I need help about a woman from Ukraine

[Spunk]

Hi

I really need advice about a woman from Ukraine. I meet her on a dating site back in the start of October 2009. From the start there have been a good stream of letters and she sent me a lot of nice photos where she is a home and other places in Ukraine. Also photos of her son, parents and even 3 small videos taken by a girlfriend – one where she’s bowling and 2 from parks in her town. Also in the end of November I booked and paid for tickets so I could go down and meet her in the start of January 2010.

In the end of November I asked a little bit about sex, because I think that talking about sex is a natural thing. She told me that she is important but she didn’t want to talk about because she thought it was to early to talk about that. 3 weeks later she so in a chat told me that she have thought about it and admit that she was thinking about how sex with me would be. A little later in the chat she asked me:  What do you like more sex: oral, anal?. I was a little surprised because I heard another place that women in Ukraine only had anal sex if they were prostitute. But of course there are women in Ukraine there like anal sex and not are prostitute.

Unfortunately I had to cancel my trip down to her because of work, but anyway we continued to write and chat with each other. Now I’ll go down there in the start of April and tickets and apartment are fixed.

We also continued to talk about sex and one day I asked her have many men she got sex with in her life. She told me that she didn’t know, but in our chats she told me that she had been married until 12 years ago (she’s 38 years old) and after that had 3 relationships and a few one night stands. She had worked for the last 10 years as a tailor and before that she was working 4 years as bartender.

I told her several time that I never would judge her for anything in her life because it’s her past, but she all the time tells me that she don’t remember how many men she got sex with. 2-3 weeks ago she told that she also had tried to have sex with 2 men at the same time and that is not normally in my world. About sex in general she also told some months ago : seriously – I’m god !.

Now I really don’t know about it will be good idea to go and visit her about 3 weeks. Ok, she has been honest with me all the time (and answered all my questions) and we both moved our profile 2 weeks after we started to write to each other.

As told so she seems like an honest person and I trust her (or do I). But I can’t get out of my mind about she really was a bartender and maybe worked as a part time prostitute in this bar (or something like that).

She is really a beautiful woman and Monday this week she got birthday and I send her a nice bouquet of flowers and she Tuesday send me some photos of her with the flowers and other photos from her birthday. She also sent me a little video where she is skating and she really has sent me many photos.

I’ve dated 2 women from Ukraine before, but both relationships went wrong and now I don’t know about it’s a good idea to continue this relationship with her.

Can someone help with some good advice  ??

Regards

Spunk

[Gylden]

Spunk,
Why are you asking advice like this from complete strangers? To be honest with you, it sounds like you don't know yourself what you want and I guarantee you won't find the right answers to your question from someone else. This is something only you can decide. But don't feel alone, I believe many people find themselves in the same position.
If it were me in your position, I would at least go and meet her, but I would also plan to meet some other women. In fact I would recommend you contact Jack from this forum and see if his April trip coincides with your visit and if there was a way to hook up with him. I am not sure exactly what service he provides or if he is game to help you, but you sound like you could benefit from some help.
Any way, good luck!

[Spunk]

Hello Gylden

You ask why I ask strangers ?, but to be honest, so I don't know where else I can ask.

You can call me old-fashioned, but I don't want to meet another woman, because I only write to one at the time.

I also want to go down to Ukraine, the only things I asked for was a good advice, because I'm unsure about what to do.

But thanks anyway :-)

Spunk

[I/O]

This butt bangin', ball bustin' "belle" seems choice. Good advice? Pack your preservation and get your penicillin shots up to scratch.

[Gylden]

Spunk,
The reason that I asked is because it is a terrible idea to get this kind of advice from anyone, you are not asking about anything specific, like which hotel, or cheap flights or the name of a good interpreter etc. You are asking personal advice and the only one who can answer your question is you. Everyone is different.
I wouldn't want to judge her without knowing her just as I wouldn't want anyone to judge me either without knowing me, would you? Sorry if I seem too sharp, but IMO you haven't developed enough skills to really make these kinds of decisions on your own and any answers you get from a third party (especially someone who doesn't know you) is just a "crap shoot".
If you have the tickets and wanted to go to Ukraine any way, just get on the plane and go and meet her and as I/O said...."Pack your preservation and get your penicillin shots up to scratch."
If you live in Denmark, go ask advice of the Helsesøster.

[GregfromGa]

For one of the first times in my life, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry I couldnt be of more help in your situation. Maybe if we could get a few more details and maybe some pictures then I might be able to contribute in a more helpful manner. Good luck.

[Patagonie]

You decided to open a pandora's box : sex . What a strange thing ! Discuss about sex with a girl you never met. A girl with who perhaps nothing will happen.
The box is open and you discover some things wich doesn't match exactly the perfect image you imagine for your future wife !

You can be a sexual person, showing male attitude
You can fuck, act like a man in a bed

But discuss about sex ?  I never discuss sex with woman, i raise their desire,  i create a sexual tension or i get laid, but discuss ????
The question is more : are you enough self confident ? With you, with your goal ?

[tfcrew]

Where do these people come from?
I suggest using a more appropriate 'handle' [member name]

[Ranetka]

...(Translation)...I was chatting to this smokinghotkova, telling her all my fantazies  :Pbut found out she actually has so much more experience than I have. So I am worried now will I be good enough for her, she seems to know much more about sex...will I be able to satisfy her?....(Shouting "Whore! whore! whore!")

Can someone help with some good advice  ??

Regards

Spunk

Grow up...

[Aloe]

Seems like a regular woman And a very honest one at that. You told her you wouldnt judge, yet you are judging her, very poorly. I do not see anything in her experience that is out of the ordinary 

I had a good laugh at the part where "only prostitutes have anal sex". Very very very many men love anal sex.    Many women dont. Thats why they ask if you are into it, cuz they most likely do NOT wanna have it. Funny but it was one of the secret criteria of my search, that he doesnt like/want anal 

[Jack]

Oh my, what have we here ???   I'll post my thoughts on that in my next, and last, reply to this post.

Ok, Spunky, I'll play along, although not for one second that I buy anything about this post, but just long enough to ask you a few questions if I may.


You asked her a little about sex, you think it's natural.  
Spunky do you always talk about sex to women whom you have never met in person?    Is that a natural thing for you to do, to talk about sex with women you have never met?


Spunky as you have some experience with Ukraine women, did the other Ukraine women also talk to you about anal sex?    Or is this the only Ukraine woman who has discussed this topic with you?    Did you talk to the other Ukraine women you met about sex before meeting them?


Spunky from what source did you hear that only prostitutes had anal sex?


For several months now you two have continued to talk about sex while on video chat.   Do you find this a normal practice?  

Your going to go and see her.  Who got your flat?  Did you do this on your own, did she get it?  Or the agency that provides the video chat, maybe they got your flat for you?

You say it bothers you that she was a bartender.  And why is that?

And how Spunky do you come to any conclusion that she worked as a prostitute part time while serving as a bartender?

You say this Ukraine woman told you that she had a few one night stands, and she has had sex with two men at the same time and she does not remember, or cannot tell you, how many men she had sex with but she is a beautiful woman and you trust her.  

You are asking these few close friends here if you should continue this relationship with her. My question is Spunky, what relationship are you talking about?  As you two have never met, are you referring to this now 6 month video chat conversations about sex relationship?

[Ravens9273]

I will have to agree with Aloe here.
I think the questions and comments she is making are more of set up questions.

She was shy to discuss sex at the beinging (Which I feel was odd to even bring up without a meeting).

Many Women I know in Ukraine feel most Men who visit Ukraine are sex tourists to begin with.
If she did not want to discuss it in the begining it seems she is now trying to figure out what kind of Man you are.

[groovlstk]

I told her several time that I never would judge her for anything in her life because it’s her past, but she all the time tells me that she don’t remember how many men she got sex with.

So basically you lied to her - got her to open up about her sexual history by telling her you wouldn't judge her, then you judged her anyway because she's not as sexually repressed as you are, and now you want to dump her.

I agree w/Ranetka, grow up and leave adult relationships to adults.

[Faux Pas]

Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it.  Spunk you remind me of a keyboard Romeo that actually decided to bite the bullet and make the trip. Although you haven't made it yet. It is somewhat admirable that you only wish to "court" one lady at a time albeit foolish in this particular area. While you were choking your chicken and inquiring about sex for your own fantasies, she turned the table on you. Interesting woman.

Hey, you asked and she although seemingly reluctantly answered. You said you wouldn't judge her and she took you at your word. What are you going to do now? Man up? Can you seriously deal with this given your limited sexual history? The lady has been around a time or two but that doesn't make her spoiled goods. In your situation it can actually be a benefit if you are able to get past her history and your suspicion that she may have peddled a little flesh. Which btw, from the descriptions I wouldn't considered her a whore, just very adventurous. You would be surprised at the woman you'd likely consider prudish that would make this woman come off like Mother Teresa.

You have to answer your own question. Are you man enough to live up to your statements and are you man enough to handle and tame this woman?

[BillyB]

Welcome to the forum Spunk,

Sex is part of life and relationships. It's good to talk about it before meeting a woman. I always ask a women standard questions such as their views about certain issues, how they imagine family life, the roles they expect men and women play in a marriage and if physical intimacy is important for them in a relationship.

Talking about intimacy must be carefully done and surprisingly most women will happily tell you their feelings about it. They have enough men that just want them for sex but the ladies do like sex and most prefer to have it with respectable men with emotions involved. It's a turn on for them to know a man they are attracted to desires them physically. Not many people desire to be in a relationship where their partner is as active as a dead horse.

Your lady and a bunch of ladies that Western men are currently communicating with are sexually active. They have physical needs to take care of. Sure most ladies prefer a steady man in a relationship than a guy that will use them and leave them but if they can't find a decent man, some will have one night stands.

Your lady works in a bar, probably gets drunk occasionally, probably don't know some of the men's names she sleeps with, and definately likes sex in a way that you are uncomfortalbe with.

Although you are taking some heat for asking questions the way you did and lying to her that you will not judge, you did the right thing for your own peace of mind. Women play those games too to get inside a man's head by getting him comfortable enough to open up so he speaks his true thoughts. You would have a hard time in your marriage if you viewed your wife as a whore and did not respect her. Why do you still consider visiting her? Because you have the same weakness and problems most men have. We lust for a beautiful woman and morals tend to get thrown out the window and we become blind to red flags. If this were an ugly lady you're communicating with, you would not be here asking for opinions because your mind would be made up. Sorry, for this situation I can't give you the green light to go for it. Move on to someone else that makes you comfortable and that you can respect.

[ML]

As others have said; be careful what you wish for, as you might get it.  In this case referring to the questions you asked her that got her started on spilling to beans to you.  Very funny.

I am in the camp that sees nothing wrong about discussing sex with women that have not yet been met.  Not saying I do it with all in that category, but you can start with some light jokes, then just a little bit sexy jokes and see where it goes.  If she sends back some sex related jokes, then things progress further.  If she ignores your jokes, then don't pursue the sex issue further.

As to what men and women do in a bed, or on the floor, or in a bathtub, or on a bicycle; there is an extremely wide spectrum. And it has nothing to do with how *nice* you think the woman is.  It is more about her spirit, sense of adventure, sex drive, etc.  You  would be surprised what the regular church going gals do, after (or before) the Sunday services.

For many men and women, anal is just another place for fun.  For others, the mere thought causes near fainting.

I saw a survey (there are thousands of surveys about everything) that indicated that of the women surveyed in a particular USA state (I won't identify it as many here would howl), 40% said they preferred anal sex over vaginal sex.

So either take advice of others (get protections ready) and give it a go;
or move on to the next woman who might be even more experienced but just doesn't tell you.

[Jack]

Hey Spunk.  Well I guess it's time to let others in on your little secret, but you did good Spunky. 

For some of our newer members here is a good example of a troll. This troll is a little different, one we see maybe 2-3 times a year, this was a pervert troll. 

Ole Spunky wrote up a good enough first post to get several guys to buy off on it, one  member even saying he did the right thing.

I'm sure ole Spunky is sitting back with a big smile on his face.

[BillyB]

You  would be surprised what the regular church going gals do, after (or before) the Sunday services.

Ukrainian Baptist women sometimes have 10+ kids. So... what do they do when they aren't in church?

Jack, regardless if Spunky is a troll or not, some men are facing the same dilemma he mentioned in real life. There's something to be learned here by answering his post responsibly. It's more of an animal house at the forum when someone comes here posting something rare and unusual and everyone dog piling on him calling him a troll. If Spunky's goal was to create chaos and a joke yet we put out valuable informantion someone can learn from, then the joke is on him and he wastes a few minutes of his life here. He probably waste a lot of time elsewhere in life too. Take comfort that it is his problem, not yours, mine, or ours. I don't regret spending a few minutes typing up my post to him.

[Boethius]

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion Spunk is a troll.  I also wouldn't judge the woman the way I/O did. 

How many sexual partners a woman has should not be a cause for concern.  I'd be more concerned about why her marriage broke up, and why the 3 subsequent relationships broke up. 

Spunk, if this bothers you, she probably is not the woman for you. 

[ML]

Very very very many men love anal sex.    Many women dont. Thats why they ask if you are into it, cuz they most likely do NOT wanna have it. Funny but it was one of the secret criteria of my search, that he doesnt like/want anal 

Everyone has different experiences with respect to this.  It is an acquired preference, similarly as with respect to foods.  As children, many hate something, and then later they find they really like it.

For almost a lifetime I had no experience with it.  Later it was requested of me by several women.  They liked it; I didn't particularly care for it, but will do whatever the woman wants.  One  woman specifically told me that she started it because her then husband wanted to try.  It hurt her and she didn't like it for several tries, but later came to love it.  So - - - go figure.

As a side note:  Several here have criticised the OP for asking about sex, yet here we see that Aloe very much asked about it in her search and even got very specific.  Double standard of criticism?

[GQBlues]

Good advice? Pack your preservation and get your penicillin shots up to scratch.

I thought it was 'preeservateevs'? 

Spunk, my advice is, you better get a new keyboard and pick up your socks off the floor.

[Spunk]

Hi

First I want to say thanks for all the comments. Ok some of them are totally unfair and I believe if people can't be constructive, so why use the energy on me.

Let me start by telling that I’m absolute no pervert or anything like that.

Many had asked some questions and here are some answers  :
- I booked the apartment down there by myself (even that she offered her help, but she is very busy right now).
- I’ll go from Kiev to her town and meet her the next day because I’ll come late in the evening.
- The reason why I asked her carefully about sex was because I’ve meet some strange (in my eyes) woman on some dating sites. One told me that she lived with another woman and was bisexual and they wanted a slave.  Another told me that she liked to be slapped on the ass, breast and face when she had sex. In none of the case I started to talk about sex.
- They only thing I asked the woman I now will meet, was about liked normally sex and she said yes. Without I said anything else she told me that she thought it was to early to talk about sex and so we started to talk about something else. A little later she so by herself starts to talk about sex.
- Of course I know that many men like anal sex and of course some women also like it. But I just believe (I can be wrong) that it’s more widespread in the west.
- The person there told me that only prostitute do anal sex in Ukraine – yes that was a woman from Ukraine I meet last summer. But our meeting was only for a few days and after that we both found out about that it not should be us.
- And please don’t call me a sex tourist because I would be cheaper to buy sex in Copenhagen than use money on airplane tickets, apartment/hotel and the stay.
- I want to tell a little bit about why her married stopped – it was simply because her ex-husband found another woman. But she had supported “my woman” until her boy became 18 years old with money. The 3 men she had relationships with all of them wanted her to let her boy stay at the grandparents, because none of them were interested in her boy. 2 Of them also wanted her to move from her town and to other parts of Ukraine. Where she met them I don’t know.

I also asked in another forum and had a good talk with a man over the phone. After talking to him I’m now sure about I’ll go down there and meet her.

Here in the end I want to say that I haven’t said anything about I’m perfect or something like that. I do my mistakes like other people. So I can also tell that I learned a little her, by some of the comments.

Thanks to them there really tried to help.

Have a nice weekend.

Spunk

[BillyB]

Spunk, what's your nationality? Born and raised in America? Is English your first language?

[Ranetka]

Spunk, what's your nationality? Born and raised in America? Is English your first language?

He mentions Copenhagen.

[Boethius]

Spunk, it is not true that in Ukraine, only prostitutes engage in anal sex.   Sexuality is no different anywhere in the world, although some cultures are more open in expression than others.  Do you think that in Denmark, only prostitutes engage in anal sex?

It sounds as if this woman was devoted to her son, and thought of her son before herself.  That is a good sign.