Re: Contacting Men on Dating Sites

[Olga_Mouse]

I suspect another common thread is they were women who did not contact them unsolicited,

Hm... am I understanding you correctly - women who contact men on the dating sites look suspicious to you?

What about the Meetic.com guidelines - that encourage all users (not only male ones!) to be proactive - then?

[Faux Pas]

Hm... am I understanding you correctly - women who contact men on the dating sites look suspicious to you?

What about the Meetic.com guidelines - that encourage all users (not only male ones!) to be proactive - then?

You're not understanding me correctly. I didn't say anything about these women looking suspicious to me. When an alledged FSUW contacts a man anywhere that was unsolicited, the chances are high that it's a scammer.

When a man posts his profile on a dating site for fsuw, he is obviously soliciting FSUW or inviting them to contact him, Olga, many of these boiler room scam operations originating in Russia or Ukraine contact men on American dating sites, facebook or a number of other places. Those I would consider unsolicited

[Olga_Mouse]

When a man posts his profile on a dating site for fsuw, he is obviously soliciting FSUW or inviting them to contact him, Olga,

That means for me to contact men at FreePersonals.ru and at RussianEuro.ru is alright...

many of these boiler room scam operations originating in Russia or Ukraine contact men on American dating sites, facebook or a number of other places. Those I would consider unsolicited

...but not at Meetic.com (which is European) or FriendFinder.com (which is American)?

So, according to you,  if I contact a man at the site which is targeting "Russian women" market in particular, this is acceptable - right?

However if I am aiming at normal men, who are as far from that "Russian mail order bride" hype as possible, and initiate contacts at the international dating sites - then it is an unsolicited contact?

Does that mean you give me less rights than European and American women - and somehow less worth? Thank you for clarifying!

[Olga_Mouse]

 
I suppose you can contact them anywhere you please 

Oh, thank you very much! Are you that generous on Wednesdays only? 

Aren't you contradicting yourself here.

No, I am not.

You are a Russian woman are you not?

At least this is what my passport says about my sex and my nationality...

How can you contact men on international sites who are "far from Russian mail order bride hype"?

Simply by choosing the dating sites that are not targeting Russian women purposely - and men who are looking for a compatible lifetime partner of an opposite sex as such, not Russian or FSU women in particular.

Obviously, they wouldn't be far from the hype if they contacted or responded to you, would they?

They would be far from the hype if they wouldn't look at me through the prism of all the stereotypes, associated with Russian women.

Actually no, I don't give you rights or set your self worth.

Oh what a relief!

You'll have to do that on your own.

No problem 

It would appear you have some work to do in that regard 

Really? Can't help remembering a Russian saying: "Когда кажется - креститься надо!"

[Faux Pas]

Oh, thank you very much! Are you that generous on Wednesdays only? 

Oh no! My generosity knows no bounds  

No, I am not.

At least this is what my passport says about my sex and my nationality...

Then any man you met and considered marriage on a dating site would be into the Russian Bride Hype. If men that are into the Russian Bride Hype disgust you so much, why are you here?

Simply by choosing the dating sites that are not targeting Russian women purposely - and men who are looking for a compatible lifetime partner of an opposite sex as such, not Russian or FSU women in particular.

They would be far from the hype if they wouldn't look at me through the prism of all the stereotypes, associated with Russian women.

How will you know? Do you hide the fact that you are Russian? Do you lie and state you are of another nationality?

Oh what a relief!

No problem 

Really? Can't help remembering a Russian saying: "Когда кажется - креститься надо!"

I can't read Cyrillic so your last statement was lost on me. You're not worth me looking it up.

You seem to want to take issue and develop a strawman argument where there isn't one and yours has failed miserably. However, if you wish to group yourself in with the scammers and scammer operations that I was eluding to, please, help yourself  

[Olga_Mouse]

Then any man you met and considered marriage on a dating site would be into the Russian Bride Hype.

IMO, he wouldn't - if he'll choose a woman he's compatible with who just happens to be Russian, while not looking for a RUSSIAN woman on purpose.

If men that are into the Russian Bride Hype disgust you so much, why are you here?

Would you please be so kind to point out where exactly have I written about disgust? Thank you very much.

How will you know? Do you hide the fact that you are Russian?

No, of course I would not.

Do you lie and state you are of another nationality?

No, I do not lie - because I truly believe a lasting relationship can not be possibly based on lies.

I can't read Cyrillic so your last statement was lost on me. You're not worth me looking it up.

Aren't you contradicting yourself here, Mr. I Don't Set Your Worth?

You seem to want to take issue and develop a strawman argument where there isn't one and yours has failed miserably.

As what seems to you is very different from the original purpose of my post, your attempt at guessing my intention has failed miserably (true, I bear some responsibility for this as well...)

However, if you wish to group yourself in with the scammers and scammer operations that I was eluding to, please, help yourself  

A wrong guess again. Nevermind...  

[Faux Pas]

IMO, he wouldn't - if he'll choose a woman he's compatible with who just happens to be Russian, while not looking for a RUSSIAN woman on purpose.

Would you please be so kind to point out where exactly have I written about disgust? Thank you very much.

No, of course I would not.

No, I do not lie - because I truly believe a lasting relationship can not be possibly based on lies.

Aren't you contradicting yourself here, Mr. I Don't Set Your Worth?

As what seems to you is very different from the original purpose of my post, your attempt at guessing my intention has failed miserably (true, I bear some responsibility for this as well...)

A wrong guess again. Nevermind...  

You know a discussion with you is like talking to a room full of deaf mutes with their back turned

[Olga_Mouse]

You know a discussion with you is like talking to a room full of deaf mutes with their back turned

Then why don't you just stop talking, Mr.Super-Polite? Otherwise I might think you are rather enjoying it

[Faux Pas]

Then why don't you just stop talking, Mr.Super-Polite? Otherwise I might think you are rather enjoying it

 

I'm not convinced you are capable of thought. Why don't you surprise me?

[Faux Pas]

FP and Olga, I think you are talking over one another.  I get what Olga is saying. 

She would prefer to be more in control.

  She would prefer not to deal with men who have preconceived notions, and who are seriously looking for a partner.  If one has read some of Rina's previous experiences (in the Russian language thread) in this quest, you can hardly blame Olga for her perspective.

Yes I gathered she has some serious control issues. She put up the argument and attacked it. It had nothing to do with my earlier original post. Did you get that?

[Boethius]

I just saw it as a response, with neither of you "hearing" the other.

I don't think it's about control.  Though every person wishes to be in control of his or her own destiny, I think in this case, it's also about not having to experience humiliation.

[Faux Pas]

Well, we'll see when Olga responds.  I think I get what she was saying.

I know what Olga was saying, you didn't get what I was saying

[Olga_Mouse]

Well, we'll see when Olga responds.  I think I get what she was saying.

Boethius, I'm responding ONLY because you were expecting me to do so...  

FP and Olga, I think you are talking over one another.  I get what Olga is saying.  

Great! At least somebody understands me

She would prefer to be more in control.  

I don't think it's about control.  Though every person wishes to be in control of his or her own destiny,

Control as such is not my aim. I just can't agree with the statement that for a Russian woman contacting a man at the Russian-targeting dating site is acceptable (because the man has already expressed an interest in Russian women in particular!), but contacting a man at the INTERNATIONAL dating site like Meetic.com is "unsolicited".

She would prefer not to deal with men who have preconceived notions, and who are seriously looking for a partner.

Exactly!

I think in this case, it's also about not having to experience humiliation.

Indeed - as I find many preconceived notions about Russian women (dirt poor, not speaking any foreign languages, not having internet at home, never traveling abroad but to Turkey and Egypt, etc.) quite humiliating.

If one has read some of Rina's previous experiences (in the Russian language thread) in this quest, you can hardly blame Olga for her perspective.

Would you please be so kind to send me the link? Muchas gracias  

P.S. It seems what we discuss here is not quite matching the thread title OP has created; maybe the mods can split the threads?

[Boethius]

Here you go -

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=10170.msg198784#msg198784

[I/O]

Great! At least somebody understands me

There's the low point.

[Olga_Mouse]

There's the low point.

English is my second language, so I can never be 100% sure that native speakers will understand me 

[Sculpto]

Hey Faux.. you are a moderator so how about you start acting like one instead of being a jackass?    When moderators start insulting members.. especially a LADY.. I wonder why on earth are they moderators in the first place?

BTW.. tons of very nice RWs will make contact first on Mamba and plenty of other sites.. such contact might be limited to them looking at your profile and then waiting for you to write them... but sometimes it is also a nice short intro letter.  Short being the keyword.. intro letters from unknown ladies that contain lots of details and info are far too frequently not genuine.

Olga.. what Faux has been unable to articulate and has preferred to descend into insulting you is that sometimes some of us men get unsolicited emails from supposedly Russian women that are NOT associated with sites.  I usually get one to three of these a week.  They can range from outright scam attempts to lame attempts at affiliate marketing that are being generated by yeva4u and most recently anastasia affiliates.  These types of unsolicited mails are in fact scams but unfortunately Faux has his head buried someplace this week and has been unable to articulate with any sense of logic or intelligence and chose instead to insult you.  I apologize for him and for all men who act like idiots.  

Hey Faux.. try growing some nuts and using your incredible powers of intelligence to understand you are not always right.  A few weeks ago you pointed out a mistake I made.. I ate humble pie.. this time.. its your turn... you are really way out of line.

[Faux Pas]

Hey Faux.. you are a moderator so how about you start acting like one instead of being a jackass?    When moderators start insulting members.. especially a LADY.. I wonder why on earth are they moderators in the first place?

Your superhero status is only in your mind Sculpt. If you are insinuating that because I am a moderator I cannot post as a member you are wrong. I politely explained to OM that she misunderstood my post yet she insisted on building the strawman. While you might build up your own fantasies as to her status as a lady, I see her as a poster referenced as a woman. Nothing more and that doesn't excuse her behavior.

BTW.. tons of very nice RWs will make contact first on Mamba and plenty of other sites.. such contact might be limited to them looking at your profile and then waiting for you to write them... but sometimes it is also a nice short intro letter.  Short being the keyword.. intro letters from unknown ladies that contain lots of details and info are far too frequently not genuine.

I wasn't and didn't refer to Mamba or any other site. All I said was unsolicited contact. She mentioned some other international and BS in another attempt to deflect. I don't buy it. The insult was hurled from her, insults are generally met with insults and I came to my conclusion of her the same way did her conclusion of me.

Olga.. what Faux has been unable to articulate and has preferred to descend into insulting you is that sometimes some of us men get unsolicited emails from supposedly Russian women that are NOT associated with sites.  I usually get one to three of these a week.  They can range from outright scam attempts to lame attempts at affiliate marketing that are being generated by yeva4u and most recently anastasia affiliates.  These types of unsolicited mails are in fact scams but unfortunately Faux has his head buried someplace this week and has been unable to articulate with any sense of logic or intelligence and chose instead to insult you.  I apologize for him and for all men who act like idiots.  

I don't need you to ever apologize for me Sculpt. What you should do is bite me. If she as you, had taken the time to read what I wrote, you would have noticed that our position is much the same. She in her lust for an argument and now you in your need to be perceived as somebody's hero as well as an argument wish to forget about the facts for a good lie.

Hey Faux.. try growing some nuts and using your incredible powers of intelligence to understand you are not always right.  A few weeks ago you pointed out a mistake I made.. I ate humble pie.. this time.. its your turn... you are really way out of line.

Go crawl back into your hole Sculpt. Don't ever think or assume  you and I share anything, much less a fallacy. I've been wrong many times and will freely admit it. I have NO problem admitting when I am wrong. You are constantly wrong (as now) and happily live in denial 

[ECOCKS]

Back to the high road.....

The "unsolicited" qualifier seems a bit too open-ended to me. The only situation where I believe it applies would be when letters show up in your email inbox or Skype screen from out of nowhere offering "something" be it love, romance, sex, $2M share in Prince Obuki's estate or whatever.

Personally, I regard someone who has posted their profile on a site such as Mamba, EM, HRB, LP, whatever, as inviting contact so the word, "unsolicited" is a bit open to contextual interpretation.

I THINK what was meant was better described as "made first contact".

Because of the nature of the beast (scamming and mule possibilities) guys are quite often warned about whether the woman approached him first as an indicator as to whether she can be trusted or not. Prudent guys would use this as part of their determination as to how realistic the possibility is that the woman can be trusted enough to move to take the next step.

Guys need to be realistic and get their head in the game and out of the fantasy.

[Sculpto]

Go crawl back into your hole Sculpt.

a few weeks ago I was highly reprimanded for using just about the exact same phrase.  But really the issue here is Faux, you, more than ANYONE else on this forum, moderator or member, seem to take pleasure in bashing people and trying to prove some obscure point and worse yet, completely unable to read your own words.  And as far as I can see.. you started with the insults.. pretty weak stuff.. real men don't insult women.

[Faux Pas]

Back to the high road.....

Agreed, and thank you for that ECOCKS.

The "unsolicited" qualifier seems a bit too open-ended to me. The only situation where I believe it applies would be when letters show up in your email inbox or Skype screen from out of nowhere offering "something" be it love, romance, sex, $2M share in Prince Obuki's estate or whatever.

Unsolicited was meant to be open ended. Certainly wasn't meant to raise anyone's ire. I could have been more specific as in I.E. Facebook, MySpace or exclusive American dating sites but at the time saw no point. Normally, when a man is contacted in such a manner, it is 95% of the time a scam operation.

Personally, I regard someone who has posted their profile on a site such as Mamba, EM, HRB, LP, whatever, as inviting contact so the word, "unsolicited" is a bit open to contextual interpretation.

I THINK what was meant was better described as "made first contact".

Agreed. I believe I stated as much. When a man is on a FSUW  marriage or dating site he is looking to be solicited. It's open season. If my sentence had been used in the context that it was written it would have been perceived by most that unsolicited means uninvited.

Because of the nature of the beast (scamming and mule possibilities) guys are quite often warned about whether the woman approached him first as an indicator as to whether she can be trusted or not. Prudent guys would use this as part of their determination as to how realistic the possibility is that the woman can be trusted enough to move to take the next step.

Guys need to be realistic and get their head in the game and out of the fantasy.

Again Agreed. This was the crux of my first post

[Faux Pas]

a few weeks ago I was highly reprimanded for using just about the exact same phrase.  But really the issue here is Faux, you, more than ANYONE else on this forum, moderator or member, seem to take pleasure in bashing people and trying to prove some obscure point and worse yet, completely unable to read your own words.  And as far as I can see.. you started with the insults.. pretty weak stuff.. real men don't insult women.

It sucks to be you doesn't it?

[Sculpto]

It sucks to be you doesn't it?

Not really Faux.. I am really enjoying my life.. but it would seem that is not the case for you.. your behavior on the forum indicates someone with some real self esteem issues and perhaps some sort of anger management problems.   

[Faux Pas]

Not really Faux.. I am really enjoying my life.. but it would seem that is not the case for you.. your behavior on the forum indicates someone with some real self esteem issues and perhaps some sort of anger management problems.   

I'll be sure and relay that to my therapist 

[Jack]

you in your need to be perceived as somebody's hero

scupto/fiction2010 perceived as someone's hero, anyone's hero, other than himself !!     Not in this lifetime.