The 10 Commandments---Age Difference

[KenC]

Hmmmn, would most agree then that 15 years or less is fine?  I would especially like Raven's thought on this.

Teddy,
Of course there are no absolutes, but IMO I still think life stages is more important than the actual number of years difference.  A couple where the man is 45 and has had his kids in a previous marriage and doesn't want any more may run into trouble when the 30 year old wife's biological clock starts ticking.  Or a 55 yo man looking to ease into retirement may have a conflict with his 40 yo wife in the height of her career.  Or a 40 yo man looking to settle down and have kids while his 25 yo wife still wants a party life.
KenC

[KenC]

Probably the reality of this problem is that dating and living together, AM/UW, is far less possible because of visa issues.  Which also complicates the motives for marriage as well.  If we were free to create our relationships as we see best, apart from government rules.  I wonder how much of this would be rendered irrelevant rather quickly.  If moving out were the down-side and not divorce and all its' complications, I wonder if these marriages would still eventually happen?  A musing.

SE,
Statistics show that a couple that has cohabited prior to marriage is MORE likely to end in divorce than those who did not.  Strange but true.

I do agree that the pressures of the visa process forces most couples to make quicker decisions than what may be reasonable.  I felt so much this way that I brought my ex wife here on a student visa to avoid such pressure.  When we decided to marry, I wanted it to be a mutual decision between us and not with Uncle Sam looking over our shoulder.
KenC

[Doll]

If moving out were the down-side and not divorce and all its' complications, I wonder if these marriages would still eventually happen? 

What "these" marriages?
As for divorces - they are different from just splitting after living together (not in a marriage) but in most cases AM doesn't loose anything (besides the attorney fees).
I mean if after 1-2 years you don't want the marriage anymore, you just get divorced. I am looking at the cases with no kids to share.

[Simoni]

Hmmmn, would most agree then that 15 years or less is fine?  I would especially like Raven's thought on this.

Wisdom is in they eye of the beholder.  Many men think their age difference is fine, but any more is a problem.  I remember one guy at RWD who insisted his seven year gap was fine, but any more would mean marrying a child.

As some see it, the main problem with age differences is life span issues, and the man leaving the wife for 15 to 20 years alone after he kicks the bucket.  But even that seemingly sound logic can be attacked?  How?

If a man is the exact same age as his wife, she will still outlive him because women live longer than men (six years is the current figure in North America.  Thus:

0 = 6
7 = 13
15 = 21

So, the guy that is seven years older than is girl is actually 13 years older in terms of longevity.

The bottom line?  It's not if you are 5 years or 10 years or 15 years older that matters most.  It's how compatible you are and if your interests and life goals are similar.

[Simoni]

But in Russia, women live not six, but thirteen years longer than men.

So with this crazy logic, North American men are seven years younger than their Russian counterparts that were born the same day and year. 

[daveyj]

But in Russia, women live not six, but thirteen years longer than men.

So with this crazy logic, North American men are seven years younger than their Russian counterparts that were born the same day and year.  

On the topic of life expectancy, one of the subtleties often not considered is the element of morbidity.  Specifically, mortality refers to death, and morbidity refers to injuries/ailments, etc.  Morbidity affects one's quality of life, whereas mortality refers to the end of life.

Personally, I don't have any statistics nor opinion on whether WM morbidity amongst elderly men is the same, lessor or greater than amongst their equivalent RM cohort.   But as an actuary, I thought I'd just throw that into the mix for discussion.

[I/O]

Having an older man as a benefactor, even if he is married is much more acceptable in the fsu than here.

Among a certain class of woman. A class one wouldn't want to touch with a 40' pole.

I've been under the impression for years that many guys on these boards believe age gaps, large age gaps are very accepted in Russia and other FSU states. My travels, direct observations and experience suggest differently. Certainly it happens and maybe more than in USA or here in my country but it is certainly very far from the "norm". It is important new guys understand that.

[Misha]

but it is certainly very far from the "norm"

Very, very far. If you read Russian forums and read what RW who are not seeking foreigners write, you will quickly see that overwhelmingly RW prefer men who are no more than 5 years older and even 10 years is pushing the envelope.

[Doll]

But in Russia, women live not six, but thirteen years longer than men.

So with this crazy logic, North American men are seven years younger than their Russian counterparts that were born the same day and year. 

Love you math!

[Doll]

I've been under the impression for years that many guys on these boards believe age gaps, large age gaps are very accepted in Russia and other FSU states.

It is not!

[Blues Fairy]

It would be strange if large age gaps were widely accepted in Russia, considering the aforementioned life expectancy statistics.  No sane woman dreams of outliving her husband by several decades. 

[Doll]

Speaking of AM who are so much younger than RM- my husband is 6 years older than I but feels like he is 20 years older. And old fashioned old man  

[Ravens9273]

Hmmmn, would most agree then that 15 years or less is fine?  I would especially like Raven's thought on this.

I do not hold opinions as to age. The times I will express opinion to age gap is when I see an extremely old Man (60-70) chasing 18-20 year olds. In my opinion they are pretty much borderline pedophiles, and I have seen some of those.

As far as as gaps (50 and 30 year old) it is to the people involved.

My comments reflected what seems to be done by many here who post age gap threads. The threads look like the person is looking more for approval to date or marry someone with a large age gap.
If the person already has doubt then it will not work. A large age gap relationship will only work if the two involved do not care what society thinks, family thinks etc.... How can someone make it work with doubts in their mind?
This is the point I was trying to make.
If a person is coming to RWD to have the rest of us here tell them it is OK to date/marry someone 20 years younger then that person should not be involved in a large age gap relationship. Within they already have a problem with it and in time that will creat a problem in the relationship leading to its demise.

My other point was that many who search for a much younger Woman then themselves are thinking more of what happens in the bedroom then outside of it. Or they choose this route in hopes of finding youth again.

A person has the right to make their own decisions. It is their life. My point is this. First think with the big head and your heart. A relationship has to be about the person within. Not about the sex or about feeling young again. If your little head is doing the thinking you will only end up in a mess. Second you have to be comfortable with the choices you make. If you need approval or if you are concerned about what the rest of the world will think then you will also be in for a disapointment and a failed relationship/marriage.

If someone wants to marry someone 20, 25, or even 30 years younger that decision should be made from the heart (concerning the individual with) and not with the peni$. Also both parties need to be confident in the situation not caring about the outside worlds views. Then the relationship has hopes of working.

[Gylden]

If a person is coming to RWD to have the rest of us here tell them it is OK to date/marry someone 20 years younger then that person should not be involved in a large age gap relationship.

 If you need approval or if you are concerned about what the rest of the world will think then you will also be in for a disapointment and a failed relationship/marriage.

Agree with this and I think it can be applied to issues other than age gap as well.

[SFandEE]

My comments reflected what seems to be done by many here who post age gap threads. The threads look like the person is looking more for approval to date or marry someone with a large age gap.
If the person already has doubt then it will not work. A large age gap relationship will only work if the two involved do not care what society thinks, family thinks etc.... How can someone make it work with doubts in their mind?
This is the point I was trying to make.
.

I find the 10 Commandments a very solid foundation and have been able to get these principles in the key relationships that I have been developing.  One thing that is not discussed, but is a subject of discussion on RWD is the age difference (it does show up on the Scam Card).

I am aware of 20 plus differences that work, and I am sure there are others that fail or are more of a mutual understanding relationship.

Very interested in your stories about how your experience with a large age difference played out and when you become aware of how the relationship would develop (marriage, friends with benefits, friends, or arrangement).  Long question, but I have seen some good relationships with an age difference.

[Ravens9273]

SFandEE

I did not intend to insult you and hope you did not take it that way.

However it does not change the fact you are curious to know if such a relationship will work and reason this thread was started.
If you are not writting a book or doing a documentary on the subject  and this thread is for research reasons, then you are possibly considering a large age gap relationship. If you had no doubts and were confident in such a decision this thread would not exist.

There is nothing wrong with asking questions at all. I am not putting you down for doing so. I am simply saying if you have to ask then you should not do. You will be one of the disaster stories later.

As the old saying goes. "If you have to ask the price you probably cannot afford it"

[SFandEE]

There is no rule that states you can't take a thread where you want it to go, but don't put me in the middle of your thread.  OP did not ask what you are wanting OP to ask.  OP is not considering what you want OP to consider.  OP is not writing a story.

Other than that--take the thread where you want it to go.

[Daveman]

It sure is. I do meet many AW every day, I work at school where the majority is women (mostly married). I hear them every day- how they talk about their husbands. I actually learn a lot from them because they know how to be "sweet".

By " sweet" I don't mean anything bad. Once they pick the man to be the husband, they rarely b &(^tch this man. This how it is in this country (generalization  ).
RW tend to complain more often which is the mentality. "One woman in the park" or a thousand online - doesn't matter.

True again.... sure AW can get a little bitchy at times, but I say... RW have taken this to a professional art form.. 400,000 things could be perfect with one slight, inconsequential defect somewhere, and by god she'll zero in on that one thing and go off into another dramatic universe... it's the complaining combined with the major drama that gets me sometimes, and truly makes me wonder sometimes why in the hell I bother with this.  Of course at other times I know why I bother...

[Misha]

Dave, you learn what to ignore and what to pay attention to once you are married 

[Doll]

RW have taken this to a professional art form..   

Drama queens.

[Turboguy]

It is not!

On another forum I was accused of participating in every single age gap thread on the internet so since I would not want to ruin my perfect record I guess I should jump into this one. 

Besides I have a few free minutes while I am waiting for the grass to dry.  (No I am not going to smoke it, I am going to mow it.)

So, if age gaps in the FSU are so uncommon why do I hear so many stories of older rich men with young girlfriends?

[Doll]

Selective "hearing"?

[Turboguy]

It would be strange if large age gaps were widely accepted in Russia, considering the aforementioned life expectancy statistics.  No sane woman dreams of outliving her husband by several decades. 

Life has no guarantees BF.  Marrying someone your age does not guarantee that you will not outlive him by decades.  The odds are better.  Probably most AW who marry a man thier age will outlive them by a decade or two anyway.  My mother married a man her age and outlived him by 38 years and counting.  

[Turboguy]

Personally I think the differences in people are far more important than the differences in their ages.  People do seem to jump on the age difference thing.  You can have 10 divorces and if one has a big age gap all of a sudden that was the problem.  Too many people in marriages between an AM and FSUW get married to people they don't know.

I think if age difference is going to make a difference in 98 percent of the cases it is before the relationship ever starts.  Of the remaining 2 percent, in some cases there will be a life changing event which may be large or small which brings the age difference into focus.  It could be a change in health or some small thing.  Other than those the next real problem may be when age catches up to the man.  I am sure there are some 30-50 year old women who don't feel like pushing their husband around in a wheel chair wiping the drool from the corners of their mouth.

All of the difference in life stage things are a bunch of bull.  Those should be resolved before marriage and can happen with two people of the same age. 

Doll, you feel like you are married to an old man.  You didn't see this before marriage?  Has he changed that much?

[I/O]

I was accused of participating in every single age gap thread on the internet

Really? And...........who might have been your accuser?

I am waiting for the grass to dry.  (No I am not going to smoke it

And........then you say something like this..............

All of the difference in life stage things are a bunch of bull.

Oh my oh my. You've already smoked it, long before it was dry methinks.

So, if age gaps in the FSU are so uncommon why do I hear so many stories of older rich men with young girlfriends?

Turbo, my comment up thread was not designed to minimise the possability, it was to point out that contrary to what many seem to think, not every second woman in the FSU is going to accept a large age gap or even consider being involved in such a relationship. The fact is (Go walk any street in any Russian city at any time to verify), a few are involved in such relationships but on a % basis the number doesn't add up to a round of drinks.

As for the women being supported by a wealthy benefactor, sure it happens there, it happens here and it happens where you are but who is interested because that group of woman is not coming across the radar of the foreign punter anyway. They are content where they are. The next class is the ones who want such a situation but haven't the style or "hotness" to pull it off locally and will jump the foreign passport if it seems rich enough. Again, I don't see an issue because I can't imagine why anyone would want to touch either with a 40' pole.