He will change and start beating you! You can't adopt to the USA mentality!

[Eduard]

 
Ed, I'm surprised you have not clued him on this, after all, you were born there.

Muzh, what makes you think that I haven't? Him and I had an extensive discussion about this once he told me of the situation, I gave him my advice, and I don't feel that this is going to become a problem for either of them. Yes, she was stressed by her cousins' brainwashing yet she had enough faith in him to have sold her car, gave up her good job and apartment and is coming here in just a few days.


I simply thought that this is a good topic for discussion and something for the newbs to be aware of and not to be taken by sirprize if it does happen, because it can happen quite often to a different degree. I also don't think that this is a uniquely "Russian thing". I believe this can and does happen in any culture even when a woman or a man are not moving abroad. It's a human condition IMO.


I also think that this case is a bit different because the girl doesn't know any one who is married to a WM and therefore has only been exposed to the worst government propaganda rather than some one that she personally knows who has first hand experience. She does talk to my wife occasionally.

[Muzh]

Well, Ed. This was a piece of information that was lacking in your report. I can't read minds, you know?

[Jack]

Well, Ed. This was a piece of information that was lacking in your report. I can't read minds, you know?

    

Hey Jack, you too can consider me an exception.

Muzh I will consider you in the minority, but not an exception. Their are many men who write one, meet one and marry the only Russian woman they ever met.   And many of these marriages turn out fine. 





uhh-ohhhh, you guy's are on notice.       the eduard has spoken.  Do NOT quote me or who knows what ugly things eduard will say about you.

hey guys, I really don't care to read jack's idiotic and ignorrant remarks! I have him and Manny on "Ignore" so do me a huge favor and don't quote them.

eduard if it is ok with you I will not put you on ignore so that I can keep an eye on all the bs that you write and try to pass around. Even if your not able to read my comments most the members will be. So keep it real eduard, keep it truthful.  You need to start sometime, now's as good a time as any.

[GoodOlBoy]

Walking down the street.

 
Sorry Bo....GOB couldn't help it. 
 
GOB
 
 

[Jack]

ahhh how cool GOB.  Had not heard that song in ages. 

[ML]

FP, I'll disagree here. It has been my experience, and my wife was the one who brought it to my attention, that there are always a group of envious sort who will try to poison the well at all costs; family members included.
 

I have heard something similar from several FSU men and women.
Seems there is some mentality there that tries to bring those who are 'overly' happy back down to a more unhappy state that the others live in.

And a bit related; I had one woman who told me on several occasions that many  of her friends, colleagues, acquaintances, family, etc., repeatedly told her that nothing good would come from her relationship with me.

I never quite knew for sure the degree to which this was actually happening . . . or if it was just this woman's way of trying to get me to constantly reassure her about me.  Seemed sort of like the situation where the other party says to you frequently :  tell me you love me.  Anyway, it was not fun for me and I tired of it.

[Faux Pas]

GOB, Muzh


Of course there is likely a need for hair splitting so I will delight 


Lumping all in the lady's life who thinks her move/change is a bad thing does not make them all crabs in the bucket, jealous or bitter. Is it not possible some of them actually have her best interest in mind?


Let's face it, many of the guys (even the 5%'ers who travel) are not all quality individuals and there are many-a horror stories. Naturally, many or most in the FSU have heard these stories. Bad news does travel fast. There is a plethora of reasons why someone in your woman's life would advise her against such as move and they are not all selfish.


I'm a bit surprised you two with much ground time don't see it that way

[ECOCKS]

I know someone speculated on what city/town this takes place in but is it really out in the sticks? Small village or isolated town? Or are we talking about a medium-sized city where there has been some significant Western contact?

If it is isolated it doesn't really surprise me too much that this sort of talk goes on still. Between the envy and televised propaganda I can understand how someone could have this impression.

As almost everyone has hammered on, building the relationship to the proper level would eliminate this as an issue between the couple. The other family members may have a "need", possibly even a right, to a bit more education on reality but you can't overcome a half dozen decades of concentrated effort to paint a dismal picture of the people and life in the West. That's going to take time and a fundamental change in their education and world outlook.

It may not exactly be a "Russian" thing but I don't recall any of the British women I know who have married AM (4-5) going through this. It SEEMS to be a mostly FSU and Asian regional perception that their women are especially subject to this potential fate when moving westward. I wouldn't be surprised if women in Africa didn't perceive the world this way over the next decade or two unless a dent is made in the human trafficking statistics.

[CanadaMan]

Walking down the street.

 Which country was the street located?

[GQBlues]

This isn't just a Russian thing. Even US women are normally subjected to cautionary warnings and angst amongst her peers and family if she's about to relocate long distance for man who may be perceived as someone she barely knows. It's up to both of them to find a way how to tame this shrew.

[ECOCKS]

This isn't just a Russian thing. Even US women are normally subjected to cautionary warnings and angst amongst her peers and family if she's about to relocate long distance for man who may be perceived as someone she barely knows. It's up to both of them to find a way how to tame this shrew.

True, I know a Canadian gal who married a Ukrainian guy. She said her family freaked out at the thought that she (and their granddaughter) would be living permanently in Ukraine. HOWEVER, beatings and white slavery weren't on their list of concerns though, it was more distance and worry over general living conditions and opportunities for the daughter and granddaughter.

[Eduard]

I also don't think that this is a uniquely "Russian thing". I believe this can and does happen in any culture even when a woman or a man are not moving abroad. It's a human condition IMO.

@GQ   Guess we agree on this

[GQBlues]

Apparently so Eduard. I didn't see your earlier post.
 
Ed do have a point regarding the added concern surrounding these affairs as there had been more than a few cases of abuses in these unions. Additionally, I tend to think Russians are a bit more fatalistic/pessimistic than usual which also 'add' to the apprehension.
 
So when all is said and done, there's really only one viable way to remedy this....make himself more transparent to her folks.

[Boethius]

  GOB.
 

Which country was the street located?

USSR.

[OlgaH]

I did not have any such problems. I'm blessed with my loving, caring and supportive relatives and friends.

[BillyB]

She loves her cousins and friends and their opinion means a lot to her,

She may not be strong enough to choose without looking back. I've had great support from family and friends of RW I were in relationships with after they met me. The guy has to meet the family and friends and if he is a quality man, he should impress all "reasonable" people. If his girl has a bad habit of listening to unreasonable people, it's best he don't marry her.
 
All my friends and family will welcome my fiancee just fine and if they don't, they aren't going to be around me and my fiancee.

[Muzh]

She may not be strong enough to choose without looking back. I've had great support from family and friends of RW I were in relationships with after they met me. The guy has to meet the family and friends and if he is a quality man, he should impress all "reasonable" people. If his girl has a bad habit of listening to unreasonable people, it's best he don't marry her.
 
All my friends and family will welcome my fiancee just fine and if they don't, they aren't going to be around me and my fiancee.

 
Damn, my wife's relatives never gave me any advice how to 'perform' better and still they were very supportive of the relationship, I can imagine you are a god out there.
 

I'm a bit surprised you two with much ground time don't see it that way.
 

I do not disagree that the abuse cases from these IMB marriages have made it to the former Soyuz and this may be one of the reasons for them being apprehensive. I also agree with GQ's fatalism assessment.
 
But, I'm also referring to instances where the bride is marrying a local. I'm not saying that every family has that kind of relative, but that you will find one here and there is a given. So I offer that as an alternative.
 
Therefore, mea culpa. I should have started my thought differently from "I disagree..."

[Faux Pas]

I do not disagree that the abuse cases from these IMB marriages have made it to the former Soyuz and this may be one of the reasons for them being apprehensive. I also agree with GQ's fatalism assessment.
 
But, I'm also referring to instances where the bride is marrying a local. I'm not saying that every family has that kind of relative, but that you will find one here and there is a given. So I offer that as an alternative.
 
Therefore, mea culpa. I should have started my thought differently from "I disagree..."

I knew what you meant and I wasn't trying to bust your bawls. Your and GOBs post dawned on me from a newbies perspective and could easily been misinterpreted (IMO) from the reality.


Sure it happens all too often and there is a valid reason for it other than general FSU negativity, crabs in the bucket (although there is plenty of that as well) thing. "The idea" wasn't well received by wife's friends and family and they were well meaning. I could tell she had some struggles with it. After meeting them and several trips we overcame that easily enough and I do enjoy a bit of celebrity status now. However, there were a few of her contemporaries  that squarely fit into that negative category.

[Misha]

I do not disagree that the abuse cases from these IMB marriages have made it to the former Soyuz and this may be one of the reasons for them being apprehensive.

Russian media is also quite selective, amplifying the dangers outside of Russia, glossing over what happens within. In many ways, they borrowed a few chapters from the Soviet Journalism 101 textbook.

[Eduard]

Russian media is also quite selective, amplifying the dangers outside of Russia, glossing over what happens within. In many ways, they borrowed a few chapters from the Soviet Journalism 101 textbook.

exactly, and this is a huge factor in the misperception that lots of AM are abusive.

[OlgaH]

exactly, and this is a huge factor in the misperception that lots of AM are abusive.

I think "lots of AM who are looking for a wife from abroad" would be more correct. But, honestly, there are a lot of nut cases on the dating websites   

[ECOCKS]

I think "lots of AM who are looking for a wife from abroad" would be more correct. But, honestly, there are a lot of nut cases on the dating websites   

Say what we will about over emphasis of these incidents but I wonder how many of the girls make an effort to screen for their safety in addition to attractiveness, stability, stated desires, anticipated lifestyle or gullibility?

[Misha]

Say what we will about over emphasis of these incidents but I wonder how many of the girls make an effort to screen for their safety in addition to attractiveness, stability, stated desires, anticipated lifestyle or gullibility?

It is not as if there wouldn't be more than a fair share of local "nut cases" among Russian men on dating sites. Most women have already acquired the skills to quickly do the necessary triage 

[ECOCKS]

It is not as if there wouldn't be more than a fair share of local "nut cases" among Russian men on dating sites. Most women have already acquired the skills to quickly to the necessary triage 

Yeah, so ask your wives and FSU families how many times they have heard of a FSU husband/boyfriend arrested and convicted for domestic violence. Even the incident featured in a thread on RWD a month or two ago was notable more for the guy being questioned and brought back to jail rather than that it occurred in the first place.

Simply, most FSU women (and men for that matter) don't know to ask for information like that.

[Misha]

Yeah, so ask your wives and FSU families how many times they have heard of a FSU husband/boyfriend arrested and convicted for domestic violence. Even the incident featured in a thread on RWD a month or two ago was notable more for the guy being questioned and brought back to jail rather than that it occurred in the first place.

Simply, most FSU women (and men for that matter) don't know to ask for information like that.

My wife knows of one man who was arrested and jailed for domestic abuse: the husband of a good friend of hers    It does happen...