Parasites, Cultural Differences, and other explanations

[GQBlues]

...Is it wise for husband OR wife to support the other for educational purposes?  That depends on the situation, and most of the time I'd say "yes it certainly is". Is it obligatory by sole virtue of marriage that, if married, the male spouse automatically acquires the duty and obligation to pay for an advanced education? absolutely, positively not. ...

I did just that with wifey...and then some. I made sure she took on whatever it was she wanted to get her degree on. If it meant we had to move, relocate, to be close, or remain close to the proper University, etc...damn well I made sure we did.

Her choice was to become a System Analyst/Information System, then a Financial Analyst, and had recently gotten her license as a CPA. She's got her eyes set on getting her Masters...and, due to an influence by my ex-GF, she wanted to dibble and earn certification on Interior Design - someday.

During the early years of our marriage, I was her sole moral, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical and mental support. I was her sole frustration dump, complaints department and mission control. All she had to do at the time was to make sure she did what we both wanted her to do - Achieve certification for higher learning. She didn't disappoint.

I abhor submissive women and I certainly didn't want a useless trophy wife.

My wife's future, with our without me, was as equally important to me as our lives and relationship. That's why for the past 7 years since we took our vow, we partnered and complimented every essence of life as a couple.

I knew this was inevitable when I first went to Russia, whether I married a woman in her 30s or a gal in her 20s. There will be an investment into her, herself, her education, for us, for her, for all the people in our lives.

The fact she entrusted her life and future to me, by virtue of our marriage, I can't help but feel the obligatory responsibility of ensuring I didn't disappoint her, the people around her, the people who knew me, and most especially - myself. This is what I assumed as my personal responsibility, obligation, and duty. So damn me!

Today, my wife's life, as a wife, a friend, a person, a daugther, sister had become something she and the special people in her life can be proud of. My wife had become a well-rounded, promising, well-liked, respected and admired individual by her peers.

Most of the time, this is what happens when ambition and opportunity find a happy place. Most of the times, this is what happens when two people agree to a shared life.


Fulfillment may come in different shades, but it bears the same meaning.

My wife will be fine in life and hot-diggity-dog that's just mighty fine with me.

The past 3 years plus, since my wife had started working, the only time my wife ever walked into a bank was when we applied for a home loan. Her paycheck gets deposited directly into our account. Never once did my wife ever taken money out of the ATM. She knows what our disposal monies are every month and she had only once gone beyond these limits after discussing it with me. Bills, donations, domestic expense, savings, vacation fund, savings for her folks, personal expenditures, *indulgment fund and whatever else is left, it goes into an overflow account that represents our emegency fund. We both have our own 401Ks.

* I get to play as much golf as I can, she gets a new pair of shoes/outfit she likes.

She's a home -owner and her credit scores are in the high-700/low-800s.

I won't be surprised if I found out my wife today not only makes 'more' money than many FSU-bound males nearly twice her age, but a far more more rounded individual to boot.

How the heck did this make my wife, the wonderful, generous woman that she is, a parasite?
Isn't what we did what normal couples do in life? My wife's accomplishment has little to do with her being Russian, or that she is from a different culture than I am.


She is where she is to day because this is where we both wanted to be.

[Daveman]

Mies is right, this is probably the worst specialization for a FSU woman to have hoping to find a job in North America. If these women were professors in chemistry, physics or mathematics, they might have a chance, but there is no demand for Professors of English who did not study in North America and do not have English as their mother-tongue 

This may sound like the most ignorant question on the face of the earth, and probably actually is, but I really don't have a clue about teaching...  but, while perhaps not first choice, how difficult would it be to switch roles and teach Russian rather than English?  Obviously, the prerequisite certs, etc., would still apply, but it would seem that would be much more in demand teaching position considering the innate qualifications of education AND mother tongue..

[Daveman]

The fact she entrusted her life and future to me, by virtue of our marriage, I can't help but feel the obligatory responsibility of ensuring I didn't disappoint her, the people around her, the people who knew me, and most especially - myself. This is what I assumed as my personal responsibility, obligation, and duty. So damn me!

...
Most of the time, this is what happens when ambition and opportunity find a happy place. Most of the times, this is what happens when two people agree to a shared life.


Fulfillment may come in different shades, but it bears the same meaning.

...


How the heck did this make my wife, the wonderful, generous woman that she is, a parasite?
Isn't what we did what normal couples do in life? My wife's accomplishment has little to do with her being Russian, or that she is from a different culture than I am.


She is where she is to day because this is where we both wanted to be.

The condition of *you* feeling an obligatory responsibility, obviously originating within yourself, manifested through your own attitude toward wife/family is a far cry different from a woman feeling entitled to a free education simply because she married an older American.


Our attitudes are not divergent actually. 

[vwrw]

For me, it's *all* about the attitude.  I can easily sense in a partner if she appreciates me, with or without a verbalized "thank you", and so can everyone else if they just pay attention to all forms of attitude conveyance, verbalization being one. 

Alrighty, i can see now you did not mistake a lack of verbalization of appreciation  for a lack of appreciation itself. Therefore, there should be other reason or reasons why our conclusion about those women who search  for a husband abroad is so different. I did not get the impression that many FSUW in this group are ungrateful parasites.

Is it wise for husband OR wife to support the other for educational purposes?  That depends on the situation, and most of the time I'd say "yes it certainly is". Is it obligatory by sole virtue of marriage that, if married, the male spouse automatically acquires the duty and obligation to pay for an advanced education? absolutely, positively not. 

I agree NO spouse, male or female, automatically acquires the duty and obligation to pay for an advanced education of their spouse. Who pays for what, if for anything, is a matter of agreement. In other words, two people thinking that their relationship may lead to marriage need to agree upon a course of actions that they will pursue and that will lead to win-win situation; then, they need to agree upon what roles each of them will play to make the situation their reality. Once the agreement is in place, performance of the agreed upon roles becomes the duty and obligation. Thus, the duties and obligations are acquired through agreement.

[ECOCKS]

For FSU university English teachers and for doctors it is be especially easy to find work in USA. Oh yes it is.
Maybe you can create alternative profile, and write there something along the lines:

I expect that my wife will be earning money and splitting family bills. If she comes from FSU, likely, she will not be able to get a job within her field, especially if she is doctor, or University English professor (or any university professor for that matter). Therefore, these highly educated women will need to take another job, not in their field, probably an unqualified or blue-collar job. Same as women without any education are getting in USA. But I still expect them to take this job because I want my wife to earn money. Dear future wife, please before writing me think if you are ready to work as a cashier or do cleaning for living. 

calmissile, how much do you know about the requirements and employment process for university professors or medical doctors in USA?

Generally, my reaction to this thread is: if you think Russian women are ungrateful parasites, please do us a favor, marry American women who do not expect the guy to pay for them.

Hmmmm.....

Some thoughts for Cal and others who think picking doctors, lawyers and highly specialized individuals will let them beat the odds on working.

You'll be sending those teachers back to school for a year or so where they will probably do better retraining as teachers of foreign languages rather than English.

Those doctors have a process they will have to go through in order to practice in the US. TOEFL, transcript evaluation, passing the science and clinical skills  medical boards and obtaining a hospital residency (albeit a paid one) and enduring the schedules required of interns in those programs. The failure rate for foreign-trained doctors attempting this process is 40-45%. Particularly depending on their familiarity with English, some will be lucky to become Nurse Assistants.

Of course there are the factors of character, perseverance, willpower, call it what you will. Everyone wants to believe they have these things and that they would never pick a spouse who didn't have them.

Look at history. Some immigrants crossed over with the best intentions and reasons only to become overwhelmed at language, educational and career challenges. Their greener pastures POV and perception that the West is the land of milk and honey are quickly slammed by the reality of life in a new world during a worldwide recession. Heck with a real unemployment and under-employment rate of 20+% we have a heck of a lot of born-here Americans in our work force that can't hack it these days.

A few become bottom-feeders. Examples of these would include drug addicts, criminals or prostitutes. A number become low-level, menial workers in unskilled or easy-to-enter industries like fast-food, housekeeping or farm work. Some will study the system and determine how to gain entry in the entrepreneurial sector, often by using their talents and skills in different ways than we might have predicted, by building garages, art studios or hair salons. A rare few will transition due to their abilities and willpower but you're only hurting yourself and them if you aren't brutally honest in your depiction of what life will be like in their new home.

Everyone believes they are an exception but the realities remain the same. As they say, you can deny reality all you want, but you cannot deny the consequences when they occur.

Best of Luck!

[ML]

Mies is right, this is probably the worst specialization for a FSU woman to have hoping to find a job in North America. If these women were professors in chemistry, physics or mathematics, they might have a chance, but there is no demand for Professors of English who did not study in North America (or Great Britain, Australia or New Zealand) and do not have English as their mother-tongue 

I have a few comments on this topic.
While  still a long  shot, it is not totally impossible.
 
 For instance,  my Gal is taking the Intensive English Program at University.
 Surprisingly, about half of her teachers were born and raised outside the USA.
 These teachers all went through a program IN THE USA to get degrees in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.
 Most of them have absolutely NO ACCENT, and know the rules and fundamentals of English very well.

And there seems to be great demand for these people who have degrees in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.  No surprisingly, there is big demand for  them in areas with  large proportions  of persons  raised in other nations, mostly  big cities AND in areas with large Mexican populations, both legal  and illegal.

So, the biggest hurdle for the FSU English teacher would be eliminating the accent.
Quite understandably it is not a good idea to learn to pronounce words from someone who does not pronounce them in the standard way.

And there would be some time needed at an American University to get some credibility, etc.

All in all, probably along the lines of what it takes a MD from FSU to get certified to practice in USA; although not nearly as long I would think.

But, overall,  it is still a far easier road if the FSU professor teaches in Math or the  hard sciences.  If your speciality involves writing a lot of equations on  the board, your English skills do not  have  to be quite as  good.

[mies]

Yes, I do think many RW, at least in the group of those who search abroad for a husband, are exactly that - ungrateful parasites.  I merely suggest to avoid them like the plague they are and find more "down to earth" ladies who actually value and appreciate husband and family as the top treasure in life (and of course, suggest that the women look for the same in a man). Then anything else is the icing on the cake of the mutually supportive and mutually fulfilling process of building a life *together*.

how do you call the group of those men who search abroad for a wife? 

[mies]

I have a few comments on this topic.
While  still a long  shot, it is not totally impossible.
 
 For instance,  my Gal is taking the Intensive English Program at University.
 Surprisingly, about half of her teachers were born and raised outside the USA.
 These teachers all went through a program IN THE USA to get degrees in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.
 Most of them have absolutely NO ACCENT, and know the rules and fundamentals of English very well.

And there seems to be great demand for these people who have degrees in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.  No surprisingly, there is big demand for  them in areas with  large proportions  of persons  raised in other nations, mostly  big cities AND in areas with large Mexican populations, both legal  and illegal.

So, the biggest hurdle for the FSU English teacher would be eliminating the accent.
Quite understandably it is not a good idea to learn to pronounce words from someone who does not pronounce them in the standard way.

And there would be some time needed at an American University to get some credibility, etc.

All in all, probably along the lines of what it takes a MD from FSU to get certified to practice in USA; although not nearly as long I would think.

But, overall,  it is still a far easier road if the FSU professor teaches in Math or the  hard sciences.  If your speciality involves writing a lot of equations on  the board, your English skills do not  have  to be quite as  good.

To be honest, I do not know how professors of ESL find their university jobs. I do know though that requirements for professors in other disciplines are very rigorous and hard to meet. For example, first you go through interview process with several schools and go to work at the school which accepts you. If your qualifications are exceptional - you can select from several schools. If not - then you go to the location which picked you. Then, unless it is a purely teaching job (and in case of ESL it probably is) you are supposed to have certain achievements in the first 3-5 years at the position in order to get tenure. If you fail to deliver those achievements - then you cannot stay and have to find another job, in a different school/location. Is the Calmissile ready to travel/relocate with his hypothetical college professor wife?

[ML]

This may sound like the most ignorant question on the face of the earth, and probably actually is, but I really don't have a clue about teaching...  but, while perhaps not first choice, how difficult would it be to switch roles and teach Russian rather than English?  Obviously, the prerequisite certs, etc., would still apply, but it would seem that would be much more in demand teaching position considering the innate qualifications of education AND mother tongue..

As has been noted  in  other threads, most people would really  need a lot  of training  to teach their own native language.  We see all  the time guys saying they will  go to the FSU to live and "what the  heck" I can always get a job teaching  English.  Well, believe me, most of us, even with multiple University degrees (not  in English), cannot begin to teach English.

So to some extent,  this same would hold true for FSU folks who teach English their own countries coming to USA and thinking  they might teach Russian or whatever.  They just might not have the skills.

And secondly, there is very  little demand for teachers of the Russian language in USA.  And practically zero demand for the Ukrainian language.

Sure, many universities have Russian language courses, but not large enrollments, so they get by with one or two professors.  The various National Security branches need Russian teachers; but these jobs (for obvious reasons) go only to those who are citizens of USA.

[vwrw]

Find more "down to earth" ladies who actually value and appreciate husband and family as the top treasure in life (and of course, suggest that the women look for the same in a man). 

You cannot find such ladies among singles, you just may make them to be the way.
Appreciation, like trust, is something that needs to be deserved, isn't it? It is not given to a person without any effort on his or her side. For example,  I value and appreciate members of my family as the top treasure in life and if a man behaves in the same way toward me as my family does, then i will value and appreciate him as the top treasure in life and wish him to become my husband. If he does not, then i won't appreciate him that way. Nobody and nothing is valued and appreciated without a good cause for that.

[Daveman]

how do you call the group of those men who search abroad for a wife? 

I don't call "groups" anything. I emphatically assert that this is a an individual endeavor. Therefore specific qualities in individual men or women should be sought or avoided. 


I admit I could be mistaken in my conclusion, but it does seem to me from the (admittedly limited) sample group comprised of "women searching for a mate abroad" with whom I have had personal correspondence and communication -- that a disproportionate number of individuals exhibited traits that I personally consider detrimental to the process of "building a wonderful family life together", based solely on my definition of what comprises "family". 


Better? 

[Misha]

This may sound like the most ignorant question on the face of the earth, and probably actually is, but I really don't have a clue about teaching...  but, while perhaps not first choice, how difficult would it be to switch roles and teach Russian rather than English?  Obviously, the prerequisite certs, etc., would still apply, but it would seem that would be much more in demand teaching position considering the innate qualifications of education AND mother tongue..

Professors are solely responsible for teaching, but for research as well. A university hiring a Professor of Russian would expect expertise in either Russian literature or Russian linguistics. They will look for peer-reviewed articles and the like in that field of study. Also, since the collapse of the USSR, demand for Russian-language courses is going down and thus the need for Russian-language instructors or professors is also tanking 

[Misha]

For instance,  my Gal is taking the Intensive English Program at University. Surprisingly, about half of her teachers were born and raised outside the USA.

Yes they will be instructors, not professors. The requirements for these instructors is much lower than for a professor who will need a PhD.

[Misha]

To be honest, I do not know how professors of ESL find their university jobs.

The instructors in university ESL programs are rarely if every professors. Universities offer ESL programs as a cash cow and thus will not hire professors, but instructors, usually individuals with a BA and maybe an MA and a certificate of some sort in teaching ESL...

[Daveman]

Appreciation, like trust, is something that needs to be deserved, isn't it? It is not given to a person without any effort on his or her side. For example,  I value and appreciate members of my family as the top treasure in life and if my husband behaves in the same way toward me as my family does, then i will value and appreciate him as the top treasure in life. If he does not, then i won't appreciate him that way. Nobody and nothing is valued and appreciated without a good cause for that.

Why yes, it does, but there first needs be appreciation of the ideal -- that's where the belief/definitions/value systems begin.  People bring their value systems into the marriage.


Isn't that appreciation for who he/she is, character, etc, "earned" prior to -- and even a major prerequisite for -- marriage? 

[ML]

As always, these discussion topics would proceed much better and lead to more productive exchanges if people would avoid the extreme examples (in both directions) and avoid throwing out red herrings that get sympathy even though they  are far off the intent.

No one has ever voiced the opinion here  that FSUW did not carry a large burden of work in WWII and at other such times.

And no one has ever stated that a FSUW who  comes to the USA, gets educated and earns good money is a parasite.

Let's stick with the cases known clearly to everyone of the FSUW who are true parasites with the entitlement mentality.

[mies]

On the gender roles in FSU/Ukraine, you may remember I once have posted a short story about politician who beaten the girl in the club in July 2011:


Ukrainians were making bets on whether he would be charged or go to jail for it. He looks young and some SME twisted it as a fight of two hot young teenagers, but the dude is 38, his victim is 20yo.
According to Ukrainian law, he was supposed to serve the term for his actions. In January of this year he was sentenced conditionally/suspended sentence and left the court a free man. No other repercussions for him.

A week ago, three other young guys (in early 20s) raped a girl (18yo), and when she told them she will report on them - they strangled her, and burnt her. Turned out they didn't do strangulation well enough, the girl woke up from extreme pain while burning, and started screaming for help. Passer-bier found her, she was taken to hospital. Out of three attackers, 1 is son of ex-prosecutor of the city, another - son of the ex-mayor of small town nearby. Third one is a builder. Girl is conscious all the time, even though 55% of her body is burned, her arm and feet were amputated due to severe burn and necrosis of tissue. She testified on guys in the intense care room, and wants to press charges against the attackers. All three of them were arrested, but two of "VIP children" were let free soon after. The third one first took all the blame saying that they raped her together, but he was strangling and burning her alone. Few days later he changed his statement and now is saying his previous statement was made under police pressure, and is untrue. The truth is everything was done by the three of them. The two VIP kids are arrested again, but more to protect them from lynching by aggravated citizens. And now, the most interesting twist: the mayor of the city made a public statement in which he says that the law will be applied to those guilty, but people must understand that parents of this girl are guilty.
 

Now, ukrainians are making bets again whether these three will go to jail or not.

[vwrw]

Isn't that appreciation for who he/she is, character, etc, "earned" prior to -- and even a major prerequisite for -- marriage?

Yes, Yes!
 
I was correcting my post to reflect this as you were writing your response to me. The corrected version of it  better reflects what i wanted to say.

[pitbull]

I did just that with wifey...and then some. I made sure she took on whatever it was she wanted to get her degree on. If it meant we had to move, relocate, to be close, or remain close to the proper University, etc...damn well I made sure we did.

Her choice was to become a System Analyst/Information System, then a Financial Analyst, and had recently gotten her license as a CPA. She's got her eyes set on getting her Masters...and, due to an influence by my ex-GF, she wanted to dibble and earn certification on Interior Design - someday.

During the early years of our marriage, I was her sole moral, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical and mental support. I was her sole frustration dump, complaints department and mission control. All she had to do at the time was to make sure she did what we both wanted her to do - Achieve certification for higher learning. She didn't disappoint.

I abhor submissive women and I certainly didn't want a useless trophy wife.

My wife's future, with our without me, was as equally important to me as our lives and relationship. That's why for the past 7 years since we took our vow, we partnered and complimented every essence of life as a couple.

I knew this was inevitable when I first went to Russia, whether I married a woman in her 30s or a gal in her 20s. There will be an investment into her, herself, her education, for us, for her, for all the people in our lives.

The fact she entrusted her life and future to me, by virtue of our marriage, I can't help but feel the obligatory responsibility of ensuring I didn't disappoint her, the people around her, the people who knew me, and most especially - myself. This is what I assumed as my personal responsibility, obligation, and duty. So damn me!

Today, my wife's life, as a wife, a friend, a person, a daugther, sister had become something she and the special people in her life can be proud of. My wife had become a well-rounded, promising, well-liked, respected and admired individual by her peers.

Most of the time, this is what happens when ambition and opportunity find a happy place. Most of the times, this is what happens when two people agree to a shared life.


Fulfillment may come in different shades, but it bears the same meaning.

My wife will be fine in life and hot-diggity-dog that's just mighty fine with me.

The past 3 years plus, since my wife had started working, the only time my wife ever walked into a bank was when we applied for a home loan. Her paycheck gets deposited directly into our account. Never once did my wife ever taken money out of the ATM. She knows what our disposal monies are every month and she had only once gone beyond these limits after discussing it with me. Bills, donations, domestic expense, savings, vacation fund, savings for her folks, personal expenditures, *indulgment fund and whatever else is left, it goes into an overflow account that represents our emegency fund. We both have our own 401Ks.

* I get to play as much golf as I can, she gets a new pair of shoes/outfit she likes.

She's a home -owner and her credit scores are in the high-700/low-800s.

I won't be surprised if I found out my wife today not only makes 'more' money than many FSU-bound males nearly twice her age, but a far more more rounded individual to boot.

How the heck did this make my wife, the wonderful, generous woman that she is, a parasite?
Isn't what we did what normal couples do in life? My wife's accomplishment has little to do with her being Russian, or that she is from a different culture than I am.


She is where she is to day because this is where we both wanted to be.

GQ,
Your attitude and everything you've done to support you wife is truly commendable! She is one lucky girl!
Unfortunately, you and men like you are such a small minority in the MOB business (as both this thread and my own experiences suggest).
A large segment of MOB seekers are just trying to leverage the vast inequalities (financial and otherwise) between the West and the developing countries to get themselves some cheapp young flesh, get the best "bang for their buck". Those are the real parasites on the industry in my opinion.
 
 

[vwrw]

Yes, I do think many RW, at least in the group of those who search abroad for a husband, are exactly that - ungrateful parasites. 

David, I think you are an intelligent and  level headed guy, who would not call people ungrateful parasites without a good reason so I went back to find where everything started.  Everything started with a story in which a girl did not ask before marriage whether her future husband would be willing to pay for her education. She just assumed that he would be willing to do that.  You saw in her behavior a feeling of entitlement. And that is possible that her assuming was a result of the entitlement  attitude. But it is also possible that she assumed that because if she were in her husband’s position, she would pay for his education. It is very common among young people and  among the underdeveloped old to think that their beloved and beliked think, feel and would act the same way as  the young and  the underdeveloped do themselves. Therefore, naivety also could cause the girl to believe that her  future husband would be willing to pay for her education.

[pitbull]

Mies is right, this is probably the worst specialization for a FSU woman to have hoping to find a job in North America. If these women were professors in chemistry, physics or mathematics, they might have a chance, but there is no demand for Professors of English who did not study in North America (or Great Britain, Australia or New Zealand) and do not have English as their mother-tongue 

Actually, "professors of English" or holders of advanced degrees in the humanities, have a good chance of finding a great job. It might indeed be very difficult to get a faculty position in linguistics/humanities for an immigrant, since it's already almost impossible for the locals, even with degrees from great schools.
For me, I decided it wasn't worth the amount of effort needed (the pay for those "soff sciences" professors is often meager). However, I was surprised to find out how huge an administrative/bureaucratic support machine is needed for the institutions of higher education in the US to run smoothly! This is especially true for large research universities. The possibilities of career in the administrative system are numerous, up to very hight ranks, with salaries surpassing those for many faculty (especially in the humanities). With shorter work hours, better work/family balance and way less effort needed. Oh, and being bilingual with an advanced degree and a pleasanr accent is actually a big plus, not a minus! Oh, and have I mentioned great benefits?
If you guys are marrying one of those "soft science/linguistics" professors and think this career path would be interesting, shoot me a PM
 

[Misha]

Actually, "professors of English" or holders of advanced degrees in the humanities, have a good chance of finding a great job. It might indeed be very difficult to get a faculty position in linguistics/humanities for an immigrant, since it's already almost impossible for the locals, even with degrees from great schools.

By definition any professorship is a faculty position.

The possibilities of career in the administrative system are numerous, up to very hight ranks, with salaries surpassing those for many faculty (especially in the humanities). With shorter work hours, better work/family balance and way less effort needed. Oh, and being bilingual with an advanced degree and a pleasanr accent is actually a big plus, not a minus!

The Deans, and most of the administrative academic positions, including the university president will invariably have been professors before becoming administrators. I do agree, however, that there are a great deal many positions in a university that are not academic in nature and these range from the administrative assistants to various directors and the like. If a woman wants to go from being a professor to doing something else in a university there are always options. I am not sure about the shorter work hours, though, for those administrators who are earning more than professors. In my experience, the greater the administrative responsibilities, the greater the demands on one's time...

[Vasilisa]

 


Is it wise for husband OR wife to support the other for educational purposes?  That depends on the situation, and most of the time I'd say "yes it certainly is". Is it obligatory by sole virtue of marriage that, if married, the male spouse automatically acquires the duty and obligation to pay for an advanced education? absolutely, positively not. 


THAT is an entitlement attitude and the situation would be a form of entitlement program. 

Dave, you are explaining the law things, not the family union ones.
When you love you like making each other happy.
What was discussed is that the old guy wanted to make himself happy by bringing a nice beautiful lady to show to his friends and having sex with her but he isn't doing anything to help her to be happy and to go through the migrational dfficulties together . She obvisously isn't happy and as I said I DOUBT that is the family model she expected.

In this country she doesn't have anyone except for her husband, while many Americans have better conditions for a start: parents who buy cars and pay for colleges, they are residents, they know the laws and the rules, English is their native language, they don't have to pass TOEFL and other tests, they have relatives, friends, friends of the family. When a RW comes she is not even a resident yet,so if she goes to college right away she will have to pay twice more than the locals, if she takes a loan she wil get into a lot of debts she will have to pay for many years, if they have kids who will watch them, she doesn't have parents who would pay for a college and buy a car, her English isn't perfect, she is homesick and has a lot of stress, and her so-called loving husband is fine with that and is telling her about the greatest opportunities this country can offer and sends her to work in a local gas station to pay the bills.

Come one, what kind of love and family are we talking about here. Another old goat who wanted a young bride obviously a GCgirl to brag but doesn't want to pay for anything.

That's not a family, that's a joke. Nothing good comes for free unless you win a lottery.

[Vasilisa]

On this forum they love to discuss the advantages of older men over younger men: like old men are more reliable, more intelligent, they work full time and are not students anymore, wiser, etc that makes them better family partners and better protectors and providers. If marrying an old guy you have the same or worse  life that you would have with a younger guy  and live like a low class person why to marry an old one?!

Love and marriage?! In love and marriage you go through good things and bad things TOGETHER, if he likes going through good things with her together, but leaves her with the problems by herself does he love her?

[Slumba]

Vasilisa, thanks for your 2 posts above, they are making me think about this issue some more... something that any rational woman, would think about as they consider going to another country.