Mail Order Bride Syndrome

[Ravens9273]

My wife and I have decided to build a home. We have the plans etc for a future home. As of right now we were looking to rent a home unitl our new one is finished.

Today I saw an ad on craigslist for a nice home for rent not far from where we are now.
I called to enquire about the house and hopefully to make an apointment to see it.

Now the whole phone conversation was odd. In a way it did not take long to relaize I would not want a person like this as my landlord. However they rambled on and on about their previous tenants and were pretty much treating me like a Bum before meeting me because of their past tenants. I did try to explain to this person that I was not interested in hearing about their pasts tenants. they were not me nor should I be judge by their actions.

However as the conversation progressed he stated he would only show the place if my wife and I were present at the same time. I explained to him that my wife was currently in Ukraine visiting family.
At this point the person asked if my wife was from Ukraine in which I explained yes.
Immediately they came out with "Oh so you got a mail order bride"

At that point I explained to the person on the other end of the phone how lucky he was that this conversation was over the phone and not in person. Had it been in person at that very moment he would not be standing but on his back with a few less teeth in his mouth.
I then explained I was not interested and did not want a _________ for a landlord and hung up.

[Faux Pas]

Jeezsus Ravens. Seems to be a lot of hostility there. Personally I haven't heard my wife described as a mail order bride. In fact most are very interested in her and clamor for some conversation and interaction. I don't believe I would react so hostile if she were referred to in such a way. Most would describe me as very easy going personality but a terror when angered. Did the MOB thing do that to you or was it the rambling of other tennants?

[kievstar]

Fact is whether you hear it or not many people in USA are calling your wife a MOB.  You can fight 30 million people (10% of population) or just ignore it.  Ravens tends to have money so if he hits someone he is going to lose his new house.

Best advice is to stay away from people who use craiglist.  Your going to meet many low life's there.

If you also have a large age gap they have other names they call the man and wife as well.  If your wife is taller than you, they have names as well and they tend to come from RW living in USA.

I feel sorry for the men shorter than their RW on heels.  Your a butt of many RW jokes here in the USA.  I wish sometimes I did not know Russian as I hear their gossip during the RW and AM parties here in the USA.  The good news is 10-20% of the RW seem very happy the remaining are not happy with their husbands.  80% seems like the divorce rate here after 10 years of marriage. 

[Faux Pas]

Kiev,
It really wouldn't bother me if someone referred to her as MOB to the point of knocking their teeth out. Not that I wouldn't or couldn't, it just takes more than that for me. I'm sure some have maybe mumbled it under their breath, mostly women. I attribute most of that to ignorance and I know the real story.

I'm a pretty big boy complete with height and my wife is of average size even in heels. We are very close in age so we actually look appropriate in proportion. Maybe thats why I don't hear comments. I don't really know. Not to say no one is making them. Just to date I haven't heard them.

[Chicagoguy]

I ocassionaly get emails from an old flame and she sent one with what seemed to me a snide comment about me going over to Russia to find a wife. I don't think she knows that I know she has been to Australia 3 times to meet some dude.

I just let it go.

[Faux Pas]

I ocassionaly get emails from an old flame and she sent one with what seemed to me a snide comment about me going over to Russia to find a wife. I don't think she knows that I know she has been to Australia 3 times to meet some dude.

I just let it go.

Good point. Agreed, that would have been my reaction as well. I guess unless it was meant to be really derogatory I's let it all go.

[Ravens9273]

I am actually a non violent person. However the manner in which the person said it my reaction would have been to knock his teeth out. His manner is what set me off.
Most of the time my wife draws interest from people. I have many Men pulling me to the side with curiosity and questions as to how they could do the same.
Had I been standing in front of him I doubt it would ever have been said. I will admit I am an intimidating person when in front of. I am usually asked many times a day how much can I bench press when in public.
Normally I would not act in such a manner. I personally do not care what others think or say but in a manner of just complete and total disrespect I can react.

[Doll]

People hardly ever said it (MOB) to me directly, as for my husband- his co-workers never risked (J. is the boss) and he never reacted on anybody else.

As for your relationships with the landlord, Raven, it is as simple as that- you pay, he takes the payment. Period. "Flat face" to everything else.

[GQBlues]

My wife and I have decided to build a home. We have the plans etc for a future home.

Congratulations! Ours is halfway there and ready to be stuccoed. It's been interesting to witness it get built. We spent almost the entire day in the design center 3 weeks ago and I'm surprise at my wife having a very keen eye on design appointments and coordination. So now we just wait till move-in date. Less than 2 months.

As for your OP, you're a better man than that to react (at least that's what I gather reading your posts here). Let it roll off your back. Don't react to other people's ignorance.

As for Craigslist, you serious? Rent.com is the better call, man.

Good luck on the house hunt.

[Misha]

At this point the person asked if my wife was from Ukraine in which I explained yes.
Immediately they came out with "Oh so you got a mail order bride"

At that point I explained to the person on the other end of the phone how lucky he was that this conversation was over the phone and not in person. Had it been in person at that very moment he would not be standing but on his back with a few less teeth in his mouth.

That is quite the reaction. Interestingly this is what you posted in another thread:

Most Men look for Women in the FSU to get what they cannot get at home. Much younger and prettier. It is also Men who are unlucky dating at home. This is either lack of confidence, being a jerk, etc.... Agencies have built a false dream to the middle aged AM. That dream is that anyone carrying a blue passport can have pretty much any lady in the FSU they desire no matter what they look like or how much money they have. That dream has falling hook line and sinker into AM minds.

Let me see if I understand this correctly. You want to punch this guy in the mouth, basically, because he agrees with you? If "most" guys look to the FSU to get what they cannot get at home, because they are jerks who lack confidence and are unlucky at home, then it would have been fair for the man you were speaking to on the phone to assume the very same thing about you. You yourself generalize about how bad the men who see Russian brides are and then are offended because some stranger pretty much believes in the same generalizations that you do  :noidea: Given that he had never met you in person, he more than likely slotted you into the same stereotype that you yourself hold to be true. If anything, your outburst simply confirmed that his stereotype was true. All I can say is that you will have to get used to it as many/most people will assume that you too went overseas because of: "lack of confidence, being a jerk, etc...." Welcome to the club     

[Aloe]

I thought MOB definition was that you order a woman out of catalogue and they deliver it to your door. Not that you actually go overseas and etc

[Misha]

I thought MOB definition was that you order a woman out of catalogue and they deliver it to your door. Not that you actually go overseas and etc

Yes, that was in theory how in started out. But, in practice, any man marrying any woman from Russia will assumed to have gotten a Mail Order Bride until proven otherwise

[Blues Fairy]

Let me see if I understand this correctly. You want to punch this guy in the mouth, basically, because he agrees with you? If "most" guys look to the FSU to get what they cannot get at home, because they are jerks who lack confidence and are unlucky at home, then it would have been fair for the man you were speaking to on the phone to assume the very same thing about you. 

Misha, it's obvious that the second bit you have quoted from Raven was not meant to describe himself, but rather "most" (i.e. "other") men. 

[Ravens9273]

Misha,

Nice attempt at word play but a serious fail.

The Man insulted my wife and also by his words every Russian and Ukrainian Women who marries an American.
Also it is odd considering the area I live (also where this person lives) half the population is Russian and Ukrainian. Very easy to meet them locally. hell half of my Gym is RW.

This person called my wife a Mail Order Bride. Not me. This is what I was upset about. It was an insult to my wife. I could care less what he has to say to me. I know who I am. But to call any Woman a Mail Order Bride is an insult to them.
If you do not see it that way then that is your business.
But for you to claim it was towards me is false. I have yet to see the term BRIDE used to describe a Man. Maybe in some prison some Men have been called brides but I have yet to see that word used towards a Man in the free world.

As far as my comment in the other thread I stand behind what I said. I know more about the majority of the Men on this search then most. It is also the reason I used the word MOST and not ALL.
I had a website. I know what they posted and who they are and my description fit the majority to the T. In all honesty my description was kind. Had I really stated what alot of the Men are it would have been removed.

[Misha]

This person called my wife a Mail Order Bride. Not me. This is what I was upset about. It was an insult to my wife.

And? Who marries those "Mail Order Brides" in the common stereotypes? Losers of course. The whole "mail order bride" epithet is as much about the man who is seen being incapable of marrying a woman locally, and is forced to look further afield. In other words, what you yourself accused "most" men seeking Russian brides of being. Yes, the phenomenon is called "mail order brides" but it more about the grooms than the brides IMHO. Look at the movies and television shows that mention the phenomenon, they will invariably show the men to be losers of the worst kind, and what you are saying is that in your experience most men match the stereotype.

[kievstar]

MOB relates to men and women.  The women are submissive and trying to get a green card and the men are losers.  that is what tens of millions of USA citizens think and if you have never heard it your not listening to them.

I get asked all the time why would someone like you go to Ukraine for a wife. Fact is most men going to Ukraine for a wife are a loser based on what I have seen.  Fact is most men never marry who go to Ukraine.  Fact is that most Ukraine women and American men marriages end up in divorce after 10 years.

Date in your league and you hear less of the MOB. 

[Mir]

Please don't hit me

[Mike78]

But for you to claim it was towards me is false. I have yet to see the term BRIDE used to describe a Man. Maybe in some prison some Men have been called brides but I have yet to see that word used towards a Man in the free world.

Well, maybe, just maybe it is due to the fact that for a married man we usually use the term "husband" 
Mail Order Husband (MOH) - I'm sure it does exist... I think I've seen some testimonials of a rather large AW and a handsome Latino man on the South American MOB sites... Anybody has any stories?

[Boethius]

Mail Order Husband (MOH) - I'm sure it does exist... I think I've seen some testimonials of a rather large AW and a handsome Latino man on the South American MOB sites... Anybody has any stories?

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/   

[Seeker]

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/   

That is funny!  My favorite is the guy that looks like Charlie Manson that says:

Name: Steven
I'm definitely a classic romantic. I like a candlelight dinner, some quiet background music, and a couple hits of ether. I prefer a woman that has insurance and a car would be great as I need to make the occassional trip to Mexico to pick up "souvenirs".

[GQBlues]

dunno Earl and Leonard (Leon) seem to be budding heart breakers in their profiles.

Too bad MOB sites doesn't have this compatibility test. The ladies really get nicely matched up simply by answering a few questions. Nice feature.

[BillyB]

http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/   

Seen that site years ago. here are the men: http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/

[Jumper]

kievstar.

 80% over ten years.. is certainly possible?  (whats the domestic divorce rate over ten years?)
but i see nothing substansive to back that up ..

93% of internet statistics are made up randomly , including this one <<<<<

(there are some actual studies availble on the website here *shrugs* )


 

[Boethius]

My husband read a study in the Russian press about six months ago that said 96% of such marriages end in divorce.  The Russian government does keep statistics, and has since the 1990's for nationals abroad, but only if they retain Russian citizenship.

[camachinist]

OP, my sympathies. The bright side is you avoided a potentially unprofessional landlord with nothing more than a phone call. BTW, there are plenty of professional landlords, property managers and real estate agents who use Craigslist. We conduct business in writing, not by chatting on the phone about past tenants and making crude comments about a person's wife.

IME, most of the derisively spoken comments about MOB's have come from AW's, specifically focused on the man being a 'loser' for having to 'buy' a bride overseas. Like your erstwhile landlord, one simple conversation tells me all I need to know about such people and why I cast a net further afield to find more compatible examples of humans to interact with.

Best wishes in constructing your new home. It truly is a labor of love; something you and your wife can share.