Possible Abusive Situation

[Turboguy]

Heck, I thought all along that the "Anything Goes" section was the RWD's anger management class. 

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

Maxx,

In the scenerio that Rando described this is pre divorce? The guy still ends up ultimately paying $$$$'s to get out of this mess?

This is a very sad story but they will probably both end up free from each other.

The guy has to go through this K1 process all over again with another woman if he is wants to take the risk again.

Is a divorce lawyer and immigration lawyer both needed? The legal fees alone are going to rack up a lot of money for the husband, the wife maybe has a loophole and can use court ordered attorneys.

Good post Larry,

I would say the guy is already in the divorce process. About the money.

It is better to spend some money on attorneys to understand the right thing thing to do than spend ALLOT more money on attorneys correcting a legal situation caused by ignorance of the law and the dangers he could get into.

In breaking the costs down I would say it may cost him (a guess here) $4000-$5000 in legal costs providing it doesn't get out of hand with her if she decides to get creative.

With a immigration attorney they require a paid in advance consultation fee. Figure $200 for and hour or hour and a half consultation. It is money well spent to find the right divorce attorney skilled and experienced in handling divorce cases with immigrant women. Such divorce attorneys know the immigration laws and how they cross over and affect in a divorce in these situations. I know from first hand experience that pretty much everyone on this board knows more about INS rules and regulations than does the average divorce attorney. As example the Affidavit of Support and laws requiring comingling of finances, cohabitation and intimate relationship to prove her Adjustment of Status. All of this wraps it's self around a marriage but when a marriage is on the rocks or there is a possibility of marriage fraud (GCG) by one party (usually the wife) then by INS law the husband (usually) can claim his abandoning of futher financial involvement with is wife is a result of his suspecting her of marriage fraud to obtain a greencard and not cement a bon fide marriage. In other words he could claim he was obeying Federal INS law as he seen his marriage was heading for divorce. In this case it seems he did not have that foresite. But there are other angles of defence that a good attorney would know about.

The immigration attorney fees are small as they are used but little and usually for the consultation and perhaps on ways to get into the local sevice center to present his side of the story if he wants to do that useless endevor (sp).

About doing the K1 again I am sure that's the last thing on his mind. I would expect for him to get back up on that horse again it would be for him anywhere from 3 years to NEVER.

Richard you are a funny guy but I think you should stay in Russia until you mellow out in your old age.  LOL

Maxx

  

[Son of Clyde]

The immigration attorney I first selected wanted to send her to Warsaw, Poland for her interview. He apparently did not do his homework to know the interviews are now done in Kiev. His $500.00 K1 fee was too good to be true. The second attorney was excellent but even he might have made a mistake forgetting to send an original document and sending a translation instead. Maybe DHS lost the original. I filed the AOS on my own without a hitch. Just a few delays from DHS which seems to be par for the course.

[Son of Clyde]

I am glad Ken started this thread but the two people involved are in a delicate situation. It is all very sad and sounds like there was very little give and take in the relationship. He thinks she took so he refused to give any more. This can happen in a US marriage as well so the man did a lot of traveling and it all ended up a disaster.

If anything, this thread should prove very educational to a newbie considering marriage to a foreign woman. Maybe a heads up in the beginner section would be a good idea. Hell, I am still a newbie with my marriage only 6 monts old.

[BillyB]

I'm somewhat involved in this.  I am the one that made the initial post.  My feelings on this issue have not changed. 

First I will say that neither me or my wife provided any "advice" about this decision, about employment or anything else.  From when we first met them, our attitude has been that they needed to work whatever they were going to do between themselves.  My wife's intention was to help them communicate, that's all.

In the time since she has been here, the husband has done nothing to get the papers filed.  I know that employment authorization and SSN paperwork is easy and will take a two-week turnaround at most.  I know, because I did it.  He didn't prepare that paperwork.  The wife found(not my wife) a person that would help her get the paperwork filed that she needed in order to work.  There was nothing illegal about it, other than the fact it would have been much easier if the husband would have done it himself.

They lived in a neighborhood that anyone from the FSU would call the country or village or even forrest, even with thousands of houses around.  There is no access to even a convenience store within miles.  It is not a neighborhood that it is even reasonable to walk in and out of without great difficulty because of the narrow streets and too fast cars.  In order to have reasonable mobility around here, you need to be able to drive.  In the five months since she has been here, he has done nothing to see that she had the information she would need to start the process of learning to drive and get a license.  He never put any effort into explaining or even sitting her behind the wheel so she can get familiar with a car.  Essentially nothing.  In this area, that alone is imprisonment and inexcusable for an FSU woman that is used to being able to interact with society and friends just by walking out the door.

Just because, she went with us to our church last week, and she said it was the first time since she has been here that she was able to see and interact with just normal people in this country.  She had decided to move out because she felt threatened.  His New Years "gift" to her was a note that said after they were married for a year, he would buy a ticket for her to go back to Ukraine, and he would arrange the divorce.  When she made the decision, she asked my wife for help.  That is the only way we are involved.

Seems kinda funny to me that a guy that says he loved her so much, immediately after she moved out would file a protective order not for concern about his property, but because he felt himself in danger because she was hitting him, beating on him, and he felt his daughter was also in danger for harm, saying essentially that she was harmful to him and his daughter all along. 

In no way would I want to get involved in any kind of underhanded attempt by anyone - you hear stories about false DV charges, someone only wanting a green card, or anything else that could be construed as illegal.  There is none of that in this case.  If you want to know anything else, just get in touch with me.

 

A lot of smoke but no fire here. I think the judge saw there was no need for protective orders from either side.

The woman in question goes to church and is religious so she should understand the wedding vows "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us."

[user=926]drmbear[/user], you made it sound as if ccrd14 lives in the forest, villiage and country. Is he supposed to live in a mansion to please a RW? F_ck the wedding vows and take her away because living where ccrd14 lives is torture even though he'd probably rank in the 20% weathiest people in the world. Some people jsut don't relialize how good they got it or they believe they are of a better pedigree and deserve to live in nothing but the finest conditions.  You and your wife has socialized with this woman just fine so church isn't the first time she has interacted with normal people as you claim unless you aren't normal.

I can't comment if ccrd14 was lazy or not about getting his wife's paperwork in order or teaching her to drive because they've lived with each other for months before the split. What's needs to be done in a timely manner is anybody's guess. Since you said there is a two week turnaround for paperwork, the woman you took in should have her SS# in a week or less. Let us know what you're doing for this woman and how long you plan to take care of her or are you going to dump her on some government agency so someone else can pick up the tab?

Has anyone seen the New Years letter from ccdr14 to the wife about shipping her back to the Ukraine? If there is a letter from ccrd14, then that would be a childish thing to do even though they didn't get along. I believe ccdr14 gave his wife $400 a month before she came over and I believe him that he bought her expensive designer clothes. That is his mistake for spoiling her and that is not the behavior of a man who wants a cheap housekeeper. It's not sheap for any man to go into the process of marrying a foreign woman. I believe ccrd14 wanted to find love even though I don't agree with the methods(leading with the wallet) to attain it.

[user=926]drmbear[/user], I hope you know what you're doing since you want to be a hero. There are people in this world who needs your help more than that woman because they are starving. Now the husband doesn't want her and she says she has nothing to go back to in Ukraine. Maybe nobody wants her there either, including her own son I believe someone earlier mentioned she has and parents. I sincerely hope you don't get used but if you do, please come back and do tell if she isn't chipping in for the room and board you're providing.

[Bruno]

The woman in question goes to church and is religious so she should understand the wedding vows "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; and I promise to be faithful to you until death parts us.

:D:D

Go to church don't mean that you are a angels ... My ex-wife have go to church... for meet his lover, for ask forgivness for his unfaithful behavour...

If all people who go to church follow the "text", and become good people... it is long time that our earth will be almost a paradise... no thief, no murder, no war...

Church is like school... it is not because you go to school that you learn something... some stay idiot all the life!!!

[BC]

Yes Billy.. 'instant hostage'.. :?

[Coulter]

..  Have we become like  France and dont know how to handle adversity anymore? ..

Very sorry but I am getting the impression that US men are much  more whining about such issues than Frenchmen. We don't need to go to  see a lawyer everytime there is a matrimonial problem. If you have so  many laws, isn't it because most people can't behave like adults and  take their responsibilities? It is laughable how many US men are afraid  of scammers or aren't able to form a judgement about the personality of  the woman before it is too late. To be kind, one word sums it all:  gullible.

I experienced a case where the RW wife turned into a prostitute (and  worse). Guess what? The husband is US citizen. Getting into divorce. He  can only be very happy he is not living in the US. Here it will cost  him about nothing. He is a very good man, a top professional in his  field, but about women he is behaving like a child.

[Goldtop]

I think Billy is right to mention vows - until death do us part. If the couple assisting this woman are Christians and are taking her to church, then they should understand the seriousness of the marriage vows. And if they are assisting her to break her marriage vows - the consequences of those actions.

The question here - is this real abuse or just problems that could be worked out under the right circumstances.

[Bruno]

Le crime passionnel fait souvent l'objet de legislation particulière, car il est considéré que la passion amoureuse fait perdre le contrôle de soi-même dans les cas extrêmes, notamment de jalousie. Il est donc souvent moins sévèrement puni que les autres types de meurtre, que ce soit dans la loi (lois d'exceptions) ou seulement dans les faits (circonstances jugées atténuantes). En France, par exemple, il est une des formes d'homicide les moins sévèrement punis.
http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_passionnel

[Daknack]

The problem is that many of the men in the US are still men but there is a vocal minority of men that are whipped little wimps, and a overwhelming majority of women that are women.  When you have all of the women and some of the men making the laws, its going to be utterly unbalanced against men.  I agree the law here sucks and it is an embarassment (even some of the wimps agree with that but wont raise a fuss about it just acknowledge that it is how it is).  What upsets me in what you are talking about is the citizens of the US havent been asked to actually sacrifice and struggle in almost 70 year and we are squeeling like stuck pigs with even minor inconviences now.  We should be ashamed that we are moving to where france was and is now.  I for one hope the trend gets reversed.

[Elen]

hey MODERATORS!!!! WAKE UP:brightidea:

[David1963]

I don't read much on here but I did read this and Photoguys post.  I see a common theme between the two.  I don't know if someone here mentioned how many trips ccdr took to visit his wife, obviously not enough. 

This shows what a disaster it can be by not investing in the trips and trying to do this cheaply.

I see three people on here that did that adn they all seem to have different outcomes. 

Clyde seems to be working through his and his relationship looks like it will survive.

Photoguy is still on the fence whether it will work or not and obviously this one is ending.

It was posted earlier a good reason for this happening.  A guy who didn't know enough before starting made many mistakes thinking it will all work out and a woman who wanted a step up got that.

If she stays which looks like what will happen, she would be considered a GCG.  If she was an honest lady who made a mistake she would go back home but that doesn't seem to be who she is or was.

The man here needs to own up to his part in this and accept the cosequences, barring abuse charges which I don't think apply here.

She has the freedom to make her choice to stay and upgrade to sucker #2 or go home.