When does the game stop?

[Maxx2]

Listen to your friends... I've been saying this on these fora for years now... you must understand her background, her values, her life outlook. If a woman is saying all the right things that you wanna hear it doesn't neccessarily mean that she is sincere. I've met many RW like that and they can be dangerous. They'll use you, chew you up and spit you out.
When you meet an AW and have a conversation with her you can at least know by the way she speaks whether she comes form a trailer park and never finished highschool, you can tell if she is "street" and has a hard, cold edge, or that she comes from a good family, has good education, is worldly, smart, kind, whether she has a good sense of humor, etc. How are you going to figure all this on your own in Russia if you don't speak fluent Russian and she speaks maybe 50 words of English? I've always said that some guys just get lucky and marry a good one by pure chance when they do this on their own. It's a 50/50 thing IMO

I came to these conclusions also. Thanks Ed for the reminder.

[Eduard]

I came to these conclusions also. Thanks Ed for the reminder.

you are welcome. This is what I've observed.

[Eduard]

Ok, ok, how is it linked to a pretty single girl?

a pretty single girl can make a man's life miserable if she views everything negatively as "glass half empty" all the time. No matter how young or how pretty she is it won't matter if she has dysfunctional personality.

[Doll]

Doll, this is a bit garbled, some typos I think.  Could  you clarify, thanks.

Clarify what?

[Doll]

a pretty single girl can make a man's life miserable if she views everyting negatively as "glass half empty" all the time. No matter how young or how pretty she is it won't matter if she has dysfunctional personality.

True, but it is just a possiblity.

[JR]

True, but it is just a possiblity.

That's probably why he said "can" instead of "will" ))))))

[TheTraveler]

If we are generalizing here, then my rationale would be as following - women from big cities have less reasons to use a man as a ticket to the first world. But in reality everybody is out for benefits.

My reasons for avoiding mega-city women stemmed from the recognition that many might not meld easily into American suburban/rural life.
 
As for who has more reason to use a man as a ticket to the first world?... in my experience, single women with kid(s) -- no matter whether from a big city or a village -- were the ones whose motives generally caused me the most suspicion.

[Doll]

My reasons for avoiding mega-city women stemmed from the recognition that many might not meld easily into American suburban/rural life.
 
As for who has more reason to use a man as a ticket to the first world?... in my experience, single women with kid(s) -- no matter whether from a big city or a village -- were the ones whose motives generally caused me the most suspicion.

Which is one of two parts of "A-R Marriages" show. I mean, The Traveler, you're sort of right (not totally), then they do understand (or will soon do) why WM go to Russia for wives.

[IAmZon]

As I read the contributions above - thanks all - I had to G-U-L-P. 


a nice reminder that this is an endevour whose successful outcome does not necessarily favor the participant  But, then, again is this not the rules of love in the first place?


I take from this - go slow.  Measure twice. But once.


I got it:)

[Doll]

Oh, of course! If RW is in love with you (and you behave ), then she is yours.
Not 100% though but this is how all women are.

[TheTraveler]

Which is one of two parts of "A-R Marriages" show. I mean, The Traveler, you're sort of right (not totally), then they do understand (or will soon do) why WM go to Russia for wives.

Sorry, Doll, but I don't understand your post.

[Doll]

 Rivardco, want the truth? They all know why WM hunt for wives in FSU, they all (you too) play the game "Here's the Deal", so come on, guys, you're not looking for "pure" love, are you?
So, the single woman with two kids is no more suspicious then a single AM searching in Russia. This includes (in a way) RM who live in the USA.

[Doll]

Sorry, Doll, but I don't understand your post.

The WM who goes to Russia is suspicious too. Two parts of the deal are: both sides use each other.

[TheTraveler]

The WM who goes to Russia is suspicious too. Two parts of the deal are: both sides use each other.

I won't argue with that... But some men are more 'suspicious' than others!

[Doll]

I won't argue with that... But some men are more 'suspicious' than others!

They are. We answered the questions.
By the way, a single women with two kids is actually not more suspicious than the one with no kids.

[Misha]

Again, regardless the nation (culture).
Country people know less, they have less experience. That's all.

Not quite true. It is not that country people know less, it is generally that country people know different things. I grew up in the country, and my father and my uncles and all my neighbours were farmers. Most did not have high school degrees. They were very knowledgeable in the things that mattered to them: they could tell from a great distance what was growing in a field, whether it was a good or bad crop, they knew how to handle cattle, how to fix their own machinery, how to weld, and pretty much do a wide variety of tasks that your city folk wouldn't have the foggiest where to start...

[Misha]

You're right- it is not "never" but surely to marry RW and really understand her will seem like "never"
Same is for lets say any Russian man who marries AW.
It is just another culture, so I wouldn't recommend any international marriages at all (or you bare the "misunderstandting") Yes, I am married to AM))))
One more time- it is NOT about Russsians or Germans, it is about another culture.

If you take the time, learning another culture is not that hard of a task. It takes some time, but it is certainly not impossible.

[Doll]

If you take the time, learning another culture is not that hard of a task. It takes some time, but it is certainly not impossible.

Misha, how? The OP is about dating and understanding Russian mentality. I don't think it is possible unless you work in Russia for years (like American, if you remember the board member who was banned).
My husband still is not sure what is on my mind (after 10 years). Seriously! Forget the woman who is living in Russia and searching abroad.

[Misha]

Misha, how? The OP is about dating and understanding Russian mentality. I don't think it is possible unless you work in Russia for years (like American, if you remember the board member who was banned).

It doesn't take years, just a bit of effort.

[size=78%]My husband still is not sure what is on my mind (after 10 years). Seriously! Forget the woman who is living in Russia and searching abroad.[/size]

It is not that complicated: if I want to know what is on my wife's mind, I just ask her, and she is more than happy to tell me in great detail 

[Gator]

But, they said it would be very difficult for me to discern truth and sincerity in the Russian culture, without knowing the language. 

You certainly understand the English language and American culture.  Has that prevented you from ever being deceived by an AW?

Spending a lot of time with a RW will usually reveal all  you need to know about someone.  However, it is difficult before marriage to live together for a long period of time given the immigration restrictions.   

And when you think you understand a woman's character and what she wants, she will change as will you.

Tim, if you want to find a good girl, go to the country.  City girls are all "interasadas" - out for some benefit.

Too sweeping.  Good women in both locales although I never met a village RW.   

If you need a guideline, I can not stress enough the value of being raised in a happy, loving home with siblings.   It will be obvious if you ever have the pleasure of meeting the family.

[JR]

Not quite true. It is not that country people know less, it is generally that country people know different things. I grew up in the country, and my father and my uncles and all my neighbours were farmers. Most did not have high school degrees. They were very knowledgeable in the things that mattered to them: they could tell from a great distance what was growing in a field, whether it was a good or bad crop, they knew how to handle cattle, how to fix their own machinery, how to weld, and pretty much do a wide variety of tasks that your city folk wouldn't have the foggiest where to start...

As I was on my way to work I passed a man along side the road, his BMW was broken and he was standing in front of it waving his gold card over it. It didn't fix it.....

[BdHvA]

As I was on my way to work I passed a man along side the road, his BMW was broken and he was standing in front of it waving his gold card over it. It didn't fix it.....

 

Hope it was not raining!

[IAmZon]

  Rivardco, want the truth? They all know why WM hunt for wives in FSU, they all (you too) play the game "Here's the Deal", so come on, guys, you're not looking for "pure" love, are you?So, the single woman with two kids is no more suspicious then a single AM searching in Russia. This includes (in a way) RM who live in the USA.

pure love ... in a realistic, partnership, honest, non-fantasy kinda way, YES.  Otherwise, why go?!?!?  There are tons of bodies for physical needs that are very acceptable in this hemisphere.


Excellent points, Gator.   Time and observation with family and friends ought to be a 90% solution.

[Doll]

pure love ... in a realistic, partnership, honest, non-fantasy kinda way, YES.  Otherwise, why go?!?!?  There are tons of bodies for physical needs that are very acceptable in this hemisphere.


Excellent points, Gator.   Time and observation with family and friends ought to be a 90% solution.

So, why go?

[ML]

Quote from: ML on Yesterday at 11:09:35 AMI haven't noticed this.  Haven't really  had much problem in understanding what the  women I have been with really mean, and them me.

on a basic level sure it's not hard to understand, on a deeper level I agree with Doll, you have to be one of them to truly understand. You wouldn't know when you misunderstand something. The first few years in the USA my mom's English was quite limited even though she took it at the university. When she talked to somebody she often thought that she understood them. But when she explained to me in Russian what she understood I could see that she completely misinterpreted what was said to her, good thing I was there with her to hear the conversation and point this out to her. Otherwise how would she know that she misunderstood? Lots of times she understood things a 180 degrees opposite of what she was told.

I talked with my Gal last evening about this.

She did not agree.

She and I both think that we do not have any serious misunderstandings in our communication.

Sure there are some words she does not understand, but she asks the definition in these cases.

And yes, there are times that she thinks I mean one thing when I mean another, but these situations also are quickly cleared up when we/she/I start to take action which makes it clear there needs to be some clarification.

Also, she is interacting at university every day with students, teachers, etc.

If she didn't understand what the teachers were asking be done,  then she wouldn't do the correct things.   But she does do the correct things as her grades attest.

Now there can be another aspect of this idea of misunderstanding, because of the culture idea that Eduard and Doll have raised.

I am referring to the case where the Western and FSU person may not really understand what the other persons intentions and long term desires are.  That is to say, we may generally  be able to discern these things from interacting with persons of our own culture, but not be able to discern these thing from interacting with persons of another culture.

In other words, a person from a different culture may be able to more easily 'hide' true feelings and true intentions from others in the second culture.

I readily admit this might be true.