Photos of ex(s)

[docetae]

Hello,

One question to married people... what did you do with photos of your ex(s) ?

My wife during her last visit found some of them and it was little crisis because she did not understood why I am keeping this... for me, this is past but part of my life, and I want to keep memories of everything. It seems this concept was difficult for her... Now everything is under lock in one obscure part of my workshop, but I am wondering if you have to deal with this...

[tfcrew]

Now everything is under lock

 If the cat's already out of the bag.....
 I have oodles of pictures in my bookS. No one's but my wife's are on the walls.
Some of the ladies in the past I got over easier than others.
After ten years nearly, we all just take it in stride.
   

[Boethius]

Yes, put them away.  I suspect with time, as she feels more secure, she probably won't have a problem with them.  I am running off, but will PM you a story when I get back.

[OlgaH]

I actually like to look through Roberts photos of his past and listen his stories probably because it is just simply as you said part of his life.  There has never been any tension between me and his ex since the first day we met. When she thought she needed surgery she even asked me if I would be able to look after her at her home if the surgery would take place. She is an intelligent and professional woman who knows how to keep reasonable distance and it is easy to maintain a relationship with her.  I remember when she visited us she told me some funny stories about Robert. She and Robert has mutual good old friends so when they come from other states for a visit we all spend our time together


But if the photos of your past upset your wife of course it is better to put them away 

[UTRO]

Benoit, they are here and there. I gave most hard copies to my Kids.
But Sveta understands I had a life before she was in my life.

Oh, ah, they weren't 'rated' were they Benoit?!? 

[Simoni]

Hello,

One question to married people... what did you do with photos of your ex(s) ?

My wife during her last visit found some of them and it was little crisis because she did not understood why I am keeping this... for me, this is past but part of my life, and I want to keep memories of everything. It seems this concept was difficult for her... Now everything is under lock in one obscure part of my workshop, but I am wondering if you have to deal with this...

I kept the ones with her and our children.  The ones of just her I put away, way out of sight...

[Ludmila]

Photos are the witnesses of the past life, and some day may allow you to travel in space and time.

Though my husband suggested I destroy the pics of his past life ( ex, and a couple of GFs who appeared " in between  the seasons"), I don't think they should be destroyed.

But if she is SO uncomfortable, just keep them away.

I respect my husband's past, as he does-- mine. During the first years I organized all the pics, snapshots, albums, to show respect to his past, ex , etc . We are on speaking, good terms with his ex ( remarried), and exchanged a few calls and visits ( without husbands, but endorsed by husbands). We certainly found some safe subjects for a  nice civil discussion. I was the first Russian she ever saw in her life, and it looks, she thinks more of Russia now.

Neither my husband, nor me, nor his ex have any problems about the past life. All have  been successfully remarried. No one has reason for doubting, jealousy or whatever.

Docetae, try to keep the pics away . You have just remarried. In a couple of years your wife will be much more "relaxed" about your past life.

[UTRO]

 I remember when she visited us she told me some funny stories about Robert. She and Robert has mutual good old friends so when they come from other states for a visit we all spend our time together

I'm good friends with my Ex. I like your attitude Olga and I hope things will be the same with Sveta and my Ex as it is for you with Roberts'

[UTRO]

I kept the ones with her and our children.  The ones of just her I put away, way out of sight...

Meme chose pour moi. Bonne choisi Simoni

[Simoni]

Meme chose pour moi. Bonne choisi Simoni

Great minds work alike :-) LOL

[UTRO]

Great minds work alike :-) LOL

Ah, tu parle Francais comme moi?

lol! Don't worry, I met docetae this past summer with Sveta in Quebec City. He'll tell you my French is a 1 in a rating from 1-10! 

[GQBlues]

One question to married people... what did you do with photos of your ex(s) ?

Like OlgaH's situation, my wife is very well aware of my ex-GFs from the get-go. She's met a few of them and even spent time with two of them when she first arrived. I am God-father to two wonderful kids from two different ex-GFs so occasionally we get to spend some time together including their respective hubbies.

My wife have no problem whatsoever with any of these. However, out of respect to our relationship, there are no pictures of my ex-GFs on display in our home. One ex was a Neutrogena facial model and the other was a PB centerfold. This one in particular actually piqued her curiosity because the photos she looked at were from the actual magazine. She then asked if we could meet her in person. She actually was more fascinated meeting someone in real life she saw in a magazine than to feel insecure for any reason.

Anyway, the photos are in a couple of boxes she is fully aware of. Their existence however is not a cause of uneasiness on her part. She previously had given me that assurances. I have also seen not only her ex-BFs but also all the men she was corresponding with before, as she has mine.

[Simoni]

Ah, tu parle Francais comme moi?

lol! Don't worry, I met docetae this past summer with Sveta in Quebec City. He'll tell you my French is a 1 in a rating from 1-10!  

docetae and I go way back to similar experiences at an agency perhaps 5 years ago...

French is my fifth language, actually. I know perhaps 30 words :-)

My proficiency is:

1- Texas
2- English
3- Russian
4- Spanish
5- French.

I am proficient only in number 1  :-)

[UTRO]

  Simoni!

[JR]

My ex couldn't handle that I had relationships in the past. She never found the photos. If yours has you may want to burn them in her presence while chanting "You're the only one." over and over and over.....

[mies]

Docetae - imagine just for a minute that your wife brought with her photos of her ex's (boyfriends and/or husbands) - really hot guys, on some photos - they are hugging your wife, at others - rubbing oil into her back at the beach/resort, your wife looks very happy and in love in these photos. And wife keeps these photos visible - arranged a small "hall of fame" in you bedroom, or maybe they are stored in her papers/books - and she looks at them from time to time with a happy dreamy smile, or just holds with a long nostalgic look.
I hope you got an idea.  

All of men who are saying they have a right for their past - of course you do. I am not sure though - any of you would be very comfortable with wife's past also being constantly around. If your wife respects your feelings and left her past in the past - it's only fair to respect her feelings as well.

[docetae]

Docetae - imagine just for a minute that your wife brought with her photos of her ex's (boyfriends and/or husbands) - really hot guys, on some photos - they are hugging your wife, at others - rubbing oil into her back at the beach/resort, your wife looks very happy and in love in these photos. And wife keeps these photos visible - arranged a small "hall of fame" in you bedroom, or maybe they are stored in her papers/books - and she looks at them from time to time with a happy dreamy smile, or just holds with a long nostalgic look.
I hope you got an idea.  

All of men who are saying they have a right for their past - of course you do. I am not sure though - any of you would be very comfortable with wife's past also being constantly around. If your wife respects your feelings and left her past in the past - it's only fair to respect her feelings as well.

Mies, it was not my case, they were in albums without order and photos in boxes without classifying near my desk in home.  I not tactless and respect feeling from my wife ! this is the least I can do... I have little more brain than you estimate..
Nothing was exposed. Her remark was : why do you keep photos of ex girlfriends and so many photos of your ex without children. Her point was that she destroyed photos of ex boyfriends and kept only a few of her ex husband.

The only photo where I am with my ex is my eldest daughter bedroom because she wants to keep it.

For me, there are two answers:
1- I never get the time to sort them out and will not do it, album were made in happy time and reflect this time. I think album will move to children bedroom
2 - This is my past and I don't want to destroy memories.

I try to get experiences from other people, to know what to do. It is first time this subject is happening to me and was unexpected.

[Vaughn]

Doc, in my estimation your reasoning is sound. I have photos of my past here and there,
not on display, but in albums of years long gone. Those albums are important to my children,
and my wife secure with her #1 place in my life. Yours will grow into that level of comfort
as well.

[Markus]

docetae,

I got rid of any pic I had with my ex way before my wife got here. But, 10 years lapsed before I got
married to my current wife. My mom has a big family picture with me and the ex and she takes that
picture down when we come to visit. I don't ask her to do, she just does it.

I just ran your scenario by my wife and she said she would like to see pics of me and my ex. Go figure.
My wife seems to think differently than what I read is the typical Russian woman.

Mark

[Blues Fairy]

My husband used to be a pretty good artist (first BA from an art college) and his ex-fiancee was a professional model, so we have quite a few drawings and paintings of her (hard to recognize though, due to his specific style) and of parts of her hanging on our walls.   I have no problem with that.

Agree with Olga and Luda, the past is the past and if not for it, our husbands would not have been the way they were when we fell in love with them.  We are all the sum of our past experiences, including relationships.  

[Seeker]

My husband used to be a pretty good artist (first BA from an art college) and his ex-fiancee was a professional model, so we have quite a few drawings and paintings of her (hard to recognize though, due to his specific style) and of parts of her hanging on our walls.   I have no problem with that.

Agree with Olga and Luda, the past is the past and if not for it, our husbands would not have been the way they were when we fell in love with them.  We are all the sum of our past experiences, including relationships.  

I wasn't going to comment, but I have to say that this is one of the basis of my beliefs.  In all things it is why I chose to be peaceful, and forceful only when needed.

Plus I lost all of my pictures and memento's, even from my childhood to an ex... And nothing was provocative or on display.  It was in a box in the closet that she knew about and knew what was in it... memories back to my childhood.  Bad divorce.     She cut it all up.

[mies]

Mies, ... I have little more brain than you estimate..

I never tried to estimate amount or capacity of your brain. Who am I to do that?
My first comment was based on scarce information you have initially provided. After your clarification - my second comment is "your wife's actions are tactless and controlling".
I have not heard of instances of successful modification of controlling behavior. Ignore it?

[mies]

I wasn't going to comment, but I have to say that this is one of the basis of my beliefs.  In all things it is why I chose to be peaceful, and forceful only when needed.

Plus I lost all of my pictures and memento's, even from my childhood to an ex... And nothing was provocative or on display.  It was in a box in the closet that she knew about and knew what was in it... memories back to my childhood.  Bad divorce.     She cut it all up.

that's awful story.. and very sad experience ((

[Seeker]

that's awful story.. and very sad experience ((

But I learned from the experience.  Not in hiding memories, but in choosing partners in life.  At least I hope so.

[UTRO]

My wife was all set to get rid of her Ex's photos and or at least leave them in Russia. I told her not to because they are not a threat and they are a part of her life, long before I came on the scene.
Why destroy something that may bring back a long forgotten good memory?
Imagine being able to do so at 90 years of age in the nursing home?!? lol