Just because I can, should I? 20+ year age gaps

[Faux Pas]

LOL -

I had to read it over a couple of times to catch it     Nope she was a beautiful women, she just wanted to be the man in the relationship 75% of the time.

Ah, okay....LOL...good. (not that theres anything wrong with that  )

[Gator]

There is a tendency - a mistake I think - to define one's second half as a complete collection of things ... wife, lover, mistress, mother, fishing buddy, business partner, source for intellectual stimulation, ect...   If one can find such a pairing, then go for it.  But, to suggest that a any one woman should fulfill all these things?   

Of the seven "things" you listed, a wife should be all save business partner.  Even in business a smart wife can be a valuable sounding board and confidant regarding business matters, especially relationships with business associates.    In dating women in my 20s and 30s, I gravitated towards the prettiest women who were fun.    In dating in my 50s and 60s I still like attractive women but I relaxed my "beauty" standards and elevated my standards regarding fun, ability to discuss anything, intelligence, money savvy, etc.   

It seems as if you are in my 20s and 30s.   I am not saying that you are wrong.  Everyone is different.  And maybe you look better today at 47 than I did in my 30s. 

Let's say I am a scientist, or a biologist, or a novelist, or an artist ... is it necessary to find a mate who is learned on these subjects?    I don't think so.

 
No, and that would be boring.   I believe there should be differences between husband and wife so that 2 + 2 = 4 rather than 2.  And with the ideal woman, 2 + 2 = 5.  My business partners and I achieved far more as a partnership than we could have done as a sum of the individual efforts.  I get the impression that 2 + 0 = 2 may be okay with you dependent upon what else she adds.           
 
 

I DO THINK a woman has to have some talents and expertise in SOME AREA in order to be respected as a person - one's  equal. 

Yes, but will her role in your marriage allow her to use those talents?   
 
A couple of your posts suggest intellect is not important to you.  Could you be happy with women such as these?
 

 

 

 

 

[Misha]

IMHO, RW are hands down waaaay more intelligent and cultured than your "average" AW.

I am not convinced. If you compare women from the same class with the same education in both Russia and Canada, I would not say that RW are more more intelligent or cultured than Canadian women  It is also a generational thing: yes, opera and classical music was promoted quite heavily by the USSR so women in their forties are much more familiar with this genre, but women in their twenties would not be really that knowledgeable...

[IAmZon]

Yes, but will her role in your marriage allow her to use those talents?   A couple of your posts suggest intellect is not important to you.  Could you be happy with women such as these?

Always good thoughts, Gator!

To clarify my position a bit:
1, I think it is BEST for me to look at 28 - 33 - Ideally 30 - 3.   That is an improvement from 20 - 24, but that makes me still an "age gapper"; and as such the holder of a bleak forecast for long term success.
2, Intelligence is important to me (and frankly a more mature intelligence that combines a little education, modern life experience, with an underpinning of responsible moral upbringing ... there is a reason I have been actively dating, but not "falling in love" the past years).   
3, How many things ought a woman be to a husband, and vica versa?   You think everything except a business partner?    That is nice, maybe even ideal.  But, I do not think it ought to be an expectation for a wife to be all things.  It seems best if two people lead two different lives, but share them - obviously, there are different degrees. This is a difference between what I would call a "young love" (a marriage of two of the same age early in life) and whatever it is I will find next.
4, I think that 99% of the time perfect 10's are a pain in the butt - 9's too.  Perfect 7's and 8's are more than I deserve:)

I have noticed some things, in retrospect, about my recent past relationships that I did NOT properly value at the time. They include:
- Cheerfulness, and a constancy of mood.
- a VERY supportive nature
- a desire to contribute to the relationship by pleasing (doing special little things)
- a desire / acceptance to be guided (only after trust, of course)
- enthusiasm for life

I have also noticed that AM often have a narrow window of what qualifies as intelligent/high level.   Namely, knowledge of opera, style, science and literature.  If the woman is a Doctor or accomplished journalist - that works too.   But, I do not run a company seeking a Doctor or journalist.  I would get no thrill in "bragging" to my friends that my future wife is a MEDICAL DOCTOR, for example.  I would prefer a person who is exceptionally able to schedule time with creative and fun things; a person who is able to bring life to a diner table or a daily discussion - HELL, if a woman could make me content with playing cards or a board game - THAT would be a miracle LOL   Those may seem as simple qualities to some, nonetheless qualities that I would value highly.

[Gator]

I am not convinced. If you compare women from the same class with the same education in both Russia and Canada, I would not say that RW are more more intelligent or cultured than Canadian women  It is also a generational thing: yes, opera and classical music was promoted quite heavily by the USSR so women in their forties are much more familiar with this genre, but women in their twenties would not be really that knowledgeable...

Good observation Misha.  However (I always have a "however"), I found RW to be more skeptical, making them more pragmatic and street savvy.  I believe this is Darwinism at work given the culture there and the lack of recourse for wrong doing.  Such street savvy is one measure of intelligence.   I have known some highly educated Americans who were trusting idiots about some life matters.

[Misha]

Good observation Misha.  However (I always have a "however"), I found RW to be more skeptical, making them more pragmatic and street savvy.  I believe this is Darwinism at work given the culture there and the lack of recourse for wrong doing.  Such street savvy is one measure of intelligence.   I have known some highly educated Americans who were trusting idiots about some life matters.

True enough and I tend to fall in the former while my wife has much of the latter which does give us your 2 + 2 = 5 equation 

[Gator]

To clarify my position a bit:
1, I think it is BEST for me to look at 28 - 33 - Ideally 30 - 3.   That is an improvement from 20 - 24, but that makes me still an "age gapper"; and as such the holder of a bleak forecast for long term success.

I consider early 30s very reasonable.  A woman that age should be aware of what she wants and know how to express it.   Keep in mind that younger wife may require some compromises/accomodations that you had not thought of before marriage.   Nevertheless, marrying a RW requires some accomodations regardless of age.

3, How many things ought a woman be to a husband, and vica versa?   You think everything except a business partner?    That is nice, maybe even ideal.  But, I do not think it ought to be an expectation for a wife to be all things. 

 
What ever is really important to you, make sure she has it.  I hope "good friend" and "having fun even doing simple things"  and "naturally happy" and "can reconcile differences productively" are on your list.  Very young women may fall short here.
 

4, I think that 99% of the time perfect 10's are a pain in the butt - 9's too.  Perfect 7's and 8's are more than I deserve:)

Your perfect 10s and 9s were young.  You should try a more mature 9 or 10, one that has experienced some ups and downs, yet has remained optimistic and enthusiastic.  I truly believe my 47-yo Cossack woman was a 10 in her prime, and she has aged very well.   Better yet, she is  always a lot of fun (almost always  ).     

I have noticed some things, in
retrospect, about my recent past relationships that I did NOT properly value at
the time. They include:  blah, blah, blah

Thse are traits of a happy woman, other than the being "guided."   WTF is that?

I have also noticed that AM often have a narrow window of what qualifies as intelligent/high level.
 

 
True as   I wrote to Misha above.

[Daveman]

Always good thoughts, Gator!

To clarify my position a bit:
1, I think it is BEST for me to look at 28 - 33 - Ideally 30 - 3.   That is an improvement from 20 - 24, but that makes me still an "age gapper"; and as such the holder of a bleak forecast for long term success.
...

Is she worth it? worth risking your heart?  Are you worth it to her? 




It seems that this age thing bothers you.  Why "look at 28-33"? do you mean plugging in those numbers into a dating database search engine? 


Honestly, I think it would/will make you the holder of a bleak forecast for long term success is if you worry about it.  Anything with which you overly concern yourself will naturally become disproportionately large and the importance skewed.  So in reality you will 'bleak' it yourself.  The self fulling prophecy..


My suggestion is to forget about the analysis.... when you are attracted so someone, then go for it and live your life to the fullest.  No need to over-analyze the situation, your age, her age, what it all means, etc...  live, love, laugh as long as it lasts...  does it *have* to be forever to be meaningful?  Is there not a lot to be gained from a good relationship which lasts less than 20 years? 10? 5? 2?  Who the heck gives guarantees on this stuff?  Yeah, the Good Hands People may wind up giving you The Good Middle Finger, but,  will worrying about that do anything to prevent it? Well, yeah, if the worry keeps you from really GOING for it.. then you'll be back in the "woulda coulda shoulda" group.. 


Just an honest opinion from what you have written..  it seems you could be doing a little too much analysis, which could mean that you're actually coming out of your mid life crisis.. no offense meant, we ALL go through it.. and it may or may not be true for you, but either way what matters to you most is.............      When you know that then you'll see the path to travel much more clearly...

[IAmZon]

Just an honest opinion from what you have written..  it seems you could be doing a little too much analysis, which could mean that you're actually coming out of your mid life crisis.. no offense meant, we ALL go through it.. and it may or may not be true for you, but either way what matters to you most is.............      When you know that then you'll see the path to travel much more clearly...

VERY VERY WELL PUT DAVE.   I was drawing the same conclusion on this point over the last several days.  AND, that is no small accomplishment!

I have always used this place for guessing and second guessing, and now it seems that has run its course for me.   Mid Life Crisis !?!?   LOL  If THAT was an Olympic Event, I likely would have a Gold Medal on my fire place:)

I get it ... all good.

[ML]

Another thing is that most men who come to FSU countries to find a wife are 35+, so that's what the ladies have to choose from, it doesn't mean they like older men, they just want to be happy and have to choose from what they have.

And probably as Flip Wilson used to say:  "The devil made me do it."

[GoodOlBoy]

  Mid Life Crisis !?!?   LOL  If THAT was an Olympic Event, I likely would have a Gold Medal on my fire place:)

 

"For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of triumph, a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeteers, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting."


- Gen. George C. Patton

[Gator]

 

"For over a thousand years Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of triumph, a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeteers, musicians and strange animals from conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conquerors rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children robed in white stood with him in the chariot or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror holding a golden crown and whispering in his ear a warning: that all glory is fleeting."

- Gen. George C. Patton

That is a good one, GOB.  Keep in mind that most of those Roman conquerors did enjoy the la dolce vita:
glorious parties,  theater, gladiator shows, daily relaxation at the bath house, carriage racing, large homes with gardens and staff, latest literature,  sex slaves, mistresses, political dalliances, gourmet food, fine wines, etc.
 
It was ended, however, by the Huns and Visigoths.   

[IAmZon]

I hope I don't ever meet MY  Huns and Visigoths


LOL

[Gator]

    Why is the font in my post so small?  I typed it here and not in Word.  Lately when I post all my paragraphs are jumbled together.  I have given up spellcheck.  Anyone else experiencing this?   

[SANDRO43]

Why is the font in my post so small?  I typed it here and not in Word. Lately when I post all my paragraphs are jumbled together.I have given up spellcheck.  Anyone else experiencing this?

No. Give up the booze, rather .

[Faux Pas]

   Why is the font in my post so small?  I typed it here and not in Word.  Lately when I post all my paragraphs are jumbled together.  I have given up spellcheck.  Anyone else experiencing this?

I never type in Word and rarely use spell check. I did have that problem some time back but not recently. It (I think) is browser related and/or requires you to check your forum defaults. That or as SANDRO said 

[Gator]

I never type in Word and rarely use spell check. I did have that problem some time back but not recently. It (I think) is browser related and/or requires you to check your forum defaults. That or as SANDRO said 

It is easier to keep drinking and thereby not care how it appears.

[Misha]

   Why is the font in my post so small?  I typed it here and not in Word.  Lately when I post all my paragraphs are jumbled together.  I have given up spellcheck.  Anyone else experiencing this?

 


Yes, I always have to go back and clean up errant commands resizing fonts. Quite strange. Also, what is up as well with YouTube videos that are way too big?

[BdHvA]

 

As a bit of entertainment I read this thread, watching the videos I laughed, not good. I am in Austria trying to ski, but I have two "broken ribs" from a week ago ~ skiing and laughing is not good.

It is now at 11 pm have to choose a Scotch or a pain killer.

But thanks any ways.

[BC]

As a bit of entertainment I read this thread, watching the videos I laughed, not good. I am in Austria trying to ski, but I have two "broken ribs" from a week ago ~ skiing and laughing is not good.

It is now at 11 pm have to choose a Scotch or a pain killer.

But thanks any ways.

Trees do not make good ski partners..

Btdt

Ouch

[BdHvA]

Trees do not make good ski partners..

Btdt

Ouch

I was on my Batavus in Amsterdam and was knocked over onto the curb by a BMW that ran a red light. I more or less landed on my ribs on an obstacle to prevent women from parking on the sidewalk/curb. The woman driver of the BMW could care less.