Stereotypes and perceived age discrepancy

[neo]

Have you or your brother been married to woman 10 years older?

my aunt was married to a guy 16 years her junior.
my other aunt was married to a guy 12 years her senior (at 19).

both were same nationality marriages.

I don't get the point. as has been common sense pointed out when 2 people are grown adults they are completely free to choose the age, sex, race, height, nerdiness of their partner and absoloutely nobody in society is in a position to judge.

is it wrong for a victoria secrets model to marry a paraplegic in a wheelchair because she is tall and beautiful???

people are obsessed with trying to get everyone to fit into a socially acceptable box that does not offend anyone.

fuck everyone i say. live your own life. as long as no laws are broken, nobody is paid and nobody gets hurt its a non-debate.

"young girls should not marry old guys'
'white women should not marry black men'

one of these is a racist statement and illegal. one is a ageist statement and one every bitch+her+Dog throw around.

one protects ethnic minorities.
the other protects old women who don't look so hot in lingerie.

both are equally wrong since they infringe the human rights of a fellow man to go about his lawful business in peace and without judgement by others.

and i am not defending age gaps, I am defending liberty.

[I/O]

Have any of you run into this?

Yes.

Would be curious what others experience with this has been?

Not worth talking about.

At the end of the day it's their problem and not mine

No, it's your problem and you'd (both) better learn to deal with it fairly quickly if you're to survive.

it is taking me by surprise a little bit.

As it does.

[Aloe]

my aunt was married to a guy 16 years her junior.
my other aunt was married to a guy 12 years her senior (at 19).

both were same nationality marriages.

I don't get the point. as has been common sense pointed out when 2 people are grown adults they are completely free to choose the age, sex, race, height, nerdiness of their partner and absoloutely nobody in society is in a position to judge.

is it wrong for a victoria secrets model to marry a paraplegic in a wheelchair because she is tall and beautiful???

people are obsessed with trying to get everyone to fit into a socially acceptable box that does not offend anyone.

*snip* everyone i say. live your own life. as long as no laws are broken, nobody is paid and nobody gets hurt its a non-debate.

"young girls should not marry old guys'
'white women should not marry black men'

one of these is a racist statement and illegal. one is a ageist statement and one every bitch+her+Dog throw around.

one protects ethnic minorities.
the other protects old women who don't look so hot in lingerie.

both are equally wrong since they infringe the human rights of a fellow man to go about his lawful business in peace and without judgement by others.

and i am not defending age gaps, I am defending liberty.

How much are they paying you to mention victoria secret in every post?  Why not say "lingerie model" or something. This entire victoria victoria victoria victoria everywhere is starting to sound like a commercial. 

[neo]

i have their catalogue here Aloe. its a good companion read to the solo traveller and i have trouble typing ligenrie on my macbook (see?)

[pitbull]

one protects ethnic minorities.
the other protects old women who don't look so hot in lingerie.

both are equally wrong since they infringe the human rights of a fellow man to go about his lawful business in peace and without judgement by others.

I think this is also about what one can afford. Old men don't look hot in underwear either, you know. That's why older women with money increasingly prefer young hunks to old baldies. If you can afford a young hot piece of flesh at your older age - why not?

[GQBlues]

my aunt was married to a guy 16 years her junior. my other aunt was married to a guy 12 years her senior (at 19).  (....) and i am not defending age gaps, I am defending liberty.

You make a good point with this post, neo. Yet, despite the fact, like you I don't advocate marrying someone from a different society than our own, including FSU, let alone one with an age gap.

According to my wife, a Russian 20 years younger than myself, I'll always be her Mr. Right. I never debated the reason as to why she tells me that because I swiftly understood what the many have said before, RWs immediately after marriage to an AM, they immediately transform to Mrs. Always Right.

Resistance is futile.

i have their catalogue here Aloe. its a good companion read to the solo traveller and i have trouble typing ligenrie on my macbook (see?)

You're the first person (man) I know alive who 'read' anything in a VS catalogue. Heck, I don't even notice the lingeries myself  

[mies]

people are obsessed with trying to get everyone to fit into a socially acceptable box that does not offend anyone.

Neo, you are jumping into different topic for no reason.

Originally the age discussion started with the remark that 9 years is a "very small" age gap.
Now, you admit that there is certain "socially acceptable" box.

You follow my logic until now?
let us proceed to the next step:

what are the possible age differences? All possible age gaps Є [0,85] roughly speaking
0
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
...
15
...
20
...
and so on

now put approximate percentage of population with that age gap in relationship or marriage next to each number.

I am sure that cumulatively at least 70% will have age gap less than 9 years. Solely based on this fact, 9 years isn't a VERY SMALL difference. It's the fact. Plain and simple.

I really don't care what are individual preferences across the population. If people are happy together - let them be happy. Although, you just made a typical slip, by stating that 9 years isn't quite socially acceptable. your words, not mine and what kind of argument are you going to make now?  
see, i do not criticize relationships with large age gap, i merely state the fact that there are age differences much smaller than 9 years, and they are more common. You, on the contrary, present large age gaps as something very wonderful, but not socially acceptable. Why?

[Gator]

Mies,

I agree with you.  Dating and marrying people of the same age group is natural and statistically predominant.  Until I was introduced to RW in my golden years, my life had been with women in my age group with some brief exceptions that were more dalliances than anything else.

When I was a senior in high school, I felt more comfortable with women my age, 18.  I felt a little odd dating one sophomore.  No one was critical because she had one of the largest and proudest racks in the school.  I never got to feel one, however.   

And upon reaching my university, I was a wall flower my freshmen year.  Upon becoming an upperclassmen, I did not date a high school girl except on a couple of rare occasions.  A 30-something cougar would now and then ask some of us from the frat house to come over, but that doesn't count. 

I married just after graduating, someone two years younger than me, a future attorney from New York, and we stayed married 10 years, divorcing because we had no kids.  After that, I dated all sorts of young girls (18-25) and a couple of intelligent, classy Euro babes in their early 30s. I loved the foreign women.  I wanted to raise a family,  so I married again, not a much younger woman, but someone 4 years younger than me.  And we would remark how much younger she was.  She was  HOT and pursued by professional ball players 10 years younger than her and YPOers 20 years older.  She chose me.   We had two sons and stayed married 25 years until her depression....

Then I started dating RW who were 20-30 years younger than me.   Why?  I was looking to travel and have a good time, and these young women seemed like a fantastic "25-Year Divorce Survival Kit." I married the youngest of the lot after 6 years of on and off dating.  Mistake.  The marriage lasted a little over a year, and the age disparity was part of the problem, but far from the whole problem.

Maybe I am attracted only to 18-33 yo women regardless of my age.  Just kidding.  The Cossack woman I adore is 20 years younger.  I feel so lucky.  Forgive me Mies, my age group has few remaining morsels, and I do enjoy the women's young children. 

To reinforce your point,  I have a lot of friends my age.  I assert that the happiest men are those still married to their first wife.  Not that staying married is the answer.  No, their wives are phenomenal people, who have aged gracefully. 

Then there is the ultimate explanation for why older men date younger women:  because they can.

[Shostakovich]

Ah oui, circling back to this one again.

Age does not favor a woman, but in reality it does, as a woman of 20 +/- creates far more interest than her abilities betoken.  Nature pays you back.  And likewise that sallow faced man of 20, $35K/yr - a diamond in the rough, who they turn their noses up at, finds himself without interest and at 40 and six figures+ has his pick of the lot. 

All the mysteries constellate around a single theme - reproduction, but the subject masquerades around the object.

[SomeGuy]

"young girls should not marry old guys'
'white women should not marry black men'

one of these is a racist statement and illegal. one is a ageist statement and one every bitch+her+Dog throw around.

one protects ethnic minorities.
the other protects old women who don't look so hot in lingerie.

Excuse me?  Are you saying that stating either one of the above opinions is illegal? ??? 
Attempting to pass a law and enforce either of the above would be problematic, but neither one is "illegal."  Please clarify.

Neither one impact me personally, but let's not make up laws that don't exist; we have enough of those already!

[Billgreen54]

Have fun with the age difference.  If two people really love each other, age won't matter.  That said, twenty years is about the maximum gap.  Larisa and I are 19 years apart and it's rare that we ever discuss age.  It's never been a problem for us, but we do often laugh at the guys in their 60's and 70's shopping with the twenty somethings.

[Faux Pas]

Have fun with the age difference.  If two people really love each other, age won't matter.  That said, twenty years is about the maximum gap.  Larisa and I are 19 years apart and it's rare that we ever discuss age.  It's never been a problem for us, but we do often laugh at the guys in their 60's and 70's shopping with the twenty somethings.

Is there any coincidence that you believe a maximum age gap is 20 years and yours with your wife is 19?  How by chance did you arrive at such a number?

[mies]

All the mysteries constellate around a single theme - reproduction, but the subject masquerades around the object.

no one objects that reproduction is important. However, the ability to produce quality offsprings reduces in males with age, as well as it does in females. If anyone interested would care to learn facts about wild nature, they would be able to find out that old males are habitually forced out from the mating pool by younger males. This is a normal and evolutionary justified process of allowing to reproduce only to those individuals who can have quality offsprings and pass to them quality genetic material. And technically, from the moment the "mature ones" can no longer compete with younger individuals, they cannot reproduce. You can also look at this issue from the point of view of apoptosis theory and progressively increasing number of DNA defects as individual ages. Taking into account the differences in formation of male and female sex cells, it is much more likely that older male will have defected cells/genetic material, than older female would. The fact that an old male (of any species) is physically capable to conjugate, does not mean that he is able to reproduce or he has any value from the point of view of species survival and evolution.
All the masquerades is devised by people who need to find "quasi-scientific" reasons to validate their choices. Naturally, most of those people never really dig deep enough into human physiology (normal or pathological), nor into species biology and ecology. Otherwise - they would not be making arguable and sometimes ignorant statements.  

[JR]

my other aunt was married to a guy 12 years her senior (at 19).

She was ?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!!?

WOW!!!!

[Chaquan]

I really think your approach wrong. A nine-year age difference is very small. If two people respect and mutual interest, age differences do not matter. This is especially true as a woman approaching 30...

[OlgaH]

Regarding reproduction here is an interesting article

It Seems the Fertility Clock Ticks for Men, Too
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/27/health/27sper.html?pagewanted=1

[JR]

You're the first person (man) I know alive who 'read' anything in a VS catalogue. Heck, I don't even notice the lingeries myself  

VS has writing??!?!??!? How did I miss that???

[Bruce]

Age is only a number.   Looks are the most important thing here.   A girl must look better than her guy.   As long as the girl looks better than the guy the relationship has a chance of surviving.   A woman's self confidence has something to do with that.   Once they hit the USA they tend to increase their self confidence so guys have to keep their game.  Always a wildcard for guys - money hides a lot of ugly!
 
Met my wife when she was 24 and I was 43.   Two children and nine years later, no problem......and she still looks way better than me!

[Saltheart]

I've gotten over this one- I am embarrased it affected me to begin with.

Jesus I got some growing to do...

[JR]

Men never grow up around pretty, young women they think they can have. It's the ultimate age recuding agent....turns the clock right back to where we're 17 )))
 
Good luck to ya

[Saltheart]

Men never grow up around pretty, young women they think they can have. It's the ultimate age recuding agent....turns the clock right back to where we're 17 )))
 
Good luck to ya

It certainly does!  9 years isn't a HUGE difference, but there is definitely "some" difference...mainly, she has more energy than I do...I'm more of a homebody.  Going great though, we're getting married Oct 1st.  I'm a happy camper.

-Salty

[brian131]

9 years is no big deal even here in the US.  My ex was 12 years younger.

A very intelligent and beautiful AW I know said, "Better to be an old man's darling than a young man's slave."  Beyond that, some women ARE actually attracted to the calmness, confidence and stability that (usually comes with age).  I suspect that some also feel more comfortable about their ability to keep you.

She'll adapt somewhat to your age, make sure you adapt to her age.  If she still likes to go dancing and you don't, make a concession or find someone who doesn't.

If you end up married, help her find a job and then send her flowers at work.  Her friends will immediately understand and start asking her about you and considering an older man themselves.  She obviously has no problem with the age difference, but having friends that understand is a great thing.

[Gator]

It certainly does!  9 years isn't a HUGE difference, but there is definitely "some" difference...mainly, she has more energy than I do...I'm more of a homebody.  Going great though, we're getting married Oct 1st.  I'm a happy camper.

-Salty

Congratulations!  We were predicting this from the beginning days. 
 
Consulted with an immigration attorney?

[MarkLeftTX]

     The most important thing with any woman you are considering marrying is: "Can I picture her in my life?"
     This is not the question that most guys ask. Not if they are honest. They instead ask things like: "How will she look in my bed?" or "How jealous will my Ex be when she sees her?" or "Can you imagine how my buddies will react when they see me with her at the super bowl party?"
     Or some such stupid question.
     What you should always think about is more like: "How will I feel introducing her to my kid's teacher?" or "What will my family think when they meet her?" or "What will the reaction be at church, the PTA, and my kid's soccer league?"
     My wife is 11 years younger than I am. She was 31 when she came here, and I was 42. No one has ever remarked about our age difference. At our ages, it doesn't show much -- although it takes more and more work on my part to keep that going.
     My wife works out every day. A little while back, I was tired and made some crack about it being natural because I was getting old, and she was not amused. "I don't want to hear about your getting  old. Unless you want to hear about me getting fat."
     And since I don't... you better believe I stay active. Walking, bicycling, working out... whatever it takes. I refuse to look like my wife's father -- or even older brother. We want to look like a couple.
     I'm just saying that you need to remember that an age difference is a cool thing some of the time, but it also carries with it responsibility on your part.
     The only one who doesn't mind being with an old man is an old woman. When you marry someone younger, you either need to adapt, or prepare to be left... because you will be.

[Gator]

Mark,
 
RW and lazy are mutually exclusive terms, especially a younger RW.
 
It is good.  Good for your health, energy and well being.