Men are from Mars, women from Venus.Society for those who want to understand

[Maxx2]

Frankly a man shouldn't care if he is understood by his woman. If he starts caring about that he's sunk. If a woman doesn't like him the way he is she can hit the road. Sia, I should repost my photo of Captain Picard if I have your permission. See I'm sunk with you already just by asking....



Maxx

[Muzh]

Frankly a man shouldn't care if he is understood by his woman. If he starts caring about that he's sunk.

Maxx

Please say you are joking.

[SMS60]

Frankly a man shouldn't care if he is understood by his woman. If he starts caring about that he's sunk. Maxx

Correct +1

But as you can see some men will act certain ways to get the reaction they want as GQ stated in the flower thread. These are the phony nice guys. They are not real. They do what they think the woman will like. For acceptance or validation. They sell their souls for the " look at me Im a nice guy"  appearance.

So, a man who sits around and worries about if a women understands him is more than sunk. he has no identity. His indentity is an act in the name of a women understanding him.

[JR]

Frankly a man shouldn't care if he is understood by his woman. If he starts caring about that he's sunk. If a woman doesn't like him the way he is she can hit the road. Sia, I should repost my photo of Captain Picard if I have your permission. See I'm sunk with you already just by asking....
Maxx

I have to say that I disagree with this. A man should care if his woman understands him. Without understanding there cannot be acceptance. There is a differnce between accepting someone for who they are and understanding who they are.

[Daveman]

Correct +1

But as you can see some men will act certain ways to get the reaction they want as GQ stated in the flower thread. These are the phony nice guys. They are not real. They do what they think the woman will like. For acceptance or validation. They sell their souls for the " look at me Im a nice guy"  appearance.

So, a man who sits around and worries about if a women understands him is more than sunk. he has no identity. His indentity is an act in the name of a women understanding him.

So how does it differ from simply doing something for the sole reason of putting a smile on the face of someone you care about? That's pretty much for the purpose of gaining a "reaction" from another.  How do these theories fit in to areas such as compromise, relationship building, etc? What's the basis for comparison between sincerity vs. selling one's soul? 

>>a man who sits around and worries about if a women understands him is more than sunk.<<

Yeah, I definitely agree with that.

[Sia]

Yes, women's share of hard, always something that we lack many things not seen, but many do not want to see .... no secret, and sadder still that there will never be, wherever and whenever we find a flaw in a man .... he can be beautiful as a god, intelligent, rich ....but would not regularly cover the tube of toothpaste .I as it is not strange because of this people divorce .Absurd absurd, but it's so .... eh ... why everything is so hard when so simple ))))))))

[Maxx2]

he can be beautiful as a god, intelligent, rich ....but would not regularly cover the tube of toothpaste .

That is because he thinks that is your job. He lives his life. He goes out and makes the money. Your job is to pick up after him, wash his clothes, cook his meals, scold him for his dirty boots (He likes that. Thinks it's cute), kiss him like an angel in the morning and love him like the devil when he comes home. Then he is happy. Yes, it is simple.

[SMS60]

So how does it differ from simply doing something for the sole reason of putting a smile on the face of someone you care about? That's pretty much for the purpose of gaining a "reaction" from another.  How do these theories fit in to areas such as compromise, relationship building, etc? What's the basis for comparison between sincerity vs. selling one's soul?  

Dave, a very complicated question with many opinions.Your key words are " you care about" and this term can take on many meanings and definitions.

But I would say when you expect nothing from doing something for someone. When people can be 100% honest about their intentions is when you know it was done for just a smile. If you are doing it for the purpose of making youeself feel better or appear better in someone eyes then its not genuine. Its not about the giver and when it is, things get cloudy.

Most of the time in the early stages of dating when a man does things like gifts. flowers and trying to please her every need its about him not her. He's trying to make an impression in a manipulating way. If most men are honest about this they will admit it but most will try and find justification of why that is not the reason. Hell, I have done some of this in the past and have regretted it. Its part of human nature.

Early in the "womans day flower thread" I asked the OP why he was wanting to send flowers to someone he has not met. He justified it because he wanted too (wanted too why??) If he was completely honest with the answer we would see it in a different light.

So, thats my answer.



 

[Sia]

everything is so strange.Yesterday smile did not leave my face, the world seemed simple and clear.People around me  were best friends and it seemed all possible.Today mood as like clouds obscured Sun.I want  blow up the world around to hell.
Fatigue, anger, apathy, it's not just the symptoms of an approaching mensis.This is when I want to curl up and hide myself under the  blanket with the head and stop time .
Happiness, love, acceptance, , joy .... words cliche .... no one knows them all meaning .But we stubbornly seek it in the faces of passers-by or casual lovers .... not liking themselves, not taking yourself to learn to respect yourself is not possible to give these feelings and energy partner.We looking what is already in us, but our eyes are hard not to notice this.Our hearts do not want to love .... our senses do not want to see, hear, touch .. just take-take-take with a tight smile on our politically correct sweet face.
One friend of mine told me.Yulia  you are foolish,you do not see how lucky you are ... You're a clever young and beautiful, you have no children, no responsibilities, and live for your pleasure and receive pleasure, even in bad times because I just felt something you live .
And I can not live the same way.Ineed to worry about someone, I need to strive for something to someone, grow, change, love and give love ... God, how am I tired

[Faux Pas]

Dave, a very complicated question with many opinions.Your key words are " you care about" and this term can take on many meanings and definitions.

But I would say when you expect nothing from doing something for someone. When people can be 100% honest about their intentions is when you know it was done for just a smile. If you are doing it for the purpose of making youeself feel better or appear better in someone eyes then its not genuine. Its not about the giver and when it is, things get cloudy.

Most of the time in the early stages of dating when a man does things like gifts. flowers and trying to please her every need its about him not her. He's trying to make an impression in a manipulating way. If most men are honest about this they will admit it but most will try and find justification of why that is not the reason. Hell, I have done some of this in the past and have regretted it. Its part of human nature.

Early in the "womans day flower thread" I asked the OP why he was wanting to send flowers to someone he has not met. He justified it because he wanted too (wanted too why??) If he was completely honest with the answer we would see it in a different light.

So, thats my answer.



 

SMS,

Some people obviously not all, enjoy doing things big or small, buying gifts, flowers or anything else that pleases someone not only or solely for the purpose of collecting brownie points. This transcends past society's perceived man/woman expectations of each other. Trust me here, I'm no feminist or politically correct type personality but, I enjoy doing things for my wife, buying her gifts and flowers, chores around the house. I do this because I want to make her happy and I expect nothing in return. Why do I want to? Because it makes me happy to make her happy. I truly want to do whatever makes my wife happy. Am I her tail wagging lapdog waiting for an order? Not in the slightest and I am never put out by her wants or needs. I am rewarded by her returning that same sentiment. She does want to make me happy.

I could relate to the OP you mentioned for only that reason. The lady in question was someone "he" cared about and wanted to show it. I applaud him for thinking of her even enough to pose that question here.

I'm quite shocked at your and Maxx's remarks. Most success relationships include a minimum of two parties IMHO

[Muzh]

Early in the "womans day flower thread" I asked the OP why he was wanting to send flowers to someone he has not met. He justified it because he wanted too (wanted too why??) If he was completely honest with the answer we would see it in a different light.
 

I'm sorry but why did he or any of us has to justify anything based on impulse? He DID answer honestly to you; because he wanted to. He felt good doing it. Period.

When I get home I'll give my wife a big wet kiss. Why? Do you really care? Ah, but I already know her. Well, before we met face to face I sent her some flowers and a card for women's day. Why? Because I felt good doing it. Do you really care?

If you don't want to do any of that, that's your prerogative and none of my business. Please understand that if I tell you you are wrong you are more than justified to tell me to F**K off and I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Why? Do I really care?

Why do you want to treat women like that? Would it shine some light on your POV? I really don't care since it is YOUR life and you live it your own way. I really don't care.

On a lighter side, I found this letter to an advice columnist.

I am 67 and my roommate is 62. He and I could be out dating every night of the week. We get calls here like it is a fraternity house. I think it's because we know how to treat women.

I hear other men our age complain they can't get a date or find the "right" woman. They say they are lonely, always being "used," etc. I tell them: Get a life! Think of someone besides yourself.

My buddy and I think in terms of what would please the lady. Other guys think a romantic date is grabbing a bite at a fast-food restaurant, renting a violent movie, or flopping at the woman's house and falling asleep after she's made him a home-cooked meal. I say: Learn to dance, get some new clothes, ask a woman what her interests are. I did it, and I've learned to enjoy art shows, plays, visiting flea markets, etc.

A lady once told me, "You don't need a woman. You are a great cook, and you iron better than I do." My answer to her was, "Those are not the things I need a lady for."

So, my advice to lonely old men is this: Get your act together! As Auntie Mame said, "Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death." -- HAVING A PEACH OF A TIME IN GEORGIA

[SMS60]

I'm quite shocked at your and Maxx's remarks. Most success relationships include a minimum of two parties IMHO

Join the crowd, Im shocked everytime I log in and read about grown men asking if they should or shouldnt do this or that.

Of course you knucklehead, shes your wife. Not some chic you are just getting to know.

[SMS60]

Would it shine some light on your POV? I really don't care since it is YOUR life and you live it your own way. I really don't care.

Yes you do or would not have brought it up.

It would be really helpful if people could distinguish the relationship of the people we are talking about. Married, engaged, dating, and chasing are all different.

My POV is usually about dating and finding the right woman. I see too many men chose the wrong woman to get serious with. When they are single and looking they have a choice at that particular time in the game. He can up his chances of finding Ms right if he dont lose his head and use restraint in his interactions with the woman.

My POV
Thank you

[Faux Pas]

Join the crowd, Im shocked everytime I log in and read about grown men asking if they should or shouldnt do this or that.

Of course you knucklehead, shes your wife. Not some chic you are just getting to know.

You know, it couldn't hurt if at times you could try to relate to a newbie on some level or have you always known everything about everything?  

IMO. most newbies (and I was included at one time) don't know shyt from shinola and FSUW might just as well be from another planet. That is a prevalent line of thought among most newbies. For some reason many feel that "normal" boy meet girl rules do not apply. Common logic tells us that they do but for some reason 90% don't possess that logic.

[JR]

everything is so strange.Yesterday smile did not leave my face, the world seemed simple and clear.People around me  were best friends and it seemed all possible.Today mood as like clouds obscured Sun.I want  blow up the world around to hell.
Fatigue, anger, apathy, it's not just the symptoms of an approaching mensis.This is when I want to curl up and hide myself under the  blanket with the head and stop time .
Happiness, love, acceptance, , joy .... words cliche .... no one knows them all meaning .But we stubbornly seek it in the faces of passers-by or casual lovers .... not liking themselves, not taking yourself to learn to respect yourself is not possible to give these feelings and energy partner.We looking what is already in us, but our eyes are hard not to notice this.Our hearts do not want to love .... our senses do not want to see, hear, touch .. just take-take-take with a tight smile on our politically correct sweet face.
One friend of mine told me.Yulia  you are foolish,you do not see how lucky you are ... You're a clever young and beautiful, you have no children, no responsibilities, and live for your pleasure and receive pleasure, even in bad times because I just felt something you live .
And I can not live the same way.Ineed to worry about someone, I need to strive for something to someone, grow, change, love and give love ... God, how am I tired

Ah woman, how it is yours to change your mood)) See what I mean about the devil? Always making us dis-satisfied with....whatever. Tomorrow is another day luv, another chance. Let us see how you will change.

[Sia]

Little blue, thanks for your concern. I'll be like Scarlett O Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow

[Muzh]

Yes you do or would not have brought it up.

BZZZZZZZZZZZ
Wrong again. A simple response just letting you know that you are not the owner for all the answers.

It would be really helpful if people could distinguish the relationship of the people we are talking about. Married, engaged, dating, and chasing are all different.

Th OP is a single man in communication (read: chasing) with a single RW. I believe that is what he said.

I am married as it shows under my avatar.

The two old geezers on the sample letter in my previous response are obviously single and enjoying it.

That should be clear enough.

I see too many men chose the wrong woman to get serious with. When they are single and looking they have a choice at that particular time in the game. He can up his chances of finding Ms right if he dont lose his head and use restraint in his interactions with the woman.

And how is this my or your problem? If you are so concerned a simple "you F**ked up" should suffice. Repeating the same phrase 10 thousand times is not going to change anything, nor is worrying that too many of them are F**king up. Even worse is asking for an explanation why they "insist" on F**king up.

Just my two cents

[/quote]

[SMS60]

And how is this my or your problem? If you are so concerned a simple "you F**ked up" should suffice. Repeating the same phrase 10 thousand times is not going to change anything, nor is worrying that too many of them are F**king up. Even worse is asking for an explanation why they "insist" on F**king up.

Its not my problem. But an opinion opposite of the enablers(you) is helpful for a person wanting all opinions.

I never said I know it all. I just give my opinions.

I do have a problem with a grown man melting down with high school type rants.

[Muzh]

Its not my problem. But an opinion opposite of the enablers(you) is helpful for a person wanting all opinions.

I never said I know it all. I just give my opinions.

I do have a problem with a grown man melting down with high school type rants.

Enabler? Highschool type rants?

Boy, are you an angry one!

Or are you jealous?

Besides, you are not expressing an opinion any more. You are having a problem with it.

[Anotherkiwi]

Nonsense; any human can perfectly understand any other human if they make an effort to understand and be understood, i.e. behave rationally and communicate clearly.  It takes a bit of training, but it's not impossible. 

A guy in California was wandering along the beach one day and happened to spot what he thought was an old metal teapot wedged under a rock.  He pulled it out, gave it a quick rub to see what it was made of, and fell on his bum in amazement as a genie came swirling out of the spout.  The genie was full of gratitude for the guy rescuing him (as genies are)  :hipdude:, and said that he could grant him one wish (not the usual three - maybe he hadn't finished his training  ), as big as he wanted  , but that it couldn't be wishing for an unlimited number of wishes  .

The guy thought for a minute, then said "Well, I've always wanted to see Hawaii.  Could you build me a road so that I could drive there?"  The genie looked at him as if he was crazy.  "Are you serious?  Do you know how much concrete that would take?  How much time and effort?  All the geological problems?  All the predators in the ocean?..." and on and on for a few minutes.  "Are you really sure?  I mean, can't you think of something simpler?"  The guy thought again for a few seconds and said "Well, you could let me understand women!" 

The genie looked at him and said "Do you want two lanes or four on that road?"

 

[Maxx2]

Little blue, thanks for your concern. I'll be like Scarlett O Hara, I'll think about it tomorrow

Sia, interesting that a few hours ago I was thinking about Miss O Hara and wondered if you knew about the book "Gone With The Wind" or "Scarlett" as the Russians call it. The reason I thought of it was on account of the character Rhett Butler, the perfect Alpha male that women are so easily attracted to. How sensitive was Rhett to Scarlett's emotions? Did he soften himself and become her plaything bowing to her every emotion and whim and being careful not to get her upset? No, he told her hard truths in no uncertain terms and set limits. She hated him for it.  She had met Rhett when she was young and had her head filled with all sorts of silly notions of what kind of man she needed. Later as she matured she realised he was a MAN and someone whom she could count on unlike her pathetic beta male Ashley Wilkes. If she had married Ashley no doubt she would looked upon him with contempt like she did her second husband Frank Kennedy, another pathetic beta male who was frightened of her temper. Problem for Scarlett was that she didn't realise who and what she really needed until it was too late. Russia, Ukraine and America are filled with Scarletts. The smart ones see through the propaganda of feminism and "women's solidarity" and value the alpha in their men.  

[GQBlues]

everything is so strange.Yesterday smile did not leave my face, the world seemed simple and clear.People around me  were best friends and it seemed all possible.Today mood as like clouds obscured Sun.I want  blow up the world around to hell. Fatigue, anger, apathy, it's not just the symptoms of an approaching mensis.This is when I want to curl up and hide myself under the  blanket with the head and stop time . Happiness, love, acceptance, , joy .... words cliche .... no one knows them all meaning .But we stubbornly seek it in the faces of passers-by or casual lovers .... not liking themselves, not taking yourself to learn to respect yourself is not possible to give these feelings and energy partner.We looking what is already in us, but our eyes are hard not to notice this.Our hearts do not want to love .... our senses do not want to see, hear, touch .. just take-take-take with a tight smile on our politically correct sweet face. One friend of mine told me.Yulia  you are foolish,you do not see how lucky you are ... You're a clever young and beautiful, you have no children, no responsibilities, and live for your pleasure and receive pleasure, even in bad times because I just felt something you live . *And I can not live the same way. I need to worry about someone,*  *I need to strive for something to someone, grow, change, love and give love ... God, how am I tired*

EGADS! Boje moy! You are one high-maintenance, energy vampire...

A very popular coined-phrase by Mr. 'T' comes to mind for someone...You may keep your Ginger and I'll keep my Mary Anne.

[Maxx2]

EGADS! Boje moy! You are one high-maintenance, energy vampire...

A very popular coined-phrase by Mr. 'T' comes to mind for someone...You may keep your Ginger and I'll keep my Mary Anne.

That was not a nice thing to say. I think she is a very sweet lady and am glad she is here. Why this and that with Boetheius? (I forget the spelling of her name) 

[Sia]

Sia, interesting that a few hours ago I was thinking about Miss O Hara and wondered if you knew about the book "Gone With The Wind" or "Scarlett" as the Russians call it. The reason I thought of it was on account of the character Rhett Butler, the perfect Alpha male that women are so easily attracted to. How sensitive was Rhett to Scarlett's emotions? Did he soften himself and become her plaything bowing to her every emotion and whim and being careful not to get her upset? No, he told her hard truths in no uncertain terms and set limits. She hated him for it.  She had met Rhett when she was young and had her head filled with all sorts of silly notions of what kind of man she needed. Later as she matured she realised he was a MAN and someone whom she could count on unlike her pathetic beta male Ashley Wilkes. If she had married Ashley no doubt she would looked upon him with contempt like she did her second husband Frank Kennedy, another pathetic beta male who was frightened of her temper. Problem for Scarlett was that she didn't realise who and what she really needed until it was too late. Russia, Ukraine and America are filled with Scarletts. The smart ones see through the propaganda of feminism and "women's solidarity" and value the alpha in their men.  

 I do not belong to the category of women who see this as a product of propaganda of feminism. On the contrary, a wonderful book, wonderful story, not soap snot, but a reality such as it is, rather was sorry. For myself, I learned a different lesson than the situation with the choice A-man.For my revelation was another, better today than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. Faith, hope, love-the three main pillars that can change a person beyond recognition and turn your home into a real kitten lioness If the question of the protection that is so valuable, such as close friends and family.
There is another truth, written by Mitchell, but it is more profound in content and I would not like to write about it on forume.Mnogie can join the debate and to distort the meaning.

[GQBlues]

That was not a nice thing to say. I think she is a very sweet lady and am glad she is here. Why this and that with Boetheius? (I forget the spelling of her name) 

I have no doubt Sia is a *sweet* woman, Dave. LOL. But I bet that isn't *really* the adjective you wanted to use, yes?

Anyway, be honest, what do you think of the post I quoted above?