Sumy got a hold of my heart ….

[Vinnvinny]

Friday 9th July 2010

Wizzair, London Luton to Kiev, non-stop. Mercedes Benz, Kiev to Sumy, several stops. I didn’t take any photos of the plane sorry. From what I remember it was big and purple if that helps, and the car was black. You don’t get TV’s on Wizzair flights but surprising the Merc had one although rather worryingly it was set up for the driver to watch. I guess videos of semi naked Russian pop stars provide a welcome distraction to the regular monotony of near head on collisions and traffic cops waving small batons. I don’t know if the pilot of my plane had a TV but I think he had a lisp.

A largely uneventful journey that lasted 12 hours from ‘door to door’ with the only notable exceptions being Igor at passport control nearly smiled and said “Welcome Mr Vinny, have a super stay in Ukraine”, and I now feel much closer to God after several near death experiences. (1)

Andrey of Hearts Connections is waiting for me at my apartment. As previously observed by another client of his, he is young and my initial thought was, as its 11.30pm - shouldn’t you be in bed? I agreed to meet Andrey the next morning, had a quick shower and went walkies.

Sumy centre consists of half a dozen pedestrianised streets that run parallel to each other. Other than a few youths hanging about drinking then the place was just about dead .. surprising for a Friday night. Found a beer tent, got some piva and people watched for an hour or two. Most guys looked like chavs and the girls were mainly fat and poorly dressed. It was like being at home except nobody was fighting, shouting or being sick. Went back to apartment, went to bed.

Saturday 10th July 2010

Got up, met Andrey.

We had communicated several emails before my arrival which resulted in me sending to him a list of ladies who interested me, a few of my photos and a short generic introduction letter. Once we eliminated the ‘sick’, ‘out of town’ and ‘he is too nice for me’ then we were left with 7 ladies who clearly had nothing better to do over the next few days. Some of these ladies had written me a nice letter that for $7 I could reply to. I didn’t reply. It’s not the money you understand, I just prefer to communicate face to face and besides, from experience, then when I tell ladies who have not met me about by many wives and children then for some reason they disappear. Much better to tell them to their face as most will be polite enough to finish their coffee before they leave.

My first meeting would be with ‘Olga’ at 3pm. In her letter she asked if she could use a terp “because my English is not perfect, and it can make our communication easier.” Although I’m missing the gene that allows one to talk via a terp I agree because a) its free and b) I arrange with Andrey that if after an hour the meeting still has some life then I will dump the terp and ‘go commando’ …. sort of speak.

I spend the rest of the morning and earlier part of the afternoon watching teenagers getting married. This wasn’t my plan, it’s just that my apartment overlooked the rags office. Also, when I ventured out again there seemed to be some tradition taking place whereby the newly married couple go walk-a-bout around the centre. By now I had taken up residence in some street café so every few minutes another happy couple would emerge from around a nearby corner. I wrote teenagers because most looked just that. I swear that one groom I saw could have been no older than 14. The exception to these were one couple, she looked 25 and he in his 40’s. Her face was quite miserable and he gave the impression he was very sad. Actually, it was around that point that I realised everyone in Sumy looked sad. Even the pigeons, who normally don’t make an effort to express their emotions, looked decidedly peeved off with their lot.

It was now 1.30pm and I hadn’t eaten for 24hours, I was peckish.  I tried to converse with my waitress with regards the possibility of food but I may of well requested that she take all her clothes off, sit opposite me and play arm wrestling – best of 3. The conversation ended with me saying odin piva and she agreed.

Back to my apartment, shower, change clothes, walk the ten minutes to Hearts Desire’s office. As I approach their front door I can see Olga is early and she’s sitting on a sofa waiting. She doesn’t look quite as good as her photo’s but I knew that as Andrey had already sent me her video. I introduce myself because that’s the way I roll. She introduces herself too and we went and stood outside. I think we are waiting for the terp. Having tried to start a conversation a couple of times then I realise she doesn’t speak any English. This should be fun I think and my stomach rumbles in (dis)agreement. I think my tummy is interested in ‘Game’ (or anything else edible) and is trying to get my ‘Frame’ to a restaurant.

(1) I made that up. Vitalik was one of the best drivers I have 'had the pleasure of in Ukraine'.

[SMS60]

"So it goes"

[Patagonie]

Continue please, i'm LOL
my prefered sentence : "Even the pigeons, who normally don’t make an effort to express their emotions, looked decidedly peeved off with their lot."

[Vinnvinny]

Continue please, i'm LOL
my prefered sentence : "Even the pigeons, who normally don’t make an effort to express their emotions, looked decidedly peeved off with their lot."

Spasibo. 

[Vinnvinny]

Saturday 10th July 2010 (still)

Shortly after, Andrey arrives. The terp can’t make it so he’s doing the honours. Off we go to a nearby café.

I hate having a meeting through a terp. The first time I did it I vowed to never do it again and I took a similar vow the second time. We exchanged information about each other and a bit of blah, blah, blah and then after around 15 minutes a lady came up to our table and Andrey announced she was now taking over terp duties. If dear reader, you are like me and find the use of terps to be a tad difficult, then you should experience tag terping, its very off putting.

“I was just explaining to Olga how my first 2 wives both disappeared in unusual circumstances and the Police files are still open” was my opening line to Marianne. With a somewhat perplexed look on her face she was just about to translate that comment before I jumped in with “just kidding”.

Over the next 45 minutes I learned quite a lot about Olga, her child, her work, her life. She had brought her camera and showed me many photos. She had only just joined the agency and when I asked her why she advised me that she had had enough of Ukrainian men and that a friend of hers had recommend she gives it a go. Towards the end of the terps allotted time I was advised that Olga would like to take me shooting in the park. “Why not” I replied, I haven’t been shooting in a park in ages (IIRC). Marianne leaves and I’m left alone with Olga. It’s obvious by now that my Russian is definitely better that her English, and I only know about 10 words. So, off we go.

Olga takes me to a nearby park that seems to be designed for children. We walk for around 30 minutes and for me it’s got a bit hot. I cant see how we are going to shoot anything in this park unless she’s part of some population culling initiative, which seemed unlikely. All the time she is talking in Russian to me and I’m replying in English. Occasionally one of us works out what the other one is saying and as this is a first for me I am surprised as to how many Russian and English words sound similar. We are now leaving the park and as far as I am aware we haven’t shot anything or anyone …. yet.

We walked from one side of Sumy centre to the other, it took about 30 minutes. I have no idea where we are going. When I asked “where are we going, Moscow?” she must of understood because she laughed and made a shooting gesture.

We eventually arrive at park number 2 and ended up at a tin hut that served as an air pistol shooting arcade. Olga was quite excited and she was quite good. She hit a target just about every shot whereas every one of my pellets found their way to the back wall with grim regularity. The back wall was obviously designed to make a special two toned pinging noise that no doubt in Russian sounded like ‘you’re crap’. I never finished all my rounds as I now know that I cant shoot too good in a building where the temperature is 50c, and there’s no air. I gave what was left of my ‘amo’ to Olga and went outside to cool down as it was much chillier outside, a cool 35c.

Shooting over it was now time to eat. “’Nyet” Olga said as I started to head in the direction we came, “machines and carousel.”  Well bugger “machines and carousel” I thought. I don’t really live a healthy lifestyle but I do know that in order to stay slim then it helps if you keep your metabolism ticking over. With that thought I took her by the hand and led her to a piva tent where we took lots of photos of each other and I eat beer.

During our little interlude I was getting wind of a situation that involved Olga’s mother calling her, a cat and a sister. I haven’t a clue what any of that meant but I did teach Olga the words ‘bird’ and ‘trampoline’. She reciprocated but my brain can’t remember words that have more that 15 syllables.

It was the ‘carousel’ next which turned out to be a big wheel. As we approached it there was a ‘dancing rink’ which was a large enclosed area where middle aged and elderly couples were dancing in the afternoon heat. I imagined that it could be some kind of ‘heat dance’ to encourage an early death. Weird. I worked out a long time ago that health & safety are dirty words in Ukraine. It explains why you have to get on and off the wheel as its still moving and why the safety chains are considered no more than decoration and not to be used. Good view of the dancers though. Very weird, but kind of quaint and old fashioned – like incest.

‘Machines’ next which were dodgems/bumper cars. It was good fun and for the first time I observed people laughing. The cars went quite quick and I did half expect a Policeman to jump out at any moment and point his wand at me.

More photos, more piva, I’m really getting a bit hungry by now. I demonstrate this by miming an eating action and Olga acknowledges with a "da." Off we trot, hand in hand on our mystery tour to a restaurant I know not where. Out the park, up a boulevard, across the road and in front of me I can see a very nice looking restaurant. Super. Before I know it we’ve done a sharp turn and are now on a bus – my first trip on a marshrutki! It was full and it stunk of BO. I spent some time looking for the ‘Report to Operator’ button but I think the piva, heat and lack of food was confusing me. 10 minutes later we exit the bus into suburban Sumy.

It may be appropriate at this stage to mention that I had now communicated with Andrey that I didn’t want to meet anymore ladies who couldn’t at least speak a little English. As my next date was due to take place at 7.30pm, and it was now 9.00pm, it was somewhat fortunate for my evening date that she didn’t speak any English, as it was likely I was going to be a little late.

After a few minutes walk we past an Army base and upon approaching the main gate she whips a pass out, we get frisked by two heavily armed guards and we’re inside. “WTF we doing in an army base?” I ask her. I have started to speak in a much more enriched vernacular now as it doesn’t really matter what I say because she doesn’t understand nowt. I remain very pleasant though, despite my choice in words. “Art College” she keeps replying. “Nyet Art College, there’s tanks, rocket launchers and soldiers everywhere FFS.” She leads me by the hand zig zagging the ‘Art College’ complex until we reach a residential block. In we go, does she live here I wonder? Up 4 floors and into an apartment. We are greeted by a very hungry cat, a rat and a gerbil. I work out that this is her sister’s apartment, she must be away and her mother was giving her instructions to go and feed the mini zoo. It did cross my mind that if she let the rat and gerbil out of their cages then …. job done.

Feeding the cat meant boiling frozen fish and that, as I now know, is a lengthy process. As the apartment was hotter than the shooting arcade, and didn’t have a balcony, I inform Olga that I will meet her downstairs. Outside I have a smoke. Olga doesn’t like that I smoke. Perhaps I should smoke more. It does cross my mind what with the current spy situation that I shouldn’t really be where I am, especially unaccompanied. Fortunately I have remembered my passport so at least they will know a general direction of where to send the body to. As I’m having these thoughts some geezer approaches and starts talking Ruskie. He appears to have more armoury on his person than I think the whole of the British Army has in total. I also notice that he is rather tall, at least 5’ 18”. He only wants a ciggie, phew. He finds out I’m English and says “football!” “Now?” I ask, “I couldn’t sorry, I haven’t eaten for 1.5 days ….. and I’m hot.”

[ML]

Sorry, but I don't understand.  Why can't you just insist you want to eat?
Why can't you at least just grab a candy bar.
I am getting sick at my stomach worrying about the lack of food in your stomach!!

I recently spent several weeks  in Kharkiv.  One of the main streets there is Sumskya; so named because it goes on to Sumy, or so I was told.  But I didn't go because I heard no one smiles there and that the pigeons even are a bit snippy.

[FredC]

The funny thing to me is, that all everyone I met on my tripswanted to do was feed me. 

[CanadaMan]

Jolly good trip report Vinny. Keep it up!   

Nothing like a nice dose of wit and charm to complement a Brit's facile use of the English language.

This is how a trip report should be written! Let us forever ban the "#25, She was wearing this tight sweater and her boobs were size 34D, and her teeth, oh those dreadful teeth, her skin was blotchy and she was 25 lbs. heavier than her pics, no make that 35 lbs., we met at the front of the park, the same park I met all the other chicks ..."

I for one will readily admit that I now return to this site mostly for the entertainment factor. A well-written trip report accompanied by a light meal and a cold one. Ahhh..... 

[EfiET]

haha ... great trip report

Olga doesn’t like that I smoke. Perhaps I should smoke more.

Classic ^

[Vinnvinny]

Sorry, but I don't understand.  Why can't you just insist you want to eat?
Why can't you at least just grab a candy bar.

I preferred to wait and besides, I don't eat candy.

The funny thing to me is, that all everyone I met on my tripswanted to do was feed me. 

I don’t like strangers trying to fatten me up. This aversion started after watching Silence of the Lambs.

Jolly good trip report Vinny. Keep it up!   

Thank you.

haha ... great trip report

Thank you.

[Vinnvinny]

Saturday 10th July 2010 (still, still)

“Shashlik and piva” I say feeling confident someone, somewhere will know what I want. No such luck. Ogla starts talking with the waitress and I hear the word steak. “Steak and piva” I say and they both repeat the word steak and smile. Well I know from experience that this is good news and bad news. The good news is that I might be eating. The bad news is I like my steak very, very, very well done. The last time I had a steak in Ukraine then despite asking for it to be very, very, very well done what was delivered on my plate could, with a bit of mouth to mouth, be brought back life. As Olga demonstrated by pointing to her watch that my steak would take 30 minutes then I was confident that whatever animal is was, it would be, at the very least, dead and we are at least now in a restaurant.

When we left the Art College I suggested a taxi, to which Olga nodded in agreement. We stand at the roadside, she sticks her hand out and … we’re back on a bus. This one didn’t stink so much of BO, just elderly people who hadn’t washed. Back to the centre, through the pedestrian zone, left at the big church, left again and downstairs to a restaurant that is basically a very large cellar. She tells me in English (which surprised me) that it’s called the ‘Grand Victorian’.

By now we have become quite intimate with each other, something that she was happy to be proactive in and I was happy to reciprocate. They say when a FSU woman is in to you then you are left in no doubt. I was left in no doubt. The steak was perfect, the company was perfect save for the limited verbal communication and now I was drank and fed I was having rather a nice time. She asked on a number of occasions where my hotel was and every time I told her I wasn’t in a hotel but an apartment.

When we left the Grand Victorian Sumy was enjoying a mini monsoon. Whilst we sheltered in the doorway with others Olga mentioned hotel several times pointing in the direction of my apartment. I will leave it to your imagination as to what might have happened next ……


Sunday 11th July 2010

I awoke around 9.30am having not had much sleep. The apartment had its own notebook and Internet connection and I had no problem hooking my own laptop up. I spent the morning ‘working’ and speaking with Andrey. My diary had changed a bit since I left for Ukraine. Some girls were no longer available, some had moved our meeting and some by default had been cancelled by me. I was scheduled just one meeting that day at 7pm with a lady who had been in ‘pole position’ in my mind since I first started communications with the agency.

By midday I took a walk and ended up in a café that was run by a very attractive young lady and someone who might have been her mother. Neither spoke any English but the older lady did have a reasonable understanding when I spoke. I ended up with a very nice omelette with salad and as much Staropramen as I could handle. After the previous evenings downpour the weather had turned somewhat humid and oppressive and there were signs that the locals we thinking this too. Just a word on the locals. I have never noticed so many mentally and physically handicapped people in one town before. I don’t know why but there seems to be rather a disportionately high number in Sumy. Also, I have travelled to a few Ukrainian cities in the past and one of the big advantages for foreign male visitors to this beautiful country is the abundance of eye candy. There was a distinct lack of this in the Sumy that I saw.

Andrey called to say pole position girl had cancelled and rescheduled for tomorrow night at 5pm. As at the very beginning I was due to meet her on the Saturday that was the second time she had cancelled. Andrey also informed me that I would be having a second meeting on Monday at 9pm. I was to meet Sveta by the green church next door to my apartment. As I had no dates for the rest of today I mentioned to Andrey that I would be happy to meet Olga again if she was free. He called me back 5 minutes later to confirm she was and that she would meet me at 7.30pm. I spend the rest of the day chilling out, people watching and catching up on some sleep.

At 7.30pm Olga arrives bang on time. I’m suitably impressed by her timekeeping and the effort she had gone through to look her ‘best’.

[I/O]

Jolly good trip report Vinny.

I concur...!!

[brad5959]

Olga arrives bang on time...
ha ha!

[ML]

Can someone please tell me:  How do you get 2 or more quotes from different people to show up in one reply, as exampled in this TR several times?

[ML]

This is how a trip report should be written! Let us forever ban the "#25, She was wearing this tight sweater and her boobs were size 34D, and her teeth, oh those dreadful teeth, her skin was blotchy and she was 25 lbs. heavier than her pics, no make that 35 lbs., we met at the front of the park, the same park I met all the other chicks ..."

How about we let each person write their own trip report the way that they want to.

[ML]

I was scheduled just one meeting that day at 7pm with a lady who had been in ‘poll position’ in my mind since I first started communications with the agency.

- - - - -

Did you really mean to use the word 'poll?'  If yes, could you please explain what the 'poll position' is.

I know what the 'pole position' is with reference to automobile races, but I am not familiar with the concept 'poll position.'

[Faux Pas]

ManLooking,

He's obviously British, which as you know has much variation of spelling of different words as opposed to American style. In this case poll=pole.

Please let him continue without this kind of trivial badgering

[Jack]

ManLooking, Vinn is meaning it exactly as you are referring to as in auto racing, meaning the first position, his top choice, first choice.  Vinn is an Englishman and there are some differences in the Queens language and that of the Yanks. As such we should not chastise over such diminutive differences in spelling.  How about cutting Vinn some slack. He can get abused on other forums ok, how about not here?  Please.

[ML]

It is quite surprising to me to read that Vinny and TBB (in his TR) both tell of women who cancel dates or at least change the time of dates (sometimes multiple changes).

As I wrote in my TR, I met with 12 women in Kharkiv.  Never once did any of them cancel a date or even want to change the time of the date.

Again, maybe this is a function of the age of the gals.  Mine were all in their 40s.

[ML]

Hey guys, I am not trying to harass at all.  I genuinely did not know what 'poll position' meant.  Further, I seriously doubt that in England, the spelling 'poll position' is used for auto racing.  If I am wrong, someone will tell me.

[Jack]

Never once did any of them cancel a date or even want to change the time of the date.

Again, maybe this is a function of the age of the gals.  Mine were all in their 40s.

Yes ManLooking, most women in their 40's approach meeting men in a MUCH different fashion and manner than women in there 20's.    

I have the most success with older men who are seeking older women. Older women, those late 30's, 40's, are for the most part, again their are always exceptions, are not into game playing, are serious. I think at these ladies age they realize, or feel, they may not be getting so many opportunities in the future and as such are certainly more serious than the young, gorgeous, sexy, hardbodied beauties Vinn has interest in.

[Faux Pas]

Yes ManLooking, most women in their 40's approach meeting men in a MUCH different fashion and manner than women in there 20's.     

I have the most success with older men who are seeking older women. Older women, those late 30's, 40's, are for the most part, again their are always exceptions, are not into game playing, are serious. I think at these ladies age they realize, or feel, they may not be getting so many opportunities in the future and as such are certainly more serious than the gorgeous, sexy, hardbodied beauties Vinn has interest in.

Not to split hairs with you Jack but there are many gorgeous, sexy hardbodied beauties in their 30's, 40's and even 50's. It just takes a more "experienced" eye to see them 

[Jack]

No need to split hairs FP. We are in agreement.  My expereince has shown me that there are many gorgeous, sexy hardbodied beauties in their 30's, 40's. Won't go so far as to say 50's but you can.  

[Vinnvinny]

ManExamining is quite correct and I have now changed poll to pole. In my defence I currently have 4 of my ‘young’ kids staying with me + 2 of their friends and I’m writing this whilst its fresh in my memory but against a backdrop of washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, talking and working. I also have haemorrhoids so I cant sit down which is fortunate as I have a vacuum cleaner permanently strapped to my back so I don’t have to keep getting it out.

It is quite surprising to me to read that Vinny and TBB (in his TR) both tell of women who cancel dates or at least change the time of dates (sometimes multiple changes).

As I wrote in my TR, I met with 12 women in Kharkiv.  Never once did any of them cancel a date or even want to change the time of the date.

Again, maybe this is a function of the age of the gals.  Mine were all in their 40s.

I think for 12 on the bounce then you were fortunate. I only had 1 lady cancel on this trip but have certainly experienced more in the past. No, I am not dating ladies in their 40’s, they are all late 20’s to mid 30’s and all have small children. IMO the latter observation might be a clue but I don't know for definite, it's not my problem.

Also, if had 12 dates lined up then I know for a fact I would have been cancelling because after 2 or 3 dates I’m sure I would have found someone I wanted to pursue on an exclusive basis.

[Faux Pas]

Hey guys, I am not trying to harass at all.  I genuinely did not know what 'poll position' meant.  Further, I seriously doubt that in England, the spelling 'poll position' is used for auto racing.  If I am wrong, someone will tell me.

No harm, no foul. I honestly don't know how it's spelled in the Queen's English but, I got the thrust of what he is saying. Your posts on his spelling of the word comes across as almost a spelling and grammar Nazi. Please just try to look at everyone's postings and decipher in your mind the author's "intent" with much less regard to spelling. Thats not as important in other threads but this is a TR and could easily be sidetracked by minor technicalities