Insight from Russian wife

[russianwife]

Hello everyone, I am Natalia. I have experience with dating sites, international marriage agencies and have done numerous attempt to find my soulmate online. Now I am happily married and live in USA. I would like to share my experience, my stories and insight with the men who are on the way of looking for Russian wife. I plan to write a book to describe all this process from inside and to enlighten how to start looking for wife, how to write first e-mail, what to do and do not, when to be suspicious, how to arrange first meeting, how to be distinct from potential rivals etc. Here I would like to ask all international men what is number one question for you when you think about looking for Russian wife. What are your main concern? Which topic would you like to see in my book? All these questions I address in my book. Please let me know what do you think.

I will sent this book free to anyone who will leave comment here.

[Lily]

Natalia, welcome!  good to have you here!

I am sure that they will ask you a lot of questions. Your experience is invaluable!

[calmissile]

Hello everyone, I am Natalia. I have experience with dating sites, international marriage agencies and have done numerous attempt to find my soulmate online. Now I am happily married and live in USA. I would like to share my experience, my stories and insight with the men who are on the way of looking for Russian wife. I plan to write a book to describe all this process from inside and to enlighten how to start looking for wife, how to write first e-mail, what to do and do not, when to be suspicious, how to arrange first meeting, how to be distinct from potential rivals etc. Here I would like to ask all international men what is number one question for you when you think about looking for Russian wife. What are your main concern? Which topic would you like to see in my book? All these questions I address in my book. Please let me know what do you think.

Thanks in advance for you responses.

Let me be the first to express our gratitude to having a new female FSU memeber with a positive attitude and a friendly personality on the forum.

I am confused about your profile  Your greeting indicates you are married and living in the US, but your profile lists you status as looking rather than married.  It would also be helpful to know your age, but understand you might be hesitant to list it.  There seems to be a large difference in attitudes between FSU women over 40 and those under 40.  Some questions....

1.  Did you already know English before coming to the US?
2.  How is/was your adjustment to the culture in the US?
3.  Do you recommend immigration to the US for other FSU women?
4.  Are you working in the US?  If so, was it difficult finding a job?
5.  Did you come on a K-1 visa or were you married before immigrating?
6.  What state do you live in?
7.  Are you a city girl or a village girl?
8.  What were your greatest fears about immigrating to the US and did you overcome them once you were here?
9.  What was your profession and/or education background in Russia?

[jone]

 

I will absolutely watch this thread with interest.  But . . . as Mr. Missile pointed out, we would like your experiences too.  Although I would just enjoy hearing your story, not 20 questions.

You have asked what it is that you look for:

First:  I am not a neophyte having visited both Russian and Ukraine more than once and never together.  I have met a number of women and have pretty well decided on what I am looking for.

My main concern in looking for a FSUW is 'True Kindness'.  This is a trait that is intrinsic to my search, whether it be here in the States or overseas.  I want a woman that will stand beside me and share a kind word.  Anyone can have a relationship.  But to find one where kindness exists, there can be exceptional love.  It predicates that there probably won't be 'Hanky Panky' or other nonsense.  It also is a preview of what life married to this woman would be.

Fortunately I believe I have found it.  But I am not sure yet.  Give me about three or four months.  I will tell you it hasn't been easy.  I have a great desire to have two homes.  One in California and one in Ukraine.  An American woman would not choose such a choice.  So I am almost relegated to choosing someone from Ukraine.  My experience tells me that it would be easier bringing a Ukrainian woman back and forth to America than to take an American bride back and forth to Ukraine.

If you wish to do an extended interview, contact me through email and I will be happy to fill in many questions that I would have of me if I were writing a book.

-j

[JayH]

Hello everyone, I am Natalia. I have experience with dating sites, international marriage agencies and have done numerous attempt to find my soulmate online. Now I am happily married and live in USA. I would like to share my experience, my stories and insight with the men who are on the way of looking for Russian wife. I plan to write a book to describe all this process from inside and to enlighten how to start looking for wife, how to write first e-mail, what to do and do not, when to be suspicious, how to arrange first meeting, how to be distinct from potential rivals etc. Here I would like to ask all international men what is number one question for you when you think about looking for Russian wife. What are your main concern? Which topic would you like to see in my book? All these questions I address in my book. Please let me know what do you think.

I will sent this book free to anyone who will leave comment here.

\
Welcome--perhaps  I might suggest you start by telling us your story in detail now-- that would help us all.

[Noch1]

Welcome, it will be interesting to hear your story.
Plus all you can add to this forum and help others.
It will be a pleasure to help and learn.

[Shadow]

Welcome and it will be very interesting to see a book from a woman's perspective.

[russianwife]

Hello everyone, I was happy to see your replies here. I may have not express my idea clearly enough, but I want to write book FOR MEN, about HOW TO FIND RW. It is not book about me! I am not a celebrity and do not think that book about my story only would have demand. But of cause as examples I will include a lot stories from my experience. I wander what questions men have about RW (in general) and about process of searching RW, not about me personally... J
I hope that in the case of answering men`s question this book would be interesting to the wide range of men.

However of cause thanks to the all for your attention, I will enlighten my story shortly in the next post, though it is not really relevant to questions and concerns you guys may have

[AnonMod]

Many RWD members participated in writing a book on the topic as well, which is free to download.


http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=9568.0

[SANDRO43]

I may have not express my idea clearly enough, but I want to write book FOR MEN, about HOW TO FIND RW.

I see that a Mod just preceded me but anyway, Russianwife, welcome and here's just a suggestion .

(As you may know, some years ago we produced our own E-book (Men of the West - Women From the East, you can download it for free here: http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=47)).

Of course it is now a bit dated, so you might want to concentrate on what changes occurred in the meantime.

[russianwife]

Many RWD members participated in writing a book on the topic as well, which is free to download.


http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=9568.0

Great, thanks

[russianwife]

I am confused about your profile  Your greeting indicates you are married and living in the US, but your profile lists you status as looking rather than married.  It would also be helpful to know your age, but understand you might be hesitant to list it.  There seems to be a large difference in attitudes between FSU women over 40 and those under 40.  Some questions....

I am confused about your profile  Your greeting indicates you are married and living in the US, but your profile lists you status as looking rather than married.  It would also be helpful to know your age,

1.  Did you already know English before coming to the US?
2.  How is/was your adjustment to the culture in the US?
3.  Do you recommend immigration to the US for other FSU women?
4.  Are you working in the US?  If so, was it difficult finding a job?
5.  Did you come on a K-1 visa or were you married before immigrating?
6.  What state do you live in?
7.  Are you a city girl or a village girl?
8.  What were your greatest fears about immigrating to the US and did you overcome them once you were here?
9.  What was your profession and/or education background in Russia?

Hello Calmissile!

To be able to post here I created login and password and I had no idea that I have a profile here until you informed me. Now I checked, indeed, I have a profile that was automatically created when I entered and also automatically put status "looking" for me and some other irrelevant things (here is a note for administrator of this site - I am afraid it is not good strategy by default put "looking" in profiles of all new members). Also the profile shows that my spouse`s country is russia, and I can not change it because it has only FSU countries in the list...

Thanks to your interest to me, you will be the first reader of my future book
My story:
My age is 30, when I came to USA I was 28.
 When i have started looking for a husband(around 25) I had learned only little more than basic english, like may be intermediate level. Language was absolute barrier for  communication at this time. After one year of unsuccessful internet search I decided that sooner or later I will move to USA, with husband or not. For a short period of time I made a noticable progress in my English and start developing plan to go to USA to study. After disappointing correspondence experience, I thought that it may be better to have an opportunity to meet with men personally. During next 2 years I was preparing to move to USA and simultaneously kept trying to built relationship through internet (i used mainly one very well known agency). One man came to visit me but we were not on the same page. Eventually I found one person who seemed very special and I told him about my intention to move to USA. I applied to few universities, all over the States. I was accepted to few graduate programes, including two universities in his area. I chose the best programme and it was close to him. I moved to USA (with student visa)! After some time, when I arranged my routine, we met personally, and though first days it was little strange and he seemed different from my expectations but actually since my arrival we hardly spend even one day separately from each other. Of cause I lived separately and completely independently from him, but he was very careful.
Last summer we married.

[russianwife]

I will absolutely watch this thread with interest.  But . . . as Mr. Missile pointed out, we would like your experiences too.  Although I would just enjoy hearing your story, not 20 questions.

You have asked what it is that you look for:

First:  I am not a neophyte having visited both Russian and Ukraine more than once and never together.  I have met a number of women and have pretty well decided on what I am looking for.

My main concern in looking for a FSUW is 'True Kindness'.  This is a trait that is intrinsic to my search, whether it be here in the States or overseas.  I want a woman that will stand beside me and share a kind word.  Anyone can have a relationship.  But to find one where kindness exists, there can be exceptional love.  It predicates that there probably won't be 'Hanky Panky' or other nonsense.  It also is a preview of what life married to this woman would be.

Fortunately I believe I have found it.  But I am not sure yet.  Give me about three or four months.  I will tell you it hasn't been easy.  I have a great desire to have two homes.  One in California and one in Ukraine.  An American woman would not choose such a choice.  So I am almost relegated to choosing someone from Ukraine.  My experience tells me that it would be easier bringing a Ukrainian woman back and forth to America than to take an American bride back and forth to Ukraine.

If you wish to do an extended interview, contact me through email and I will be happy to fill in many questions that I would have of me if I were writing a book.

-j

Hello Jone!
Shortly, my story is this:

 When i have started looking for a husband (I was 25) I had learned only little more than basic english, like may be intermediate level. Language was absolute barrier for  communication at this time. After one year of unsuccessful internet search I decided that sooner or later I will move to USA, with husband or not. For a short period of time I made a noticable progress in my English and start developing plan to go to USA to study. After disappointing correspondence experience, I thought that it may be better to have an opportunity to meet with men personally. During next 2 years I was preparing to move to USA and simultaneously kept trying to built relationship through internet (i used mainly one very well known agency). One man came to visit me but we were not on the same page. Eventually I found one person who seemed very special and I told him about my intention to move to USA. I applied to few universities, all over the States. I was accepted to few graduate programes, including two universities in his area. I chose the best programme and it was close to him. I moved to USA (with student visa)! After some time, when I arranged my routine, we met personally, and though first days it was little strange and he seemed different from my expectations but actually since my arrival we hardly spend even one day separately from each other. Of cause I lived separately and completely independently from him, but he was very careful.
Last summer we married.

Thanks for your absolutely great comment. It would be great to have an interview with you. My first stage of working on book is create a general plan of content. After that when i will imagine more clearly what i am writing about I would be happy to contact you.

[calmissile]

Hello Calmissile!

To be able to post here I created login and password and I had no idea that I have a profile here until you informed me. Now I checked, indeed, I have a profile that was automatically created when I entered and also automatically put status "looking" for me and some other irrelevant things (here is a note for administrator of this site - I am afraid it is not good strategy by default put "looking" in profiles of all new members). Also the profile shows that my spouse`s country is russia, and I can not change it because it has only FSU countries in the list...

Thanks to your interest to me, you will be the first reader of my future book
My story:
My age is 30, when I came to USA I was 28.
 When i have started looking for a husband(around 25) I had learned only little more than basic english, like may be intermediate level. Language was absolute barrier for  communication at this time. After one year of unsuccessful internet search I decided that sooner or later I will move to USA, with husband or not. For a short period of time I made a noticable progress in my English and start developing plan to go to USA to study. After disappointing correspondence experience, I thought that it may be better to have an opportunity to meet with men personally. During next 2 years I was preparing to move to USA and simultaneously kept trying to built relationship through internet (i used mainly one very well known agency). One man came to visit me but we were not on the same page. Eventually I found one person who seemed very special and I told him about my intention to move to USA. I applied to few universities, all over the States. I was accepted to few graduate programes, including two universities in his area. I chose the best programme and it was close to him. I moved to USA (with student visa)! After some time, when I arranged my routine, we met personally, and though first days it was little strange and he seemed different from my expectations but actually since my arrival we hardly spend even one day separately from each other. Of cause I lived separately and completely independently from him, but he was very careful.
Last summer we married.

Thanks for the update.
Tell us how you like America?
What state do you live in?

I am sure our members will have thousands of questions for you.  LOL

[calmissile]

If you wish, you might tell us your first name.  It won't be so impersonal chatting with you.
You can read many detailed trip reports for background on your book.  My most recent TR was to Ukraine.  You can find it in the Trip Reports/Sans Responses section.  There are many others that might interest you.

[russianwife]

I see that a Mod just preceded me but anyway, Russianwife, welcome and here's just a suggestion .

Of course it is now a bit dated, so you might want to concentrate on what changes occurred in the meantime.

Thanks I was glad to look at this book. it gives some idea what men are worried about. The book content is great but seemed little general for me. I imagine concept of my book quite different from this one.

[noelscot]

Hello everyone, I am Natalia. I have experience with dating sites, international marriage agencies and have done numerous attempt to find my soulmate online. Now I am happily married and live in USA. I would like to share my experience, my stories and insight with the men who are on the way of looking for Russian wife. I plan to write a book to describe all this process from inside and to enlighten how to start looking for wife, how to write first e-mail, what to do and do not, when to be suspicious, how to arrange first meeting, how to be distinct from potential rivals etc. Here I would like to ask all international men what is number one question for you when you think about looking for Russian wife. What are your main concern? Which topic would you like to see in my book? All these questions I address in my book. Please let me know what do you think.

I will sent this book free to anyone who will leave comment here.

This is the 20 million dollar question every man asks himself, whether he admits it or not, "Would she still marry me if I was a Russian man with Russian citizenship?"

[knighta]

Welcome to the forum and have you read this book?  If so, what are your thoughts?

http://www.datingskillsreview.com/how-to-find-and-marry-a-girl-like-me/

Here is some info. about her http://www.womenrussia.com/who.htm

[Daveman]

..I wander what questions men have about RW (in general) ...

Ok... here's my Number One... Why are RW so weird??? 


Welcome aboard...

[newjason]

Hey Natalia.
Nice to see you here.
Interesting idea you have about writing a book.
There are, as I understand, many books on this subject.
None of them are best sellers. Not even remotely close to it.
Why?
As I see it , the world is changing. It's changing fast. Almost daily it seems.
Plus there is no, one size fits all when it comes to meeting people, especially for marriage.
This subject matter has been covered to death and re hashed again and again in an attempt to keep the MOB industry alive while it seems to be on a downward spiral.

With that said,

What would be interesting, is a personal account of the process , from someone who has done it, how they went about it, the highs and lows they experienced while going through it, some anecdotal humor, and some little dirty secrets about the online dating industry.
Make it a story that grips people, one that tugs at their heart strings. Develop the characters and have them take the reader along with them on their story. Make it into chapter after chapter of what happens next.  Like a good mystery novel in short form, make it so the reader can't put it down and just has to keep reading because they can't stand the suspense.

Then at the end, offer up some things that might hep the reader if they should choose to go about courting a FSU woman.

I find that people are much more interested in reality and real life accounts of peoples experiences, than they are in a DIY guide.  save the DIY guides for fixing up your home and things like that. Write a fun story, full of real feelings, events, and details. That would be a book that would be timeless and not become old or outdated. 
to prove my point,
Please read my introduction thread,  Hi I'm Jason.   after you are finished reading that,  let me know what you think.

I have some ideas about a collection of short stories, followed by a summary of do's and don'ts.
I wonder If you would be interested in collaborating with someone?
that someone being me of course
read the thread before you answer...

Jason

[Vasilisa]

, but I want to write book FOR MEN, about HOW TO FIND RW.

My book would be pretty short and have a low-budget advice.
It would say: women are women everywhere. You can get a nice and pretty one next door and you can get a mean and ugly one across the ocean. So, have the Russian culture as your interest and look for the one that likes the Russian culture, too.

[jone]

I believe that the lady has asked for specific responses.  It might be nice to respond directly to her requests.

Here are some of the questions that you have asked and specific responses:

1.  In introducing myself to a woman, whether through email or in person, I always look for immediate common interest.  Sometimes, if she has advertised interests such as on social networking sites, I can relate to those interests.  My ladyfriend in Kharkiv is a large supporter of the animal shelters there.  I introduced myself as having two stray dogs that I brought into my home and showed love.

Each introduction and relationship requires tweaking.  I would not introduce myself to a thirty five year old woman the same way that I would introduce myself to a twenty six year old woman. 

In every instance, I let the lady know that I am not a player and that I am sincere in my desire to find a lifetime mate.  But I also let her know that I am happy just for the introduction.

2.  I am not as advanced as many of these men are regarding ferriting out scammers.  But I do go through basic scam discovery techniques.  If I am meeting someone online for an intended trip, I immediately ask for a letter showing the lady in the context of home and family.  If appropriate I ask for skype and email addresses, although probably not at first contact.  (Sometimes that is provided through the service.)

3.  Have I been scammed?  Absolutely.  Although probably not as dramatically as some people on this forum report.  When I was in Kharkiv this summer, one of the ladies I met did not 'feel' right.  I was later to find out that she was (what would probably be called) a professional dater.    But I think that there is a fine line between scammers and those women who use their dating services (online and otherwise) as a form of entertainment and would probably date a man, as any AW would, if she found him desirable.  The last communication I received from that lady was that she was inviting me to meet her family, but she had already gone down a wrong fork in the road for me.  I had discovered too much that made me feel uncomfortable.

4.  What made me truly fall for one woman over another?  The lady I chose pulled no punches.  She called me out repeatedly and told me a couple of times that she did not like certain behaviour of mine.  She also was very frank when she missed me or was hoping to see me.  Finally, as I have stated earlier, she is driven by kindness.  She, like myself, has endured a longterm failed relationship.  We are of a kindred heart.  Three weeks ago I had pretty much decided to turn around and begin looking again when she began to open up and win my loyalty.

These were the questions that you seemed to ask in your original post.  If I were a man reading them, I would have a better understanding of the touchpoints that are necessary to form a relationship.  I should point out that I understand much of what is being said to me in Russian, although I have yet to articulate little other than basic thoughts.  My background is detailed in the Russsian culture, having made many trips and studies of more than fifteen years.

I will say that I believe I, as are many men here, much more knowledgable about FSUW because of our knowledge of culture and language than the average man going on the AD website for the first time.  You will have an informed, but not totally applicable picture to relay to your readers.  Even most of the online 'advisors' I find lacking basic knowledge.  Use this knowledge to assist, but do not use it for rule of thumb.

But, in closing, I tell you honestly, that there are some men on this forum who know more than I will ever know, or care to know, or want to know.  I have not the time to do so.  I just want love, as so many other people do who explore MOB or FSUW or RW as an option.

[Lily]

  After disappointing correspondence experience, I thought that it may be better to have an opportunity to meet with men personally. During next 2 years I was preparing to move to USA and simultaneously kept trying to built relationship through internet (i used mainly one very well known agency). One man came to visit me but we were not on the same page. Eventually I found one person who seemed very special and I told him about my intention to move to USA. I applied to few universities, all over the States. I was accepted to few graduate programes, including two universities in his area. I chose the best programme and it was close to him. I moved to USA (with student visa)! 

Natalia, I wholeheartedly agree with you. After some online search, you found out that it would be more beneficial just to move to the U.S. and to continue looking already here. Then you started looking locally, and found one who you love. Is that right?

I did almost the same, by immigrating to Canada independently.

I have a question for you. When you applied to the U.S. university, how did you finance your studies? Did you applied for any scholarships? The studies in the U.S. are expensive, especially for the foreigners.

[I/O]

My book would be pretty short and have a low-budget advice.

LOL, a little like forum advice - often worth what it costs.

[russianwife]

Thanks for the update.
Tell us how you like America?
What state do you live in?

I am sure our members will have thousands of questions for you.  LOL

hello Doug.
I live in one of the Central West states. Not very popular place, not like California or NY. But I adore this place and absolutely happy here.
Of cause I like USA very much. I always had intuitive feeling that this is my country, that is why i wanted to move here.
My name is Natalia