Intimacy..any rules existing?

[BC]

No rules, just whatever 'feels right' for both parties.

For most this is an ass backwards situation anyway, meeting someone with intent to marry.

To apply somewhat normal dating rules or practices is silly.  Apples and oranges.

I do think though that quick sex may affect some men who enjoy the chase, maybe even more than the catch.

[Ranetka]

Hi
There are no rules about intimacy.
The only one you wrote it : the question is just about to be both ready about this and nothing more.
Usually the PUA community says that 8 hours are required with the person but it can be more or it can be less, everybody is different. The key is that you are comfortable with a man. This is very important. It is why a long correspondance is greatly improving comfort.
In my opinion girls who say that you shouldn't have sex during the first travel are wrong. If they wrote this as a rule, if attraction, comfort are there and the guy is worthwhile so etablish a rule which is saying that you shouldn't have sex during guy's first trip is stupid.
The key is here : how deep do you know the guy ? Sex first date, first time you see this person, is probably too fast for a decent goal.
Rule 1 As man who want a serious relationship i would scratch my head if after two
hours a girl i have never met before is leaving her panties on the sofa.
But on an other hand if all is fine and i date her (VO) seriously Rule 2 1/ the lack of touching by her would raise a red flag since the third meeting 2/ if all is fine and i have many signs of interest i am waiting that the next step is Rule 3 having sex after few days, in a VO (dating her exclusively of course). Rule 4 After one week of constant dating, and before leaving her, no sexual relation would be an orange flag or a red flag, at least.

There are no rules indeed! 

[Faux Pas]

I concur with what Gator stated. I'll take it one farther.

I have known many men who aggressively approach a woman for sex at the first meeting. I am referring to AM and mostly AW. Then after getting sex at the first meeting, think the woman a tramp and think much less of her after the act. Thinking the woman is easy or has sex when anyone when that usually is not the case. Why the woman had sex was never a consideration to such men. This is a line of thought with many AM and I suspect a hold over of the "puritan values" of years past. Much too much emphasis is put on the act of sex in the mind of the American, IMHO

Most men IMHO, don't really understand the idea that women want sex as much men for both the physical and emotional aspects but, the emotional generally comes first for the woman whereas for the men the physical comes first and the emotional aspect generally falls in a 4th or 5th place.

Women that feel comfortable enough with a man should not hesitate to have sex with the man at the first date or meeting with the knowledge that he may or may not be one of these men.

[Daveman]

Interesting thread...


In my experience, I've found that the best time to introduce sex into the relationship is just after the moment she comes within range of my tranquilizer darts...

[jone]

DaveMan,

Since when have you begun using tranquilizer darts on corpses?

[Gator]

Most men IMHO, don't really understand the idea that women want sex as much men for both the physical and emotional aspects but, the emotional generally comes first for the woman whereas for the men the physical comes first and the emotional aspect generally falls in a 4th or 5th place.

Yes, somewhere after a cigarette (2nd place) and sleep (3rd).  What is 4th?   
 
I always enjoyed the snuggling, and I believe some if not many men are the same as me.  What I did not like were the women who did not snuggle.  Wham Bam, thank you 'mam sir.  They were easily and quickly satisfied.  Maybe they were transvestites.

[Gator]

I recall one of our married members reporting  about 10-11 years ago his meeting with a UW.   In those days trip reports had more details.  He did a WOVO trip with a long correspondence period.  Upon returning, he reported a well written and loving account of their first meeting.  Passion overflowed, including making love within the first hour.
 
Some men were highly critical.
 
He married her.   And they are still happily married.  It was right for the two of them then and still right.

[ML]

I do think though that quick sex may affect some men who enjoy the chase, maybe even more than the catch.

Please seek out and 'dispose' of such men.  They ruin it for other men . . . and for the women.

I don't want to chase; and won't do it very long.  When the woman prolongs the chase, she loses me . . . and will forever live in regret!!   

[Faux Pas]

Yes, somewhere after a cigarette (2nd place) and sleep (3rd).  What is 4th?   
 
I always enjoyed the snuggling, and I believe some if not many men are the same as me.  What I did not like were the women who did not snuggle.  Wham Bam, thank you 'mam sir.  They were easily and quickly satisfied.  Maybe they were transvestites.

I was thinking 1st physical, 2nd physical, 3rd physical, 4th let's have a drink, snuggle and get to know each other 
I am one of those btw 

I think there are many people both men and women that just attach too much emotional dependence to the act of sex. Yes, sex is very important but, it's not IMHO what a relationship is built or dependent on. No matter how good or bad it may be from either perspective it is not the treasure of the relationship and I can think of no reason why it should be made to wait in a relationship.

I recall one of our married members reporting  about 10-11 years ago his meeting with a UW.   In those days trip reports had more details.  He did a WOVO trip with a long correspondence period.  Upon returning, he reported a well written and loving account of their first meeting.  Passion overflowed, including making love within the first hour.
 
Some men were highly critical.
 
He married her.   And they are still happily married.  It was right for the two of them then and still right.

My wife and I didn't wait long either. We spent a day and nice evening together and it was evident we both felt the attraction although, she did rebuff me a number of times. Persistence does pay off.  I wouldn't recommend nor discourage this either way. We had some built up expectations of each other and were both anxious. I've certainly never regretted it. She may have but if she did she's never voiced it.

[Patagonie]

ML :
"There are always men (perhaps the majority) who have this silly notion that if the woman has quick sex with them, she probably has quick sex with many.

And women, knowing this, do not have quick sex with the man they see as a potential marriage partner . . . while continuing to have quick sex with other men.  So it is a fool's game with such men who make judgements based on quick sex or no quick sex."
 

[Noch1]

I was thinking 1st physical, 2nd physical, 3rd physical, 4th let's have a drink, snuggle and get to know each other 
I am one of those btw 

I think there are many people both men and women that just attach too much emotional dependence to the act of sex. Yes, sex is very important but, it's not IMHO what a relationship is built or dependent on. No matter how good or bad it may be from either perspective it is not the treasure of the relationship and I can think of no reason why it should be made to wait in a relationship.

My wife and I didn't wait long either. We spent a day and nice evening together and it was evident we both felt the attraction although, she did rebuff me a number of times. Persistence does pay off.  I wouldn't recommend nor discourage this either way. We had some built up expectations of each other and were both anxious. I've certainly never regretted it. She may have but if she did she's never voiced it.

It is good if you and your  wife see it this way.
But considering the two biggest issues in marriage leading to divorce
Are money and sex. I think that you should be somewhat focused on both.
Making sure both understands the money and the sexual relationship is a happy place for both.

As for to quick or slow, it is the same as people. Each is different and must do what works for them.
There is no right or wrong answer.

[Faux Pas]

It is good if you and your  wife see it this way.
But considering the two biggest issues in marriage leading to divorce
Are money and sex. I think that you should be somewhat focused on both.
Making sure both understands the money and the sexual relationship is a happy place for both.

As for to quick or slow, it is the same as people. Each is different and must do what works for them.
There is no right or wrong answer.

So what in my post leads you to believe that neither of us understand or are focused on money or sex. I don't recollect the OP mentioning money in her OP. Extrapolate much?

I never indicated that anyone should follow my lead or move to quick or too slow. If you choose to abstain from sex for 1st meeting, after marriage or remain celibate makes no difference to me. Power to you. I see no logical reason to put time parameters on when to have sex. The whole thrust of my post was to do it when you want to to it and nobody else's opinion on when you have sex matters, does it?

[Noch1]

So what in my post leads you to believe that neither of us understand or are focused on money or sex. I don't recollect the OP mentioning money in her OP. Extrapolate much?

I never indicated that anyone should follow my lead or move to quick or too slow. If you choose to abstain from sex for 1st meeting, after marriage or remain celibate makes no difference to me. Power to you. I see no logical reason to put time parameters on when to have sex. The whole thrust of my post was to do it when you want to to it and nobody else's opinion on when you have sex matters, does it?

I think you missed a few key things I wrote!
The first being that you got it right for you and your wife ( this is very good, few do)
My reference to money and sex, was as such, as all surveys place these two things to cause the most problems, but many place them in 1st or 2nd,( why I mentioned both)

Also I did note that it is each for different for every couple.
Yours relationship is great, but not them norm to be able to place sex
in a different place is why I quoted it.

Little touchy Eh? It was a compliment!

[calmissile]

justme your question will not have a single correct answer.

The right time for intimacy between a man and a woman will vary due to many factors.

A lot will have to do with the type of woman you are seeing, dating, getting to know.  If you are one of those men who are aware of mostly aggressive Ukr/Rus women, such as ML and eduard, then the time for intimacy could be quite quick.

With the thousands of Ukr/Rus women I have met a small percentage I would consider to be aggressive. In my own experience and knowledge most Ukr/Rus women were not intimate immediately.

With regards to prejudices among men as you have asked I believe that their are such prejudices.   I will only address my personal prejudice to this.   If I were able to make love to a woman within the first hour of meeting her I would never marry such a woman.  Just my own prejudice.   I think such a woman does not have the morals or ethics I would seek in a wife.  And again, this is only my own prejudice.  Their maybe many good women who would have sex with a man within the first hour of meeting but I just could not have such a woman as my wife.

I agree.  First hour of meeting is a little soon.  You should at least get through customs and leave the airport first.       

[Shadow]

I agree.  First hour of meeting is a little soon.  You should at least get through customs and leave the airport first.       

Interesting that your meeting point seems to be BEFORE the customs...

[Faux Pas]

I think you missed a few key things I wrote!
The first being that you got it right for you and your wife ( this is very good, few do)
My reference to money and sex, was as such, as all surveys place these two things to cause the most problems, but many place them in 1st or 2nd,( why I mentioned both)

Also I did note that it is each for different for every couple.
Yours relationship is great, but not them norm to be able to place sex
in a different place is why I quoted it.

Little touchy Eh? It was a compliment!

No, not touchy at all. Seriously, I don't think there is any "rule of thumb" as to when, where or how. This to me is pretty simple "boy meets girl" stuff. I never made any mention or reference to the causes of divorce (money and sex) as that wasn't the topic. It appeared to me that you took my post and made a clear left turn off the topic.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and many of those mistakes, my penis involved. It took me I suppose longer than others to learn not to think with it or formulate relationships around it. Although it does have some degree of skin in the game. I would encourage the rest of the male population to do the same. Based on my personal experience of course 

[Noch1]

No, not touchy at all. Seriously, I don't think there is any "rule of thumb" as to when, where or how. This to me is pretty simple "boy meets girl" stuff. I never made any mention or reference to the causes of divorce (money and sex) as that wasn't the topic. It appeared to me that you took my post and made a clear left turn off the topic.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life and many of those mistakes, my penis involved. It took me I suppose longer than others to learn not to think with it or formulate relationships around it. Although it does have some degree of skin in the game. I would encourage the rest of the male population to do the same. Based on my personal experience of course 

I quoted your post for that exact reason, most can't and won't achieve what you did.
The turn left, was on purpose to point out the obvious. And yes because of your post i thought good time to point it out. I do agree with you, each to their own. There are no rules, only those we make for ourselves.

[Marian]

Such situations cannot be discussed or to be put in a Timescale.Both have to feel comfortable to share intimacy.The only rule which will work are the feelings both have to each other.
It´s like CDW said it doesnt matter if it´s the 3 dates or more!
Such things happen and shouldn´t be put under to many rules.
You shouldn´t kiss me like this.. unless you mean it...

[Daveman]

DaveMan,

Since when have you begun using tranquilizer darts on corpses?

For appearances only mind you.. cuz every once in a while.. I juuuuuust gotta tie on a cold one..


Corpse Diem!

[Eduard]

Interesting that your meeting point seems to be BEFORE the customs...

this way they can start getting sexy with each other while waiting in line... why waste time?!?! 

[ML]

 Quote from: Shadow on Yesterday at 03:54:01 PMInteresting that your meeting point seems to be BEFORE the customs...

this way they can start getting sexy with each other while waiting in line... why waste time?!?! 

But the technical point was . . . how can the  local person get on the 'other side' of the customs line.  They actually can't; unless they have a very good friend on the inside.   Yeah, I know this sticking point screws up the humor; but just couldn't resist.   

Now from another angle . . . in some Japanese airports, there are sleeping tubes (yes tubes) in an area, also with showers, etc.  This could be a place to bring your gal for immediate action . . . if you and she are small enough to fit in, and have some movement.

http://www.offtherails.com/capsulemetro.html

[Ranetka]

In short: yes rules do exist. However unfortunately each individual has his/her own rules on the subject. To add to the confusion when people are very very very  interested they do not mind disregard the rules.


So what would the man think? Who knows.... Safer to wait a little but not too long. 


Happy to be helpful 

[jone]

Quote from: Shadow on Yesterday at 03:54:01 PMInteresting that your meeting point seems to be BEFORE the customs...

Now from another angle . . . in some Japanese airports, there are sleeping tubes (yes tubes) in an area, also with showers, etc.  This could be a place to bring your gal for immediate action . . . if you and she are small enough to fit in, and have some movement.

Mine doesn't move.  Am I doing something wrong?

[ML]

Mine doesn't move.  Am I doing something wrong?

Your what doesn't move?

If it is your Johnson that doesn't move, then you need a more stimulating gal, or perhaps Cialis or maybe both.   

If it is your gal that doesn't move . . . then maybe she is a corpse as Dave and others discussed above.

- - - - - -

Some rivalry between Moscow and St Petersburg with snide remarks from both sides.

St Petersburg man arrested in Moscow for having sex with dead woman.

Judge:  Why did you have sex with a corpse?

Man:  I didn't realize she was dead; Yes, she didn't move, but I thought she was just a typical Moscow woman.

[ML]

So what would the man think? Who knows.... Safer to wait a little but not too long. 

Maybe it is time to turn this question around.

Ladies, what do you think about a man who agrees to sex very early in the relationship?

And what do you think about a man who 'waits too long'?