Just because I can, should I? 20+ year age gaps

[Daveman]

so lemme see, I take it you guys disagree about something?     A rare occurrence around these parts for sure..


Why not lighten it up a bit...

[Globetrotter]

OK Dave, I'll just jump right back in!!!

[IAmZon]

pu$$ies  LOL.   

some guy said upthread that it's not true to be with a woman 10 years his junior - WTF?!?!?    I can do that in America! Who would want to?  In South America, for what it is worth, I do not have this Age first, everything else second mentality. 

About other parts of the world ... I will see for myself.  Measure twice, cut once, and stay out of capital cities.

[Maxx2]

I have to look for women over forty five because any less of an age of than that it would be too difficult to find a woman close enough to my intellect. It takes time for a woman to mature to my level.

[IAmZon]

Brainack Alert!  " I have to look for women over forty five because any less of an age of than that it would be too difficult to find a woman close enough to my intellect. It takes time for a woman to mature to my level."


So, you necessitate from your female intellectual equilibrium?    And this is the secret GLUE for all human pairings?  Hmmm    It is a nice aspect, but you do not need to mate an intellectual eaqual!  HELL, you could form a coffee group with the local MENSA club for this alone.


Surely, there is more to it than that?!?!

[Globetrotter]

Man, just do what you want to do, have fun and roll the dice.  Oh...and look into pre-nups

[Maxx2]

Surely, there is more to it than that?!?!

That should be my line.

[mendeleyev]

Living in the FSU only rarely does one see large age difference relationships, except under a single condition: The income level of the man. One also sees that if something happens to the wealth, she quickly moves on.

Depending on how wide the age gap, usually in the 20+ year range, in some relationships there is the unspoken agreement that she can have a night out on the town that includes male companionship of a stud closer to her age.

It reminds me of the old joke of the wealthy couple who need to make lifestyle adjustments because of their investment portfolio:

Husband: You'll have to fire the maid and have to learn to cook.
Wife: And you'll have to fire the chauffeur and learn how to f__k.

I'm not condemning couples who try it, in some rare instances it works. My wife and I have a 10 year difference and I'm sometimes very aware of how much older I am, other times it doesn't seem to matter. I'm just glad that we don't have a larger gap.

[LAman]

That's an interesting observaton. Before I got married I liked older guys, ignored the younger ones, now, after getting divorced I added 5 years younger than me and never married  to my search, too and they actually write to me

Hmmmm, I have heard same from RW living in LA......mainly looking for guy closer to their age. Why is it in FSU, age isn't as important, yet once they are in US...things change? I understand some are here for green card but what about others?
For instance, two summers ago, a girl(30) from Moldova came to stay with me on a tourist visa, I visited her couple times.....but when she was here, she told me she would never look for an older man while here.When I asked why...she said it is different here.....what ever that means....

[Turboguy]

I have a problem (if one can really call it that)!   The only sincere relationships I have found myself in recent memory is with women 24 - 28 years younger than me.  It is not my express purpose.  In fact, I feel a little creepy kissing, holding hands in public with a woman 28 years younger than myself - I just MAKE myself do it LOL.   These relationships COULD work in Colombia South America ( a place I live 50% of my time).    But, there is not way in hell these relationships could last in the USA.  In this moment, I am 48, my amiga is 20. NOT GOOD.  Ironically, the same age gap difference would feel different (less creepy) in ten more years.  I would be 58 she would be 30 - that sounds much more comfortable.  Hmmmm?

Just wait a little longer.  When you are 108 she would be 80 and no one would think a thing about the age difference and the great part she would still be young enough to wipe the drool from your mouth and change your adult diapers.
 
I haven't posted in this thread before this dispite having been justly accused of having participated in every age gap discussion on the internet in the past.
 
The turning point was last night when I came home from work and my wife took my temperature and checked to see if I was feeling ok since she too had noticed that I had not said anything in this thread.
 
So her I am and I have to say the thinking that strikes me as the most logical is Rivardcos.  There are some other good points made but I think the importance of age is far overstated.   I would never recommend anyone going out and seeking a big age difference but all over the world and even in America there are lots of happy couples with an age difference and how compatable the two are in other ways is far more important.

[Turboguy]

I think when it comes to age gaps someone needs to look at themselves and their motivations.   Obviously if someone is rich, handsome, famous or powerful they are going to have the ability to attract much younger women but do the women they attract have the right motivations and do they have the right motivations.  I just saw where Dick VanDyke at 86 married a woman who is 42 last week.   Just because you can is not a reason that you should.
 
I do think that most people are going to be happier with a woman closer to their age, someone they share life experiences with, someone they can share friends with, someone they can relate to.  Still, someone you can really relate to and feel like a soulmate with is rare and if you find her and she is younger then I don't see it as a problem.  Finding the person that makes you happy and who you make happy is the number one, most important thing. 
 
I do think a lot of men look at youth much like a woman might look at financial matters with the younger a woman is being a plus.  I do think that objectifies women which is bad.  I see older men looking for younger women because they want children and have never had any.  Perhaps if they had done it they would realize that it is much better for a young dude to be chasing a rug rat around then a guy in his 50's.  They don't know what they are getting into and really might be getting into something they will regret.  I have seen a few with this motivation who would be much better off spending their money for a shrink rather than on tickets to the FSU.  I have seen a few as well who want a young, childless woman but who don't want kids and that too can be a big gamble.  We have seen a few happy marriages that ended when the woman changed her mind. 
 
I do agree with the posters who said that most women want a man close to their own age, but no one is looking for most women, we were looking for that one special woman and there are women who don't consider age to be that important and some who prefer older men who might be more settled, have fewer wild oats to sow and will be devoted and appreciate her.  That goes for the FSU, SA. and the USA.  I think a lot of people don't really know what they want.  I don't know how many times when I was searching that I browsed the profiles and saw one that seemed interesting, but then I noticed I was way out of her age range so I didn't contact her and then a week later I would get a letter from her even though I was a lot older than she had said she was looking for.   
 
 

[Doll]

Hmmmm, I have heard same from RW living in LA......mainly looking for guy closer to their age. Why is it in FSU, age isn't as important, yet once they are in US...things change? I understand some are here for green card but what about others?
For instance, two summers ago, a girl(30) from Moldova came to stay with me on a tourist visa, I visited her couple times.....but when she was here, she told me she would never look for an older man while here.When I asked why...she said it is different here.....what ever that means....

Well, you have 12 guesses 

[GoodOlBoy]

When I asked why...she said it is different here.....what ever that means....

Easy to explain.
 
In the FSU, you are the "BIG" fish with a Blue Passport in a small pond.
In the GoodOl' USA, you are just another small fish in a big pond.
 
GOB

[Doll]

Easy to explain.
 
In the FSU, you are the "BIG" fish with a Blue Passport in a small pond.
In the GoodOl' USA, you are just another small fish in a big pond.
 
GOB

[IAmZon]

Well, you have 12 guesses

Let's get to the bottom line on this.  In the USA - THE MODERN WORLD -  most women do not NEED a man for security; most women do not NEED a man for food or shelter.   Many women - to be 100% honest - do not LOVE and ENJOY spending time with their husband (and vica versa) - it is an "arrangement" and "investment."   In the USA, we buy and choose things in our income and ability bracket ... most of us MAX ourselves out.   Thus, it is not necessarily a "virtue" for  women to be dating men that are near there own age.  It is a result of the "auction lifestyle".

As I look at female / male relationships in South America, the male has a much more valued and important role (to the female's disadvantage).  This is partly a result of tradition and society, but more a result that only the man protects and provides for the family (95% of the time). 

Meanwhile, back in the USA ... In Colombia, I am not seen as an "old man" - it is the opposite there for me.  Here in the USA, it takes a little adjustment:)   As a 48 year old man, without a Ferrari and Yacht, I have the value of 2 day old left over potato salad.  SO, to better my lot in life, I either have to move around, or get rich again.   Which is more false?  Which is has more virtue?  Which has a more certain outcome?

RWD ... a good place to exchange ideas on these subjects (if nothing else:)

[ML]

Living in the FSU only rarely does one see large age difference relationships, except under a single condition: The income level of the man. One also sees that if something happens to the wealth, she quickly moves on.

Man to woman:  Honey, if  I suddenly lost all my wealth, would you still love me.

Woman:  Yes, of course.  And I would miss you a lot too.

[LAman]

Well, you have 12 guesses 

Do I get any hints? 
How about 'land of opportunity'!!!!
Actually, my question was raised because ranetka and vasilisa have adjusted their age range after their divorces here( if i read correct).  I was curious as to why? they were not scammers or after a green card....
@GOB.....yes, I see the 'big fish' aspect but i was not in FSU to 'make it rain'........I look at the larger age difference in FSU as having the opportunity for two people to get to know each other......... you know, getting the foot in the door. In good ol usa, you don't even get the time of day sometimes!!!!!
 

[Misha]

Easy to explain.
 
In the FSU, you are the "BIG" fish with a Blue Passport in a small pond.
In the GoodOl' USA, you are just another small fish in a big pond.
 
GOB

The same is true for the women. When being wooed by men 20 years older, pretty much any woman within reason will be seen as a hottie, competing with women their own age may find out that they are the smaller fish 

[Doll]

Let's get to the bottom line on this.  In the USA - THE MODERN WORLD -  most women do not NEED a man for security; most women do not NEED a man for food or shelter.   Many women - to be 100% honest - do not LOVE and ENJOY spending time with their husband (and vica versa) - it is an "arrangement" and "investment."   In the USA, we buy and choose things in our income and ability bracket ... most of us MAX ourselves out.   Thus, it is not necessarily a "virtue" for  women to be dating men that are near there own age.  It is a result of the "auction lifestyle".

As I look at female / male relationships in South America, the male has a much more valued and important role (to the female's disadvantage).  This is partly a result of tradition and society, but more a result that only the man protects and provides for the family (95% of the time). 

Meanwhile, back in the USA ... In Colombia, I am not seen as an "old man" - it is the opposite there for me.  Here in the USA, it takes a little adjustment:)   As a 48 year old man, without a Ferrari and Yacht, I have the value of 2 day old left over potato salad.  SO, to better my lot in life, I either have to move around, or get rich again.   Which is more false?  Which is has more virtue?  Which has a more certain outcome?

RWD ... a good place to exchange ideas on these subjects (if nothing else:)

Just skip it- all the above belongs to the first 11 guesses 

[Doll]

The same is true for the women. When being wooed by men 20 years older, pretty much any woman within reason will be seen as a hottie, competing with women their own age may find out that they are the smaller fish 

Misha, the key words are "in the FSU" and "blue passport". Actually, the better word is "from" (the FSU)

[Maxx2]

Brainack Alert!  " I have to look for women over forty five because any less of an age of than that it would be too difficult to find a woman close enough to my intellect. It takes time for a woman to mature to my level."


So, you necessitate from your female intellectual equilibrium?    And this is the secret GLUE for all human pairings?  Hmmm    It is a nice aspect, but you do not need to mate an intellectual eaqual!  HELL, you could form a coffee group with the local MENSA club for this alone.


Surely, there is more to it than that?!?!

What I make out of rivardo's comment was that he is not looking for an intellectual (perhaps he doesn't have any of that?) equal, a soul mate a "second half" as RW call it. Since he has a 20 year old Columbian girl friend and that is easy to accomplish there according to what he has written why go to the FSU? The only answer I can come up with is to get fresh "WHITE MEAT". Someday he's going to need the Heimlich maneuver.

[IAmZon]

What I make out of rivardo's comment was that he is not looking for an intellectual (perhaps he doesn't have any of that?) equal, a soul mate a "second half" as RW call it. Since he has a 20 year old Columbian girl friend and that is easy to accomplish there according to what he has written why go to the FSU? The only answer I can come up with is to get fresh "WHITE MEAT". Someday he's going to need the Heimlich maneuver.

LOL - funny.

My 20 year old "amiga" was an accident. And I have been very careful and respectful of her.  She is not a poor desperate girl bargaining for a better life.  (and there are many that fit that description).  I was using that as a real recent example only.

But, I was commenting directly to your point of finding one's intellectual equal.  There is a tendency - a mistake I think - to define one's second half as a complete collection of things ... wife, lover, mistress, mother, fishing buddy, business partner, source for intellectual stimulation, ect...   If one can find such a pairing, then go for it.  But, to suggest that a any one woman should fulfill all these things?   

Let's say I am a scientist, or a biologist, or a novelist, or an artist ... is it necessary to find a mate who is learned on these subjects?    I don't think so.  I DO THINK a woman has to have some talents and expertise in SOME AREA in order to be respected as a person - one's  equal. 

That is all I was saying ... there are a million ways to skin a cat.

[ECOCKS]

LOL - funny.

My 20 year old "amiga" was an accident. And I have been very careful and respectful of her.  She is not a poor desperate girl bargaining for a better life.  (and there are many that fit that description).  I was using that as a real recent example only.

But, I was commenting directly to your point of finding one's intellectual equal.  There is a tendency - a mistake I think - to define one's second half as a complete collection of things ... wife, lover, mistress, mother, fishing buddy, business partner, source for intellectual stimulation, ect...   If one can find such a pairing, then go for it.  But, to suggest that a any one woman should fulfill all these things?   

Let's say I am a scientist, or a biologist, or a novelist, or an artist ... is it necessary to find a mate who is learned on these subjects?    I don't think so.  I DO THINK a woman has to have some talents and expertise in SOME AREA in order to be respected as a person - one's  equal. 

That is all I was saying ... there are a million ways to skin a cat.

Yep, and FSUW know about 900,000 of them......

[Doll]

Do I get any hints? 
How about 'land of opportunity'!!!!  
   

the 12th guess is about it, you got it! 

[GQBlues]

I'm not sure what Rivarco had in mind when he started this thread.


Seeking validation or an attempt at redundancy in opening up another discussion to what may likely be the most-overly-discussed subject of the MOB. Other than visa questions, that is.


Anyway, marry a hot 20-something because beyond the fact she's young and tight, she's likely not to have children (fathered by someone else, but your responsibility now), and your future in-law/s will still be relatively young and will not be fully dependent on you for support anytime soon.


Hows' that for validation?


As for the question why FSUW-stateside doesn't settle for men over 20 years their senior post-MOB marriage, the answer is simple - they no longer have to.