Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[Slumba]

ML, and other gents,

You advice Vasilisa to socialize among the people who are like herself sounds good. Would you elaborate a bit on that?
Yes, by all means we should network and make friends, irrespectively from our dating life.
Let's assume, Vasilisa arranged a good social life for herself, purchased a membership in a nice golf club, spends her Friday nights at a bar that is known to be frequented by the local executives. Now what, in your opinion, can she do? With her fluent English, she can approach them, make a small talk to them, even ask for their opinion or some advice depending on the situation, and eventually get a business card. Okay, what next?

She shouldn't buy a membership (probably won't be able to afford such a purchase in any case), instead attend the various charity events that are held at golf courses.  Also lots of members are happy to teach newbie women, or, even the married women who are wives of the golf club members may be able to be friendly and help her out.

I don't think you fully understand American scene; it is reverse of what I understand Russian scene is. 

I haven't seen a picture of Vasilisa, but assuming she is average Russian/Ukr. in looks, she will be better looking than 80% of the women these guys meet. And if she dresses well (it's OK to be a little modest, conservative even, but nicely put together) she will be far out in front of many AW who either don't know how to coordinate and dress fashionably, or, do not put in the effort to do so.

If she is cultured, intelligent, friendly, even a little bit reserved, and still has decent English but with a Russian accent, she will not be getting a "business card" LOL! 

It will be very obvious that some percentage of guys will be hungry for her - at that point she can pick and choose her suitors.

Vasilisa - good luck!  -- hope you find your American Vasily!

[Lily]

She shouldn't buy a membership (probably won't be able to afford such a purchase in any case), instead attend the various charity events that are held at golf courses.   
 

But isn't attending the charty evens at the golf clubs a result of the memberhsip? How would she get at a charity event?
 

[Misha]

assuming she is average Russian/Ukr. in looks, she will be better looking than 80% of the women these guys meet

I am not so sure about that. Men can meet very attractive women in their countries IMHO. The question is whether these women will date and marry them. For the richest and most attractive of men, this is not an issue in most cases 

[Slumba]

But isn't attending the charty evens at the golf clubs a result of the memberhsip? How would she get at a charity event?

The charity events are usually open, or you have to buy a ticket (various prices) - sometimes you can get them for free, or people will have extra tickets, etc.

Golf club membership, itself, can be in the $10,000 and up range, plus member dues that have to be paid each year.  Even the cheap ones, are not cheap - but I will let someone more familiar with this subject, comment on it.

[Lily]

I am not so sure about that. Men can meet very attractive women in their countries IMHO. The question is whether these women will date and marry them. For the richest and most attractive of men, this is not an issue in most cases 

I think that what Slumba is saying that Vasilisa may still be able to outcompete a number of AW. You mention the richest and most attractive men, but Vasilisa probably does not target them. My understanding is that she looks for someone who would be on the same level with her, perhaps an educated professional who is not necessarily on the Forbes' list. She would however need some guidance, that's why she started this thread.
 

[Misha]

perhaps an educated professional who is not necessarily on the Forbes' list.

Again, depends on who she is aiming for in real life. If she wants a younger, attractive doctor, living in a larger city she will have plenty of competition from women who won't be any less attractive 

[Slumba]

Again, depends on who she is aiming for in real life. If she wants a younger, attractive doctor, living in a larger city she will have plenty of competition from women who won't be any less attractive 

I don't get the impression that V. is focused on the maximum amount of money, exactly, but more intellectual capacity, similarity of values and outlook on life, etc. which would be typically  found in a man with at least a Bachelor's and possibly Master's degree. 

I read that if you earn $100K a year, you are already in the top 6% of the population for earnings. 

And, there are plenty of such men who are decent and hardworking and for whom a typical FSUW (as I am imagining her in my mind    ) would be a good match, and an upgrade from the kind of women they are currently encountering.

[Misha]

upgrade from the kind of women they are currently encountering.

You see upgrade, I don't. Yes, if you are dating 45+ year old women, dating a 20 year old will be an "upgrade" but if you are already dating attractive late twenties year old women in the USA, I don't really see dating a RW in the same age bracket as an "upgrade" 

[Slumba]

You see upgrade, I don't. Yes, if you are dating 45+ year old women, dating a 20 year old will be an "upgrade" but if you are already dating attractive late twenties year old women in the USA, I don't really see dating a RW in the same age bracket as an "upgrade" 

I don't want to turn this into a big debate thread, obviously we can only trade anecdotes.  It is clear that Vasilisa is intelligent and adaptable, at the very least, both of which are good qualities.  Let's focus on helping her :-)

[Misha]

I don't want to turn this into a big debate thread, obviously we can only trade anecdotes.  It is clear that Vasilisa is intelligent and adaptable, at the very least, both of which are good qualities.  Let's focus on helping her :-)

Sure, but there is a tendency for RW and men pursuing RW to buy the hype that RW are soooooo much more attractive than local women. This is not the case, and I am married to a RW. IMHO, one must be realistic when dating and this applies to RW trying to date in the West or WM dating in Russia...

[JohnDearGreen]

I love swimming, cycling, hiking, camping, snorkeling, photography, traveling, reading, beaches, Europe, history, museums, theatre, opera, ballet, Discovery channel, HC, wine tasting, golf, I am not into night clubs, bars,  or pool parties, etc.

Most people get in a rut doing their favorite things.  You have to try new things to meet new people.  Walking the mall or restaurant happy hours never did it for me.  Best solution is singles groups oriented to some of your favorite activites.  I did a quick web search on "single golfers" and found several groups right away.  Unfortunately if you live in a smaller town (under 100k), there aren't many of those groups available and single life is pretty poor.


>Got my profile created last week
You have to give it a reasonable amount of time.  First you check out the current members in the group you join.  If nothing there, then you have to stick around and wait for new members to join.  Become friends with other group members even if they don't interest you.  Then with the networking effect, they might have friends who you might like.  Just give it a reasonable amount of time........


(That was an avatar from a golf group I belong to)

[Faux Pas]

(That was an avatar from a golf group I belong to)



That's funny 

[TheTraveler]

What can I say.. I am being written to a lot. The only thing is that the people that I like and have a lot  in common with (interests, goals, values, point of view, I love the  pictures, etc) are normally in the "high income" group: executives, medical doctors, lawyers. I am simply ashamed of writing to them.

Why?  High income guys need love, too!
 
Branch out, and put yourself in a position to meet as many guys as possible, and especially the 'type' of men that you want to meet.
 
Best of luck to you!

[Donna_Pedro]

I am simply ashamed of writing to them.

Are you bragging or complaining?

[GQBlues]

The charity events are usually open, or you have to buy a ticket (various prices) - sometimes you can get them for free, or people will have extra tickets, etc.

Golf club membership, itself, can be in the $10,000 and up range, plus member dues that have to be paid each year.  Even the cheap ones, are not cheap - but I will let someone more familiar with this subject, comment on it.

That's just partly true if you join high-end CCs like Riviera / LACC / HillcrestCC. There are great country clubs that doesn't even come close to costing that much. Here's 2 clubs I joined that are great courses with fairly notable members i.e pro-athletes, movie/TV stars and professionals.


Malibu Country Club and Moorpark Country Club.


They're in the $3-4K/yr membership with unlimited golf.


...then of course, there golf clubs, SCGA (Southern California Golf Association) sanctioned clubs. Membership fees can be anywhere from $50.00 - $100.00/yr. Members can range anywhere from 12-100 members. Men's, Ladies, or Co-Eds. They'd play monthly tournaments and at the end of the year there's a playoff for the qualifying top players from it's respective 'clubs' that are within the SCGA. Like this.


Anyway....the point of clubs, groups, organization, etc...is to get folks involved both in activities and social networking (get you out of the house). Exposure, exposure, exposure...


FTR, I agree with Misha. While some (some, not many) RWs in the US are cute, many of them ain't all that. Many are downright homely. The majority are average.


The key to dating is not to be so occupied in looking. You'll tote that fine line of becoming desperate. Yes, men, at least here in LA, can tell...it doesn't matter if you're as cute as Alessandra Ambrosio, you're going to get played.

[Globetrotter]

Dear Girl,
 
You have gotten everyone's attention.  I don't know what you look like, but am sure you are pretty.  People here are interested...and you only need to know how to "attract" them, and should do so...don't you think?  Good idea would be to put your photo as an "avitar" and see if there is not somebody here you may find.  Just my thoughts, before I would suggest that you get a job at a stable...brushing horses..........never know...and good luck!

[Lily]

...and you only need to know how to "attract" them, and should do so...don't you think?   

For her dating outside any website, she would also need to know how to tell an available men from an unavailable one, don't you think so?

[Misha]

For her dating outside any website, she would also need to know how to tell an available men from an unavailable one, don't you think so?

Couldn't you simply ask once you have had a conversation?

[Gator]

Vasilia, if you are still reading here, maybe you need to change your profile.  Something short and witty.   Something that would compel the men you like to write you (or would interest them if you wrote first). 

Do you enjoy creative writing?   As an example, I found this personal ad hilarious, although I would question the women who would respond.  It has been around a while, and supposedly written by an Australian man:
 
Wanted A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music, and tal-
king without getting too serious.


Interested?

Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

Still interested?

Call me at ...... 8250-0327

[Hammer2722]

Vasilia, if you are still reading here, maybe you need to change your profile.  Something short and witty.   Something that would compel the men you like to write you (or would interest them if you wrote first). 

Do you enjoy creative writing?   As an example, I found this personal ad hilarious, although I would question the women who would respond.  It has been around a while, and supposedly written by an Australian man:
 
Wanted A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music, and tal-
king without getting too serious.


Interested?

Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

Still interested?

Call me at ...... 8250-0327

Too funny!!!!

[Lily]

Couldn't you simply ask once you have had a conversation?

Isn't it a bad question to ask? Afraid that the counterpart will try his best to wrap up the conversation, after he hears this from a woman.
 

[Misha]

Isn't it a bad question to ask? Afraid that the counterpart will try his best to wrap up the conversation, after he hears this from a woman.

If the man is interested in her, then he will be delighted to answer if he is single    If he isn't interested, then asking the question won't really change the eventual outcome 

[ML]

Misha, life and interactions between man/woman is more complicated.

Lily is on to something there.

It is very tricky asking men what there 'availability' situation is.

Even a man who is available and might have a tiny bit of interest in this 'new' woman that just approached him in the bar, might get a little overcautious if she seems to come on too strong with actions or questioning words.

He might just try to cut the conversation short, as Lily suggests.

So she, and other women, still need ways to determine the man's status.
Particularly since many married men will just play along for awhile . . . or maybe a long while.

I don't have good advice for her on this situation right now.

[Faux Pas]

Misha, life and interactions between man/woman is more complicated.

Indeed

Lily is on to something there.

It is very tricky asking men what there 'availability' situation is.

It depends on the situation and how one wishes to play "the game". By virtue of the fact that she asks would indicate to most warm blooded males that she is interested in him. Many women do not wish to reveal that so early in the game. It's a dance, kind'a like two strange dogs walking around in a circle sniffin each others butts. 

Even a man who is available and might have a tiny bit of interest in this 'new' woman that just approached him in the bar, might get a little overcautious if she seems to come on too strong with actions or questioning words.

We're all different. I personally never minded when a woman indicated interest or made the first move. I was never so much about the "hunt"  or the chase as I was about the "kill"

He might just try to cut the conversation short, as Lily suggests.

So she, and other women, still need ways to determine the man's status.
Particularly since many married men will just play along for awhile . . . or maybe a long while.

Due diligence, check for ring or just easy conversation and segue into the question, "are you married?" It is not an offensive question or too direct when asked tactfully. Most men, if they are married will likely be flattered she asked. If they aren't married, it's game on and the butt sniffin then shall commence 

[GQBlues]

When all is said and done, the only key to find success in our highly-competitive social world today is to have that undeniable sense of self that would always elevate your presence to the opposite sex - sometimes even when speaking only a few words. The lustful language of confidence is irresistable.
 
Sort of like a short-skirted woman in high heels walking deep inside the prison gallows.    Yeah, something like that...
 
If that fails, maybe learn how to eat your burgers like this.
 
 


 

 
May I have extra fries with that, Kate?