Need advice on my situation

[mies]

My mother and my grandmother also paid for their husbands when going out to restaurants!!!

Not only for pals/friends !!!

On a date? Or for their husbands?
I pay for my husband too, so what?
While we were dating he didn't let me open my wallet, not once.


Consider a hypothetical situation: UW/RW comes to visit you in your hometown, invites you on a leisure stroll to the apparel store, tries on the fur coat (not necessarily mink, something cheaper/more affordable). Or maybe not a fur coat, but something you may enjoy too - let's say, a luxury lingerie. Then at the check out point she tells you "can you pay for me? I don't have local currency."
Now imagine how you would feel at that moment, assuming that in your bank account there is enough money to pay the bill, but you definitely weren't planning on it, and it is a substantial amount.
This is how a request to pay for the dinner in the restaurant will make feel an average UW. If it is an expensive restaurant - 99% of UW or RW will feel the same way.

[Daveman]

My experience follows Mies' posts virtually to a T, east or west. 


When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.  I don't believe in testing a woman's sincerity by causing her any kind of extra hardship on my account.  IMO that's just rude and stupid.  It has nothing to do with leading with my wallet or other such nonsense.. it's just about being a normal gentleman or even just a normal human.


My wife is the same.  She had/has no problem buying me gifts which are far from cheap.  BUT, allowing her to 'pull out her wallet in public' to pay for "us" would be humiliating for her.  I understand this mentality and have no need to force the issue just to prove some kind of point. Even though all the money is now "our family" money, that mentality is still there. 

[jone]

I always give my Gal big bills in public.  So that I can demonstrate the relationship for all to see.

Hehehehe

[pitbull]

My experience follows Mies' posts virtually to a T, east or west. 


When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.  I don't believe in testing a woman's sincerity by causing her any kind of extra hardship on my account.  IMO that's just rude and stupid.  It has nothing to do with leading with my wallet or other such nonsense.. it's just about being a normal gentleman or even just a normal human.

+1000 Nice post, Daveman! 

[CDW]

When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.

Did you know that you cannot do that in India?  Because they will find it very offensive and feel like "prostitute".   Very low percentage of RW might find the same way.

You must remember that you buy all the expenses, because you feel good and feel generosity.  But, what about when "these" women feel?   How will they feel good, if you pay them at the end of your visit?  They might feel they are being "prostituted"

[calmissile]

My experience follows Mies' posts virtually to a T, east or west. 


When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.  I don't believe in testing a woman's sincerity by causing her any kind of extra hardship on my account.  IMO that's just rude and stupid.  It has nothing to do with leading with my wallet or other such nonsense.. it's just about being a normal gentleman or even just a normal human.


My wife is the same.  She had/has no problem buying me gifts which are far from cheap.  BUT, allowing her to 'pull out her wallet in public' to pay for "us" would be humiliating for her.  I understand this mentality and have no need to force the issue just to prove some kind of point. Even though all the money is now "our family" money, that mentality is still there.

Interesting post.  I will have to keep it in mind.  I was not aware of that 'mentality'.  Good to know.

[calmissile]

Did you know that you cannot do that in India?  Because they will find it very offensive and feel like "prostitute".   Very low percentage of RW might find the same way.

You must remember that you buy all the expenses, because you feel good and feel generosity.  But, what about when "these" women feel?   How will they feel good, if you pay them at the end of your visit?  They might feel they are being "prostituted"

I have never found this to be the case with Ukrainian women.  You do not know if they expect it because they never ask for it.  They are always appreciative of it when you leave enough to cover their expenses plus a little more.  Just my experience.

[Faux Pas]

My experience follows Mies' posts virtually to a T, east or west. 


When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.  I don't believe in testing a woman's sincerity by causing her any kind of extra hardship on my account.  IMO that's just rude and stupid.  It has nothing to do with leading with my wallet or other such nonsense.. it's just about being a normal gentleman or even just a normal human.


My wife is the same.  She had/has no problem buying me gifts which are far from cheap.  BUT, allowing her to 'pull out her wallet in public' to pay for "us" would be humiliating for her.  I understand this mentality and have no need to force the issue just to prove some kind of point. Even though all the money is now "our family" money, that mentality is still there.

It's also something that's fairly ingrained in our WM culture, mine anyway, for many and that is being a good guest.

[CDW]

I have never found this to be the case with Ukrainian women.  You do not know if they expect it because they never ask for it.  They are always appreciative of it when you leave enough to cover their expenses plus a little more.  Just my experience.

My ex-girlfriend from Colombia felt very humiliating that I kept sending her money every month, because she felt "prostitute".   I hope I will not come across again in the future.

[calmissile]

My ex-girlfriend from Colombia felt very humiliating that I kept sending her money every month, because she felt "prostitute".   I hope I will not come across again in the future.

There is a big difference between reimbursing her for out of pocket expenses when you are there and a monthly stipend.   You are right.  Sending her money monthly without having agreed what it is for could cause some problems.

[Ade]

My experience follows Mies' posts virtually to a T, east or west. 


When I was dating, RW always bought me gifts, bought food for home cooked meals, etc.  Even so though, I would *always* leave enough money at the end of a visit to cover all expenses and then some.  I don't believe in testing a woman's sincerity by causing her any kind of extra hardship on my account.  IMO that's just rude and stupid.  It has nothing to do with leading with my wallet or other such nonsense.. it's just about being a normal gentleman or even just a normal human.

Yep. 

My wife is the same.  She had/has no problem buying me gifts which are far from cheap.  BUT, allowing her to 'pull out her wallet in public' to pay for "us" would be humiliating for her.  I understand this mentality and have no need to force the issue just to prove some kind of point. Even though all the money is now "our family" money, that mentality is still there.

Not seen this attitude at all.

[cc3]

There is a big difference between reimbursing her for out of pocket expenses when you are there and a monthly stipend.   You are right.  Sending her money monthly without having agreed what it is for could cause some problems.

I support my Ukrainian fiancee financially so that she does not have to frantically work and scrape for every last grivna that she needs for her and her daughter. When I am with her, she forgoes or reschedules many income opportunities, as a private lesson English teacher, to spend as much time with me as she can. She is also a full-time online university student, double majoring in business administration and English. I pay her tuition (about $350/semester) so that she can afford to dedicate time to her studies. My support enables her to afford fitness center membership, and I totally benefit from her having a fit body!    I overcome her reluctance to accept money by emphasizing that it's "our" money and it is preparing the way for my eventual move to Lugansk,  our marriage, and our life together.

After the hundreds of thousands of dollars of ex-spousal support that I have had stolen from me by our US pro-feminist legal system and handed over to women who had jobs and could otherwise totally support themselves, the few hundred dollars per month to the woman I love, providing a cushion against the brutish Ukrainian economic system, is completely warranted and happily provided.

[mies]

My ex-girlfriend from Colombia felt very humiliating that I kept sending her money every month, because she felt "prostitute".   

CDW, you do not  think of yourself as a prostitute when women pay for you in the restaurant. Why should they think of themselves as prostitutes when you are paying for them in the restaurant?

[Ranetka]

My ex-girlfriend from Colombia felt very humiliating that I kept sending her money every month, because she felt "prostitute".   I hope I will not come across again in the future.

I take it she was sending it all back every time?

[mies]

I take it she was sending it all back every time?

Ranetka, you are brilliant 

[CDW]

CDW, you do not  think of yourself as a prostitute when women pay for you in the restaurant. Why should they think of themselves as prostitutes when you are paying for them in the restaurant?

because she is a woman, and I am not a woman!!!

[CDW]

I take it she was sending it all back every time?

She kept the money though.  Do you have problems with me?  Last time you asked if I am an autism.

[Ranetka]

She kept the money though.  Do you have problems with me?  Last time you asked if I am an autism.

Problems with you? No, you are one of my favorite posters here. The forum would loose a lot of entertainment value for me if you leave so no, I do not have problems.


If you want to know why I asked if you were on the spectrum (it was in PM for a reason btw) - some of your posts make me think so. It's not a desease by the way.

I found it funny that she was humiliated enough to tell you so but not humiliated enough to reject :-) Different kind of humiliation to what I am familiar with obviously lol.

[CDW]

Problems with you? No, you are one of my favorite posters here. The forum would loose a lot of entertainment value for me if you leave so no, I do not have problems.


If you want to know why I asked if you were on the spectrum (it was in PM for a reason btw) - some of your posts make me think so. It's not a desease by the way.

I found it funny that she was humiliated enough to tell you so but not humiliated enough to reject :-) Different kind of humiliation to what I am familiar with obviously lol.

People with autism do not write that way.   

[Ranetka]

People with autism do not write that way.

It's called a spectrum for a reason :-)

[mies]

because she is a woman, and I am not a woman!!!

Could you please elaborate? I'm not quite clear, what are you trying to say 

[Klangfilm]

And another (late) update :

Next week I'm going to Kiev to pickup with my fiancee the visa that will allow her to spend 3 months in Belgium for marriage.
After the wedding I'm applying for her permit to stay indefinitely as my wife; again a lot of paper work but I'll do this with pleasure.

In the mean time I'm following eveningschool to study Russian.

Happy ending after all ...

[Shadow]

And another (late) update :

Next week I'm going to Kiev to pickup with my fiancee the visa that will allow her to spend 3 months in Belgium for marriage.
After the wedding I'm applying for her permit to stay indefinitely as my wife; again a lot of paper work but I'll do this with pleasure.

In the mean time I'm following eveningschool to study Russian.

Happy ending after all ...

Congratulations Klangfilm. Perhaps we should one day make a Benelux meeting. 

[2tallbill]

- She dropped me and rang me 2 weeks later to patch up and started making demands again.

Is this all 'normal' behaving for a RW
Greetings from Belgium

Never recycle women. Once you've dated a woman if you or she breaks it off, 
then move on to different/new woman. Don't recycle the previous woman, let
some other man waste his time with her. You can waste years of your life
repeating  mistakes or you can find your future wife instead. Use your
time doing productive things. 

Don't let any woman disrespect or mistreat you because she is hot.
This is not the droidwoman you are looking for

Udachi!

Bill