girlfriend. A display of gold necklaces caught her eye, especially one chain with a Nefertiti bust on it,  but I told her no way was I going to buy any of that stuff. She was slightly disappointed, but no big deal and we continued to enjoy our day. Later that evening I snuck back to that store and bought the necklace. I gave it to her as a surprise gift a few weeks later back in Russia. She was ecstatic. It was more of the surprise and excitement of how and when I presented the necklace that she appreciated more than the necklace itself.

Surprise flowers will be appreciated more than flowers every day. Something thoughtful is more valued than something expensive. It’s more about creating a mood or emotion than an actual act or gift.

These are very good examples! Especially the first one - and it's not about jewellery, it's about you noticing her desires and trying to make them true Usually close friends do that and it's so nice when your beloved man is not only your love, but also your very close friend That's what really worth appreciation

[Doll]

It means: creating a situation, allowing for things to happen. Sometimes it means doing nothing, so that the woman has the chance or opportunity to do something for you.

I'll take my friend who is frustrated with her boyfriend as an example. He does so much that she never gets the chance to do something in return. He doesn't 'provide the opportunity' for her to do anything for him.

Is it clear now?

The sutiations when the man pleases his woman too much are very rare. Clear though.
Define "appreciate a woman", please.

[Doll]

Girls, the ones who live in the USA, come on! You know what Amer means by these shopping in pj's and not ironing.
Sure, Blue- self esteem of RW in make-up to shop for a loaf of bread in the corner store!
BS and you all know that.
(OMG! Doll is with Amer! Can't believe my eyes!  )

[Doll]

English please?

[LEGAL]

it's not about jewellery, it's about you noticing her desires and trying to make them true Usually close friends do that and it's so nice when your beloved man is not only your love, but also your very close friend That's what really worth appreciation

Nat Very well said 

[boaterguy]

Pleasing your woman...it can be anything from an expression.an action, or a gift as long as it shows your woman that you do pay attention to her,care about her,and think about her!

[Jooky]

The situations when the man pleases his woman too much are very rare.

Actually, this happens a lot, but mostly with guys trying to get a woman, not so much in relationships.

There's been many stories here on these boards though that follow the pattern. The man tries to please his girlfriend / wife by doing too much, buying too much, catering to her every need. The end result: he's used then dumped without any respect, sometimes with the comment that he's not a 'real man'.

Define "appreciate a woman", please.

I'm not sure what you're really asking, but if you want me to define how a man can show his appreciation towards a woman, I think it can be with words, expressions, actions or reciprocation. It depends on the individuals.

It can be something as simple as this:

Someone cooks you dinner. You eat it quickly, don't have seconds and don't say make any comments about the meal. That doesn't show anything. You savor it, have a second helping and express your satisfaction. That shows your appreciation.

[Jooky]

It seems to me there should be a line between being a wuss and being attentive to your woman.

There definitely is. I also think there's a line between when something becomes routine and expected versus something special, meant to please.

I think of major importance is the intention behind the action. Is a man doing something to please a woman simply because he wants her to be happy, or is a man doing something with the expectation of getting something in return?

Usually when I hear men complaining that they are not appreciated, it's the latter.

[Misha]

There's been many stories here on these boards though that follow the pattern. The man tries to please his girlfriend / wife by doing too much, buying too much, catering to her every need. The end result: he's used then dumped without any respect, sometimes with the comment that he's not a 'real man'.

If you marry a woman who is marrying you "по расчёту" nothing you ever do will ever please her. Same is true for a woman who simply "settled" for a man. Marry a woman who has truly fallen in love with you, and IMHO you will notice the difference. To mix some metaphors and a line for a MasterCard commercial, money/attention can't buy you love, but to the woman who does love you, the attention given to her by the man she loves will be priceless 

I'm not sure what you're really asking, but if you want me to define how a man can show his appreciation towards a woman, I think it can be with words, expressions, actions or reciprocation. It depends on the individuals.

This, I agree with. Again, if both truly love each other, there are an infinite number of ways of showing your appeciation.

Someone cooks you dinner. You eat it quickly, don't have seconds and don't say make any comments about the meal. That doesn't show anything. You savor it, have a second helping and express your satisfaction. That shows your appreciation.

You could do worse. You could complain that she can't cook and that your mother/ex-girlfriend/ex-wife would have cooked the same meal that much better 

[Blues Fairy]

Sure, Blue- self esteem of RW in make-up to shop for a loaf of bread in the corner store!
BS and you all know that.

Not BS.  I wear makeup even if I spend the day indoors with my baby - put it on first thing in the morning.  I do it for me; that's how I like to treat myself.   

[LEGAL]

"Everyday Products Are Filled With Toxins -- And We're Not Doing a Thing About It
U.S. consumers are exposed to a vast array of harmful chemicals and additives in toys, cosmetics, plastic water bottles and countless other products.
February 25, 2009  |  
 

Is your lipstick laden with lead? Is your baby's bottle toxic? The American Chemistry Council assures us that "we make the products that help keep you safe and healthy." But U.S. consumers are actually exposed to a vast array of harmful chemicals and additives embedded in toys, cosmetics, plastic water bottles and countless other products. U.S. chemical and manufacturing industries have fought regulation, while Europe moves ahead with strict prohibitions against the most harmful toxins."

http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/128912/everyday_products_are_filled_with_toxins_--_and_we%27re_not_doing_a_thing_about_it/

ALERT COSMETICS FOR PREGNANT MOM
http://www.beautifulhealthy.co.cc/2010/02/alert-cosmetics-for-pregnant-mom.html

Cosmetic ingredients could be very harmful
Researchers warned that these beauty products, if not used properly, may lead to facial and health damage.
http://www.themedguru.com/20091223/newsfeature/make-poses-serious-health-risks-young-girls-86131577.html

Wearing Makeup Puts 5 Pounds Of Chemicals Into Your Body…Per Year.
http://www.thegoodhuman.com/2007/07/17/wearing-makeup-puts-5-pounds-of-chemicals-into-your-bodyper-year/

Just some food for thought!

[Markus]

What have you done or noticed for your RW that they really appreciated. Something an AM may not have appreciated. Even something small that made her smile or she said had never been done for her before.

alex330,

I just got my wife braces. She was pleased.

Perhaps in the dating stage, one can pinpoint things he did to please his RW. What's more important is what a man does
after he is married to please his RW. Pleasing her becomes a lifestyle. This could also include what the man doesn't do to
please his wife. The result of what the man does or does not do to please his RW is about how he makes her feel.

From an earlier observation, equating her self esteem to wearing makeup might sound macho, but, that attitude may not
work in a marriage. Pleasing your RW may include both things you will do and things you won't do.

Mark

[Daveman]

So far, I pretty much have to agree with Misha and Jooky.  It's all about whether a woman is genuinely attracted to a man during the dating phase, and then progressing to love.

Each woman is attracted to her own "kind of man" and the type of relationship which does it for her.  If she doesn't really care/love, there is nothing he can do to please her except hit the eject button and move on. 

Attempting to change for someone, or trying be someone you're really not in the core of your being is asking for trouble.  The heart may want what it wants, but nothing will change the fact that a woman will not really be happy unless she's in love or in the process of falling in love, and if she's not, the man will be a constant source of annoyance regardless of what he does.  Of course we all grow and hopefully improve

All of that being said, it seems that the best ways I've learned to make a woman happy are these...

Let her know she's sexy... especially when it's not time for sex. Whispering in her ear while at the supermarket "damn, you are one sexy woman). Stuff like that. But you gotta say it with passion and emotion... she can *feel* it.

Be or pretend to be a little jealous over her...

Small surprises that let her know you think about her (such as those above).
Show and share emotions - not meaning to start balling like a baby, but rather let her inside your world and be "real" with her - anger, sadness, frustration.

and one of the MOST important things I have learned, and it took years for me to actually get to the point where I can do this, is LISTEN and HEAR her when she's upset about something without attempting to solve the problem for her (even when the solution is blatantly crystal clear to you). She's trying to share/express emotions and needs those emotions acknowledged.  For some reason she'll feel much closer to you after she vents something and you listen than if you magically take her problems away with your incredibly intelligent solutions. Strange, huh? heh

bottom line though is women are as varied as the colors of the spectrum. perhaps some things are attractive/pleasing/whatever to all women, and some things are probably turn-offs for all women, but the main thing is to learn and understand your woman. 

[Amerkanski]

alex330,

I just got my wife braces. She was pleased.

Perhaps in the dating stage, one can pinpoint things he did to please his RW. What's more important is what a man does
after he is married to please his RW. Pleasing her becomes a lifestyle. This could also include what the man doesn't do to
please his wife. The result of what the man does or does not do to please his RW is about how he makes her feel.

From an earlier observation, equating her self esteem to wearing makeup might sound macho, but, that attitude may not
work in a marriage. Pleasing your RW may include both things you will do and things you won't do.

Mark

Great post Markus. There are some RW who can never be truly pleased or let themselves be pleased.

[ECOCKS]

Hey Alex, are you learning anything about Pleasing Your RW amidst all this?

[mies]

and I don't mean in bed you dirty bastards....

What have you done or noticed for your RW that they really appreciated. Something an AM may not have appreciated. Even something small that made her smile

* coffee/tea/wine brought to bed or made for me
* feet fetish :evil: massage
* warming my arms when they are cold
* hugging me often
* belly rubs
* cooking well
* flowers
* covering me with warm blanket and switching off the lights if I fall asleep at the sofa
* giving me "shoulder rides" in the city - just for fun and laughs, or when i say i am tired
* knowing my tastes and getting for me what i like
* filling life with adventures and always have ideas for fun evening/weekend/vacation
* finding good movies to watch together
* thinking of my convenience and caring of my well-being
* treating me like a princess

or she said had never been done for her before.

ukrainian/russian teenagers, especially shy and unpopular ones - when they finally get the guts to make a compliment to a girl, like to say "have anybody told you before that you are cute?"   that's the dumbest thing to say to a girl. Maybe i'm a bad person, but every time I was hissing to myself:  "Oh yeah, just about a million times, dumba**"

I can not figure out - why is it so important for some man to be the first one who ... (noticed, did, complimented, etc)

[Daveman]

Thread split yet again...

My sincere apologies to the OP.

Take all the nonsense over to the NHB section. Post in THIS thread only if you have something to add to THIS topic.

[Doll]

It means: creating a situation, allowing for things to happen. Sometimes it means doing nothing, so that the woman has the chance or opportunity to do something for you.

It does seem like "providing the opportunity for a woman to please the man" - doing nothing    
 So, this the way to appreciate the woman (or please- I forgot )