Novosibirsk Doesn't Believe in Tears: TwoBit's Sixteen Days In Novosibirsk

[Ranetka]

Mister Bandit!

Thanks, excellent, etc.   The female perspective on game is (IMhO) semantic distortion.  They link it to game, sport, recess for kids.   To you it is synonym for technique, style and execution.  Some of your word selection is new, probably for most.  

However, I am personally inspired.  Good advice has its own true value, the more so when recognized and espoused by relative youth.  I have been too polite, and it got me walked on (20-20).  Being coy is by nature disingenuous, and presumably forgivable as that mask is worn only to be discarded.  

Dear Gtex,

I wonder if you could possibly consider re-writing your post in plain English please. Despite me communicating in English on a daily basis (including complex technical issues) I still have not got a clue what do you mean. Apart from the bit about me not knowing what The Game means.

Could you please aslo share if the English abilities of a prospective fiancee is important for you. I hope not otherwise I think you will need to look for a professional translator or an English teacher or something. I do not think you were walked on for being too polite, she probably just could not get what you were on about.

[GQBlues]

Twenty-Five Cents-

Good read...I wish you the very best!

Like other two females before me, I also took note of TwoBitBandit’s struggle for control of the frame and determination to win in the game. I agreed with others that indeed sound foolish. I also agree with Gator, TwoBitBandit, you read too many “how to” books.


TwoBitBandit, what is the “control of the frame” and what is the benefit of having it?

Much ado about nothing. It is a simple matter of semantics. 'Game' is nothing more than an American street lingo describing someone who enjoys a more opportuned advantage/s in social interaction (including but not limited to, 'dating').

'Dating' does not necessarily denote exclusivity, or carries a serious intent i.e. casually dating. Meeting someone and getting to know one another is technically not 'dating'. I can meet someone to 'Buck, or do lunch, one-night stand with or w/o breakfast etc..and end up getting sexed once or twice, doesn't mean I'm either dating, going out with someone, or seeing someone, etc. You simply 'hooked-up' with someone, which for all intent and purposes, is a whole other matter.

Someone having 'game' means that particular person enjoying a noticeably greater advantage of social interaction and rewards. People (mostly for men) being describe as having game simply means a man who have the right attitude and confidence when dealing with the opposite sex. Or at least having an advantage over the person of interest/choice.

A player has 'game'. Those who don't, goes home alone....

That's the 'rule'. You understand the 'rule' you become someone with 'game'.

[Gtex]

Ranetka;

Sorry if that was too obscure for you.  But, that also was the point; language is colloquial (often) and understanding the finer points may be illusive for non native speakers (to a high degree). 

What Marschak did for Shakespeare maybe appreciated by Mr. Bandit, but is beyond most of us.  Hope this brings a finer point to your understanding, which is what I intended and not slight.  Which, by the way, is the usual first refuge of misunderstanding and why this conversation is important.  Apologies are generally not required where offense is not meant (does our fence need mending?). 

And no, I was certainly walked on; it was in my chapter on Pro-Daters (you probably missed it).  I appreciate your mastery of technical language and many previous valuable contributions on this subject.   I too love language and my professional business translators in Russia/Ukraine seem to enjoy our conversations about same.

As to my taste in and requirements for women, they are probably as stringent as those standards I hold for myself.
I admit your inquiry seems somewhat personal and pernicious, I do regret having provoked that in your response.
Let's all play nice now, shall we?

[Chicagoguy]

Ranetka,

Two Bit says he is from the Silicon Valley which is famous for all the gearheads
 [ computer, math, engineers ] and you would not normally expect such an erudite person there but it seems we have one now.

Consider it an English learning experience.

[Sculpto]

Another way to think about "game" is from a sociological or even anthropological standpoint.  If you have 100 people in a room and you create a scenario a certain percentage of people are likely to respond in a particular way.  Variations on reaction are fairly predictable as well.

So, when applied to more basic forms of human interaction there are specific markers that are identifiable.  Salespeople, lawyers, and others use game either instinctively or have often studied the probabilities.

Game also applies in sport, especially sports which require some level of strategy.  Lovers of American football probably understand how advanced the "game" has become in the last decade or two. 

There is also a certain implication of trickery that can have some negative connotations for some people... especially if they later realize they have been "gamed".  However...

There is also an ethic that dictates how when and where to use game and to what degree.  Sorry to say it but any man that is not using at least a little bit of game is at a large disadvantage with women.  In my view women use game naturally without even being aware of it.  It is simply part of the training every woman gets in how to deal with men.. they get it from their Mothers and sisters and cousins and friends until it becomes second nature.  Men who study the techniques of the natural game women play and master the art of playing in return are far more likely to achieve a variety of different kinds of successes with women.  Game can be used to get casual sex, but, it can also be used to weed out bad potential partners and it can also be used to attract high value in demand women that may not take notice otherwise. 

Game is an inherent part of the courting process.  TBB appears to be using it with a degree of mastery that is enviable and should be a lesson to anyone doing a WMVM.  There is a qualitative difference in how he is approaching this and with others who have reported recently, some of which I have personally been very critical of.  Its not the writing style.. its the gaming style..

Again, well done TBB.

I will throw in one word of caution.. some days from now you will be faced with some decisions.. you will probably have to narrow down the field.. some lady will rise to the top.. and once she understands that she has risen to the top.. that is the exact moment you, she and all of us will get to find out if you are the real deal or if you are just working with the playbook.  Once that threshold is crossed.. there is no amount of research or planning or statistical analysis or predictability to what a woman can do once she understands she won the game.  Good luck!

[TwoBitBandit]

Yes I noticed this too. It is really sounds quite silly for an adult who wants to have a relationship, game players attract game players or immature people.

"Game" is good for getting dates and getting laid, that's why it is so popular with 20 years old. Are you chasing 20 years old? "Game" means high amount of drama for both parts involved, do you have time for a drama? "Game" is good fun when you have time for it but does it help you to understand who is a high caliber or who is a good mate for you?

Let me start out by stating my own definitions of words that I and others have used in this thread.  

“Game” is the art of generating attraction in women.  As you and 2012isFiction pointed out above, game can be used to bed 20-year-old sluts in nightclubs.  But game can also be used for finding a great woman to marry and share your life.  It can be used to keep your wife attracted to you and keep vitality in your long-term relationship.  If a man wants a woman in his life for a night, a year or a lifetime, he obviously must generate attraction in her.   You can increase your attractiveness by acting in some ways rather than others.  The choice of the word “game” for this isn’t really a great choice since it implies disingenuous manipulation.  I’m honestly looking for a woman to marry and be the mother of my children.  So I don’t believe that trying to generate attraction among them is disingenuous.

The second word I want to define is “frame,” which I use a lot.  A frame is just a way of looking at things.  Examples of frames are “George Bush is an idiot warmonger,” “Russian girls are very feminine,” and “Jooky is a cool cat and worth getting to know.”

If I want to have a relationship with a woman, then I must be the leader.  I say this because I have the frames “men are the leaders in relationships” and “I am a high-value man capable of being a leader.”  If I date a woman and she also has the frames “men are leaders” and “TwoBitBandit is a good leader” then our frames are in agreement.  We have the possibility to get along because I want to lead, she wants to follow, and she trusts my judgment and enjoys my leadership.

"Game" means high amount of drama for both parts involved, do you have time for a drama? "Game" is good fun when you have time for it but does it help you to understand who is a high caliber or who is a good mate for you?

You say that because you and I have different definitions of the word “game.”  If I want to find out if a woman is a great match for me, then I must spend time with her.  For her to want to spend time with me, I must have “game” which (by my definition) is being attractive to her.  If I’m not attractive to her, she won’t want to spend time with me.  Then I don’t have any opportunity at all to figure out if she’s a good mate or not because she’ll be out with some other guy or her girlfriends doing something else with her time.

These girls want to marry an American (you), they should have an idea of what you look like and who you are already, do you really need to postpone SMS response to keep them interested? They generally are already praying that you are nice and not some kind of weirdo, so they can like you....

As Jooky pointed out, I’m meeting Russian girls off a Russian web site intended for Russians.  So, the premise “these girls want to marry an American” isn’t really true.  Many of them are open to the possibility if they come across a man with a high enough value, but it wasn’t really their goal when they set up their profile on mamba.

If you really want to catch one of these girls who wasn’t actively seeking a foreigner, you really have to change her frame.  To do that, you have to demonstrate high value and build a lot of attraction.

There’s lots of reasons that a Russian woman would date a foreigner, and only one of them is that she wants or is willing to move abroad and marry him.  She may be doing it to try to get a vacation out of it.  She may just be bored, and dating a foreigner may just be an entertaining break from her daily routine.  Or maybe she’s not sure what she wants and is vaguely open to the idea but isn’t decisive enough to ever make big decision like going through the fiancée visa process.  I’ve dated lots of Russian girls, and I’ve personally experienced Russian girls who are in all these categories.

When I date in the United States, I have lots of time.  My cost of going on a date is small.  I meet her somewhere, buy a couple of drinks.  My investment is a couple of hours and twenty dollars.  However, my cost of dating a Russian girl is very high: I have associated downtime in Russia (like I do now) plus all the time I spent on mamba writing them.  My visa, flat rental, airline tickets, etc all cost money.  My investment in each date I’m going on is many, many hours and a couple hundred dollars, and I’m burning limited vacation time.  So, if a woman is doesn’t send out clear signals of interest and I don’t think she’s ever likely to move into the “This guy is great and I’m willing to emigrate to be with him” frame, then I should cut my losses quick.  I can’t afford to just follow every path haphazardly just to see what the end result it.

TwoBitBandit, what is the “control of the frame” and what is the benefit of having it?

Excellent question.  When I have “control of the frame” it means that I defined what the frame was and she “stepped into it,” or came to agree with it.  If I have the frame “I’m high-value guy and I’m the leader” and she also thinks that (or at least gives me the opportunity to demonstrate it), then I have control of the frame.  I defined the foundation for our relationship and she agreed to it.  Now, if I do something that in her eyes is not congruent with that frame, she may not stay in the frame.  For instance, if I start acting indecisively or saying things that express a lack of confidence, she may no longer agree to the frame “TwoBitBandit is a high-value guy.”  She’ll start to set her own frame of “TwoBitBandit is a weak man who is directionless in life.”  She’ll start to question my decisions and abilities, and she’ll start to evaluate my actions more critically.  If this trend continues, then I’ve lost “control of the frame,” which means she’s no longer subscribes to the frame that I established.

Like other two females before me, I also took note of TwoBitBandit’s struggle for control of the frame and determination to win in the game. I agreed with others that indeed sound foolish. I also agree with Gator, TwoBitBandit, you read too many “how to” books.

Thanks, excellent, etc.   The female perspective on game is (IMhO) semantic distortion.  They link it to game, sport, recess for kids.   To you it is synonym for technique, style and execution.  Some of your word selection is new, probably for most.

I don’t read many books about it, but I do read some blogs and forums on the topic of handling women.  Serious students of “game” have their own lingo that outsiders often misunderstand.

I think that women don't understand game because their life experience is different.  To understand the dating market, you have to realize that men and women size each other up differently and understand the effect of this.

Men tend to judge women about 70% on youth and beauty, and about 30% on whether they enjoy being with her.  Men care very little about a woman’s status.  Men are happy to “marry down” in status if the woman is good-looking and cool to be with.  If I think Anna is cool, my opinion doesn’t change if Jooky thinks she’s not cool.

Women are very different.  Women judge men about 30% on looks and about 70% on social status and confidence. Women pay lip service to personality but really don’t care if he’s a nice guy or an аsshole.  It’s often said that “women love аssholes,” but I don’t really think that’s true.  It’s more that аssholes are socially dominant, and socially dominant people tend to have social status.  If a woman sees that other women don’t want a man, then she doesn’t want him either.  If a man has a high value woman at his side, then other women will be attracted to him immediately.  If a man is clearly leading other men, she’ll be attracted to that.  She cares a lot about what others think of the man.  Status is critical.  Women will very rarely “marry down” in status.

The effect of all this is that when women show up on the dating market at age 18 (or sooner) they have enormous value from day one.  They don’t have any social status, but men don’t care.  They have lots of youth and beauty, which men value highly.

When men show up on the dating market at the same time, they may look good… but that doesn’t help them lots (although it does help).  Unfortunately, they have little social status or confidence, since they haven’t (yet) done anything with their life.

The thing that us men have to realize is that if you want to catch women, you have to have or appear to have social status and confidence.  The way that women look at a guy that has zero social status or confidence is that they don’t even notice him: in their eyes he’s not even a sexual being.  It’s the same way that us men look at fat chicks: they’re practically invisible and androgynous.

The rules of the dating market start to change at around age 30.  If a guy has been doing something useful with his life like a real man should, he has a lot of confidence and social status.  Meanwhile, the woman isn’t as hot as she was at 18.

Women, never having to have gone through a period of very low market value until they reach their mid-thirties (or get fat) may understand this on a superficial intellectual level but are really incapable of grokking it.  A woman of high or even moderate dating market value in her mid-twenties can’t conceive of why a guy would possibly need to actively study game.  After all, she just needs to look good and get out in the world and she gets hit on.

However, I am personally inspired.  Good advice has its own true value, the more so when recognized and espoused by relative youth.  I have been too polite, and it got me walked on (20-20).  Being coy is by nature disingenuous, and presumably forgivable as that mask is worn only to be discarded.  

Thanks.  As I said in my first post, my goal was to help out others.  I’ve gotten a lot of utility from these boards in the past and wanted to give something out.

Disclaimer: please please do not take it personally, I do not really know you and I do not try to tell you what you should or should not do. These are my thoughts based on a couple of your posts and I would like to have a discussion.

I don’t have any objection to honest discussion or disagreement if it is respectful and polite.  I value intellectual honesty, and part of intellectual honesty is defending your ideas in the light of day.

[Aloe]

Hello Ranetka,

I'm sure TwoBit will have an answer, but I'll throw in my perspective while we wait.

TwoBit is in a unique situation. These girls weren't specifically looking to either marry or to even meet an American. They were on a Russian dating site, meeting Russian men, and out of the blue an American guy shows up.

For them it's just a different and interesting situation. It is more like a casual dating situation and TwoBit's 'game' does have more of an effect than it would with women who have sat down and made the conscious and rational decision that they are looking specifically for an American husband.

More like in normal dating he needs to 'step it up' to make these women attracted and interested.

Ive never met a woman who was looking for an american husband. Uusually its just a foreign husband, not specifically american

[I/O]

Frame, the moment. Game, having control of it. The articulation was known in years gone by as being "hard to get", something all good girls should know.

[Aloe]

i dont go after "hard to get" men. If he isnt going out of his way to be with me, why would i want him? Obviously he isnt that interested in me, otherwise he would go out his way And why would i need someone who isnt interested in me? Plenty of guys that are interested, dont need to create any problems seducing men that arent. If he isnt interested at the very beginning, who is to say if i get him, he wont lose interest after 1 week?

[Aloe]

At 6:20 I’m about to go out the door when Lena calls.  I make an excuse to get off the phone and leave the flat.  I’m done with Lena.  If she forces the issue I’ll explain why but otherwise I’m just not going to contact her.

Aha! Who was complaining here how russian girls have a great date with you and then just dont call you and dont tell you they arent interested anymore. Looky here, american guys do exact same thing!

[Lily]

 If a woman sees that other women don’t want a man, then she doesn’t want him either.  If a man has a high value woman at his side, then other women will be attracted to him immediately.    

My feeling is that this could be commented a little bit, in order the message is understood correctly.

Women are indeed attracted to same men. If one woman does not like the man, the possibility is high that other women are not going to be attracted to this man either. If someone is into the man, the chances are that other women will be attracted to the same man as well.

However, the point here would be that the women are not attracted to him only because they ses that this man is well liked by other women. TBB put it the way that people can make a conclusion of women making their choice because other women did the same. But I don't think it works this way.

Women, inherently, are rather insecure creatures. They don't like competition, partially because their testosterone level is naturally lower than the men's one. If they know that several women are after the same men, few of them tend to think something like. 'Oh, everybody wants him, so I go and get him because I am the hottest woman here'. Some (the highest tempered ones )  may indeed have some sort of this thinking, but a lot of women would rather feel insecure and lack confidence in such situation. Consciously, they may want to stay apart of this very attractive man, because they perceive their own chances as low. But subconsciously they also may, and probably would fall in love with that quality man. They would secretly adore this man let me put it this way

The reason here is that there is something in this particular man that attracts women. Don't ask me what I don't know, BUT I immediately feel it as a woman. MY female instincts tell me this. I don't care whether other women think the same way. But the realoty is that they do, irrespectively of what I think about the same man! But again, women are attracted not because he is highly sought after by others. The logic goes the other way. The reason is different. Women are independently attracted to the man because he is generally attractive for women, because he has this 'something'.

Hope I put it understandably

TBB, I loved your post that I quoted here. A brilliant analysis, thank you!

[I/O]

i dont go after "hard to get" men. If he isnt going out of his way to be with me, why would i want him?

Aloe, in the age of dinosaurs, when I was young..........ish, social acceptability dictated "good girls" should always be (or play at being) "hard to get". Our hero is a modern man who plays a modern way.

[Blues Fairy]

I don't see TwoBit as playing "hard to get", but his obsession with control might very well backfire in a form of a sudden change of frame in a girl he likes from "TwoBit is confident and high-value" to "TwoBit is controlling and the world turns around him."    A very tiny bit of insecurity (shyness) in a man can actually be an attractive thing, IMHO.

[SANDRO43]

I don’t read many books about it, but I do read some blogs and forums on the topic of handling women.  Serious students of “game” have their own lingo that outsiders often misunderstand.

Stephen Potter...

wrote a few books on the subject... but they're not TOO serious :

[GQBlues]

**disclaimer**

In reading the ensuing posts, maybe I mistook what TBB and others are meaning to say when describing 'game'. There is a vital flaw or differences in what is being described above to what I've always come to know.

A man who has game, whether socially, athletically, etc...have instincts for the moment. Whether it's innate or acquired, it matters very little. He never relies upon strategies. Strategies stun the purpose and provokes second-guessing. It's become more human and less primal. He does what he does because he can, not because he *thinks* he can. Michael Jordan has game. Jack Nicholson has game. They close the deals stealthly and without much fanfare. They do it simply because they can, not because they think they can.

Two siginificant factors that differ between definitions are strategy and control. A man who has game does not strategize nor will he try and control a given situation. I'm reading a ton of strategies in the methodology here. It's quite confining.

e.g. A man walks into a room with 10 gorgeous women. He says to himself, 'Perfect! I'll definitely have fun tonight. The averages are well on my side.'

A man who has game, walking in the same room at the same time, simply walks in and closes the deal.

The ol' adage, "too many women, too little time" always apply, FWIW.

[ML]

Women, inherently, are rather insecure creatures. They don't like competition, partially because their testosterone level is naturally lower than the men's one. If they know that several women are after the same men, few of them tend to think something like. 'Oh, everybody wants him, so I go and get him because I am the hottest woman here'. Some (the highest tempered ones )  may indeed have some sort of this thinking, but a lot of women would rather feel insecure and lack confidence in such situation. Consciously, they may want to stay apart of this very attractive man, because they perceive their own chances as low. But subconsciously they also may, and probably would fall in love with that quality man. They would secretly adore this man let me put it this way

The reason here is that there is something in this particular man that attracts women. Don't ask me what I don't know, BUT I immediately feel it as a woman. MY female instincts tell me this. I don't care whether other women think the same way. But the reality is that they do, irrespectively of what I think about the same man! But again, women are attracted not because he is highly sought after by others. The logic goes the other way. The reason is different. Women are independently attracted to the man because he is generally attractive for women, because he has this 'something'.

Very interesting.  Lily's explanation is almost exact opposite of that of TBB.  I can buy into either Lily's idea or TBB's idea, independently.  But of course, both cannot be correct.  However, when I start to try to think which is really correct; I stop and say, it doesn't matter.  It doesn't help me to know.  I can only be who I am and where I am at this stage of my life.

As a side note: There are a couple of analogies which fits into TBB's analysis concerning the job market and investment market (as opposed to the dating market).  I know for a fact that companies have increased interest in a particular prospective hire if they know that other well respected companies have made an offer of employment to that person.  The reason being that they think (hope) that the other company has done good research in determining the value of the person.  Thus, they want to 'piggy back' onto that analysis.

The same holds true in the investment market.  Most of you have probably noticed that when a takeover attempt is made for a particular company, then others also try to takeover the same company.  A bidding war ensues.  The reason is that the later bidders 'piggy back' onto the analysis that the first takeover firm did (assuming the first firm was highly respected by other investors).

TBB is postulating that women are similar in that they want men that other women have already shown an interest in because they 'subconsciously' think the other women have done a good analysis.

Lily is saying that all women do their analysis independently, but all are attracted to this man for their own (perhaps unknown) but maybe similar reasons.

[Aloe]

Lily is saying that all women do their analysis independently, but all are attracted to this man for their own (perhaps unknown) but maybe similar reasons.

i 100000000% agree with Lily here. I definitely couldnt care less what other women think of the man, and if he has dozens of women hanging themselves on him, its rather a minus.

[Aloe]

If i had a choice who to go on a date with - a macho man with tons of women running after him, or a more on the shy side guy, who doesnt go on dates very often, id choose the shy guy, hands down. There is also a lot bigger chance that he will appreciate you a lot more than the macho man with 10 women at his beck and call

[Sculpto]

i 100000000% agree with Lily here. I definitely couldnt care less what other women think of the man, and if he has dozens of women hanging themselves on him, its rather a minus.

Aloe you are an exceptional woman, as is Lily..

Nevertheless.. most men can confirm what I am about to say...

When I have a girlfriend and we are having relations regularly.. for whatever reason.. psychological.. chemical.. mystical.. other women notice and are more interested.. I first noticed this phenomena when i was in Uni and it has repeated dozens if not hundreds of times since. 

When I have a GF I get attention from women.  When I am single I do not.  When I am with an attractive woman in public I get TONS of attention from attractive women.. when I am alone in public, especially if I do not have a girlfriend at the time.. I get zero attention.  I do not understand it.. or even really try to explain it.. but it exists and it has often caused problems in the past because the ONLY times in my life I have had direct advances from women were when my girlfriend was sitting or standing right next to me.

And one other thing.. the reference to "hard to get" was about girls.. not about TBB.  What he is doing is increasing his value and staying in control of the situation.  It works in correspondence also.. and girls should play hard to get.. that way they weed out the losers and usually the players too.. most players won't stick around that long just to get some booty...

[ML]

If i had a choice who to go on a date with - a macho man with tons of women running after him, or a more on the shy side guy, who doesnt go on dates very often, id choose the shy guy, hands down. There is also a lot bigger chance that he will appreciate you a lot more than the macho man with 10 women at his beck and call

I don't believe you; even a little bit.

[Sculpto]

If i had a choice who to go on a date with - a macho man with tons of women running after him, or a more on the shy side guy, who doesnt go on dates very often, id choose the shy guy, hands down. There is also a lot bigger chance that he will appreciate you a lot more than the macho man with 10 women at his beck and call

And as soon as a hot girl like you stands next to the shy guy.. his value goes up 1000% and all the other girls will notice him.. when he was a mere ghost without you there.

And let me tell you something.. despite any online persona people here think I have.. I can be quite shy in reality and I know for a fact that what I described above will happen every time.  Aloe remind me later to tell you about the art gallery and the battle of the exotic women.. you will laugh..

[Sculpto]

I don't believe you; even a little bit.

Believe her.. she is a geek and a geek lover.. and that is why she is awesome!

And.. this is much more important.. ManLooking.. if YOU had any game.. you would know NEVER INSULT A LADY! 

[ML]

When I have a GF I get attention from women.  When I am single I do not.  When I am with an attractive woman in public I get TONS of attention from attractive women.. when I am alone in public, especially if I do not have a girlfriend at the time.. I get zero attention. 

I do not understand it.. or even really try to explain it.. but it exists and it has often caused problems in the past because the ONLY times in my life I have had direct advances from women were when my girlfriend was sitting or standing right next to me.

I have experience similar to this.

[ML]

And.. this is much more important.. ManLooking.. if YOU had any game.. you would know NEVER INSULT A LADY! 

I personally don't like this word 'game' so I don't claim to have any.

And we really don't know who are the ladies and gentlemen here

Plus, on this discussion board, honesty is the most important thing to try to get across, so it is not an insult, but rather just my true feelings.

I don't think Aloe is being honest, and  I am being honest in telling her that.

Everyone knows that in every country of the world there are thousands of very nice  men (and women) who are shy and never get any dates.  This is not the case for the macho men and flirtatious women.  If Aloe were correct, the situation would be reversed.

[BillyB]

If I want to have a relationship with a woman, then I must be the leader.  and “I am a high-value man capable of being a leader.”  If I date a woman and she also has the frames “men are leaders” and “TwoBitBandit is a good leader” then our frames are in agreement.  We have the possibility to get along because I want to lead, she wants to follow, and she trusts my judgment and enjoys my leadership.

That and some other things you've said in your thread mirror what I've been saying in my thread. Careful, people may start coming at your throat soon but the "Boo bird" crowd is getting worn out. I just read my thread this morning and at this time, I don't think they got the energy for you.