Divorced RW experience of dating in the US.

[Muzh]

What would you think if the woman cried on the first date?   

Check, please. 

[OlgaH]

I gotta tell ya V, I do LOVE a great  intellectual conversation, but if a woman came after me with these topics during our first dinner on our first date, I'd probably get drunk and jump out the window.. first dates should be FUN.   

  and you better to be sure there would not be iron bars on the windows
 
 
 
 

I don't see an indication that he doesn't. Acting silly is a common defense mechanism, at least here in North America. I would pay money to hear the other side of the story.     
 
 

My two friends, that time they just obtained their doctorate, one in culturology and the other in, aesthetics had 20 min fun when a young woman started to flirt with them in a cafe trying to make a philosophical talk , they just feign valenok...

Regarding  the other side of the story I would split the bill 

 We do not know the product he sells nor his customers.   On this date, his product was himself  and Vasilisa was the customer.   She was not buying. 
 

He could be a buyer as well  and curious about a foreign product

[Vasilisa]

I was wondering exactly the same thing... sounded more like the cool guy with the great smart ass sense of humor blundered into some Twilight Zone version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Vasilisa's Husband?!


WWII?  Who was JFK's Wife? 


I gotta tell ya V, I do LOVE a great  intellectual conversation, but if a woman came after me with these topics during our first dinner on our first date, I'd probably get drunk and jump out the window.. first dates should be FUN.   

Is there a pariticular stadard what the first should be like?
The date was not the first one.
If the man is acting like a clown on the first date and can't make a sentence longer than 5 words on small talk's topics I am starting to be curious if it is because he is a showman trying to impress me or he is like that in his every day life? So it was obvious that on the second one I was trying to figure out what lays beneath,there was nothing beneath. That was it. There were a lot of other missing details, but it sounds like some locals had the same impression of this guy.

He didn't contact me because he was interested in my profile or me as a person, he only looked at pictures, nothing in common at all.

[Vasilisa]

Check, please. 

Cool, he proposed 20 minutes after that.

[Vasilisa]

The act itself-crying on first date-would NOT lead a nonjudgmental person to form unfavorable opinion about the crying person. It is the reason behind the act that is important. If a sensitive and painful issue was touched, it is okay for the person to have tears on his or her eyes.

There was a painful issue, not just tears because the evening was so cool. Well, not crying but wet eyes I  should say.

[SANDRO43]

they just obtained their doctorate, one in culturology...

What on earth is that doctorate about ? Biology, body-building?

[OlgaH]

What on earth is that doctorate about ? Biology, body-building?

It is a degree     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doktor_nauk

[Vasilisa]

In my experience talking about "serious stuff" is just another way of name dropping from people who have very little knowledge on the subject. That usually cracks me up. Serious people talk about serious stuff at work, with colleages. An average person will probably have very little understanding of what they are talking about.

Fashionista, last year I had several dates with one man. The guy was financially stable, good job, etc. But full of weird "details". One time he mentioned he had a really serious relationship with the woman who had a kid from her previous marriage, they had been dating for 4 years and when he explained why they broke up I was shocked: he said: I asked her if she wanted to have kids and she explained that she had a kid and she didn't want to have more.

Now I have a question: what had they been doing for 4 years' time that he didn't realize that she didn't want to have more kids with him which were of such huge importance to him?! Discussed strawberries in the salad?!

[SANDRO43]

It is a degree 

I had guessed as much, but my question concerned its STUDY SUBJECT .

[LiveFromUkraine]

Discussed strawberries in the salad?!

I always considered strawberries to be a 4th date topic.  I don't know about adding them to a salad.  That maybe a relationship breaker.

I had a friend who lived with a woman for 4 years.  He knew he wasn't going to marry her but she thought they would.  I asked him why he stayed with her for so long and he didn't really have an answer.  I suspect he was staying with her out of laziness. 

He eventually left her and met his wife soon after. 

[OlgaH]

I had guessed as much, but my question concerned its STUDY SUBJECT .

For example Dr. of Culturology     the study subject would be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culturology

[Vasilisa]

OlgaH, you are in my "monsters" list, so I can't read your messages anyway. 
I 've explained that to you several times before.
If you are trying to impress of the rest of the audience with your level of intelligence and maturity keep posting, don't be shy.

[SANDRO43]

For example Dr. of Culturology     the study subject would be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culturology

I see:

Culturology is the branch of social sciences in Russia and Eastern Bloc concerned with the scientific understanding, description, analysis and prediction of cultural activities, cultural systems regarding high culture and high culture broadly-construed. The type of cultural studies regarding different social practices was therefor studied as a part of sociology, ethnology and anthropology and less as a part of culturology.

A hodge-podge of subjects, snobbish too .

[Vasilisa]

I always considered strawberries to be a 4th date topic.  I don't know about adding them to a salad.  That maybe a relationship breaker.

There is a Spring salad that has strawberries in it, I made it for Easter. I hate it but many people I know love it, I prefer Russian olivier.

As for the guy I mentioned, he didn't love her, that's simple: just had good time together.

[OlgaH]

OlgaH, you are in my "monsters" list, so I can't read your messages anyway. 
I 've explained that to you several times before.
If you are trying to impress of the rest of the audience with your level of intelligence and maturity keep posting, don't be shy.

Vasilisa, you are welcome to put me in any of your lists you wish if it makes you feel comfortable and happy 

[Vasilisa]

And again: I am not trying to impress anyone, just testing and observing,  for me it's important if the person is on the same wave with me and if I have chemistry, if he thinks it's a heavy topic to discuss something on the first date  and is uncomfortable, he is not my guy, that's it.

That's my strategy.
I've attended psychological meetings and trainings of different kinds before, when unknown people have to share very personal details and thoughts in front of unknown people, but many of them felt emotionally relaxed after that, like one close family. For me it's important to have this level of communication with people.

[Vasilisa]

 Twilight Zone version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Vasilisa's Husband?!

There is at least one who is ready

[Belvis]

And again: I am not trying to impress anyone, just testing and observing,  for me it's important if the person is on the same wave with me and if I have chemistry, if he thinks it's a heavy topic to discuss something on the first date  and is uncomfortable, he is not my guy, that's it.
That's my strategy.

Vasilisa, your dating process is as if you are doing unpleasant routine job. I don't feel fighting spirit (кураж) in your search for the man. Though your mentality is so russian, I just see in you my wife years ago.  She was also very touchy, but has become hardened with me

[Daveman]

Is there a particular standard what the first date should be like?

Yeah, there's a handbook somewhere... you didn't get the  memo? 

The dates are about knowing people better,so touching this or that thing makes us understand the person better. If I want to have fun I go to "6 flags".

Now there's an excellent 2nd date! (too long for a first with little chance for escape!).  When I want to have fun, I just create it.  Ahhh, the life of a clown.. I wouldn't trade the red nose and big shoes for anything...


My wife has an excellent sense of humor.  However, her rule on the subject is "there is a time for humor and a time for serious"... which, of course, translates to "All things are governed and placed into order according to My Mood. When *I* am in the mood for humor, then it is the time."  All women understand this, and just know, through celestial wisdom, when those times are and there can be no compromise with The Mood!"  heh


Comments of Sticks in relation to Hind Parts don't go over well either...  but do become hilarious when they come back around... 'Take a steek' had me rolling on the floor for hours.. 


But I can envision the conversation and understand completely...


"How's your steak?"
"Not too bad, really, this sauce kinda reminds me of WWII though, ever heard of it?"
"Huh? You mean my last relationship.. yeah, it was like a concentration camp and she sure was engaged in a Battle of the Bulge.. heh.."
"WHO is John F. Kennedy's Wife??"
"what??
"You have ten seconds to give your answer..."
"Um, the woman he married of course!"
"Stop being a clown! Dates aren't supposed to be fun!! get with the program!!"


     

[Boethius]

Is there a particular standard what the first date should be like?
The date was not the first one. 
If the man is acting like a clown on the first date and can't make a sentence longer than 5 words on small talk's topics I am starting to be curious if it is because he is a showman trying to impress me or he is like that in his every day life? So it was obvious that on the second one I was trying to figure out what lays beneath,there was nothing beneath.  That was it. There were a lot of other missing details, but it sounds like some locals had the same impression of this guy.


He didn't contact me because he was interested in my profile or me as a person, he only looked at pictures, nothing in common at all.


---There was nothing on the menu about WWII I am curious why you are asking about it like it's some forbidden topic to ask something about WWII just before the Victory Day in Russia. Everything could lead to this or that topic during the conversation, you don't have to have something on the menu for that.
The dates are about knowing people better,so touching this or that thing makes us understand the person better. If I want to have fun I go to "6 flags". But you see I asked and didn't waste my time on the shallow guy, we could have spent a lot more money and time on something that wouldn't  work.   


If you are extremely curious what led to that topic it was my desire to take part in a flash mob on  Russian Victory Day. Since I don't know many Russian veterans living here I decided to ask about the places where I could find American ones.

You can really get to know a person at Six Flags, I believe.  Probably far better than interrogating him on WWII trivia.  Especially on a really hot day, with long lines.

[Vasilisa]

Dave, for me it's the opposite: I can relax well, be silly,  laugh and have fun only with the people I know well, trust and can rely on. To get to this point I need to test the person on if our main views are the same.

There is another thing: if i come and understand in 30 seconds' time it is not going to work I am trying to have fun at least, so if you see me drinking alcohol, joking, laughing loudly on the first date it's a pretty bad sign for the guy. It means he is so bad that I can't stand him without alcohol:)

[Daveman]

Dave, for me it's the opposite: I can relax well, be silly,  laugh and have fun only with the people I know well, trust and can rely on. To get to this point I need to test the person on if our main views are the same.

Of course I understand. 

There is another thing: if i come and understand in 30 seconds' time it is not going to work I am trying to have fun at least, so if you see me drinking alcohol, joking, laughing loudly on the first date it's a pretty bad sign for the guy. It means he is so bad that I can't stand him without alcohol:)

 


And there I'd be thinking "I'm da MAN... she can't resist..." wondering why you wouldn't answer the phone a couple days later.. 

[Vasilisa]

Dave you can laugh as loud as you can, if he fails the WWII, geographical and space  test on my knowledge level it is not going to work , at least not with me. I want for my parter to be more intelligent and better in most things than me.
If not he must have a  really strong desire to learn more, to become better, to self-educate, to "raise", to self-improve, to travel.

That guy couldn't even lead a nice conversation on the second date, so I had to lead, if you want me to lead don't complain about the questions asked.

At some point we talked about the recent lottery and I asked him what he would do if he won a big sum of money. He would just waste his life and party.
I would do charity, enjoy life, too, but I would  definitely go to a really prestigeous University like Harvard or Oxford to be able to meet intelligent people and learn from them. He said that for him one college is enough.

[Vasilisa]

You can really get to know a person at Six Flags, I believe.  Probably far better than interrogating him on WWII trivia.  Especially on a really hot day, with long lines.

The only thing you can know about me in Six Flags over Texas in August is that I am from Russia and love ice-cream.

[Vasilisa]

Vasilisa, your dating process is as if you are doing unpleasant routine job. I don't feel fighting spirit (кураж) in your search for the man. Though your mentality is so russian, I just see in you my wife years ago.  She was also very touchy, but has become hardened with me

I don't have any fighting spirit, I have an interviwing one . I hate dating actually.