From Heaven to Hell... with a broken heart.

[mikeyUSA]

Mikey, Kamchatka?

Doll is right. Wow, that is a long way for a Russian bride, way out of the way. Most Western men have never been to such a beautiful part of the world. It is also the first time I've heard of a man contacting a lady there for dating/marriage.

Mikey, there are not a lot of cities in the Kamchatka region as only 400,000 live in this large region of volcanoes and frequent mud slides. Half of those people live in Petropavlovsk-Kamchatsky, the only city of significant size and it holds the distinction of being one of the most isolated cities in the world. It is not even accessible by road. There are smaller towns but few and far between. This is one of the most interesting spots on the globe and populated in great numbers by scientists and researchers.

The happiness you saw from her at first was likely gratitude for the vacation she was ready to enjoy, compliments of the wealthy Westerner. Of course she was going to allow you to bed her a couple of times, after all you had been so generous in providing this once-in-a-lifetime vacation for she and her child and you deserved something for all you'd spent. But the vacation is over and she is still looking, unfortunately not for the man who treated her so generously.

Next time please save the honeymoon until after the wedding.

I wish you healing and success. 

So, what your saying, is that there is a higher probability that other men won't be interested in her,  and therefor, increasing my chances with her???

I am sooooooo just kidding with you guys.   hahah

[Gator]

No no no.. I'm not mad at you guys at all.  I'm just mad that I got "mikey-ed" out of such things..       (actually, the only thing I don't like, is when people start assuming I'm stupid and I 'surely' inherited my wealth.

 
I am the one who said you behave as if you possibly inherited your money.  I did not say "surely" inherited.  So please pay close attention to what people say and write. 
 
Admit it, however, you were not smart.  You were played.  So call it what it is.
 
The more you disclose about your Kamchatka woman, the more she fits the title of a bad group of FSUW referred to as "Vacation Whores."  Repeat:    VACATION WHORE.   They will do anything to get a man to pay for their holiday.  Other men have done what you have done, but most of them don't fall in love nor allow the woman to bring her child. 
 
Another point, you put her on a pedestal when she deserved to be kicked to the curb.   And the signs were there before you went on the trip.  Think about what she said and wrote.  The clues are always there.  If not, it means you had not spent enough time talking with her or did not have probing conversations about values, character, etc.. 
 
You write about how her heart was broken after a 3-year relationship with a RM.  Do not have pity for FSUW.  They are survivors.  In fact, the good FSUW have pride and do not want your pity.   Few want to talk about past relationships, especially admitting that their heart was broken.   This was simply a part of your woman's act to hook you.   
 
And guess what?  There were other relationships.  The child is 8 yo and she was just in a 3-year relationship.  That leaves 5 missing years.  My quick assessment - she is the type of woman who gets passed from man to man.  Her future grows dimmer with each year.     I really believe that had you indeed formed a continuing relationship, you would have dumped her in a short time.  You had her for a week.  So count your blessings that she dumped you.
 
While Hong Kong is interesting, you did not take the opportunity to visit her in Kamchatka, a very interesting part of the world.  As Mendeleyev wrote that would have been a glorious travel adventure.  Next time avoid the women who want you to take them on your first meeting to areas famous for their shopping venue.    And what did you spend on her while she shopped in Hong Kong?  And let me guess, she steered you away from Kamchatka.
 
Mikey, we better stop or we will send you into suicidal depression. 
 
Summary:  You got played.  Use it as a learning experience.  Try again.  Good luck. 
 
And consider yourself healthy when you know the answers to your following questions and see the fallacy:

Is it wrong of me to expect some kind of answer from her????  Is it?  She had me on the back burner as a 'potential' challenger.  She did not want to play her cards, so she just strung me alone.

 

[Patagonie]

Elisabeth Kubler Ross define five steps in the mourny :



1/ Deny

2/ Anger. Lower the other.

3/ Bargain.

4/ Depression, discouragement.

5/ Acceptation of the loss. Let it go..



Remember this because most of your emotionnal states will follow this schedule. It is good to remind it because you can think, oh i am not depressive, just step 4 of my mourning. I think that,  at a moment,  it will not good for you to always speak of this gal..

Perhaps you can choice next time a girl closer than Kamtchka, reassure me me, is it you who choice the girls you decided to write ? Let me informed about this.

[Patagonie]

Gator : "  Few want to talk about past relationships, especially admitting that their heart was broken.   This was simply a part of your woman's act to hook you." Gator is absolutely right, an FSU woman will tell about their failed relationship maximum one sentence maximum, and surely not about her past feelings. She hooked you.

[mikeyUSA]

No... she didn't tell me she had a broken heart.  We were talking about our past relationships...   she asked me about mine, and then I asked about her's.  You always talk about these things when your dating someone.  We were talking about 'why we were single and looking' kind of thing.  What happened, it was nearing the end of our 'all night conversation', and we were pretty 'tipsy'.   I already knew she had a 7 year marriage, took a year or two off, then met the 3 year guy.  She got married to the first guy because she got pregnant.  soo... only two guys in her life.   

When she was telling me about the 3 year guy, the only thing she said was that she loved him very much, and that if "both his arms and legs were missing, I would still love him.  I would even ignore my own daughter I loved him that much".   And that the reason she left him, was because he cheated on her many times, even in their own bed.    She never said that "he broke my heart".  So, I can only assume that it was broken. 

Also, don't worry, talking about her is actually helping me get over this.  When I first started this thread, I hurt a LOT. Now, it's very little, and it's more anger at her.  It's anger because she didn't put ANY EFFORT into it.  She gets online, SAYS she wants a man, and THEN?  Passive behaivor. No effort at all. Even posting new photos on her ad (that is still turned off By the way).       

I got the freaking idea, that the vacation was nice...  She even told me, "Michael, I like you, but it is not yet love.   I will go back to Kamchatka, and maybe I will miss you, maybe I will not.  We will see".      And, does she wait and see?  Nope, she puts Hong Kong photos online and starts logging in again.  Pisses me off. Strings me along.        She should 'surely' expect me to get a little pissed off that I don't have answers from her...   and then wait a few days to apoligize, even telling her "I made a mistake because for the first time in a long time, I found someone I really like", she should freaking understand... and if she really liked me, should accept my apology, but, she did not.   She did not because she was stringing me along.

[Daveman]

No... she didn't tell me she had a broken heart.  We were talking about our past relationships...   she asked me about mine, and then I asked about her's.  You always talk about these things when your dating someone.   What happened, it was nearing the end of our 'all night conversation', and we were pretty 'tipsy'.   I already knew she had a 7 year marriage, took a year or two off, then met the 3 year guy.  She got married to the first guy because she got pregnant.  soo... only two guys in her life.   

...

The child is eight years old?

[mikeyUSA]

The child is eight years old?

No, wait... maybe I was wrong, I seem to remember her saying something about why she ....   Oh ok.. I remember now, She got married to him becuase he was her college sweet heart.  Not that she got pregnant.   (yeah, I know where you were about to go with that.  My mistake).

She said, after my divorce, I was single for a long time, and I almost got back with him because 'my daughter needs a father'.

[CDW]

Yep.  Of course.  I think I got it. Ok. Thank you. Say no more. I understand. Good. 

If the money doesn't matter to you, why don't you give it to a charity of your choice? 

I cannot believe a man like you would prefer to send money to a 'vacation' prostitute (Gator's quote) rather than giving it to sick children / animals who really need them. 

All the scammers are prostitutes!!  The only difference is that scammers are paid not to have sex with you!

[mikeyUSA]

If the money doesn't matter to you, why don't you give it to a charity of your choice? 

I cannot believe a man like you would prefer to send money to a 'vacation' prostitute (Gator's quote) rather than giving it to sick children / animals who really need them. 

All the scammers are prostitutes!!  The only difference is that scammers are paid not to have sex with you!

I REAALLLY REALLY REALLY do not think she is a vacation *&%#, I do not think this one bit.   Guys, there was a LOT of communication between us before we started our trip.  There were times when I really do think she had some feelings for me, but she always would tell me, "I must keep my distance from you, and you with me. this is important."    I think, it was just a failed meeting is all.  A failed meeting, where she kept me as a potential challenger, and didn't respect me enough to give me a freaking answer, while she was still looking for other guys.   She was being selfish.  Not a vacation @#$#@

When I tell you she did not reciprocate with me before our trip, or tell me how she feels, this is what I mean.  She told me, "Michael, we must not think in such fairy tales, and then it doesn't work out, it will not be so bad".   

[CDW]

I REAALLLY REALLY REALLY do not think she is a vacation *&%#, I do not think this one bit.   Guys, there was a LOT of communication between us before we started our trip.  There were times when I really do think she had some feelings for me, but she always would tell me, "I must keep my distance from you, and you with me. this is important."    I think, it was just a failed meeting is all.  A failed meeting, where she kept me as a potential challenger, and didn't respect me enough to give me a freaking answer, while she was still looking for other guys.   She was being selfish.  Not a vacation @#$#@

When I tell you she did not reciprocate with me before our trip, or tell me how she feels, this is what I mean.  She told me, "Michael, we must not think in such fairy tales, and then it doesn't work out, it will not be so bad".   

Have you ever thought she wanted a vacation to get her mind off from her recent problems - for example coming out of broken heart.  She needed fresh mind and she was using you, and therefore she is a 'vacation prostitute'.

[Slumba]

Have you ever thought she wanted a vacation to get her mind off from her recent problems - for example coming out of broken heart.  She needed fresh mind and she was using you, and therefore she is a 'vacation prostitute'.

My view is that what the woman was doing is not the issue - it was the man that let her get away with it.  Maybe she had a broken heart, maybe she is a broken person, doesn't matter - key is, the man has to be strong in his convictions and know who he is and what he is.

[Jumper]

look even if you got used for a trip and sex ,
this comes off like whining since   there is no reason you should be this emotionally invested?


She was not ,and plainly told you this in words and actions all along. before ,during and after.


Your expectation is what drives this.. you feel you are simply a *broken man* venting.


You need to realize you shouldn't feel anything other than mild disappointment it dint work out and learn that
flying thousands of miles is still like dating across the street.Most of the time it doesn't work out to anything more than a fling.


She had a week fling with you..
you expected more.
Thats ok , but
why did you have expectations?

because of the communication prior?

it was mostly about the weather in your words?
 with some few exceptions.


So you met a woman your were fairly sure wasn't that into you,but might warm up.. she had a little fling, but cooled immediately when you were apart.
(sure she might have kept you hanging in case other options dint work out, women can do that)


A lot of men wouldn't be broken, it was just a week meeting that went lukewarm, then cold after.
She had a bit of fun and you should look at it that way too and move on, you dint have much going in, and it dint materialize into anything.
There is no need to feel broken or discouraged..
just slight disappointment at best for such humble beginning middle and end?


Try to curb the pre meeting expectations (as she chided you to do) as that seems the only thing making you feel bad about all this.




if you had hit it off with her, (which could have happened) its a completely different tale.
Thats life..
so I would just chaulk it  up to an experience,try to learn when someones pursuing and really very interested in you , instead of the other way around..


Good luck in the future..


 

[mikeyUSA]

look even if you got used for a trip and sex ,
this comes off like whining since   there is no reason you should be this emotionally invested?

She was not ,and plainly told you this in words and actions all along. before ,during and after.

Your expectation is what drives this.. you feel you are simply a *broken man* venting.

You need to realize you shouldn't feel anything other than mild disappointment it dint work out and learn that
flying thousands of miles is still like dating across the street.Most of the time it doesn't work out to anything more than a fling.

She had a week fling with you..
you expected more.
Thats ok , but
why did you have expectations?

because of the communication prior?

it was mostly about the weather in your words?
 with some few exceptions.

So you met a woman your were fairly sure wasn't that into you,but might warm up.. she had a little fling, but cooled immediately when you were apart.
(sure she might have kept you hanging in case other options dint work out, women can do that)

A lot of men wouldn't be broken, it was just a week meeting that went lukewarm, then cold after.
She had a bit of fun and you should look at it that way too and move on, you dint have much going in, and it dint materialize into anything.
There is no need to feel broken or discouraged..
just slight disappointment at best for such humble beginning middle and end?

Try to curb the pre meeting expectations (as she chided you to do) as that seems the only thing making you feel bad about all this.

if you had hit it off with her, (which could have happened) its a completely different tale.
Thats life..
so I would just chaulk it  up to an experience,try to learn when someones pursuing and really very interested in you , instead of the other way around..

Good luck in the future..

Yes, but talking for 4 months, you can't help but to build a bond. Emails almost everyday. Skypes that lasted on average 2.5 - 3 hours.... and during those skypes conversations that were so good.  And each new skype session, her face would lite up like a christmas tree   You can't help but to build feelings.    ....and, I can't help but to go through a little withdrawal.  I appreciate you guys listening to me.  I appreciate  you guys helping me... and it is helping. Alot.

When I mentioned 'mostly about the weather', what I mean is, if ever I mentioned something about how pretty she is, she would come back with the current weather conditions, instead of, "oh, this makes me feel good coming from you".  No reciprocation.

[mendeleyev]

So, what your saying, is that there is a higher probability that other men won't be interested in her,  and therefor, increasing my chances with her???

I am sooooooo just kidding with you guys.   hahah

You'd better be joking. 

Mikey, have a funeral. Put everything about her from photos to contact info, keepsakes, etc, and with a couple of friends have a cremation service.

Russians are not supposed to do cremation due to religious reasons so before you find a real RW, take this one last opportunity to have one. Burn it all, anything connected to her and that trip, and then get plastered (don't drive!) and when you wake up nurse the hangover with some vodka, raw bacon (salo) and green onions. When you're done, go out and buy a new set of clothes, look in the mirror at the new man, and step into your new life without her.

Move on.

[Larry1]

Burn it all, anything connected to her and that trip, and then get plastered (don't drive!) and when you wake up nurse the hangover with some vodka, raw bacon (salo) and green onions. When you're done, go out and buy a new set of clothes, look in the mirror at the new man, and step into your new life without her.

Move on.

Mendeleyev gave you some good advice.  Well, except maybe for the salo part.  It must be an acquired taste.

[jone]

I hate Salo!

[Doll]

I don't think this woman is a vacation whore . Why? Because I know what it is- 36 yo with a kid in Kamchatka. No job. She is looking for a WM to be  rescued from this situation. She has options, the second date (if it is a date) was scheduled before she went to HK. It might!
One more question- did she take the kid out of school? I mean did the  child miss a week from school?
 

[CDW]

I don't think this woman is a vacation whore . Why? Because I know what it is- 36 yo with a kid in Kamchatka. No job. She is looking for a WM to be  rescued from this situation. She has options, the second date (if it is a date) was scheduled before she went to HK. It might!
One more question- did she take the kid out of school? I mean did the  child miss a week from school?

Green card seeker!! lol  'Green Card' whore ??

[Doll]

No, just a woman of 36 yo with a child in Russia. It is a sentence unless she looks abroad.

[CDW]

No, just a woman of 36 yo with a child in Russia. It is a sentence unless she looks abroad.

How is it different between a woman of 36yo with a child and a woman of 23v yo without a child?

There are millions of women of 36 yo with more than 1 child and aren't looking for foreigners

[Doll]

How is it different between a woman of 36yo with a child and a woman of 23v yo without a child?

There are millions of women of 36 yo with more than 1 child and aren't looking for foreigners

The ones who decide they need to get out of the country are same, but the 36 yo also needs a husband while her chances in Russia are slim to nothing.

[mikeyUSA]

UPDATE:

I got a text from her tonight.  here is what is says:

You are still looking for me everywhere. All my profiles were hidden or deleted,but now, when I understood, that it will be nothing between us I feel free. It does not mean I start to date with someone, I have so much to decide now, I am busy with moving from Kamchatka, yes, it's time, when I come back soon. But in future - I hope I will meet the right one for me, I hope he will be Russian, because it's impossible for me to understand another culture, it's just not normal for me. If I would be a lier, I would be continue with you, but I am not, and you know that. I wish you the best , live your life. It just did not work.

You was very kind to me, but I realized in Irkutsk, that you are not for me, you scared me and I cannot change it, Mike

It is my life, I don't want to be waiting for something wrong from you all the time, I want be safe, calm and sure, that there is right man near me. And you know, money make the world go round, maybe, for others. But not for me,you know me.

It is not love for me. to be drunk and pushing every time in the beginning. It,s a pity, but that's all, I wanted to say.

:END


Lets have fun analyzing this one.

also, the reason she says, "You are looking for me everywhere", is because, you can pay 1 dollar to a site (topface.com) and it will allow you to see who has been looking at your page. This is exactly what she did... she paid, and saw that I was looking at her page all week.   This is.... this is after I found that she had voted on over 1000 guys....   (on topface, you get a 'badge', so, she got that badge, just under 1 week).

((((of course, I'm moving on, like tonight, I'm stealing another girl from a guy....so let's just pull this text appart, and assume that I'm Okay))))).

[newjason]

Mikey

you have some issues you should work on.
If you are still reading communications from her, you have not even begun to end it yet, let alone begin healing.
I would start by going to counseling with a professional.

I have never heard a woman tell me that she was scared of me, or that I scared her.
I have heard women say that a man scares them , or that she is scared of him,
and I would be VERY troubled by this because it only means one thing man. and it aint looking good ...

So, first of all,  and I am dead serious about this,  call a councilor, and get into a program or a group.
If  those words don't illicit an emotional response from you,  you need a council more than you know.
Give the posting a rest for a while and get a therapist please.   If you continue, to show colors of domestic issues, I can tell you, this is not the place you need to be.

I have zero tolerance for domestic abuse.
I would venture to say that I am not alone in this view .

at the very least you have demonstrated the characteristics of a stalker/predator
further, you insult yourself as others tell you the truth about your actions. This is not good.

[Shadow]

Ok let me take out the spiked clue bat one more time.
Is this woman a vacation whore or scammer ? IMHO not in the usual sort of way, even if receiving the cost of the ticket was something she might feel surprised about working out herself.

The woman is 36, has an 8-year old child and was living in one of the most desolate places in Russia. Enough to be receiving peer pressure from friends and family to at least give any guy who wants a shot. This is why she accepted to go on a vacation with Mikey. Taking the child was a good idea, because if anything works out it will have to work out with the child.

Well it obviously did not.

She even told me, "Michael, I like you, but it is not yet love.   I will go back to Kamchatka, and maybe I will miss you, maybe I will not.  We will see"

This is the Russian equivalent of "Don't call us, we'll call you".
But Mikey had to continue pushing her. Which in situations of peer pressure leads to the inevitable suggestion: ask him money, he will run telling you are a scammer.
However as Mikey never read the manuals on RW, he just paid up.

This lead to the latest message, and any guy who can get a RW to write this certainly has pushed it way too far.

A very strong clue, apart from the stalking behaviour I already laid out in my first post, is this:

It is not love for me. to be drunk and pushing every time in the beginning. It,s a pity, but that's all, I wanted to say.

If RW want to be with a drunk pushy guy, they have at least 50 million of them at home.

Now Mikey, you got the soft let-down, the money request and the final get out of my life letter. Does that tell you anything ?

[Gator]

A very strong clue, apart from the stalking behaviour I already laid out in my first post, is this:If RW want to be with a drunk pushy guy, they have at least 50 million of them at home.

Shadow, you are correct.  With Mikey's latest evidence of her letter, it is apparent that his behavior is a type of stalking.  We are talking about some complex psychological condition  ......... obsessive, compulsive, delusional, erotomania, sense of entitlement, etc.   Too complex to speculate.
 
Doll you are correct.  I attempted to paint the woman as the worst type, hoping this would make Mikey get over his mental anguish and move on.  Her letter suggests that she is more like the woman Doll has described, and her experiences with foreign men have been bad.  Maybe Mikey is the only foreigner she has met, and she thinks they are all like him.  If really desperate she would have jumped at marrying Mike, lived in hell and then divorced him.  She was smart enough not to do that. 
 
I am not saying the woman is an angel, as she did do some things that were not right, and she should have invited him to her home first.  But maybe she suspected Mikey was a little peculiar and the last thing she wanted was to have him wandering around her town amid her family and friends.  If so, why take her young daughter to the meeting? 
 
Very complex.  A clear example of why some men seek RW - it is their last resort.

 
Mikey, you need to seek some professional help.