Taking a chance and making a visit.

[GQBlues]

CP-

You're doing what you like to do and that's fine! I wish you good fortune in your endeavor.

As an aside, I will echo what many had already said here, based on my experience, what I heard and saw, and reinforced by the more than a few Russian men/women here in LA telling me...there is an unwritten rule that once a woman accepted an invitation to step inside a man's apartment...then the drapes are coming down. Checkmate...this queen is laying down and the King, his bishop, his knight, his rook, and some surviving pawns are in for some celebration. 

But....you're an American man...and one who, according to you, isn't too verse in social interaction let alone one in another country and culture. OK..

So knowing that, I agree with you, by all means take this s-l-o-w. As you had done in the past with your 16 year AW ex-gf experience, allow yourselves to 'see' other people in the interim. That is likely the very best thing you need to do at this point, both for you and this woman.

Lastly, I'm not sure if this is a typo...you're 33, 5'7", weigh 125 pounds? I don't mean anything by this other than the fact it caught my eye because that is suitable for a woman but for a guy that seem rather light.

[Vaughn]

cppd508,

   Not to put the cart ahead of the horse - but there's a matter that's been eating at me for the past 2 days
that's worthy of your consideration. If this new relationship is to continue and ultimately lead to commitment,
you should be aware of Ukrainian laws regarding child custody issues. I myself have no Ukraine experience, yet
I've read many threads, here and elsewhere, involving a K-1/K-2 where the biological father's cooperation came
into play. I'm not suggesting this issue sidetracks your TR - it's way too early in the scheme of things
as you've related the facts; however, it should be addressed sooner or later if a mutual plan becomes imminent.

If you go to "Forum", then plug in Ukraine custody into the RWD search window, you will be led to a few
threads, admittedly dated, that will touch upon this subject. One such thread can be found here...

  http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=923.0

[facetrock]

  cppd508, April is still almost 7 months away. Thats a long time for a girl to wait, especially one who might be wondering how interested in her you really are. If your going to be serious about this gal and really like her I suggest you get back there within 3 months if not sooner. She might be 19, might be a little more mature and does have a kid. But if she is as pretty as you say she wont have trouble meeting local guys or another foreign guy from now until April. To her April might seem like forever.
  If you dont see this gal again and start meeting other women its going to be hard to land one if you can only travel once every six or seven months.
  When you find one you like you have to be a little relentless in the pursuit.

[cppd508]

GQ,

     You are correct, I am a pretty slim guy.  I appreciate you support, and observations.

Vaughn,

     Thanks for posting the link for me.  I actually was aware of the potential challenges early in my correspondence.  I like to try to research and prepare for possible obstacles as early as possible.  I know that there are no guarantees that plans always go the way you would like them to, but I still believe the old saying, "failing to plan, is planning to fail."  I actually have a friend that works for U.S. Immigration, and he is married to a women from Europe.  He has been helpful in pointing me in the direction of where to gain some knowledge.

Facetrock,

     I know what you mean.  I did not plan for long gaps in between visits initially.  I had to use a lot of vacation and personal time at the beginning of this year for a couple funerals, and some other family matters.  I am definitely trying to find ways to get back sooner, but it might be irrelevant at this point.  I will make another post in the thread to explain this though.

[cppd508]

     An update on the situation.  I believe this has turned into a single meeting between me and this woman.  Since I have been back I have called her twice, and both conversations were cut short by her for various reasons.  I had sent her an e-mail, and did not get a response from her.  During the second phone call she mentioned the e-mail, and said she had responded, but I never got it.  I sent the second e-mail, explaining I did not receive her reply, and I was assuming that I did not keep her interest.  Still haven't received a reply to that either.

     I am still very happy for the whole experience.  I am human, and did hope for the best, but was also prepared that this might happen.  My plan now is to take some time, and in a couple months start over from the beginning armed with the little more knowledge and experience I have gained.  As they say, "life goes on."  I will always have good memories of the woman, her daughter, and my trip.  I am also happy that I do not have any regrets.  I appreciate everyone here helping point out things they noticed about my experience and the suggestions to help me learn and grow. 

[Turboguy]

As an aside, I will echo what many had already said here, based on my experience, what I heard and saw, and reinforced by the more than a few Russian men/women here in LA telling me...there is an unwritten rule that once a woman accepted an invitation to step inside a man's apartment...then the drapes are coming down. Checkmate...this queen is laying down and the King, his bishop, his knight, his rook, and some surviving pawns are in for some celebration. 

Gee, I sure wish I had seen a copy of that rule book so I could have shown the RW who came to my apartment for coffee and to get to know each other what the rules required of them.  I am not saying it doesn't happen or didn't happen to me but I never thought of it as a rule.

CCPD, sorry to hear things may have not worked out.  There are a lot of great RW and UW.  I would suggest you hang out here and learn all you can and when you have vacation time again try it with a new woman.  The right one is out there for you.  I will agree with you, even when it doesn't work out, it is a great experience.  Best of Luck.

[GQBlues]

I am still very happy for the whole experience.

In the end, that's all that really matters...

Good luck!

[Jumper]

     An update on the situation.  I believe this has turned into a single meeting between me and this woman.  Since I have been back I have called her twice, and both conversations were cut short by her for various reasons.  I had sent her an e-mail, and did not get a response from her.  During the second phone call she mentioned the e-mail, and said she had responded, but I never got it.  I sent the second e-mail, explaining I did not receive her reply, and I was assuming that I did not keep her interest.  Still haven't received a reply to that either.

     I am still very happy for the whole experience.  I am human, and did hope for the best, but was also prepared that this might happen.  My plan now is to take some time, and in a couple months start over from the beginning armed with the little more knowledge and experience I have gained.  As they say, "life goes on."  I will always have good memories of the woman, her daughter, and my trip.  I am also happy that I do not have any regrets.  I appreciate everyone here helping point out things they noticed about my experience and the suggestions to help me learn and grow. 

Sorry it did not work out..
my guess is if you had both really hit it off , the sparks would have had you calling each day..

or her sms/texting  you..
it's kind of why i asked initially how it had went since you got back..

FWIW- a typical young RW ,if you tripped her trigger even a little,
 would have texted you before you landed to see if you got home ok ,, how you are , ,
generally showing some interest.Written you ,or even phoned you.
 
I know there are a few here that rail against the expression:
*if a RW likes you ,you will know it*
but as  a general rule it's much better to follow this advice,
 than to chase a woman you arn't sure is interested.. because odds are she isn't interested ,if she isn't clearly showing signs of it.

If you really truly have strong feelings for her , I wouldn't just  drop it,because  its entirely possible she felt confused during the visit.
So while i wouldn't greatly pursue ,
(as mentioned above far better to pursue one you know is into you)
i would at least call and "clear the air", let her know how you feel and where you stand.At least she then would know how you feel, and can continue or not depending on her,
 since  her current ambivalence is likely either from lack of interest, or because she felt a little rejected ..at least you'd find out which it is .
Knowing might help in future endeavors..

in any case good luck in the future!

[Manny]

     An update on the situation.  I believe this has turned into a single meeting between me and this woman.  Since I have been back I have called her twice, and both conversations were cut short by her for various reasons.  I had sent her an e-mail, and did not get a response from her.  During the second phone call she mentioned the e-mail, and said she had responded, but I never got it.  I sent the second e-mail, explaining I did not receive her reply, and I was assuming that I did not keep her interest.  Still haven't received a reply to that either.

You rejected her [in her mind]. She has moved on. April is a long way off. Its next year! (I know that you know that BTW) She has added "not serious" to her list of "why cppd is not for me" and cut you loose. Hey, it happens. Better it happens sooner than later.

You went. You enjoyed your time, you met nice folks, you came away with a broadened mind and maybe a better plan of how to play it next time. There will be hundreds of guys reading this that never had the testicular fortitude to even apply for a passport, let alone jump on a plane. You did both.

My advice is aim for one in her late twenties next time, and do it when you are in a position to visit several times in rapid succession.

To those who mentioned possible reluctance to progress the relationship with a kiddie in the house: Most women with kids (of any nationality) who date guys, have an inbuilt ability to keep one ear open at all times. Not terribly romantic perhaps, nor ideal you may think, but life goes on with or without kids. Anyone married with kids in the house will know that already. A three year old wont have a clue what's happening if they blundered in on proceedings anyway. She invested nine months in the guy already. The kid would be part of the package. It was a factor they would both would have to have gotten used to if the relationship had progressed. The kid being asleep in the next room is unlikely to make much of a dent in her intent to lasso her ardent swain.

[GQBlues]

If you really truly have strong feelings for her , I wouldn't just  drop it,because  its entirely possible she felt confused during the visit. So while i wouldn't greatly pursue ,
(as mentioned above far better to pursue one you know is into you) i would at least call and "clear the air", let her know how you feel and where you stand.At least she then would know how you feel, and can continue or not depending on her, since  her current ambivalence is likely either from lack of interest, or because she felt a little rejected ..at least you'd find out which it is . Knowing might help in future endeavors..

OK...it's Monday afternoon, the crickets are chirping and there's no QB at the huddle...so here goes.

AJ, do you really think that's a good idea? The OP neither have the personality nor the reason now to be looking for some type of closure. More times than not, this is what gets so many men in trouble. The worst that can happen to him now is start second-guessing himself at this juncture.

There's no denying he had strong feelings for her since he made the trip to begin with and even tried to keep in contact with her after coming home. Unfortunately for better or for worst, some guys will simply not glance at the world outside their lenses to get a different perspective. I say more power to them....

His last post seem to suggest that he's in a good frame of mind despite the latest event. I just as well leave things as they are at this point. If the girl have her own reason or issue, and assume she likes him just as much, I just as well leave any initiative with her to pursue the possibility.

My only advice to the OP if he plans to do this again next time...minimize the freakin' travel  time, man.

[Jumper]

GQ-
 

it does get humorous , but the OP didn't seem to mind the arm chair quarterbacking too much
and has taken it all quite well

In general you are likely right that it is  best to just drop it,
 he doesn't seem to need closure.
(and it is why i bolded the big IF at the start of the paragraph *shrugs*)

[kievstar]

I think the time between visits is the killer.  It is very hard to keep a young woman's interest with 6 months between trips.

The sex part was not the issue. 

I would encourage you to plan on making 4 trips a year if you want this to work out.  1 visit every 6-8 months is hard for younger women. 

[cppd508]

Thanks everyone.

     As for the closure part.  I did in the second e-mail, that I sent her, try to give her an opening, to reply if she wanted to.  I mentioned a little about the second e-mail. That it was about not receiving her reply to the first e-mail; and, I also mentioned I assumed I did not keep her interest during the visit.  I probably should clarify by giving a little more detail.  I also said, that I hoped I was wrong, and that I really felt some strong feelings for her, but that if she was not interested in a relationship that I hoped we could be friends.  (Not the exact words, but hopefully it clarifies that I am not just cutting and running).  So the ball was placed in her court, so to speak. 

     I agree with the assessment that had there been interest on her part, by now there would have been some sort of communication from her.  Right or wrong, I wanted to be fair and give her opportunity in case there was some legitimate reason for a delay in replying.  Just so no one makes the assumption that I was being foolish, I was not holding my breath waiting, though.

     I actually appreciate the "Monday morning quarterbacking."  I do not take it as personal attacks.  I felt that all of it was intended a constructive criticism of parts of the situation.  So I view it all as everyone helping me learn from the experience, and maybe even someone else who is going for the first time will get some knowledge from this thread.  Don't get me wrong, I am human, and truly wish things would have gone a different way; but, in the end I went knowing I was taking a chance.  I said early on, I broke one of the things that is often mentioned here, and had originally started corresponding with this woman through an agency, that is not exactly a favorite here.  So, I guess I am lucky that she was real.  I also knew there was risk that she could be what some have termed a "professional dater."  Again, I got lucky, and this woman did not ask me to take her only to the best places, or on shopping sprees.  So I was lucky in that all around she was genuine.  As for me, I was myself with her.  I did not try pretending to be something I am not.  So, in the end, I hope she feels the same way I do about the situation; that, sometimes things just do not work. 

     As for the trips, I fully agree with making trips frequently.  It really was my plan when I started the process.  When I started out, my plan was to make a first trip around the time I went.  Then if there was interest, to return sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Then again in the Spring.  I just had some unfortunate events happen around June and July, that required me to use my time off.  I went on this trip completely on unpaid leave from work.  When I got back from the trip, I asked my boss about the possibility of getting more unpaid leave either in December or January, and he said he would check.  I just found out tonight at work that it might be possible, but its kind of a mute point seeing as I have not heard from this girl.  While I was there, I even talked to the woman about me talking to friend of mine, to find out about the possibility of getting her and her daughter a tourist visa to visit me.  Another irony of the situation, he was willing to try and help me; but, again kind of a mute point at this stage. 

     So needless to say, I guess I have come full circle with this thread, right back to its title, "Taking a chance and making a visit."  I definitely took chances, and I went and visited.  It was great, with many great memories.  Part of me wished some things would have played out differently, but part of me accepts it was a chance.  I am happy I have some more experience, and that I have been able to get some input from people here; because, I definitely hope that in time, I will find someone new that makes me want to take another chance.  It really doesn't matter to me, where she will be from; what matters, is that she makes me feel like taking that chance. :-)