From Heaven to Hell... with a broken heart.

[mikeyUSA]

We met online and started talking 3-4 months ago.  She would push me away a couple times, but finally 'let me in'.  I got her facebook, and confirmed she was beautiful.  We would talk, maybe once or twice a day via email.  I noticed that she never opened up to me.  Only told me weather reports when I told her how I was felt. 
      It was quite the surprise when one day she says that she was fired at her job,  and wants to visit me in the USA. We researched and found it would be impossible.  We decided to visit Hong Kong for a week.  At that very time, we started skyping about once a week.  It was great.  Great conversations that lasted many hours. 
      4 weeks after our decision to meet, after just before flying out, the feelings were very thick.  She would call me late at night from her friends house sometimes because she had been drinking.  One thing though... the entire time, she still did not open up and tell me her feelings.  This really bugged me the most of all.  I mean, it was like expressing interest to a brick wall.  NOTHING in return.  My words just went into a pit.

       I made the mistake of inviting the 8 year old child along, because immediately, it was about the child.  I got about 5 percent time in with her for the entire week there.   But, the time we did have, after the child went to bed, and she would come into my room every other night for the first 5 nights, we stayed up until sunrise, and yes, doing 'you-know-what' twice out of the 7 days.

     One thing that bugged me, during the trip, when out in public, she did not show any affection toward me at all. Didn't even try.   In fact, I hardly got any affection.   
     Saying goodbye at the airport was great...    She went back home, I did too and at soon as I did, the problems started to occur. 

She was back in town for 2 days and then put up new photo's on her dating profile, of her, on her trip to hong kong.  Mind you, the profile page was turned off, but, she would still log in every couple of days and would browse what else was out there.   This became the knife in my chest that eventually killed our relationship.   
     I would send her emails, trying to hint that I'd like to see her again, or that I miss her.  She would reply back with the weather report.  The first week went by, I asked her if she liked me.  "No, it's still too early".   2nd week, "No, Its' still too early".    Now, the 3rd week goes by, and she's still logging into her profile...   but this time, I see another page (it's kind of like facebook, but a Russian version).   She doesn't know I know about it.  Right before her trip to hong kong, she writes 'Vacation to Hong Kong'.  And, exactly 5 days after her return home, she writes, "Vacation to St. Peters-burg?".    In fact, she is there right now, but she told me was going to Moscow for a potential job opportunity.  Of course shes going to say that.  Especially when I pay for the plan ticket.

   I'm floored.  Crushed. Torn into a million peaces.  I called her and didn't mention what I had found, but I did say, "You need to tell me now... Yes, No or Maybe".  (She couldn't even eek out a maybe until I forced it out of her).  Anyway, we hung up on each other and a couple of other really bad things were said though instant message right after...   to which I hear from her "Finished".

I apologized the next day.  Waiting a few days, apologized again, telling her I'm making changes, wanting to repair this... to which she replied.   "It was enough for.  We can be friends but nothing else".

My gut feeling was that she was holding out for something better, or still had to meet at least one more guy.    The thing I got out of it, is that Russian women can be very cold when it comes to expressing feeling.   It was very difficult for me to see her laughing and playing with her child... and all around us, other couples were holding hands, but it was like I was the limo driver.  I was only talked too or even acknowledged when absolute needed when we were out on the town.  It was like this in the end anyway. Maybe bringing the child was what killed it. 

     This 'break up' was last week.   I plan to wait 2 weeks, send her a simple "I hope your trip to moscow turned out OKAY".  And leave it at that. 

I'm so hoping someone doesn't mention the plan ticket, but I added it just to add to the details.   It's funny too, because I asked her a couple time to skype, and she was always busy.  But, all the sudden, out of nowhere, she wants to skype, where she starts going on and on about this new job... and then, out of the blue, asks for help to get there.  She asks for plan fair, but not hotel fare.    So, my theory is, she wanted to meet this other guy really bad, he turned her down on the fact of money, and then she scrounged some together so she can meet him.    Here feelings were probably already focused on this new man.

So, I guess, when someone else is still logging in, confront them? I don't know.

[viking]

Sorry you fell for this old scam hook, line and sinker. Right now it would be best to just delete everything you have about her, stop visiting those web sites and just move on. It was an expensive learning lesson. Going forward an honest RW would be pleased to have you just visit her in her own town.

[mikeyUSA]

Interesting.  I'm trying to view it as she really did want love, but later found that it wouldn't be there, so, she used me as an 'opportunity'.    I know her real address (she lives in a horrible place), copy of her passport (not a fake).  Even saw some personal 'correspondence' between her and her friend, that I wasn't supposed to see.    So, I really don't think she's a 'true' scammer... but, maybe saw an opportunity to keep me strung along for a while longer.    Or, at least see if she could find something better... and if not, she would 'settle' for what she could get.     Shes' 36 with a child, and you know how that goes.
It just upsets me that she kept looking.

[Daveman]

...
      4 weeks after our decision to meet, after just before flying out, the feelings were very thick.  She would call me late at night from her friends house sometimes because she had been drinking.  One thing though... the entire time, she still did not open up and tell me her feelings.  This really bugged me the most of all.  I mean, it was like expressing interest to a brick wall.  NOTHING in return.  My words just went into a pit.

Mikey, this sums it up.. you fell for a photo..  a phantom phantasy before you met...  don't waste another moment with her.  It doesn't matter whether she's a scammer, and idiot, or the best woman on the planet - she's absolutely not into you so get away from her completely and don't look back.

[LAman]

sorry mikey...but you need to get a life!!!

[Vasilisa]

An amazing woman!!!
I am sorry though, mikey.

Believe it or not, I have met women like that here, who have been  acting in a very mean way to other men,  even their ex husbands,  have used them , have managed them like puppets, but for some reason all of them have very nice men now and these men knew about those mean stories and obviosuly feel fine with them, I have no idea what they are thinking about, I guess they don't think that if she has done that to other men she will never do the same to them.

[Vasilisa]

And all of that goes back to my theory:
-bad mean women that use men, ask them for money, etc always  have nice caring men, great life, travel, don't work, etc

-nice caring women that pay everywhere, spoil men , cook, clean, etc are either single or get abused and divorced very soon.

[LAman]

And all of that goes back to my theory:
-bad mean women that use men, ask them for money, etc always  have nice caring men, great life, travel, don't work, etc

-nice caring women that pay everywhere, spoil men , cook, clean, etc are either single or get abused and divorced very soon.

It has been said that women in USA are more attracted to 'bad boys'...and that the 'good guys' finish last!!!!
Is this different for russain women? Or russian women in US?

[Daveman]

And all of that goes back to my theory:
-bad mean women that use men, ask them for money, etc always  have nice caring men, great life, travel, don't work, etc

-nice caring women that pay everywhere, spoil men , cook, clean, etc are either single or get abused and divorced very soon.

As LAman say... The reverse of that is often true as well.  Just tells me that the types they want are not the types they need.  The good girls falling for the bad boys, and vice versa.  I think it boils down to "excitement" (like a roller coaster) that the "bad" generates.  Some people outgrow that. Others don't.

[Doll]

It has been said that women in USA are more attracted to 'bad boys'...and that the 'good guys' finish last!!!!
Is this different for russain women? Or russian women in US?

USA ? It is international.

[Faux Pas]

mikey

Nothing good here guy and there is nothing you can do that will make any difference. Apparently, she is will to let you be her personal ATM machine. She might even come through with a few more nights of "you know what" salami games. IMHO, she has no respect for you (doesn't appear you have much for yourself). It ain't worth it guy. There are some honest sincere looking for a good man and with your description of this foray, I'm not sure you fit that bill. You have lots to learn dude.

My advice is to cut all communication with this woman and leave her to her own devices. You start again and forget about the picture where your penis tells you what to do.

Good Luck, and I mean that. There are some wonderful women, but it does take a good man (usually) to get them (the good ones). Are you up for it?

[mikeyUSA]

One of our conversations during one of our 'all night talks', actually at sunrise,  was that she told me that her mother and all her friends told her, "<girls name here>, Go to him.  What is love.  You are 36.  Use this opportunity to get out of this place.  Just go."  And then she said, "but, I will not do that. I want love".

You know, I know that I will not do anything more in regards to 'helping her' again, but...   when women let their guard down, after many nights of drinking all night, they tend to eventually loose their lock on their 'secret', and that was her big secret.  Sure, I will take it at this time, as a 'didn't fall in love, moving on' kind of thing... not necessarily, "I'm gonna scam him".  I do not think she was trying to scam me, but, she was trying to find a man to fall in love with, and she quickly realized that I was not that man. So, she moved on.

 I've been in many relationships... many long term, and I can tell you, that there were 'some initial' feelings, but, they are gone now.   She saw an opportunity to get one last thing out of me before she really said goodbye.  She's not a scammer, but, she is a really smart Russian women.  Really smart indeed.








 

[mikeyUSA]

In addition, what I keep going back to, is reading the internet where Russian women do NOT talk about their feelings.  If they start a smile, they quickly recompose and fix it, because they are very 'dignified women'.   And to show feelings, is a flaw, only open to rejection.  I have read this time and time again.  There were some times, when she showed these feelings, and she would quickly recompose, and fix her face, and quickly show the 'dignified' face that I have read about.    .....anyway, just wanted to tell my story.

[Faux Pas]

In addition, what I keep going back to, is reading the internet where Russian women do NOT talk about their feelings.  If they start a smile, they quickly recompose and fix it, because they are very 'dignified women'.   And to show feelings, is a flaw, only open to rejection.  I have read this time and time again.  There were some times, when she showed these feelings, and she would quickly recompose, and fix her face, and quickly show the 'dignified' face that I have read about.    .....anyway, just wanted to tell my story.

You've so much to learn guy

[Vasilisa]

One of our conversations during one of our 'all night talks', actually at sunrise,  was that she told me that her mother and all her friends told her, "<girls name here>, Go to him.  What is love.  You are 36.  Use this opportunity to get out of this place.  Just go."  And then she said, "but, I will not do that. I want love".

Mikey, if that conversation was about you she actually let you know that she didn't love you BEFORE she came home and you discovered all you saw.
I actually have a similar story: I meet some nice men, but my heart doesn't say anything, I see them as friends, I like them, I like talking with them. that's it. I simply don't want anything else with them.

[Steamer]

   I'm floored.  Crushed. Torn into a million peaces.  I called her and didn't mention what I had found, but I did say, "You need to tell me now... Yes, No or Maybe".  (She couldn't even eek out a maybe until I forced it out of her).  Anyway, we hung up on each other and a couple of other really bad things were said though instant message right after...   to which I hear from her "Finished".

My gut feeling was that she was holding out for something better, or still had to meet at least one more guy.    The thing I got out of it, is that Russian women can be very cold when it comes to expressing feeling.   It was very difficult for me to see her laughing and playing with her child... and all around us, other couples were holding hands, but it was like I was the limo driver.  I was only talked too or even acknowledged when absolute needed when we were out on the town.  It was like this in the end anyway. Maybe bringing the child was what killed it. 

     This 'break up' was last week.   I plan to wait 2 weeks, send her a simple "I hope your trip to moscow turned out OKAY".  And leave it at that. 

If you're going to dump them then do it. Don't play with peoples emnotions.

[Daveman]

I do not think she was trying to scam me, but, she was trying to find a man to fall in love with, and she quickly realized that I was not that man. So, she moved on.

Mikey, let's say she was completely on the up and yup. That being the presumed case - you never gave her a chance to fall in love with you because, from what you posted, it appears that you were licking her butt from the beginning.  She'd never respect you that way and without that respect, she had no chance to get her heart pumping.   I'm not saying to treat a woman like dirt, but you can't be so eager to please either.   Assert what you want with who you are and if it's compatible, the woman will respond. 

 I've been in many relationships... many long term, and I can tell you, that there were 'some initial' feelings, but, they are gone now.  She saw an opportunity to get one last thing out of me before she really said goodbye.  She's not a scammer, but, she is a really smart Russian women.  Really smart indeed.

That is a complete contradiction to what you posted up thread.  Read your initial post again - "never affectionate, kept her feelings, your words went into a hole, spent 5% of her time with you.."  oh but gave you a good porkin in between all that non-affection.  Yeah, women like to get laid sometimes too.  It means less than nothing compared to all the other evidence staring you in the face (again, going solely on what you posted)


So how do "weather reports" indicate initial feelings? 


You're being too dreamy about this.. wake up.  Don't be a dorkfish. 


What exactly was the "one last thing" she got out of you?  Drunken stupor blather party?  Practice for a new career as a meteorologist?  Some  late night action from the one and only Appendage Adept?  A trip to Hong Kong for her and her kid? 


Don't kid yourself, there just wasn't anything there.

[Vasilisa]

Don't kid yourself, there just wasn't anything there.

I agree, they corresponded, then met in person and she isn't interested.
I don't understand what this all is about. He can't make her love her.

[Daveman]

In addition, what I keep going back to, is reading the internet where Russian women do NOT talk about their feelings. 



If they start a smile, they quickly recompose and fix it, because they are very 'dignified women'.   And to show feelings, is a flaw, only open to rejection.  I have read this time and time again.  There were some times, when she showed these feelings, and she would quickly recompose, and fix her face, and quickly show the 'dignified' face that I have read about.    .....anyway, just wanted to tell my story.

They can be somewhat reserved with strangers, but what you wrote there is mostly false.  Look on the bright side, you now have some firsthand experience.  Take the lessons from it and move forward as a new and improved version of yourself.  A few years from now you'll look back on this and say to yourself "Damn.. she was five RW ago!"      Most of these relationships fail... this one never began.. so don't beat yourself up too much about it - because that's what we're here for!  heh..


Anyway, welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing your story.  Stick around and join in the discussions... 

[Daveman]

I agree, they corresponded, then met in person and she isn't interested.
I don't understand what this all is about. He can't make her love her.

He has a shattered dream.  He became completely engaged with the dream of what could be with this woman, even before he ever met her.  It happens.   Both men and women do that.  When they both do it, and it works, they won the lottery.   When it doesn't work it takes a little time to get reoriented to reality and develop a new 'dream'.   Sharing his story is one of the best steps he could take to allow the remaining ashes of what could have been pass through his fingers and into the wind of change.  It's all good.  I'm sure it doesn't feel so good at the moment, but that too shall pass.   

[Globetrotter]

Funny how everyone is so, so different, and how each of us see things, and how our experiences differ.....in everyday life, and everything else. 
 
I once met a doctor from Kazan, communicated, visited her in London, then got her a visa for a conference over here...and she stayed here for a month.  I liked her, but never "fell in love with her".  We had great times, and fun, she met all my friends, neighbors, and family.  All I can say is "I got my moneys worth" and she also.  When I found out she had a doctor boyfriend in St. Pete, I was not disappointed...just laughed.
Again, I had gotten my moneys worth. 
 
Anyhow, if you are really, really hungry, you will fall for anything and everything...thinking that the color of your passport will be the "sway" for her to care for you.
 
While this girl was with me, she was incredible....sexually, and wonderful with everyone she met....a ferfect partner!  However, this is only one ingredient to a good "mix" and I knew this very well.  If you think otherwise, like one of our middle aged posters with the baby wife........you are "pissing up a rope"....so, as the saying goes......buyer beware!
 
PS:  While in London, a guy attacked me...for money.  He lost.  My girl asked if I was a "hooligan" when I was younger.  I said no...that I had never started a fight in my life, but my hobby was boxing, and my boxing coach was Tony Zale, (Anthony Zalinski) and I'd had 25 fights, and this was still my "exercise" every day...also tae-kwan-do.  She was horrified...I was happy.  So...when a penis head talks about people behind a keyboard and how they would suffer his wrath if he was made to be infuriated....come to Chicago...and I'll book you a room in the local hotel!         

[Belvis]

He became completely engaged with the dream of what could be with this woman, even before he ever met her.  It happens.   Both men and women do that.  When they both do it, and it works, they won the lottery. 

I would not call this luck as lottery or roulette. I consider it rather as the consistent result of efforts put in relationship as well as work over himself.
I think OP will be a happy man anyway because he keeps the ability to fall in love.

[jone]

However, this is only one ingredient to a good "mix" and I knew this very well.  If you think otherwise, like one of our middle aged posters with the baby wife........you are "pissing up a rope"....so, as the saying goes......buyer beware!
     

Do you really think I can get a baby for a wife?  Get me her full name and address.  Da, yes, oui, si, ja, sim.

-j

[jone]

Seriously, Mikey,

Give yourself at least two weeks to grieve.  If you can do this, I would immediately destroy all email correspondence and pictures.  (You may want to save one to show your future wife. - 'This is the woman that saved my life and saved me for you.  Heaven knows, I might have wound up with her!')

After two weeks, get back on the horse.

A much wiser man you will be.

-j

[Shadow]

Mikey, I will be hars on you so if you can not take it do not read on.

What you have done is nothing short of stalking her. She never gave you any hope, just could not tell to your face that she had zero feelings. With the added pressure from friends ("what you have to lose") she agreed to the holiday, and 'did her duty'.
Do not blame her for her actions, blame yourself. Men are supposed to understand when they are let down, they should not force women to make them cry in public.

One final saying, a very old one but still valid. When a RW is in to you, she will leave you zero doubt about it.

Forget her, forget you have any chances with her or any woman who acts similar, and find someone that will leave you no doubt.