How to deal with the language barrier ?

[onus]

I have a hard time dealing with this as i always have many things to say. What does everyone recommend? The girl i'm talking to is great in emails when she has the time to understand everything. But, when its comes to skype it hits a wall but, the conversation was still enjoyable. I've got some ideas but, i'd love to here what everyone else says. In the meantime i'm going to get a dictionary and do some learning. Maybe we can help each other out with learning in the process.

[Terran]

If you really care about this lady, try and learn a few words in her language. She will very much appriecate the effort even if you can only say a few words. There are many free sites where you can learn basic words, there are also many apps you can get for your mobile, ipod that can help you too. Just try and you will see she will be smiling much more because she will see that you are trying to make a bigger effort towards your relationship.

[noelscot]

Ya ne gavaryu pa-Russki ochen horosho. Yazyk steny? Hodit vak-roog da okala! lol
Look at the CEFR language levels: http://europass.cedefop.europa.eu/en/resources/european-language-levels-cefr
I would personally look for women who are B-level understanding.
I would also dedicate one hour per night or more to learning Russian. The women are learning English. It's the polite thing to do. And also it is the practical thing to do.
If you visit a former FSU country, you will feel more comfortable being able to ask how much something costs, where is the bathroom?, where is the train to X city?, etc. I'm going to Sevastopol in June, so I'll let you know how it goes.
These are some free resources you can use.
www.russianforfree.com (watch their videos on youtube and learn all the lessons)
http://masterrussian.com/ (more dry and academic but good)
Also, immerse yourself in the music, movies, and try to look at Russian newspapers, etc. after you have learned the alphabet and have some vocabulary under your cap.
These are some books I have been reading:
-The New Penguin Russian Course, by Nicholas J. Brown
-A good Russian-English dictionary
-The Big Silver Book of Russian Verbs
-Russian picture word books (you can color them too lol)
You'll laugh, but watch the videos for children with numbers, the alphabet, animals, colors, months-days, etc. on youtube--the catchy songs are easy to remember:
http://masterrussian.com/video/Russian_Videos.htm 

[Donna_Pedro]

I have a hard time dealing with this as i always have many things to say. What does everyone recommend? The girl i'm talking to is great in emails when she has the time to understand everything.

I dont understand why do you need all this hassle? Internet is full of people speaking english.

[JohnDearGreen]

I have a hard time dealing with this as i always have many things to say. What does everyone recommend? The girl i'm talking to is great in emails when she has the time to understand everything. But, when its comes to skype it hits a wall but, the conversation was still enjoyable. 

The ladies with fluent English will also be more adept at hiding things and evading your questions.  So you can't win...  The 2 ladies which I could never figure out their real motives spoke fluent English.   They aren't going to tell you anything they don't want you to know, no matter what their language level. 


 I never felt using an interpret to be as negative as the people here seem to think.  Just ask the right questions.  If they keep avoiding a straight answer, then move on.

[onus]

She does speak english and i have no issues with understanding her when she does. When she does speak its really good in my opinion. She just stated that she had some issues with putting some of her thoughts into words. She did say she is more of a listener than a speaker so it could just be in her  nature and i'm exaggerating it. We were talking about some advanced topics which is sure the vocab is not so easily accessible which i can understand.


Thanks for the resources i'll try that out. I was going to do that at some point. I feel its the only right thing to do to learn at least some of her language. A good way to surprise her with something.

I'll keep that into account with evading questions. I'm sure thats not the case, she seemed pretty open before. But, you never know. It wasn't personal questions, all those she would gladly answer. She isn't fluent but i'd say somewhere in lower advanced.

[ML]

First determine in which country you and your woman will work and raise any children.

Then both of you need to be or become fluent in the language of that country.

[Avis]

Hi Onus,


I wouldn't worry about it, she just needs more practice. Spend more time chatting on Skype rather than emails
I'd also suggest her to start reading forums and news sites in English instead of Russian (that's how I ended up on this forum myself hehe), watch her favorite american series in English with subs.
Yes it's going to be difficult at first but at the end of the day it's her willing to relocate to your country and not otherwise, so putting more effort into learning English now will help her big time later when she'll have to adapt in a new country and society.
Just bear with her in the meantime and remember that mastering foreign language takes time and a lot of motivation. It's not easy.

[Gator]

Onus,
 
Have you discussed this with her?
 
Other than the aforementioned reasons,  it is also possible that you and your woman do not talk at the same pace.  Some people are reticent in their native language.   I hope that is not the case.

[ghost of moon goddess]

She just stated that she had some issues with putting some of her thoughts into words. She did say she is more of a listener than a speaker so it could just be in her  nature and i'm exaggerating it.

I guess this is a common problem of people with limited foreign language vocabularies who form a complex sentence in their minds in their mother tongues and then "command" their brains to translate it in other languages . Obviously they will sometimes  fail  to express themselves, perhaps, until they achieve sufficient levels of fluency in speaking foreign languages.

Onus, when communicating, you both need  to try and  frame short and simple statements – in order to express your  thoughts clearly and not to impress each other with your  ability of speaking in a sophisticated manner. 
Good luck!

[Vincenzo]

Do you use high-quality headphones? Skype allows to record yourself and listen afterwards.
Headphones cut the loop when your voice travels through the speakers into the microphone on the other side and to the speakers on your side.

I see so many people shouting into the microphones of their notebooks. That's not good for clear transmission. Native speakers can understand each other but non-native can't.

You need a different vocabulary consisting mostly of adjectives describing the woman you like. It'll make her smile.
Tu krasivaya.
Tu umnaya.

[onlyFSU4me]

I guess this is a common problem of people with limited foreign language vocabularies who form a complex sentence in their minds in their mother tongues and then "command" their brains to translate it in other languages . Obviously they will sometimes  fail  to express themselves, perhaps, until they achieve sufficient levels of fluency in speaking foreign languages.

Onus, when communicating, you both need  to try and  frame short and simple statements – in order to express your  thoughts clearly and not to impress each other with your  ability of speaking in a sophisticated manner. 
Good luck!

 Very good advice here. Try and keep your statements short. My wife has a translation program on her computer and even though she speaks pretty good english we still have a few problems. When we are talking on skype and she gets a funny look on her face when I say something I will usually try to rephrase the sentence and if that doesnt work then I will type what I am trying to say and she will translate it. Eventually we seem to get the point across.

[possum]

Onus, when communicating, you both need  to try and  frame short and simple statements – in order to express your  thoughts clearly and not to impress each other with your  ability of speaking in a sophisticated manner. 
Good luck!

Good advice.. There's no sense in using complex and cumbersome language to express yourself that even native speakers may have trouble understanding. It's a rookie mistake when someone tries impress the other person in written conversation with vocabulary or style.. As for speaking on the phone/skype, new and obscure slang is to be avoided unless you're willing to spend hours explaining it and the cultural realities it originated from.

[Muzh]

I have a hard time dealing with this as i [sic] always have many things to say. What does everyone recommend? The girl i'm [sic] talking to is great in emails when she has the time to understand everything. But, when its comes to skype it [sic] hits a wall but [wrong], the conversation was still enjoyable. I've got some ideas but, i'd [sic] love to here [sic] what everyone else says. In the meantime i'm [sic] going to get a dictionary and do some learning. Maybe we can help each other out with learning in the process. [?]

If you speak as you write, I can see the problem.

Please understand that her English may be fine. However, you are dealing with a person using English as a second language. And that is the point of my condescension.

[Gator]

.
Native speakers can understand each other but non-native can't.

Not always true.  I was at a hotel in Thailand.  Most of the guests came from Asia.  I sat at one table with couples from Japan, China, Korea and Thailand.  None knew the other's native language.  Yet all spoke some form of English.  They understood each other's English and conversed freely.   In contrast, most of the time I had no idea what they were saying.   It was comical, I was living a Monty Python skit.   

[mendeleyev]

If you speak as you write, I can see the problem.

Please understand that her English may be fine. However, you are dealing with a person using English as a second language. And that is the point of my condescension.

+ 10

My one difference is that unless she has lived in a English speaking culture, her English is not "fine." I know, it's a horse Mendeleyev keeps on beating.
 


I will continue to beat it however because it is true. I'm constantly learning more about Russian because few of us born outside Russia truly think in Russian. We speak a second language and impose upon words the context in what we think that word means. Sometimes we're correct and sometimes we're not.

She does the same in her English. She understands English words in a Russian context and sometimes that works but often it falls far short and that can be difficult for relationships. If you don't believe that, then wait until she has lived in your country for 10 years--her understanding and expression of English will have undergone dramatic improvement over time.

If I had a dime for every time I had to explain a basic concept to a Russian speaker of very good English I'd be a millionaire several times over. Of course I'd have to turn around and give it all back, with interest, for all those times that Russian speakers have to explain basic concepts to me even though some think that my Russian is good.

As my friend Manny recently reminded, it is the essential difference between merely translating and complex interpreting.

Other than basic conversations, I have learned from experience not to depend on or rely very much on someone's English if they're not lived in the culture from which the language grew.

[Kapitanleutnant]

I've dated women from several different countries including Thailand, Philippines, Ukraine and Russia.   At some point during the relationships I've been told by the girl that I'm easy to understand.   I honestly had no idea why, so I asked the most recent one from Ukraine and during a Skype call, she said that I talked slower than most other guys who spoke english to her and that I annunciated my words well.


At my work as a pilot for a major international airline, my cabin crew come from all over the world and english is not their primary language so I've learned to speak the 3 C's.... Clear, Concise and Coherent to them during briefings and heaven forbid, emergencies.   This may not work so much in a dating scenario but more from a pure communications aspect.   


I did indeed notice that I differentiate my speaking between my US friends and my colleagues at work who's primary language is not english.


Kap

[ML]

I annunciated my words well.
Kap

Perhaps you could teach the rest of us how to annunciate. 

[Kapitanleutnant]

ML....


It just seems to roll off the tongue, my friend!   :-)


Kap

[Vincenzo]

Follow the narrators who speak in Special English:
http://www.voanews.com/learningenglish

Check this story http://www.voanews.com/learningenglish/home/american-life/What-Moves-America-Transportation-Trends-in-the-United-States-137859433.html
You can definitely hear the difference between the perfect speech of the narrators who speak in Special English and the sloppy speech of the real people.

[Gator]

Perhaps you could teach the rest of us how to annunciate. 

Difficult to teach those of us who are a-holes, as we tend to anusciate. 

[noelscot]

+ 10

My one difference is that unless she has lived in a English speaking culture, her English is not "fine." I know, it's a horse Mendeleyev keeps on beating.
 


I will continue to beat it however because it is true. I'm constantly learning more about Russian because few of us born outside Russia truly think in Russian. We speak a second language and impose upon words the context in what we think that word means. Sometimes we're correct and sometimes we're not.

She does the same in her English. She understands English words in a Russian context and sometimes that works but often it falls far short and that can be difficult for relationships. If you don't believe that, then wait until she has lived in your country for 10 years--her understanding and expression of English will have undergone dramatic improvement over time.

If I had a dime for every time I had to explain a basic concept to a Russian speaker of very good English I'd be a millionaire several times over. Of course I'd have to turn around and give it all back, with interest, for all those times that Russian speakers have to explain basic concepts to me even though some think that my Russian is good.

As my friend Manny recently reminded, it is the essential difference between merely translating and complex interpreting.

Other than basic conversations, I have learned from experience not to depend on or rely very much on someone's English if they're not lived in the culture from which the language grew.

Mendeleyev,


How long have you been studying Russian? I'm trying to figure out how long it really takes to get to the B level on the CEFR, with disciplined study and exposure to the language, of course. I've studied Russian for about 3 months and I am close to the A level. I note that some of the Ukrainian girls I've spoken with on the phone tell me that they have been studying English for, say, 3 years, then they neglect to mention that they learned basic English as a child in school. That is a huge advantage! Here I am starting from scratch-I only knew two words in Russian "vodka" and "borsch" before I started studying.   When I studied cognitive science at college, one evolutionary psychologist Steven Pinker wrote that after age 15 it is very difficult to become bi-lingual, because those areas of the brain have been devoted to other tasks (use it or lose it). But of course, there are examples like the French Foreign Legion where they beat recruits with a stick to aid their French studies; and apparently, their teaching system works. So maybe a realistic approach is, if learning a second language late in life, the motivation must be really strong. My motivation is cool points. I think you get automatic cool points when one makes an honest effort to learn about another person's culture and language, and it can help bring you into their inner circle. Just curious what your thoughts are since you are fluent in Russian. Spasiba.

[ghost of moon goddess]

[Muzh]

Like, she sounds very good.

[JR]

I dont understand why do you need all this hassle? Internet is full of people speaking english.

Cuz he likes "her" ....... not every relationship is about convienance