Frequency of correspondence

[noelscot]

This is a question that seems like a stupid question. I'll ask it anyway.


Ladies, if you like a man with whom you are communicating (let's say you've not yet met, but the prospect of meeting really, really excites you), how often would you want to communicate before the meeting occurred? What is too little? What is too much? How long would you go without corresponding if you really liked the man and wanted to meet him in real life.


I'm assuming this is the same as normal dating correspondence (i.e., don't call too much or in a predictable pattern), but I wanted to know if the long distance/time zones change anything from the woman's perspective.

[Chicagoguy]

I can't really speak for the women on board here but my wife wrote me faithfully every day for 1.5 years until she arrived here. What's more she did not know English. She used translator web site then went over the letter with her dictionary. Told me it would take between 1 to 2 hours for every letter.

[noelscot]

I can't really speak for the women on board here but my wife wrote me faithfully every day for 1.5 years until she arrived here. What's more she did not know English. She used translator web site then went over the letter with her dictionary. Told me it would take between 1 to 2 hours for every letter.

I appreciate first-hand accounts from people like yourself who were successful. I tend to agree that there is no real seriousness if the woman does not want to correspond on a regular basis (of course taking into account life--work, education, family, health, etc.-when a person cannot talk).

[clancyhound]

My experieance - since meeting my girl in May 2010, we have talked everyday without fail for hours.  Voice, Skype chat, ICQ chat, cel phone - anything really.
Only times we might have been out of communication is if flying back and forth between USA and Russia - and even then mesages sent on ICQ in airport  just to say all is well.
We just enjoy being together as best as we can being so far apart.

[OlgaH]

I think there is not such thing as "What is too much?" when you really like a person and want to know as much as possible about him/her. As I remember my now husband and I switched to the phone communication after a few first letters. I gave him all my phone numbers. So, before we met face to face we mostly talked by phone spending hours and used e-mail communication mostly for short notes and photos. He called me in the morning to wake me up by my request, after he called me when I got to my job and had my must be a cup of coffee in my office, he called me at the end of my working day while I was still in my office, and after he called me when I got home, sometimes he called me somewhere between when he stayed late working. He also new the phone numbers of my friends, co-workers, my relatives. When we met there were not any unpleasant surprises and even small insignificant disappointments. The closer we were with each day to our first meeting face to face the more confident we both were getting we would be together. Oh, he even sent me his bank card before we met    Now it is one of our joint bank accounts.

[Vaughn]

Elvira and I mixed our correspondence with a healthy number of handwritten letters. Although most snail mail took two weeks in either direction, there was nothing quite so satisfying to us as receiving those personal replies.

Sort of old-fashioned I know. We've saved them all nonetheless, and reread them once in a while.
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

I think there is not such thing as "What is too much?" when you really like a person and want to know as much as possible about him/her...

Very true!!!
It's a type of hunger that can never be appeased, no matter how much you eat - you always want more... 

[ML]

Your replies so far are heading in one direction.

However, I think in reality it depends on how far into the relationship you are.

It is a bit much to think  that, before meeting, the second person will spend a great deal of time in corresponding with an unknown.  And likewise, it is a bit overboard for the first person to get overzealous in their communications.

But, I well know that once a bond is firmly established by a few weeks of facetime, the desire to stay in constant contact is very strong.

The tales of instant love with daily or multiple daily communications are very romantic, but more likely it is uncommon that you will find a FSU gal willing to enter into a large volume of frequent communication before a first meeting.

[Vaughn]

The tales of instant love with daily or multiple daily communications are very romantic, but more likely it is uncommon that you will find a FSU gal willing to enter into a large volume of frequent communication before a first meeting.

Excellent point. Some zealous writers will substitute prolonged correspondence for actual and measureable plans to visit. Rather than try to establish a "relationship" through communications, the only tactic that will further an end is the face to face, which often if not always tells the truer tale of desire - or not.

[OlgaH]

Your replies so far are heading in one direction.

However, I think in reality it depends on how far into the relationship you are.

It is a bit much to think  that, before meeting, the second person will spend a great deal of time in corresponding with an unknown.  And likewise, it is a bit overboard for the first person to get overzealous in their communications.

But, I well know that once a bond is firmly established by a few weeks of facetime, the desire to stay in constant contact is very strong.

The tales of instant love with daily or multiple daily communications are very romantic, but more likely it is uncommon that you will find a FSU gal willing to enter into a large volume of frequent communication before a first meeting.

ML, I think in reality it depends on a person, his/her own individuality and individual approach.

Personally, I prefer to concentrate my attention on one potential partner (if I'm consider him to be a potential partner)  and regarding online dating I preferred to establish an enough  firm bond first through the communication to be sure that I want to see a man and confirm what I know about him and not to drug him across the ocean just to see if I want to have "a large volume of frequent communication" with him after our face to face time 

Maybe I'm an  "uncommon FSU gal"   But I'm glad that my now husband had the same approach. In our case "a large volume of frequent communication" before face to face meeting determined our decision about our meeting and about us being together.

[Doll]

It depends. If I have a computer at home, my English is good enough then it is not a problem to   email each other daily. If I have to go to the Internet place, if I need the interpreter service then maybe once a week.

[XMan]

Elvira and I mixed our correspondence with a healthy number of handwritten letters. Although most snail mail took two weeks in either direction, there was nothing quite so satisfying to us as receiving those personal replies.

Sort of old-fashioned I know. We've saved them all nonetheless, and reread them once in a while.

Been doing the snail mail mix for months now.  I agree.  There's a different type of enjoyment gained from that experience.  Not sure how to describe it.  I painstakingly write out a card in Russian every week.  Strangely, she prefers speaking Ukrainian but writing in Russian.  Anyway, she has saved every card, as have I.  I did some searching on the Internet and found some cards (blank on the inside) in Russian and Ukrainian.  Have sent a broad range of other cards as well.

[noelscot]

Your replies so far are heading in one direction.

However, I think in reality it depends on how far into the relationship you are.

It is a bit much to think  that, before meeting, the second person will spend a great deal of time in corresponding with an unknown.  And likewise, it is a bit overboard for the first person to get overzealous in their communications.

But, I well know that once a bond is firmly established by a few weeks of facetime, the desire to stay in constant contact is very strong.

The tales of instant love with daily or multiple daily communications are very romantic, but more likely it is uncommon that you will find a FSU gal willing to enter into a large volume of frequent communication before a first meeting.

There are many approaches to this thing of ours. Some people concentrate on one person. Some people use a shotgun method. Some people go through agencies. But there is one constant that I believe has been mentioned throughout this thread that cannot be denied: either someone likes you or they don't. If they are middle of the road, who really has time for that? 


So there is before and after the meeting(s) no matter what the approach, and some correspondence before/after is inevitable if you like the person(s). I've not gone on a trip yet, so admittedly I am GREEN on the trip aspect. Wish me well when I go in June. This is my vantage point on the correspondence stage of this stuff.


1) It's possible to develop SOME chemistry on phone, email, chat, skype, etc. BEFORE meeting. If there is GOOD chemistry, there will be frequent correspondence. If not, there wont be much correspondence or it will be to where you could be dead for all the other person cares.


Of course it is good to keep a happy disposition during all of this and not get jaded. It is what it is. I'm sure there have been folks who had great communications, but did not like each other in person. A person has to prepare to be disappointed and not get too emotionally invested in any person until things are really clear.

[noelscot]

I think there is not such thing as "What is too much?" when you really like a person and want to know as much as possible about him/her. As I remember my now husband and I switched to the phone communication after a few first letters. I gave him all my phone numbers. So, before we met face to face we mostly talked by phone spending hours and used e-mail communication mostly for short notes and photos. He called me in the morning to wake me up by my request, after he called me when I got to my job and had my must be a cup of coffee in my office, he called me at the end of my working day while I was still in my office, and after he called me when I got home, sometimes he called me somewhere between when he stayed late working. He also new the phone numbers of my friends, co-workers, my relatives. When we met there were not any unpleasant surprises and even small insignificant disappointments. The closer we were with each day to our first meeting face to face the more confident we both were getting we would be together. Oh, he even sent me his bank card before we met    Now it is one of our joint bank accounts.

But not all women are goodhearted like you, Olga!


I was planning on giving my lady friend my social security number and all other vital, private information, but she said it was not necessary,because KGB, or rather FSB, had already gathered my information and documents for her perusal or else she would not be talking to me. lol. I guess as long as she does not start reciting Robert Frost poems on the telefon, everything is copacetic. (See the movie TELEFON w/ Charles Bronson if that made no sense at all)   

[Ade]

My wife and I communicated every day, several times a day from day one. The emails I have from the first 18 months before she moved here, number, literally, in the thousands. Sure they aren't all great literary works and sometimes we exchanged just a few words, but perhaps it's those that show how much we missed each other.

There are no hard and fast rules, but, if you enjoy communicating with each other you will both be eager to talk and will. A lot. I can understand that some people will hold back until they've met face to face, but after that, if communication isn't easy and often, then I'd say something is amiss. Of course, I was looking for someone who I wanted to talk to and wanted to talk to me. Perhaps there are men and women out there that are happy with sharing a few words every week.

I'm assuming this is the same as normal dating correspondence (i.e., don't call too much or in a predictable pattern), but I wanted to know if the long distance/time zones change anything from the woman's perspective.
 

Okay, that comes across as just weird. At least my wife and I think so and we've not thought like that since we were teenagers, "better not call now or she'll think I'm too keen and dump me. Best to keep her hanging."

Mail or call as much as you feel like, when you like. If it's too much, it's not a sign of compatibility is it? And if she doesn't talk to you very often, well, not a good sign, particularly if you've met already.

[noelscot]

My wife and I communicated every day, several times a day from day one. The emails I have from the first 18 months before she moved here, number, literally, in the thousands. Sure they aren't all great literary works and sometimes we exchanged just a few words, but perhaps it's those that show how much we missed each other.

There are no hard and fast rules, but, if you enjoy communicating with each other you will both be eager to talk and will. A lot. I can understand that some people will hold back until they've met face to face, but after that, if communication isn't easy and often, then I'd say something is amiss. Of course, I was looking for someone who I wanted to talk to and wanted to talk to me. Perhaps there are men and women out there that are happy with sharing a few words every week.

Okay, that comes across as just weird. At least my wife and I think so and we've not thought like that since we were teenagers, "better not call now or she'll think I'm too keen and dump me. Best to keep her hanging."

Mail or call as much as you feel like, when you like. If it's too much, it's not a sign of compatibility is it? And if she doesn't talk to you very often, well, not a good sign, particularly if you've met already.

Real life dating is different from international dating, in some ways at least (particularly correspondence). Let me explain. Real life woman gives me her phone number, asks me to call her Friday night. I would never call her Friday night, because I want to seem like I have "things going on," and I am unpredictable (interesting). I would call her a few days later and be all aloof about not remembering to call her, then surprise her with some sort of exciting date - not dinner and a movie - but maybe going to the zoo or aquarium or an amusement park. The emotional highs and lows will make her like me more because I am not some boring puppy dog, nipping at her heels. Something fun. All the women who i have showered with attention? EPIC FAIL. The ones I was a jerk too (90% jerk-10% sweet) were darkening my door. The idea is to be a man and be dominant, not a wuss.


So here is where I go wrong. I know that the reality is that international correspondence has the attention span of a gnat. If a person is not communicating with me regularly, they are a waste of my time. I'm not traveling half way around the world for a woman who doesn't like me. I think once a week is a conservative frequency rate for communicating, because I understand people do not live in the internet and they have their own lives to live. Bottom line: we're strangers until we meet in reality and there is a sort of depersonalization process that goes on in all this correspondence stage. It's very dangerous to become emotionally invested, so there is a sort of glaciation that goes on for the people who have been burned in the past.


I guess balance, as in nature, is key to everything. I agree with you though the high school stuff just doesn't appeal to me for international dating, because my time is my most precious commodity.

[Ade]

Real life dating is different from international dating, in some ways at least (particularly correspondence). Let me explain. Real life woman gives me her phone number, asks me to call her Friday night. I would never call her Friday night, because I want to seem like I have "things going on," and I am unpredictable (interesting). I would call her a few days later and be all aloof about not remembering to call her, then surprise her with some sort of exciting date - not dinner and a movie - but maybe going to the zoo or aquarium or an amusement park. The emotional highs and lows will make her like me more because I am not some boring puppy dog, nipping at her heels. Something fun. All the women who i have showered with attention? EPIC FAIL. The ones I was a jerk too (90% jerk-10% sweet) were darkening my door. The idea is to be a man and be dominant, not a wuss.


So here is where I go wrong. I know that the reality is that international correspondence has the attention span of a gnat. If a person is not communicating with me regularly, they are a waste of my time. I'm not traveling half way around the world for a woman who doesn't like me. I think once a week is a conservative frequency rate for communicating, because I understand people do not live in the internet and they have their own lives to live. Bottom line: we're strangers until we meet in reality and there is a sort of depersonalization process that goes on in all this correspondence stage. It's very dangerous to become emotionally invested, so there is a sort of glaciation that goes on for the people who have been burned in the past.


I guess balance, as in nature, is key to everything. I agree with you though the high school stuff just doesn't appeal to me for international dating, because my time is my most precious commodity.

Let me explain something very simple. You have been dating and/or trying to date the wrong women.

[Faux Pas]

Real life dating is different from international dating, in some ways at least (particularly correspondence). Let me explain. Real life woman gives me her phone number, asks me to call her Friday night. I would never call her Friday night, because I want to seem like I have "things going on," and I am unpredictable (interesting). I would call her a few days later and be all aloof about not remembering to call her, then surprise her with some sort of exciting date - not dinner and a movie - but maybe going to the zoo or aquarium or an amusement park. The emotional highs and lows will make her like me more because I am not some boring puppy dog, nipping at her heels. Something fun. All the women who i have showered with attention? EPIC FAIL. The ones I was a jerk too (90% jerk-10% sweet) were darkening my door. The idea is to be a man and be dominant, not a wuss.

International dating is "real" dating. It is modified from "local" dating if that is what you are referring to but, it's really not that much different. From your description here, you like to play games. You want to "seem" like you have something going on when apparently you don't. IMHO, if you tell a woman you will call on Friday night, why not call? Do you get the feeling local woman play games with you? Do you wonder why?

So here is where I go wrong. I know that the reality is that international correspondence has the attention span of a gnat. If a person is not communicating with me regularly, they are a waste of my time. I'm not traveling half way around the world for a woman who doesn't like me.

I think once a week is a conservative frequency rate for communicating,

because I understand people do not live in the internet and they have their own lives to live.

Bottom line: we're strangers until we meet in reality and there is a sort of depersonalization process that goes on in all this correspondence stage

. It's very dangerous to become emotionally invested, so there is a sort of glaciation that goes on for the people who have been burned in the past.

Seems like your getting some of it but not getting the full monty. Communication and frequency of communication will evolve into "what it is". Communication between two people who are genuinely interested in each other is not work or a burden. If you feel at anytime that it is, drop the woman and move on. If she gets bugged by your frequency, drop her and move on. IMHO, if you are truly interested in each other, you'll likely communicate in some form or fashion daily and both will still want more

I guess balance, as in nature, is key to everything. I agree with you though the high school stuff just doesn't appeal to me for international dating, because my time is my most precious commodity.

Playing those juvenile games will only net you juvenile minded women. Take the position of a mature individual  and gauge your results. If you get a woman's contact info and tell her you're going to call her, then call her. Be a man of your word and do what you say you'll do

[noelscot]

International dating is "real" dating. It is modified from "local" dating if that is what you are referring to but, it's really not that much different. From your description here, you like to play games. You want to "seem" like you have something going on when apparently you don't. IMHO, if you tell a woman you will call on Friday night, why not call? Do you get the feeling local woman play games with you? Do you wonder why?

 because I understand people do not live in the internet and they have their own lives to live. . It's very dangerous to become emotionally invested, so there is a sort of glaciation that goes on for the people who have been burned in the past.


Seems like your getting some of it but not getting the full monty. Communication and frequency of communication will evolve into "what it is". Communication between two people who are genuinely interested in each other is not work or a burden. If you feel at anytime that it is, drop the woman and move on. If she gets bugged by your frequency, drop her and move on. IMHO, if you are truly interested in each other, you'll likely communicate in some form or fashion daily and both will still want more

Playing those juvenile games will only net you juvenile minded women. Take the position of a mature individual  and gauge your results. If you get a woman's contact info and tell her you're going to call her, then call her. Be a man of your word and do what you say you'll do

I agree it is the same, just way more expensive and time-consuming. All the same dos and don'ts apply, as far as I see. But the usual games that are acceptable and fun locally are a big no-no internationally because no one invloved has the time or money to waste on virtual games.
 
Anway, it sounds like the ladies want daily communication, which is what I currently do with the gal I plan to meet very soon. I would never disrespect her time or feelings by toying with her emotions.
 
 

[ghost of moon goddess]

...Ladies, if you like a man with whom you are communicating (let's say you've not yet met, but the prospect of meeting really, really excites you), how often would you want to communicate before the meeting occurred? ...

I think there is not such thing as "What is too much?" when you really like a person and want to know as much as possible about him/her....

.. It's a type of hunger that can never be appeased, no matter how much you eat - you always want more... 

I guess balance, as in nature, is key to everything. I agree with you though the high school stuff just doesn't appeal to me for international dating, because my time is my most precious commodity.

On this thread, women's expectations and emotions seem to have been overshadowed by rationality and logic of some respected men.   

[noelscot]

On this thread, women's expectations and emotions seem to have been overshadowed by rationality and logic of some respected men.   

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and here I am ready to zig-zag half way around the world to go on a date with someone who may or may not like me.  There's definitely something more romantic and fun about it, but I'd not be so sure all the men here are cool-headed logicians! They'd like to think such, but this whole process is about the most convoluted way ever concocted for a man to meet a woman.   

[ML]

. . . but this whole process is about the most convoluted way ever concocted for a man to meet a woman.

I agree.  And I would like to think that I never would have done it had it not been for the fact that my business ventures sent me to the FSU initially.

Then, after I had already taken note during my business trips of the generally more slender women in the FSU, it became very logical for me to engage the convoluted path when the time was right.

[Leelou]

Had contact nearly everyday, switched to Skype as soon as possible. After a few Skype calls, we were in touch everyday without exception.
My girl always find time to answer, even on working days when she's out of the house from 7.30am-9.30pm. It was already the case even before we truly began our relationship. I really appreciated the effort, it showed to me she was really serious. It is still the same nowadays and I think quick replies are essential to the good development of communication.

I think the only situation when it is acceptable to have longer delays is when the Lady doesn't have the Internet and lives in a quite isolated place.
Otherwise, a person that takes too much time to answer (I'd say one week for an email without any clear reason) is someone that is not interested enough in communicating. If the rythm of communicaton doesn't improve after calling and having installed a more direct type of contact, it is not a good sign.

Most of the Ladies on this sites are normal people with normal jobs (I mean the honest profiles of course). So they do have free time to answer in normal time.
Someone that overly pretends to be busy is someone that is unable to correctly say that she is not interested. Someone that truly enjoys conversation and wants to know more will find a way to get some time and reply to letters/calls wihtout excessive delays.

Good luck with your search!

[Misha]

[size=78%]The emotional highs and lows will make her like me more because I am not some boring puppy dog, nipping at her heels.[/size]

This sounds like straight out of those pick up artist manuals    I never was into those games. If I said that I was going to call Friday, I would call Friday. The activities that I proposed were activities that I hoped would be enjoyable for both of us.

[Misha]

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and here I am ready to zig-zag half way around the world to go on a date with someone who may or may not like me.

That pretty much sums it up. Even if you spend months Skyping every day, there is still no guarantee that you will like each other when you meet in real life.