It looks like I'm joining the divorce club.

[GregfromGa]

Dont know what else to say right now. It happens I guess. No infidelity or anything of sorts. My mother-in-law has hated me since day 1 and she's finally getting her wish. It's sad with 2 kids. Sept 19th wouldve made 7 years of marriage. I can say honestly say that I cant recommend this course of action to guys seeking the allure of marrying a beautiful woman with an erotic accent. There's just too much culture difference . I certainly will not reply to much else in this thread. If somesone feels the need to PM me then I'll be happy to talk. Never dreamed it would go down like this. I guess I'll retain a lawyer on Monday. My wife doesnt think my 4 year old needs English. It's insane. 

[Shadow]

Sorry to hear it Greg. Hopefully all will manage to in one way or another recover.

[GQBlues]

Holy Cow! I hope I'm just getting duped here...but WTF? You'd be the last guy I thought that'll be in this situation.

I can say honestly say that I cant recommend this course of action to guys seeking the allure of marrying a beautiful woman with an erotic accent. There's just too much culture difference. It's insane. 

Iolani said the same thing after almost 10 years of marriage. He said these marriages are just too over-rated. The cultural divide is just too wide.

Good luck Greg. 

[groovlstk]

Greg, I hope things aren't past discussion. Even the folks you've butted heads with here in the past can't deny that you've always spoken of your wife with the greatest reverence. Good luck and I hope you find the right path through this.

[GQBlues]

Never dreamed it would go down like this. I guess I'll retain a lawyer on Monday. My wife doesn't think my 4 year old needs English. It's insane.

We're having guests for dinner this evening Greg, but I really wanted to touch on the subject I quoted above so maybe I can continue this part later. That is all too real for a couple of my friends, and one I have been discussing with my wife lately since the matter of kids + in-laws are fast becoming a reality for us. I've already put my foot down on an issue and while my wife tells me she understands, I know the fat lady hasn't yet cued up.

[Daveman]

Greg, I too hope this is not past the point of no return. Sorry to hear about this.
Dave

[XMan]

Very sorry to hear it in all respects. 
I, and I think many others, look to those who have had success as inspirational. 
It's always sad (regardless of whether it's AM / RW or AM / AW or something else) to read something like this. 

I hope, considering the circumstances, that things work out as best as possible.

[Gator]

Greg,

I found our chat very revealing.  There are indeed some cultural differences behind much of the problem. 

I have met your wife.  She is sweet and innocent, and does not seem the type to work you over.  Also, she seems to be such a dedicated mother.  Maybe the "good" will prevail when the smoke clears. 

You have made her happy for 7 years in a small town in Georgia by going the extra mile.  You are dedicated to your family and have done things I could never do.   The frequent and extended visits by your mother-in-law would kill most men, yet you managed to keep your sanity. 

Everyone loses when a family fractures, and the children lose the most. 


Keep your chin up.

Listen to your attorney.

Take some deep breaths before reacting to anything.

It is not as bad as it seems.

It will get better.

Be a good father. 

Be noble.

[TwoBitBandit]

I think it's hard to comment on these situations without risking on it coming across in the wrong way.

Let me just say that I wish you the best.  Good luck.

[Ade]

Events like this are always worse on the kids and I hope both parties will endeavour to minimize the trauma to them.

I think people should be careful about attributing "cultural differences" to every failed FSU marriage though. Isn't it more likely that people just marry the wrong people and do so way too quickly or perhaps she was way too young to begin with increasing the likelihood of incompatibilities as she ages. Maybe he was just an arsehole, maybe she was.

It's just way too easy to hide real reasons behind the "cultural differences" catch-all excuse.

[Avis]

Sorry to hear that, Greg

Hang in there..

[kievstar]

Sorry to hear Greg.  Wish you the best.

Some advice for the board it helps when you get along with the parents and grandparents whether an AW or RW.  Children are a reflection of their parents in most cases.  Very important you meet the parents and grandparents prior to marriage.  You will know if they like you.  If you do not get along with the parents I would find another woman.  To much risk and longterm the outcome will more than likely be negative.

[Gator]

Caveat:  The following are my opinions based on incomplete information.  Greg may or may not agree.  Greg is constrained from clarifying and elaborating because this is headed to a courtroom where child custody and property division will be settled or ajudicated.

I think people should be careful about attributing "cultural differences" to every failed FSU marriage though.

One source of stress, perhaps the second largest,  is his wife's approach to raising children.  I will not disclose details.  Suffice it to say her methods are starkly different from the typical American ways.  Her methods tend to isolate Greg from his children and wife, and they are isolating the children from American life. 

She and her mother were adamant about this approach.  I would never have allowed such.  However, I did not have a Ukrainian MIL living in my house and having my wife's ear.

Is it cultural or individual?  Some of both, but more cultural IMO.  Or to express it in another way, it is more likely to encounter such problems with a FSUW than with a RW, all else being equal.

Isn't it more likely that people just marry the wrong people and do so way too quickly...

What is definition of quick?  The average face time before marriage is much less for long distance relationships than with someone local.  This is the nature (culture) of marrying FSU residents.

or perhaps she was way too young to begin with increasing the likelihood of incompatibilities as she ages.

She was very young when they married.  Greg is older but not an old goat.   Maybe they discussed MIL, raising children, etc.  I don't know.

Maybe he was just an arsehole, maybe she was.

And I ask, what kind of man would suggest such about another man going through the darkest of nights. Geez SJ, your insensitivity is something.   Eating too much "cold fish" in Norway?

I have had the pleasure of meeting Greg and his wife.  Both are nice people. 

It's just way too easy to hide real reasons behind the "cultural differences" catch-all excuse.

Yes it is.  In my divorce, it was far more about individual differences.  Greg's case, however, seems more about cultural differences and how they played out over 7 years.  One aspect of cultural differences is "conflict resolution."  What is imortant to note, the courts will not care whether the differnces are cultuarl or individual.

[viking]

Greg, I am very sorry to hear this. Having been married and divorced all I can say is that you need to do whatever you can so that if this does end in divorce you can walk away knowing in your heart you gave it all you could. Small solace I know, but in the long run it does help. I wish you the best.

[Misha]

Greg, I am really sorry to hear this. Having been there myself in the past, I can relate to what you are going through. It is not easy. All the best to you in these difficult times.

[Ade]

Caveat:  The following are my opinions based on incomplete information.  Greg may or may not agree.  Greg is constrained from clarifying and elaborating because this is headed to a courtroom where child custody and property division will be settled or ajudicated.

One source of stress, perhaps the second largest,  is his wife's approach to raising children.  I will not disclose details.  Suffice it to say her methods are starkly different from the typical American ways.  Her methods tend to isolate Greg from his children and wife, and they are isolating the children from American life.  

She and her mother were adamant about this approach.  I would never have allowed such.  However, I did not have a Ukrainian MIL living in my house and having my wife's ear.

Is it cultural or individual?  Some of both, but more cultural IMO.  Or to express it in another way, it is more likely to encounter such problems with a FSUW than with a RW, all else being equal.

What is definition of quick?  The average face time before marriage is much less for long distance relationships than with someone local.  This is the nature (culture) of marrying FSU residents.


She was very young when they married.  Greg is older but not an old goat.   Maybe they discussed MIL, raising children, etc.  I don't know.

And I ask, what kind of man would suggest such about another man going through the darkest of nights. Geez SJ, your insensitivity is something.   Eating too much "cold fish" in Norway?

I have had the pleasure of meeting Greg and his wife.  Both are nice people.  


Yes it is.  In my divorce, it was far more about individual differences.  Greg's case, however, seems more about cultural differences and how they played out over 7 years.  One aspect of cultural differences is "conflict resolution."  What is imortant to note, the courts will not care whether the differnces are cultuarl or individual.

To be brief as I'm late for an appointment with my wife in our cinema;

Too quick means, before you know someone as well as you probably should. The fact that people tend to do that in the FSU marriage game is neither here nor there. My guess is that fact alone accounts for more failed FSUW/WM marriages than "cultural differences". And if there were such severe differences in child raising methodologies that it could jeopardize their marriage, well, hindsight is amazing isn't it but a lot of couples talk of these things before committing to life long relationships...

All of our lives are products of the decisions we've made, Greg's no less than yours or mine. It's a pity that children have to suffer for our mistakes.

As for the arsehole comment. Yeah, well, I've only his posting history to go by.

[Admin]

As for the arsehole comment. Yeah, well, I've only his posting history to go by.

Now is not the time.

Sideline such comments for now, at least - and better, permanently.

- Dan

[Vaughn]

Greg,

 I am truly disheartened to read of your difficult situation.

Vaughn

[BillyB]

Take care Greg. I don't know if you've used all avenues to reconcile but hopefully there is options out there to reverse course. One of the hardest things about divorcing with kids is that you won't be able to see your kids grow up everyday.

One source of stress, perhaps the second largest,  is his wife's approach to raising children.  I will not disclose details.  Suffice it to say her methods are starkly different from the typical American ways.  Her methods tend to isolate Greg from his children and wife, and they are isolating the children from American life. 

She and her mother were adamant about this approach.  I would never have allowed such.

Is it cultural or individual?  Some of both, but more cultural IMO.  Or to express it in another way, it is more likely to encounter such problems with a FSUW than with a RW, all else being equal.

I was once married to a Ukrainian woman and she and her mother's methods to raise children weren't that strange IMO but it could be Greg's wife and her family does things different just as American's have families that won't let their children have blood transfusions even if it meant life or death but those families don't represent the average family in American culture.

I'm okay with cultural differences as long as the women doesn't have some of the strangest behavior and beliefs from that culture. As an individual, one has to have some tolerance to marry outside the norm whether it's race or culture.

I've taken some heat from people for wanting to be in a relationship where I'm the designated final decision maker. Of course a woman must respect me enough to be in a relationship like that. There will be times in a marriage where compromise doesnt' happen and the results can lead to the demise of the marriage.

However, I did not have a Ukrainian MIL living in my house and having my wife's ear.

I'm okay with a MIL living with me as long as she supports/loves me, values a husband's role in the marriage and understands that she is a guest in the home and I am boss. I'm not afraid to lay out the house rules to even the in laws.

[Maxx2]

Sorry to hear this. I have always had the highest regards for you Greg and hate to hear that this has happened.

[wiz]

Greg

I am sincerely very sorry to hear about the problems you have and wish and hope both of you find the way to resolve the situation.

Wish you al the best.

wiz

[tim 360]

... My mother-in-law has hated me since day 1 and she's finally getting her wish. It's sad with 2 kids. Sept 19th wouldve made 7 years of marriage. I can say honestly say that I cant recommend this course of action to guys seeking the allure of marrying a beautiful woman with an erotic accent. There's just too much culture difference . I certainly will not reply to much else in this thread. If somesone feels the need to PM me then I'll be happy to talk. Never dreamed it would go down like this. I guess I'll retain a lawyer on Monday. My wife doesnt think my 4 year old needs English. It's insane. 

Good Luck with everything Greg.  Sorry to read this sad post of yours but it sounds like things reached the breaking point for you.  This board sure has had a number of divorces which were surprising to me given the sanity and experieince of the guys.  Best wishes Greg.

[Misha]

I'm okay with a MIL living with me as long as she supports/loves me, values a husband's role in the marriage and understands that she is a guest in the home and I am boss. I'm not afraid to lay out the house rules to even the in laws.

Easier said than done IMHO. Might work for the first few weeks, but after months, years of living together, this dynamic would likely change and you too would come to find yourself being the third wheel  :evil: There is a reason why in-laws are given as one of the top reasons for divorcing in Russia!

[tfcrew]

My observation has been that in half or even more marriages [regardless of nationality] there was some kind of in-law problems.
 

[kievstar]

Tfcrew, I tend to agree about the in-laws and rarely does a marriage work or happy where the son-in-law does not get along with mama and papa in-law.  Another thing to consider for men wanting to reduce risk of divorce is if you do not get along with in-laws seek another woman.  Make sure you meet them before marriage. 

Greg has been very vocal over the years on this site about mama in-law and not very nice.  I remember him posting about his wife visiting her family in Ukraine and same time he was in different city in Ukraine hanging out with American or Western Europe buddy helping him meet women.  Seemed strange and if I tried this stunt not only my wife and in-laws would be pissed but my parents would be pissed as well. 

Regarding Ukraine women and raising children this is not cultural to all Ukraine.  I have seen no differences in raising children between midwest AW and UW.  Child raising should also be discussed prior to marriage. 

I made mistakes with my first marriage as Priest said we had some issues if not resolved would lead to divorce,  Priest was right and second marriage I made sure everything was in-line.  Not sure if this is Greg's first divorce but going forward just improve on your mistakes.  Greg is a decent guy and will bounce back.  Most men now a days need one divorce to straighten themselves out.

BillyB, if you act like you write you would be a serial divorced man if you go RW.  I suggest you find an Asian woman to be your slave.  Not sure you ethnic background but you must have some Asian roots in you.