View from a married guy

[missAmeno]

The funny aspect about FSUW 'traditional family values' is that she is extremely devoted to her children, especially male children, but her husband is exchangeable.  He's only a prop in the grand play.   

Is this is another myth? This one I hear first time.

[missAmeno]

Yes, and he may be being selfish for the right reasons.  Perhaps his choice is choosing a woman that is in agreement with the culture she will be living in will have a better chance of success in the marriage.

I dont understand why then dont find a woman from the same culture? Why go through all this international dating in expectation FSUW must became western?

As mentioned earlier in the thread, the American culture has always been to prepare your children to become independent and capable of leaving home after high school or college and accept the responsibilities of adulthood.  It does not mean we abandon our children when in need.  Oftentimes American parents purchase cars, make downpayments on homes and other financial assistance to help them get started.

So if you marry FSUW with adult kids, you are prepared that you together with your wife will buy cars, make downpayments on homes and give other necessary financial assistance to her adult kids from previous marriage? I understand that some may be uncomfortable to make small monthly contribution and would better prefer to make it once a year in a grand sum 

Generally, American parents do their best to prepare their children for their future lives, living on their own with the expectation that the parents can then enjoy a more liesurely life in retirement without the financial burden of raising adult children. I guess you can call it a selfish attitude if you like, but our culture has benefited from it for generations.

Isnt thats time when comes grandchildren and time to support them as well? 

IMO it would be unusual for an American man to marry any woman (including WW) that brings along adult children as part of the package.

Is those American men,who dont want to accept adult kids of wife, dont have their own adult kids or their kids are not part of the package? And if they are not part of the package, is this is because they are financially independent? is that mean that they are not part of the package also on emotional level? Not part of the will?  New step-mother will not require to be part of lives of those adult kids, she will not need to be there for them, support and help them in any way? And if in years forward something happens in lives of those adult kids and their financial stability wont be anymore secure, they still wont be part of package?

[pitbull]

Is those American men,who dont want to accept adult kids of wife, dont have their own adult kids or their kids are not part of the package? And if they are not part of the package, is this is because they are financially independent? is that mean that they are not part of the package also on emotional level? Not part of the will?  New step-mother will not require to be part of lives of those adult kids, she will not need to be there for them, support and help them in any way? And if in years forward something happens in lives of those adult kids and their financial stability wont be anymore secure, they still wont be part of package?

An AM's kids, adult or not, are very much a part of the package. And that's often a major cultural shock for RW.
In FSU, kids are a woman's responsibility after divorce. The ex-husband also becomes Ex-dad after the divorce, the woman is lucky if he pays any child support.
In the US, divorced men share custody, pay child support, and spoil their kids and participate in their lives very actively. Often way after college. The new RW wife and her kids always come after their own kids. It is often a shock for RW, who expect the same "out of sight-out of mind" mentality towards the man's kids from a previous marriage. The topic of "horrible step-kids and how the AM is always on their side" comes up way too often on the FSUW abroad forums. And is one of the majoe reasons for divorce.
Luckily I knew about this "cultural thingy" when I was looking, so no kids from a previous marriage for me. I remember a guy 15 years older than me with 3 boys wrote to me, he was very serious. I told him what he needs is an Au Pair
 

[Turboguy]

In the US, divorced men share custody, pay child support, and spoil their kids and participate in their lives very actively. Often way after college. The new RW wife and her kids always come after their own kids.

Nice post Pitbull and I agree with the points you have made but based on the things I have seen I think it works both ways.  A RW with children married to an AM will ususually put her children before her husband as well.

The topic of "horrible step-kids and how the AM is always on their side" comes up way too often on the FSUW abroad forums. And is one of the majoe reasons for divorce.

From everything I have heard it is also a major cause of divorce between marriages where both are Americans. 

[Turboguy]

This is a very small list of additional risks a WM takes on when he ventures into the FSU:

1. Intercultural Risk
2. Language / Communication Risk
3. "Stepping Stool"  "Ladder Climbing Risk"
4.  Financial Risk -

• Care for foreign Relatives
• Additional Education in the West
• Travel Expenses - "To and Fro" for the AM, the FSU/W, the children, and occasionally the parents of the bride
• Potential Extravagant Expenditures (We AM all think we are good "economists" (you can look that word up). But if we really try to instill an economic discipline (I am not talking about being cheap or frugal but working towards future goals) we are at risk of being considered "cheap" or "greedy" either by our RW wife or her RW GF's (girl friends) or her family.
• The I-864 Affidavit of Support (AM do not sign one of these when marrying a fellow citizen or "resident alien").

That was a nice post and raised some interesting points.  Actually when you look at the obsticles both partners must face, (and the list would be as long or longer for an FSU woman marrying an AM) you wonder why any of these marriages work out and why they all don't end up in divorce.  Yet with few good studies on the subject it seems like the divorce rate is lower with marriages between FSUW and AM.  It is really amazing consdering some of these people have spent less time with the person they are marrying than with their golfing buddies or coworkers on the job.
The impression that I have seen based more on people I have met on RWD is that the number one cause of failure is when the woman had alterior motives, when she was really just looking for a mule and planned to trade up when she could.   The number two cause of divorce in my guestimation is dishonest men who portrayed themselves or their lives as something different than it or they really were.
I think one of the biggest causes of success are the committment that both must make for this to be successful and the bonding that comes from working together to persue the process and to help her adapt to life here.  I think it has the potential when properly done to make two people closer and usually there is nothing at all like this in a marriage between an AM and AW. 
 

[Anotherkiwi]

An AM's kids, adult or not, are very much a part of the package. And that's often a major cultural shock for RW.
...The new RW wife and her kids always come after their own kids. It is often a shock for RW, who expect the same "out of sight-out of mind" mentality towards the man's kids from a previous marriage. The topic of "horrible step-kids and how the AM is always on their side" comes up way too often on the FSUW abroad forums. And is one of the majoe reasons for divorce...

I can't comment from direct personal experience because I don't have children and have never had a LTR with a woman who already had children from a previous relationship, but I agree with Turboguy - what is the difference between that statement and the stories that you read of breakups (not just WM/FSUW) where the man says exactly the same thing about horrible step-kids where the mother is always on their side?
 
My ex-wife's first relationship after we split up turned to custard because of her boyfriend's children, so she would fit the pattern of the quote.  However, she would also be one of the first to acknowledge that this situation could quite easily have been reversed if she herself had brought children into the relationship.
 
Again, speaking as someone with no direct knowledge  , I do wonder why so many relationships end up this way.  Although it may be much harder for the FSUW to form a realistic impression of the step-children before she marries their father, she usually has the best part of three months to finally make up her mind.  I think that it's absolutely essential that the father makes sure beforehand what his children's attitude is - if they live at home and are dead against the marriage he doesn't have a prayer of making it work.
 
I can remember my (divorced) mother dating one particular guy when I was a teenager, and her asking me what I would think if he asked her to marry him.  I thought the guy was a creep, and told her so - I wasn't very popular, but at least it prevented what I believed then would have turned into a disastrous relationship.  Now, of course, I hope that I would have the decency to keep out of it because it was her business and not mine - but somehow I doubt that!
 
 

[missAmeno]

Its a huge mistake that can be made by either side to underestimate importance of relationship with spouses kids (whatever adult or youngsters). Both are responsible to support each other to build relationships with kids and that should start well before marriage occurs. And if either of them fails then their own relationship has no chance to survive.

[pitbull]

I can't comment from direct personal experience because I don't have children and have never had a LTR with a woman who already had children from a previous relationship, but I agree with Turboguy - what is the difference between that statement and the stories that you read of breakups (not just WM/FSUW) where the man says exactly the same thing about horrible step-kids where the mother is always on their side?
 
My ex-wife's first relationship after we split up turned to custard because of her boyfriend's children, so she would fit the pattern of the quote.  However, she would also be one of the first to acknowledge that this situation could quite easily have been reversed if she herself had brought children into the relationship.
 

Well, my point is that when a FSUW is marrying an AM who is divorced and has kids from previous marriage, she expects the same scenario as in the FSU: some child support goes to those kids, but they are essentially non-existent for their dad. She expects an almost clean slate. there is even a "popular wisdom" expression in FSU - "A man only needs the kids until he wants their mother". Isn't this horrible? But sadly, true in many cases, and very true in my own life.
 
I do expect both people in second marriage to put their own kids first, and believe both should learn to compromise and deal with this fact of life.
 

[GregfromGa]

Pitbull you make some very good points. My soon to be ex wife is on her 3rd lawyer because she refuses to accept the fact that I have as much right to see and spend time with my kids as her. This mentality comes from her mom and of course from the loads of bad advice she has received from forums from other misinformed FSU ladies. I actually have more make that alot more influence in my children's life now that we do not live together than when we were living in the same house. The mere thought of me taking my daughter to the park and buying her an ice cream or God forbid giving her a drink with ice in it or buying her sweets was totally out of the question when I was at home. Luckily my relationship with my son who will be 3 his next birthday never really got to that point. She continues to violate court orders because it's always her way or no way and everyone else is wrong except her and that wolverine of a mother-in-law I suffered through for 8 years. My wife has never uttered a word of English to my children. She doesnt see the point. I used to be a big advocate of this endeavor. I tried my best to educate and point of the pitfalls of this type of marriage to unsuspecting guys on this forum. I honestly thought I had most of this figured out. As it turned out I didnt know shiat. The pure hatred that my wife and her mother has toward me these days is relentless. They would set me on fire if they could. It's really sad for my children. There is no reasoning, no debating, no logic in her approach to divorce.

I would really like to talk with some other guys that have gone through a divorce with an FSU woman when kids were involved. I have spoken to a number of guys who are divorced without kids and our stories are almost parallel in terms of the how and whys and expectations.

[Daveman]

Is this is another myth? This one I hear first time.

Not entirely myth; not entirely fact.   What is the stat? I think it is/was somewhere between 60-80% of FSUW surveyed stated that she did not love her husband when marrying/relocating.  So, yeah, he's pretty much a prop of "fill in the husband bank...er blank". 


The ole 'trade-up', better deal, parasitical, entitlement, need to be dragged out and shot mindset.   


Of course not all FSUW are this way, but I do strongly believe that there are more snakes and sharks in the "looking for a husband abroad" category than in the FSU female population NOT searching abroad.


Regardless of many factors, the chance for divorce is approximately 50%, here, there, wherever.   What's the chance of a woman 'divorcing' her kids? 


The simple point is.. a husband is replaceable, and even love is replaceable, but her children are not.

Well, my point is that when a FSUW is marrying an AM who is divorced and has kids from previous marriage, she expects the same scenario as in the FSU: some child support goes to those kids, but they are essentially non-existent for their dad. She expects an almost clean slate. there is even a "popular wisdom" expression in FSU - "A man only needs the kids until he wants their mother". Isn't this horrible? But sadly, true in many cases, and very true in my own life.
 
I do expect both people in second marriage to put their own kids first, and believe both should learn to compromise and deal with this fact of life.
 

Yes, it's pretty darn horrible.  It is interesting how the difference in "values" or "beliefs" create such mindsets.  Of course these are learned behaviors whether from father, peers, or self taught.  Absolutely there are 'dead beat dads' in the good ole USofA.  From you perspective of having been through something similar, why does that seem to be more prevalent in FSU than here?


Is it really more prevalent? Or does it merely seem so because of the nature of the past experiences of *this* group? 

[pitbull]

Pitbull you make some very good points. My soon to be ex wife is on her 3rd lawyer because she refuses to accept the fact that I have as much right to see and spend time with my kids as her. This mentality comes from her mom and of course from the loads of bad advice she has received from forums from other misinformed FSU ladies. I actually have more make that alot more influence in my children's life now that we do not live together than when we were living in the same house. The mere thought of me taking my daughter to the park and buying her an ice cream or God forbid giving her a drink with ice in it or buying her sweets was totally out of the question when I was at home. Luckily my relationship with my son who will be 3 his next birthday never really got to that point. She continues to violate court orders because it's always her way or no way and everyone else is wrong except her and that wolverine of a mother-in-law I suffered through for 8 years. My wife has never uttered a word of English to my children. She doesnt see the point. I used to be a big advocate of this endeavor. I tried my best to educate and point of the pitfalls of this type of marriage to unsuspecting guys on this forum. I honestly thought I had most of this figured out. As it turned out I didnt know shiat. The pure hatred that my wife and her mother has toward me these days is relentless. They would set me on fire if they could. It's really sad for my children. There is no reasoning, no debating, no logic in her approach to divorce.

I would really like to talk with some other guys that have gone through a divorce with an FSU woman when kids were involved. I have spoken to a number of guys who are divorced without kids and our stories are almost parallel in terms of the how and whys and expectations.

In the FSU, the mother usually gets 100% custody - as a long-term custom/legal tradition if you will, and also because fathers seldom want any. This is what some FSUW would seek/expect when divorcing in the US with kids.
Looks like your wife hasn't adapted to the US very well, since there is no way she can (or should)  get 100% custody unless you are a very bad father and it can be proven. And she should know it by now.
As to not speaking English to the kids-personally I see it as a plus. They will learn English, from you, your family, school, friends. The only way they can retain Russian is when the mother speaks it exclusively. Don't you want them to be bilingual?
My husband wwould be elated if I never said an English word to out daughter 

[GregfromGa]

In the FSU, the mother usually gets 100% custody - as a long-term custom/legal tradition if you will, and also because fathers seldom want any. This is what some FSUW would seek/expect when divorcing in the US with kids.
Looks like your wife hasn't adapted to the US very well, since there is no way she can (or should)  get 100% custody unless you are a very bad father and it can be proven. And she should know it by now.
As to not speaking English to the kids-personally I see it as a plus. They will learn English, from you, your family, school, friends. The only way they can retain Russian is when the mother speaks it exclusively. Don't you want them to be bilingual?
My husband wwould be elated if I never said an English word to out daughter 

I have no problem with my kids being bilingual but since we do not get our mail in Ukraine I think English shouldve been priority 1.  It's not that hard to do both. My little girl was almost 4 before she really got English. Call me selfish but it wouldve been nice in the early years to hear a little English. My son is doing much better with his English and that's due to me, his school and his sister. In the South we say "yes mam and no mam as well as yes sir and no sir" This is something I expect my kids to do. It is a form of respect to teachers, parents or whoever might be considerably older. It's a battle because my wife and her mother  doesnt think my kids should say this.

[GQBlues]

...As to not speaking English to the kids-personally I see it as a plus. They will learn English, from you, your family, school, friends. The only way they can retain Russian is when the mother speaks it exclusively. Don't you want them to be bilingual?
My husband wwould be elated if I never said an English word to out daughter 

This is very interesting, pitbull.

When my wife first arrived and her family came to LA to join us, her sister's son was still at a pre-school age. I noticed and remarked about why she and her hubby were only speaking to the boy exclusively in Russian as I found it odd since they immigrated to, and had been living in, Canada. I remember her response was somewhat the same thing as you said...there will be other places where he can learn English whereas he can only learn Russian through them. At the time, her language (English) proficiency on a scale of 1-5 was 2, maybe 2.5 and hubby was about 3.

My only concern at the time is how the kid will react once he gets to school and no one will understand him and vis-a-vis...The mother said he'll learn quickly like any average kid.

Fast-forward to now...the boy is now 11-12 and have had, and still do, a very difficult time interacting socially with other kids his age. The earlier episodes of 'isolation', because of his lack of language association in his earlier years, had really impacted his early school days and his social outlook today. The son grew to become fairly insecure and always feel 'disassociated' with his peers.

He speaks English now and 'hates' Russian. He doesn't even want to speak with their other sister living in Germany because she doesn't speak English (Russian/German), nor is he excited to speak with his grandparents other than the usual formalities. But the early difficulties he experienced had dire consequences into his childhood years overall. How this relates to later in his life isn't promising, it seems, at this time.

I understand you said your hubby speaks English to your child/ren and you're the Russian conduit, and I think maybe this is where wifey's nephew's case is/was a bit different.

[pitbull]

This is very interesting, pitbull.

When my wife first arrived and her family came to LA to join us, her sister's son was still at a pre-school age. I noticed and remarked about why she and her hubby were only speaking to the boy exclusively in Russian only as I found it odd since they immigrated to Canada. I remember her response was somewhat the same thing as you said...there will be other places where he can learn English whereas he can only learn Russian through them. At the time, her language (English) proficiency on a scale of 1-5 was 2, maybe 2.5 and hubby was about 3.

My only concern at the time is how the kid will react once he gets to school and no one will understand him and vis-a-vis...The mother said he'll learn quickly like any average kid.

Fast-forward to now...the boy is now 11-12 and have had, and still do, a very difficult time interacting socially with other kids his age. The earlier episodes of 'isolation', because of his lack of language association in his earlier years, had really impacted his early school days and his social outlook today. The son grew to become fairly insecure and always feel 'disassociated' with his peers.

He speaks English now and 'hates' Russian. He doesn't even want to speak with their other sister living in Germany because she doesn't speak English (Russian/German), nor is he excited to speak with his grandparents other than the usual formalities. But the early difficulties he experienced had dire consequences into his childhood years overall. How this relates to later in his life isn't promising, it seems, at this time.

I understand you said your hubby speaks English to your child/ren and you're the Russian conduit, and I think maybe this is where wifey's nephew's case is/was a bit different.

GQ,
 
It also depends on a child. Some kids have a propensity for languages, some have a harder time. A know a couple women in AM/RW marriage where the child was struggling with both languages and behind in both as a toddler. The speech therapist recommended that they drop Russian and only work on English, and that's what they did. The kids only know English.
However, most kids do not have much of a problem if they go to preschool at the age of 3 only speaking Russian. By kindergarden they are totally fine with English. Your nephew is rather an exception.
My 3-year old is not fully bilingual, English is definitely her first language. She understands Russian and replies in Russian if asked though. She reads pretty well in English, and is just starting to read in Russian, but is catching up. However, I try to speak in Russian to her as much as I can, and we have a nanny who hardly speaks any English. Her Russian is way better than mine, she used to be a Russian language professor in Kiev
 
In any case, if the father speaks English only, and the mother-Russian only to a child, it is considered the best way to raise a bilingual kid. "one parent-one language" strategy. Not sure why Greg is not happy with this option.
 
 

[Ade]

In any case, if the father speaks English only, and the mother-Russian only to a child, it is considered the best way to raise a bilingual kid. "one parent-one language" strategy. Not sure why Greg is not happy with this option.

Pitbull, yes, that's what we intend to do and we know others that have done the same and it has worked out splendidly for their kids.


Greg, the only thing I can say is that I feel sorry for your kids.

[pitbull]

Yes, it's pretty darn horrible.  It is interesting how the difference in "values" or "beliefs" create such mindsets.  Of course these are learned behaviors whether from father, peers, or self taught.  Absolutely there are 'dead beat dads' in the good ole USofA.  From you perspective of having been through something similar, why does that seem to be more prevalent in FSU than here?


Is it really more prevalent? Or does it merely seem so because of the nature of the past experiences of *this* group?

I believe this is indeed more prevalent in the FSU, why exactly I cannot say. I am not talking about "dead beat dads" only. Many are actually nice guys and do pay child support to their kids from previous marriages (though many do because they are made to by law). They just don't see those kids and are essentially absent from their lives. Two of my friends married divorced guys, both had a child with the ex. They are wonderful fathers to their new kids with my girlfriends. They hardly ever remember, never see the first kid though.
I have to say, ex-wives often prevent the kids from seeing the father, especially if the divorce was bitter (and how many aren't)?

[GregfromGa]

Not learning Russian was a mistake on my part.  The fact that my daughter has to attend speech therapy now and the fact that I think she struggles socially makes me question all Russian all the time from her mother.  There is no science  to this I dont guess. I wasnt opposed to my children learning Russian but it should not have been priority one. I do not want my wifes reluctance to socialize to be instilled into my daughter. It's ok to make friends, it's ok to trust some people. Not everyone is out to get you, not everyone talks about you. It's not ok to covet and it's certainly not ok to never be humble and it's ok be thankful and grateful for what you have. Pitbull I guess I see the point you are trying to make but unless you lived under our roof then you wouldnt understand.

[pitbull]

Not learning Russian was a mistake on my part.  The fact that my daughter has to attend speech therapy now and the fact that I think she struggles socially makes me question all Russian all the time from her mother.  There is no science  to this I dont guess. I wasnt opposed to my children learning Russian but it should not have been priority one. I do not want my wifes reluctance to socialize to be instilled into my daughter. It's ok to make friends, it's ok to trust some people. Not everyone is out to get you, not everyone talks about you. It's not ok to covet and it's certainly not ok to never be humble and it's ok be thankful and grateful for what you have. Pitbull I guess I see the point you are trying to make but unless you lived under our roof then you wouldnt understand.

Greg,
 
Looks like Russian/English for kids is by far not the worst of your marital issues. I really feel for your kids and hope you and your wife will do what is in their best interest.
 
Do you want a 50/50 custody?

[Ade]

Not learning Russian was a mistake on my part.  The fact that my daughter has to attend speech therapy now and the fact that I think she struggles socially makes me question all Russian all the time from her mother.  There is no science  to this I dont guess. I wasnt opposed to my children learning Russian but it should not have been priority one. I do not want my wifes reluctance to socialize to be instilled into my daughter. It's ok to make friends, it's ok to trust some people. Not everyone is out to get you, not everyone talks about you. It's not ok to covet and it's certainly not ok to never be humble and it's ok be thankful and grateful for what you have. Pitbull I guess I see the point you are trying to make but unless you lived under our roof then you wouldnt understand.

Why on earth would your daughter be lacking in English with you around anyway? Didn't you take a part in teaching her English when you were at home?

[GregfromGa]

Why on earth would your daughter be lacking in English with you around anyway? Didn't you take a part in teaching her English when you were at home?

I was always around but so was mother-in-law. I know how it must read but I was very limited in my involvement with my daughter. There was no negotiation regarding our daughter in terms of my involvement.
It is sad but it is getting better. nOt the understanding on her part but how involved I am allowed to be with my daughter because of my visitation.

[Gator]

Greg,
 
Chin up!  They are being educated in English, albeit with a polite drawl.

[Gator]

I do expect both people in second marriage to put their own kids first, and believe both should learn to compromise and deal with this fact of life.

Not what I would do nor accept.  Sounds like a source of conflict.   Compromise?  If everyone is equal and part of the same "family," where is the need for compromise?
 

[Gator]

I have some great Dutch friends whom I first met in Iran in 1976 where he was a diplomat.  After Iran they had three children, and all were educated at English speaking international schools.  I visited them in Moscow in 1986.  There the parents remarked how the three children play in English even though the parents spoke with them primarily in Dutch. 
 
How did the kids do?  All have graduated from the best universities and are employed today in prosperous jobs.
 
Maintaining bilingual roots is important.  Excelling in the language in which one is educated and employed is more important.  Considering that, maybe it is best that the mother not speak her version of English.   Just a joke.

[Gator]

When we speak about RW are this way and RM do that, we are of course speaking in generalities.  And many of the RW looking to marry a foreign man perhaps had a bad experience with RM.  This skews what we hear.

Yet there are some remarkable stories about RM.   Some observations:

Russian fathers on holiday.  I went on several Russian charter flights to Turkey and Egypt where I was surrounded by FSU families on holiday.  I observed many fathers having a good time with their children.  I also saw only one knee walking drunk even though booze was free as part of the all-inclusive arrangements.
 
Single Russian fathers.   While my Cossack woman and I were clearing passport control in her city airport, she stops and talks enthusiastically with the young agent.  She knew his father and family.  Long story short - the mother was an alcoholic, left home, and the father never remarried but raised the son (and two other kids).  All three kids are doing very well.
 
Dreadful story.  I knew a FSUW who was raised by her grandmother.  Her father abandoned her at birth and the mother was not around much, pursuing a party life, so she stayed at her grandmother's flat.   

This girl was an orphan with living parents.  She grew up thinking the richest kids in the world were those with two parents.
 
When she was 12 her father called her grandmother.  He had remarried , had a 6-yo daughter, and wanted to see the daughter he abandoned.   He picked up the 12-yo daughter and the three went to a film, went bowling, and had pizza.   He then took the 12-yo to his flat where she met the new wife. 

There she played "tea" with her "little sister."  She was so happy, and her mind was filled with joyful thoughts.  In the evening the father takes the 12-yo to her grandmother's, drops her off, and tells her grandmother that he never wants to see the 12-yo again.    He kept his word.
 
A 12-yo is still a vulnerable child.  This experience left a mark IMO.

[pitbull]

I have some great Dutch friends whom I first met in Iran in 1976 where he was a diplomat.  After Iran they had three children, and all were educated at English speaking international schools.  I visited them in Moscow in 1986.  There the parents remarked how the three children play in English even though the parents spoke with them primarily in Dutch. 
 
How did the kids do?  All have graduated from the best universities and are employed today in prosperous jobs.
 
Maintaining bilingual roots is important.  Excelling in the language in which one is educated and employed is more important.  Considering that, maybe it is best that the mother not speak her version of English.   Just a joke.

There are kids who struggle in one language and require years of speech therapy. No need to push the second language in this situation.
Sure, most kids will do fine in life with just English. But why knowingly deny a child an opportunity to enrich their life and the advantages of speaking more than one language?