Help! i'm addicted

[JR]

OK, you have made your point. Btw, do I know you?

No but you probably should Hehehehee

[Patagonie]

Dear James
If you like each others and the only red flag with this girl is always because you are not enough condident about age gap why to not let your hearth leads your life ? Rather than a problem of maturity i think you have more a problem of discipline. Why, if you want to fix the age gap limit to : 15 ans, why do you answer, why do you write to 20, 22 less years than you. I can understand you can go below of 17, but you need to be disciplined. Just a question of sorting profiles.
Now, we know that the problem will not happen now but later because by living in a western country she will adopt, for a part, the demeanor of UW ladies. This is, in the term, in my opinion, the main risk. Now what prevent you, later, to live in FSU ?

[Jumper]

Way 
 

Oh, only one person. But still this is absolutely awesome!!! I knew who was on that photo, but i didn't realize it was taken with time lapse 

Mies! ..
Yes time lapse..
 I do want to clear up, that while i have made a lot of stupid jumps in my life,
 the rider in this photo is the current World Record holder Robbie Maddison.
 I can see the confusion with my screen name and past, but  i was  not trying to misrepresent anything.  It was just a great example, to me , of go big or go home
 I have the photo , as Robbie is on a motorcycle of my design,that I  hand built for him
specifically for a New Years Eve world record jump (Red Bull experement) I think 2009 ? New years in Vegas on ESPN   

 
the photo was just in practice, and he repeated  it about 19 times that morning..
(that should be more impressive)
Another Aussie will be doing similar (on a bike i also designed for him) , this New Years at 12:00 on ESPN(2?) in Vegas as well.
My boots are (mostly) getting dusty on the mantle anymore.    and 100 meters plus is  certainly beyond my comfort level or skill.
 
**************************
 
 
Ade,
yeah the risks men often  speak of here, always seem pretty minor to me.
Trapsing around Europe (and other places ) was common for me,as well as dating there,  doing so in the FSU wasn't much of an actual  risk at all.
It was quite interesting and I met some truly great people and families there,in various walks of life
 
 
What's the real risk of meeting someone anyway?
That it doesn't work out , just like a lot of dating scenarios?
*shrugs*
 
or what if it does work out initially,
 yet after some years it goes sour, just like a lot of scenarios?
 
Any time spent, or investment emotionally or monetarilly, is each persons choice, and in life they are likely to naturally  make them one way or another.
(unless sealed up in a cave somewhere)
 
Life's an experience!!!  not some destination.
Any relationship begun with some amount of background and trust is never wasted time to me.
 
I lost my first wife, many years ago ,on a perfectly sunny day , where we had just had some great laughs,
5 minutes later she's instantly  gone.
Nothing is predicatable.
 
 I do probably make some rash decisions living my personal life
with that as a precident..but to me at the very least I know when someone truly special  came around, I went for it.
 
 

[Gator]

What's your problem, Gator? Did I offend you somehow? Because I don't remember calling you nasty names or anything like that...

Nat, I was complimenting you.  You have never offended me.  To the contrary, you impress me as a smart person.
 
Let me explain please because I do not want to offend you. 
 
I had written earlier in the thread that maybe JamesDH's 32-yo UW found him "charming, attractive and stable."  Your response was perfect:  "Does he sound stable to you?"
 
Your response was concise without wasted words - hence my use of "succinct."  [I really appreciate economy of words, the short and sweet, and your sentence is a perfect example.]
 
Also, your response was accurate and insightful - hence my use of "intelligent."
 
I used the wrong smiley.   I should have inserted       or          rather than "laughing on the floor."  However, I did laugh because it was good sarcasm.  JamesDH could be considered unstable, especially in RW terms.  BTW, my Cossack woman at times questions my laughs.  Does your man have to explain himself like I just did?
 
 

  Or have you started picking at my posts without any reason?

This suggests I did something similar elsewhere.  I do not recall it.  Please PM me where and I will answer.
 
[I found it]
 
 You wrote:
 

That makes me wonder.... The gal is 32. Mature. The guy is 53. Immature. No age difference felt.

   
 
I wrote:

  I realize you are pragmatic, yet I found this hilarious

I laughed because your pragmatic analysis was witty IMO.  Wit is a clear sign of having intelligence and being well adjusted.  I was not picking at your posts.   Nat, I promise to restrain my laughter (difficult task because I have a twisted sense of humor and I appreciate sarcasm and wit, especially when not intended).

[JamesDH]

I'm working in Africa at the moment and got real busy so couldn't get back to the internet.

I'll address the concern about sex. Yes we had sex. The thing is that it was not my focus or hers. It just happened one day when it was raining out and we didn't feel like getting wet to go walking.
The comment "I don't think about it much anymore" comes from the fact that I've hit Andropause and sex takes a back seat to other things after you pass that.

She's only 32. I don't think women get the "fire in their loins" until late 30's or early 40's and that is a concern of mine. 8 years I'll be 61 and she'll be HOT 40..... could be trouble.

We talked about everything under the sun. Life, future, past, philosophy, work, our possible future, children, house.. She asked a lot of questions about me, my ideas on children and our future. (Smell a free ride to the USA??) I have thought of that too.

Anyway, I've dropped the girls who were showering me and distracting me. (most were scammers anyway)
Now I'm going to get serious. I've got to either get out of the fire or jump in with both feet.
My heart wants me to grab her and run. I can see myself married to her.. easy.
My logical brain says.. get out while you can. I see life 10 years from now. She's out screwing someone while I"m home crying in my cereal.

My logical brain is going to win.
I'm going to call her tomorrow and have a talk. It's going to hurt and there will be tears but.. it's the right thing to do for both of us. My lower lip starts quivering just thinking about it

[ML]

The comment "I don't think about it much anymore" comes from the fact that I've hit Andropause and sex takes a back seat to other things after you pass that.

I think I am somewhat jealous of you.  That is to say I am much older than you and haven't yet enjoyed the joy of Andropause.  I sometimes wonder if life wouldn't be simpler if I weren't still so highly interested in sex.

She's only 32. I don't think women get the "fire in their loins" until late 30's or early 40's and that is a concern of mine. 8 years I'll be 61 and she'll be HOT 40..... could be trouble.

In my experience it kicks in mid to late 30s for a woman.  But there is tremendous variation and even no kick in for some.  But for sure it is quite enjoyable for her male partner . . . if he is still interested.

[Gator]

The comment "I don't think about it much anymore" comes from the fact that I've hit Andropause and sex takes a back seat to other things after you pass that.

I appreciate the frank disclosure.  Few men have the confidence to discuss such matters even on an anonymous forum.
 
Are you certain that it is andropause and not stress or something psychological?  Based on my limited discussions, 53 is very early.  Have you had your testosterone levels tested?  Even if low, there are safe medical treatments for increasing your hormones to normal levels.
 

She's only 32. I don't think women get the "fire in their loins" until late 30's or early 40's and that is a concern of mine. 8 years I'll be 61 and she'll be HOT 40..... could be trouble.

Are we talking frequency or ED?  That can also be fixed.  However, if you do not care about having sex and pleasing your woman, that could become a major conflict with most women (most, but not all).
 
Before you walk away from someone who is very special to you, I suggest that you explore all options.   Perhaps she does not have a high sex drive? Having had sex once many RW are soon showering for a second go.  You did not mention that, so maybe her drive is below normal.   My Cossack woman has an attractive, sociable friend in her early 40s who has never had sex.  All the other RW in that social circle are amazed, so it is a very rare situation.
 
Even if your woman desires sex 3-5 times per week, perhaps she would be satisfied with oral sex and/or vibrators?  Do you see yourself happily taking time just for her.   ManLooking can explain the latest models of vibrators.  One of the best times in my life was taking a hot blooded RW to a sex toy shop in Europe.  The time in the shop was a lot of fun, especially observing the buildup of her sexual energy.  The old expression "hot and bothered" was self-evident.   When returning to the hotel, she kept asking the taxi driver to go faster. 
 
These are examples of such matters that can be discussed.  Even better, explore the options together in person.
 

  My logical brain is going to win.
   

So be logical and speak to a physician who understands sexual dysfunction, have your blood tested, try (not discuss) the options with her, etc.  To me, that is logical.

We talked about everything under the sun. Life, future, past, philosophy, work, our possible future, children, house.. She asked a lot of questions about me, my ideas on children and our future. (Smell a free ride to the USA??) I have thought of that too.

 
Anything is possible, yet the truth is revealed with time.  Most RW are very expressive with their love feelings.
 
Good luck.

[OlgaH]

8 years I'll be 61 and she'll be HOT 40..... could be trouble.

We talked about everything under the sun. Life, future, past, philosophy, work, our possible future, children, house.. She asked a lot of questions about me, my ideas on children and our future. (Smell a free ride to the USA??) I have thought of that too.

My heart wants me to grab her and run. I can see myself married to her.. easy.
My logical brain says.. get out while you can. I see life 10 years from now. She's out screwing someone while I"m home crying in my cereal.

James, you have already sown the doubts, insecurity and suspicions in advance. Will you be able to kill the poisonous seed totally and not let it grow with time? If not your relations and marriage will be a hell for both of you.

20 years age gap is not a joke. Yes, you can talk about your life together and priorities, but there is always a chance that the priorities of a woman in her early 30s will change with her new life.

Mostly you think and talk in your posts about your possible pain and crying in the future, but what about hers? for example when she, a 40 y.o. hottie, will be stuck with a 60 y.o. aging body because of a sacred vow. 

...or may be she will not be a hottie and will gain 50-100 or more lbs to her 40s sitting in her sweatpants and enjoying rich chocolate ice-cream and doughnuts sweetening her night dreams before going to your nuptial bad.

And yes, there is a chance she beautiful and young will love you and stay with you "until death do you apart".

But the most important is the poisonous seed is already in your brain   

[JamesDH]

Poisoned with seeds of doubt or being realistic?
Two opposite views of the same action.

You are absolutely right about the fact that 20 year age gap is no joke. Many sleepless nights thinking about it.

I think about her feelings as well and have talked about this very subject with her.
She believes that woman should stick by her man.. always. I have the feeling she would be with me through thick and thin. Her parents are still together which tells me a lot. She had a good example.

It's very possible she could balloon up as she gets older. Probably likely considering that she's not slim and loves sweets.

On the male performance subject. I've researched TRT and am reluctant to get started. Once you start, you can't stop. Your natural production of T is shut down. I have found some natural things that work VERY well to boost natural T production and not on a one time basis but constantly. PM me if you want to hear my experiences

[OlgaH]

Poisoned with seeds of doubt or being realistic?

Realistically faith in each other and honesty is a foundation of any healthy relationship no matter what age gap is. 

and why you being realistic even started all this "mess" with a woman 20 years younger than you? 

So, what do you really believe in being honest with yourself first? 

I have the feeling she would be with me through thick and thin. Her parents are still together which tells me a lot. She had a good example.

or

I see life 10 years from now. She's out screwing someone while I"m home crying in my cereal.

[JamesDH]

Bottom line.
I don't know her well enough to predict the future.

True, I should never have started what I can't finish.

Self control is needed but wasn't applied in this situation.

Time to step up and do what's right for both of us even if it hurts.

[Ade]

Bottom line.
I don't know her well enough to predict the future.

True, I should never have started what I can't finish.

Self control is needed but wasn't applied in this situation.

Time to step up and do what's right for both of us even if it hurts.

Or perhaps you owe it to her to invest some time to get to know her before you drop her?

Seems to me you have been and still are being selfish here. If she's into you and has thought this through, then perhaps you should give her the benefit of the doubt, at least until you know her better to make an informed decision. At some point, no matter what, if you want to marry, you're going to have to take a leap of faith anyway, no matter who you're dating or for how long.

[JamesDH]

I see life 10 years from now. She's out screwing someone while I"m home crying in my cereal.

That is a scenario.

I have the feeling she would be with me through thick and thin. Her parents are still together which tells me a lot. She had a good example.

Those are my feelings.

Two different things.

[JR]

That is a scenario.



Those are my feelings.

Two different things.

another scenario is that you're together and happy....sheesh, you're all screwed up over assumptions and possibilites. But really you've only elaborated on one concern, sex. You did not mention if your views on childres are different or the same. If it's just the sex thing exercise, eat right and learn to please her in other ways. Women are all the time complaining that men think of nothing but sex so maybe that is one of the things she likes about you.....LOLOL

[OlgaH]

I see life 10 years from now. She's out screwing someone while I"m home crying in my cereal.

That is a scenario.

I have the feeling she would be with me through thick and thin. Her parents are still together which tells me a lot. She had a good example.

Those are my feelings.

Two different things.

In the fight between the brain and the heart the stomach usually wins  Is she a good cook? 

[Misha]

True, I should never have started what I can't finish.

Well, duh    In other words, you have toyed with a woman and her feelings though you never had the intention of being able to finish what you started?

[acrzybear]

Well, duh    In other words, you have toyed with a woman and her feelings though you never had the intention of being able to finish what you started?

Typical. He thinks he is taking the high road "I know it won't work out , so  I will just spare her feelings and call it quits now" (see how noble I am) .   Some people should just stay home and keep their fantasies to themselves

[Kineo]

 
Well here is my 2 cents.
 
You are where you are. You are in a relationship. A relationship is two people. Don't try to do all the thinking and decision making alone. Do it together and see where it takes the two of you.
 
-K

[JamesDH]

You are where you are. You are in a relationship. A relationship is two people. Don't try to do all the thinking and decision making alone. Do it together and see where it takes the two of you.

You are right and it got me to thinking. So...

I have called her three nights in a row and we have had heart to heart talks.
I have told her exactly my fears and my thoughts. She has told me hers.
She said "When we're together I feel like a happy woman, calm and harmonious". I feel the same. Calm and with an inner peace.
When I'm away from her I feel like I would do anything to get back to her. Swim the Atlantic, walk the Sahara.. I don't care.
I have to be with her.

[Patagonie]

You are right and it got me to thinking. So...

I have called her three nights in a row and we have had heart to heart talks.
I have told her exactly my fears and my thoughts. She has told me hers.
She said "When we're together I feel like a happy woman, calm and harmonious". I feel the same. Calm and with an inner peace.
When I'm away from her I feel like I would do anything to get back to her. Swim the Atlantic, walk the Sahara.. I don't care.
I have to be with her.

If you have this feeling, and on an other hand, with your head you see no reds flags (no psychological issues, no behavior incompatible with yours mains  life values). lets grow the flame, lets love blossom.
You know James the second day i was in Ukraine i met a wonderful girl. Since the last four years she is always the big love affair of my live. Because i was inexperienced, because i was not knowing the culture, because i was bad adviced and also because i let  my head too much  control the process this is history probably now. I have the regret today to have dropped the relationship too early and to have not fight enough for this relationship. I can tell you that i think of her several times per month.
James today you are in the present and you focus about what can avoid in the future. But tomorrow you will think anyday about this loss if you break with her.
For what : because you are afraid ? Because of the difference of the numeral ?
Take time to know her more and more and let the bond grows, yours fears will vanish, slowly but surely.

[JamesDH]

Thanks for the support Patagonie!

Since I made the decision to go forward with the relationship I have felt a big weight lifted from my shoulders.
I'm putting the doubt behind me and devoting my energy to making the best of it.

I'm going over for 18 days starting on January 9.

 

[Patagonie]

Thanks for the support Patagonie!

Since I made the decision to go forward with the relationship I have felt a big weight lifted from my shoulders.
I'm putting the doubt behind me and devoting my energy to making the best of it.

I'm going over for 18 days starting on January 9.

I cross my fingers for you. You can PM me anytime if you want.
You know often i say our best ennemy is .... in ourself.

[Muzh]

You are right and it got me to thinking. So...

I have called her three nights in a row and we have had heart to heart talks.
I have told her exactly my fears and my thoughts. She has told me hers.
She said "When we're together I feel like a happy woman, calm and harmonious". I feel the same. Calm and with an inner peace.
When I'm away from her I feel like I would do anything to get back to her. Swim the Atlantic, walk the Sahara.. I don't care.
I have to be with her.

James,

Be the man and do the right thing: Tell her good bye and let her have a chance at a normal and happy life.

[JamesDH]

Be the man and do the right thing: Tell her good bye and let her have a chance at a normal and happy life.

We already had that discussion and I made many points on this subject with her.

Besides.. I've made my decision and I'm not turning back.

[ghost of moon goddess]

We already had that discussion and I made many points on this subject with her.

Besides.. I've made my decision and I'm not turning back.

and please take responsibility for your decision