Taking a "break" for a few days

[scafidi454]

 
 
My question to all of the Russian women is: Have you ever wanted or taken a break in your relationship? If so, how did it turn out?
 

A purposeful break in relationship would be something that I never heard of in Russia. Any breaks that I have seen were caused by external circumstances, like a business trip for one partner while another stays at home and is waiting for him or her. Sometimes even people mentioned that ' they were tired of their partner and are glad that they had to leave him or her for a while'. They would never think of mentioning to the partner that they were sick of him or her and wanted to part .  Any break was a result of other obligations that are not related to relationships, and the relationship break was a rather secondary effect.

[n_lalala]

Looks like people here are lucky and have never faced such a problem:)

Well, here is my experience:
It was sunday when me and my boyfriend had a quarrel. And by the time the quarrel was about to be over, one of us suggested to have a break til wednesday, and then we said "bye" to each other. Well, break after quarrel is even worse than just a break that two people calmly discussed, and decided they actually need it.
I started missing my boyfriend right after ending the call. Fortunately, the break was over on Monday:)
No changes after that...probably more love only.


You know... I must admit that i've never known what should people do during this break... The only thing i did was just missing my favourite voice and smile, and i couldn't concentrate on my studyings or smth else.

I don't know whether your break is already over, but i think that if you miss her, you should just email or text her "i miss you." instead of sitting and waiting when she says that it is time to stop the break. Because, you know, in such situatinons, girs are usuallly waiting for such a behaviour!
Maybe you were too cold towards her lately, and she decided that YOU need a break, and she might be waiting for your actions now:) (this is more typical for girls than all those "soul-searchings" that they say they need).

Good luck!
Hope i could somehow help you:)

[Lily]

scafidi454, sorry for altering your post, it was not my intention. I wanted only to reply, but unintentionally modified your post

I will ask help from administrators to restore your post.

[scafidi454]

Wow - All of those MOD powers are getting used!!! Thanks!

[Lily]

scafidi434, I am terribly sorry, my intention was to quote and not to modify your post. My sincere apologies!

[scafidi454]

NO, Все хорошо!!!
 
I don't want to break our agreement to call each other once per week on Monday, but I desperately want to call her. I don't know how she will react if I call earlier than Monday.

[scafidi454]

Today is day #2 ... She is in Moscow this weekend for an interview, and to look at some apartments for rent (if she gets the job). So, maybe she's pretty busy, and I should call her on Monday anyway....

[n_lalala]

Well, you know her better for sure, and you should feel whether calling her earlier than monday will be ok or not.
But if this break doesn't give you any good feelings, you only miss her and i guess you think about calling her every 5 minutes:) ... maybe you should at least offer her to call each as often as you used to, but spend less time talking?


When i was too busy with my studyings, i thought that probably we needed to take a break for a week or two.. but then i realized that no matter how busy you are, you can always find 5 minutes (or at least 1 that would be enough, too) to make a call or just send an email, and there is no need in torturing yourself and your partner.

[scafidi454]

I think that our break is more in-depth. She and I met here in America while she still had a boyfriend in RUS - She broke up with him after we met, but I told her that I feel like she didn't have time between relationships. And that she didn't really choose me out of several of her options.


I know it's kind of stupid, but I'm serious about this girl. I don't want that 2, 5, or 10 years from now for her to say that she wish she didn't rush into a serious relationship.

This is why we are taking a short break.

She did get her job in Moscow (I called early...), but we're going to talk in her Monday morning (my Sunday night) as we scheduled originally.


She has a lot to do (i.e. logistics for moving to Moskva, finding apartment/room, and moving).

[chivo]

I'm guessing you cancelled your trip and visa. Is this correct?
 
I haven't kept up on your situation so maybe I missed something.

[scafidi454]

No - I am still waiting on my visa. I should know by June 16th about the visa, but we entered this conversation the other day. I actually brought up the question, but I think it's better to know before we go further in our life.

[GoodOlBoy]

... she still had a boyfriend in RUS - She broke up with him after we met, but I told her that I feel like she didn't have time between relationships. And that she didn't really choose me out of several of her options.

This was definitely the wrong thing to say. 
She doesn't think like AG's.
You really have A LOT to learn about RW Scafidi454.
 
GOB

[chivo]

No - I am still waiting on my visa. I should know by June 16th about the visa, but we entered this conversation the other day. I actually brought up the question, but I think it's better to know before we go further in our life.

I'm also not getting a good vibe from this.
 
Did she initiate the break up? And was it because she's in the process of moving to Moscow?
Does she still want you to come after she settles?

[scafidi454]

We're not doing it only because she's moving to Moscow - I'll let you know more when I know more.

[Gator]

I'm also not getting a good vibe from this.
 

Same here.  N-Lalala explained she needed a break, yet...
 

then i realized that no matter how busy you are, you can always find 5 minutes (or at least 1 that would be enough, too) to make a call or just send an email, and there is no need in torturing yourself and your partner.

I see no reason to not talk with someone with whom you have had a close relationship and who is endeavoring to take it to the next level including a visit soon.
 
Scafidi - this "break" is torturing you.   Unlike you, she seems indifferent.  You are on two different wavelengths.  Bad sign IMO.  No one is that busy that they don't have time to send you a short email. 
 
Maybe there is a personality conflict?  Repeat, maybe.  Independent women usually do not like clingy men.  Is it possible that you are clingy? You don't need to answer, yet I suggest you read about examples of clingy/obsessive behavior that annoys independent women.  There are plenty of women who are not so independent.  Personally, I do not like clingy women.

[Maxx2]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWWDm9x48ak[/youtube]

[n_lalala]

+1, GOB.
If a guy told me i need a break before starting new relationship...i would be confused. I would agree, but my attitude would change.
If she did not have a break before new relationship, it means she did not want it! If she did not want to have new SERIOUS relationship (not just some flirt to forget her ex), believe me, she would not give you a reason to think that your relationship may be serious!
If a guy can give a hope that a relationship may grow into something very serious and special, but in fact he just wants to "have fun"...well, girls are different!



And one more thing i want to add. I know, people are different, but when i have changes in my life, i need my boyfriend a lot! And here we are talking about moving to Moscow, getting a new job...They all are changes! Doesn't she need your support?  Well, she's a strong woman then...

[LAman]

+1, GOB.
If a guy told me i need a break before starting new relationship...i would be confused. I would agree, but my attitude would change.
If she did not have a break before new relationship, it means she did not want it! If she did not want to have new SERIOUS relationship (not just some flirt to forget her ex), believe me, she would not give you a reason to think that your relationship may be serious!
If a guy can give a hope that a relationship may grow into something very serious and special, but in fact he just wants to "have fun"...well, girls are different!
  

Does this include someone divorcing? There is much talk about not being first guy in a relationship with a recent divorcee(?).

[scafidi454]

Ok guys - Thanks for all of the input - As of right now, I think that she feels smothered, because I call her every day. Many of the Russian women on this site could probably tell you for sure that it is like work trying to talk or write in English if you are not completely fluent. Furthermore, she is in the process of uprooting her life from where she was very well known for most of her life and moving to Moscow (one of the largest cities in the world).

Most of you can agree to this:

-She has limited resources

-She is starting over in a big city, alone.

-She doesn't have a place to live in Moscow yet, only a job that she must go to!!!

-She has an American boyfriend who needs some attention

And I think that I can sum up, for now at least, that she needs some time to focus on starting her life in Moscow. I don't know how long it will be, and I don't think she does either. When I talked to her today she was angry that I tried calling her many times from 7:00a.m. - 11:00a.m. in Moscow time. I admit, I did call too much. However, I was expecting to talk to her today, and I didn't know what time she started her new job.

I also told her how I felt about the break, and how I think she is trying to break our relationship. She told me that she is working to keep the relationship, and that this break is going to help that (I think she is just really stressed right now).

There are some issues that the two of us will have to work out. Mainly, what will it be like if we live together. We will be together almost every day, unless we're on alternating schedules, and I don't know if she expects to be able to just get up and leave when she thinks we talk too much.

P.S. I think it's getting to be about that time of the month for her, but I don't think that's the main factor...

For now, if I just play it cool, live with the temporary break, and don't get too crazy about everything I think we're going to be ok.

Even if she and I were to break up, I don't have someone to run into another relationship with. So, I think I should just wait, even though I over-analyze things too much when I have too much time on my hands.
 
I agree with many key points of your posts, but I think this case is somewhat different. Time will only tell.
 

[Gator]

I agree with many key points of your posts, but I think this case is somewhat different. Time will only tell.

"This time, it is different."  A lot of money lost on Wall Street because of those words.  The good women are indeed different.  The problem is that some bad ones can also seem different.  Whatever, I wish you the best.  You are young, so enjoy your life. 

[GoodOlBoy]

When I talked to her today she was angry that I tried calling her many times from 7:00a.m. - 11:00a.m. in Moscow time. I admit, I did call too much. However, I was expecting to talk to her today, and I didn't know what time she started her new job.

It has been said over and over again on RWD:

"When a RW is into you, you will know it". 
 
Good Luck.
 
GOB

[Jumper]

She's just not that into you,
 
just  springs to mind.
 
 
Yes if you are calling evey 5 minutes or being overly obsessive , i can see her asking you to back off.
 
If you are calling once a day..
not so much.
in fact i'd say if she was really into the relationship she'd:
 
1.either be calling or texting you daily,
or
2. expecting you to do so.
(no, not every 5 minutes)
 
 
overall it seems like your relationship is already a lot of work, in the very early honeymoon /infatuation stage..
where all should be fairly rosey,or in this case missing each other.
 
If you both arnt quickly comfortable with each other, and in tune  with how much time you spend together,
 or in communication,
 then it just seems like you are fighting an uphill battle for what end?
 
You tell her how you feel, then let things fall where they may.
 
As n_lalala said, relocating to a new place, her uncertainty ,
would generally tend to drive her closer to you as a confidant, and wanting contact from her best friend.
This would have  her contacting you when her day is over, or wanting you to.Looking forwarrd to the contact of her favorite person.
 
 
 
but everyone is different!
 the above is my general observations, worth what you
pay for them
 
 
 

[SMS60]

Translation from "woman speak" to clear English............ I'm not interested anymore but dont have the guts to tell you straight up. But please keep in touch just in case i change my mind and need some more attention.

[Maxx2]

As n_lalala said, relocating to a new place, her uncertainty ,
would generally tend to drive her closer to you as a confidant, and wanting contact from her best friend.
This would have  her contacting you when her day is over, or wanting you to.Looking forwarrd to the contact of her favorite person.
 
 
 
but everyone is different!

From what I have noticed from all the men I have talked to that have had a Russian fiancee/wife blowup is that the stress of a new environment is a major factor in her withdrawing. The stress causes them many times to seek separate rooms for sleeping, to become cold and distant and becoming women that are not like the ones the men knew back in Russia. The other factor is that these women know that since they entered the country legally they can now show their true face. What some of them don't know is that they must get married first to take advantage of the laws that will protect them or to be more exact their immigration status. I WOULD NEVER MARRY a RW that I wasn't 100% sure is totally into me as in head over heals in love with me. It's far too risky otherwise. It is better to dump the woman and find someone else. 

[scafidi454]

Translation from "woman speak" to clear English............ I'm not interested anymore but dont have the guts to tell you straight up. But please keep in touch just in case i change my mind and need some more attention.

I have thought this recently - Which is why I was trying to touch base with her - I only called over and over yesterday; it's not usual for me.


It may very well be over, and she may just be too weak to tell me - However, her cousin, the one who introduced us, says that this is not true. I value her opinion, and I am trying to understand everything.