Almost-total newbie here ...

[veritas]

Kev, was that by yourself or with somebody?    Kidding! You left it hanging out there

HA!!!     That was actually with a 35-year-old AW (looked more like 25) of fashion-model proportions
(a lean 5'10", no kids) who was a professional belly-dancer (of all things!) ...
She ALSO turned out to be a mentally/emotionally UNSTABLE -- by her OWN admission!!!  --
cold-hearted BEE-yotch who, after one month, kicked me to the curb like yesterday's TRASH, through
a breezy, dismissive e-mail ... (This after I had done SO MUCH to help her -- and NOT financially, either,
although that MIGHT have been what she was after) ...

But I don't regret it a'tall -- for that one month of October, anyway, it was a wild, WILD ride!!! 
And it ended that almost-7-year drought of mine QUITE nicely ...

Kevin

[Daveman]

HA!!!     That was actually with a 35-year-old AW (looked more like 25) of fashion-model proportions
(a lean 5'10", no kids) who was a professional belly-dancer (of all things!) ...
She ALSO turned out to be a mentally/emotionally UNSTABLE -- by her OWN admission!!!  --
cold-hearted BEE-yotch who, after one month, kicked me to the curb like yesterday's TRASH, through
a breezy, dismissive e-mail ... (This after I had done SO MUCH to help her -- and NOT financially, either,
although that MIGHT have been what she was after) ...

But I don't regret it a'tall -- for that one month of October, anyway, it was a wild, WILD ride!!!
And it ended that almost-7-year drought of mine QUITE nicely ...

Kevin

Why, yes indeed, there are certainly worse things than getting laid by a belly dancer to complain about..   


Out of curiosity, what'dya help her with so much?   


At any rate, and for no apparent reason other than to read myself type, women love to be pissed off at us. They really do.  If she needs help with something, tell her to get off her butt and go do it herself... or that it's women's work!  Yeah, that's always good for a tantrum or two...  she can be pissed off to high heaven and love you to death.. but do too much for her, and you'll be a hind end kisser in her eyes -- tryin' too hard -- and that's the kiss of death every time.   

[veritas]

Why, yes indeed, there are certainly worse things than getting laid by a belly dancer to complain about..   

Yes indeed!      (BTW, I feel like I should mention here that it was only one time) ...

Out of curiosity, what'dya help her with so much?   

OK, but remember -- you asked for it! 

There's simply no better way to describe (most of) the help I gave her than to quote directly from
an e-mail she sent me the day after we first met at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge ... So here 'tis:

(As it happened, I turned out to be EXTREMELY good at helping her this way -- a LOT!!!)


-------- Original Message --------

Subject: Comfort and key phrases
Date:     Thu, 29 Sep 2011 17:52:51 -0400
From:     Annie
To:         Kevin
 
Dear Kevin,
 
In preparation for tonight.........here is some info I KNOW you will understand....
 
My greatest emotional need is comfort. My parents never gave it to me in any useful form. It was a hole I carried with me all through childhood, into my teen years and through most of my young adulthood. I've spent years discovering exactly what I need. There are several levels of comfort that can help me.
 

Level 1:  Intimate, intense, face to face discussion with various key phrases...pretty much exactly like we did last night. Long hugs with caressing my back and hair and key phrases.
 
Here are some of my favorite key phrases...many of which you've already used.
 
Shhhhhh....it's ok
Easy now.
Relax.
Annie, you're ok, you're gonna be ok.
Tell me.
Talk to me.
You've been through alot.
 
 
Level 2:  Physical comfort. Being held for long periods of time on a couch, sitting upright...being gently rocked....key phrases repeatedly spoken over and over. Stroking my hair, my forehead, back. Brushing my hair. Holding me tight and close.
 
Level 1 key phrases apply here with the additional level 2 phrases:
 
I'm here.
You're safe
I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere
Just breathe.
Breathe with me.
I've gotcha.
You are not alone.
I understand.
Settle down.
Don't give up.
You're not the only one.
I know. It's not easy. It's not easy.
 
 
Level 3: Advanced physical and emotional comfort, deep and intimate, requiring extreme trust. Being held either upright on a couch or in the "comfort position", me kneeling in front of you, head on your chest, arms wrapped around you. Being held in a rocking chair in the comfort position or sitting on your lap. The two "Prince of Tides" positions. Hair stroking, caressing, caressing face, back, full body even if required. Giving me a safe space to cry if needed.
 
Level 1 and 2 key phrases always apply with the addition of level 3 key phrases:
 
Look at me.
Ok...ok....calm down.
I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere
Let yourself feel it.
It's ok to feel the pain.
It's ok to cry.
Cry to me.
come to me.
I'll catch you.
It's alright. I'm here now.
You're loved. You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you.
You're under my protection.
Stay with me.
Let it out.
Be strong.
Stay strong.
It's ok to feel it.
I'm right here.
No reason to be ashamed.
You're not beaten yet.
I won't let you go. I'm right here.
 
 
And to close this out...my most favorite comfort video EVER...I would give my right eye to feel this intensity of comfort.....
 


 
 
Sincerely,
Annie

[veritas]

The level of physical and emotional "comfort" that she described above is what eventually
led to sexual touching and ultimately to sex itself -- ENTIRELY AT HER BEHEST, I might add ...
*I* didn't initiate ANYTHING with her ...

Kevin

[Daveman]

Well damn Kevin... I should have know it'd be an off the wall situation.. 


It seems as though she was intellectually searching for "comfort", but once she got it, the womanly instincts took over and you just weren't "bad boy" enough for her..     Maybe a good ole fashioned spankin' woulda worked miracles! heh




so whaddya think? ready to jump back on the dating horse?

[veritas]

Well damn Kevin... I should have know it'd be an off the wall situation.. 

Yeah, really!     Actually, it was even more off-the-wall than that -- she was married, but was
part of the "poly" community, along with her husband (a kind of "open marriage" arrangement) ...

She'd had a number of "boyfriends" -- "30 men", I believe she told me -- over the last 10 years
of her 13-year marriage, all with the full knowledge and consent of her husband, who himself
had recently started "dating" his first "girlfriend" since he'd married Annie (or so she told me) ...

I actually met her husband and his new "girlfriend", was on good terms with both of them,
and saw them (along with Annie) on several occasions -- he was even trying to help me
with my (un)employment situation ... In fact, the 4 of us went to a Halloween costume
party together -- me riding with Annie's husband, and Annie riding with her husband's
"girlfriend" ... And at that wild "poly" costume party, her husband and his "girlfriend"
were busy making out in front of Annie and me while several topless women casually
strolled in and out of the "(body) paint room" ... Quite an eye-opener for me, of course! 
 

It seems as though she was intellectually searching for "comfort", but once she got it, the womanly instincts took over and you just weren't "bad boy" enough for her..     Maybe a good ole fashioned spankin' woulda worked miracles! heh

Huh!  Never thought of THAT!   

so whaddya think? ready to jump back on the dating horse?

Not so sure ... Actually, Annie and I were never supposed to be "dating", or "boyfriend/girlfriend",
in the first place -- we agreed at our very first meeting that we'd be "just friends" and that "sex
would mess up" the kind of physical and emotional "comfort" that she wanted/needed from me
(which was strictly one-way, BTW, just like everything else that I did to help her) ...

Anyway, I have several obstacles between me and that dating horse -- the most prominent of
which is my ongoing long-term unemployment ...

Kevin

[Keyser Soze]

Wow Kevin.....amazing story!!!

I have decided that instead of seeking a UW/RW, that maybe I should just live my life vicariously through you.
 
In all seriousness, you are much more open-minded than I could ever be. That arrangement that you had with that woman was unreal. The whole poly thing would have sent me running for the door.
Guess that I'm either too conservative, or just a chicken.
That email she sent basically reminds me that most women seem to know exactly what they want.....what they don't currently have.

I guess I've done a few wild things in my life too though.....but, you my friend, are my new hero.

[veritas]

Wow Kevin.....amazing story!!!

I have decided that instead of seeking a UW/RW, that maybe I should just live my life vicariously through you.
 
In all seriousness, you are much more open-minded than I could ever be. That arrangement that you had with that woman was unreal. The whole poly thing would have sent me running for the door.
Guess that I'm either too conservative, or just a chicken.
That email she sent basically reminds me that most women seem to know exactly what they want.....what they don't currently have.

I guess I've done a few wild things in my life too though.....but, you my friend, are my new hero.

Thanks, Keyser!  I guess I *AM* pretty open-minded -- although strictly "mono" personally ... 

Actually, for that very reason, I'm not sure how much longer I would've been able to deal with that,
but as it happened, I didn't get a chance to find out -- once she kicked me to the curb after a month ...

And believe me, I'm both conservative AND a chicken!     This was one of the VERY few "wild things"
in my entire LIFE -- and so anyone living vicariously through ME is bound to be seriously disappointed ... 

Kevin

[Keyser Soze]

I was just ribbing you.

I've had a few wild times myself. Nothing like that though. That would have blown my mind.

Seems I've always been the go-to guy when women who are looking to get out of a relationship. Seems that the only women who are interested in me are married, or are already attached somehow.
I swear, all women dig the "bad boy" thing to some degree. I've been called that quite a few times, although I wouldn't consider myself to be one.
Then they'll want to stay because I'm so attentive, sweet to them, and gentle.

The one(s) that I've considered keepers always seem to break my heart. It's like they get their fill of what they've been missing in God knows how long. Feel good about themselves again, then go back to their comfort zone of boredom and complacency.
About the time I get whipped, I must no longer be exciting, and away they go.

Can't win.
 

[veritas]

I've had a few wild times myself. Nothing like that though. That would have blown my mind.

Certainly blew MINE!!!  'Cuz I'm just SO innocent ... 

I swear, all women dig the "bad boy" thing to some degree. I've been called that quite a few times, although I wouldn't consider myself to be one.

Well, no one's ever called ME that -- I'm the classic "nice guy" ... 

Can't win.
 

Hmmmm ... I'd say it's some combination of who you ATTRACT and who you're attracted TO ...

Kevin

[Keyser Soze]

[quote
Well, no one's ever called ME that -- I'm the classic "nice guy" ... 

Hmmmm ... I'd say it's some combination of who you ATTRACT and who you're attracted TO ...

Kevin
[/quote]

Yea. Although I'm pretty intense, I'd say that I'm closer to the nice guy than the bad boy.
What do they say about where the nice guys finish?
Right about where I'm sitting......

I seem to attract the nuts. 
I prefer the somewhat quiet, seemingly shy ones that are striking, but sort of blend in(God only knows how I managed to marry a big, loudmouthed, attention whore of a blonde)

[veritas]

Yea. Although I'm pretty intense, I'd say that I'm closer to the nice guy than the bad boy.
What do they say about where the nice guys finish?
Right about where I'm sitting......

I seem to attract the nuts. 
I prefer the somewhat quiet, seemingly shy ones that are striking, but sort of blend in(God only knows how I managed to marry a big, loudmouthed, attention whore of a blonde)

Well, now we're getting back to *YOUR* intro thread, but that's OK -- I'll share! 

Just remember what GQBlues had to say about the kids, that's all ...

Kevin

P.S.  I too seem to attract -- and am attracted TO -- the nuts! 

[Keyser Soze]

Well, now we're getting back to *YOUR* intro thread, but that's OK -- I'll share! 

Just remember what GQBlues had to say about the kids, that's all ...

Kevin

P.S.  I too seem to attract -- and am attracted TO -- the nuts! 

Guilty 

I know, I know, I know.....
No worries. While she badmouths, buries, and berates me at each and every opportunity in front of the kids, and doesn't care who she does it in front of, I never even mention her around them.

Uh oh, I feel another rant coming on, better stop while I'm ahead.
 

[veritas]

No worries. While she badmouths, buries, and berates me at each and every opportunity in front of the kids, and doesn't care who she does it in front of, I never even mention her around them.

Well then, Keyser Soze, you're a better dude than I first thought you were when you entered RWD ...

Uh oh, I feel another rant coming on, better stop while I'm ahead.
 

No, no, feel free to rant as much as you like -- in your *OWN* intro thread! 

Seriously though, as a fellow "nice guy", I wish you much success here ...

Kevin