First timer headed to Ukraine

[Anechka]

IMO....Trust comes last in a relationship....built over time.

 BTW....I apologize for my rant. You gave good advice and is not out of line and is from your heart.


 Eva and I are communicating daily. We can only send letters as we cannot understand much when we talk by phone. I just wanted to hear her voice. If I go back to see her...which is about a 95% probability....it will be the first week of March.

Then build that trust, don't ask other people to decide for you... By the way, if my husband had ever suggested something like meeting other people to check if my feelings are sincere, I would not have married him.

Anyway, she is around 40, she wants to have a family, so if you think you can't have a family together, tell her that so she can move on and find some decent guy and be happy.

If you think you might have a chance, then ask HER the questions that bother you: if she is divorced, that you want to meet her family etc...

[lonedrake]

[If you think you might have a chance, then ask HER the questions that bother you: if she is divorced, that you want to meet her family etc.../quote]


  I think you believe that I will do as members say. I agree that this is personal...but I decided to write my trip report and feel its fair to share some of the things.....maybe I shared way more than I should have?

In the end I will still make my own decisions.

Did you ever get the complete story, at least resolved to your satisfaction for possibly continuing, of her marriage?

 She said she would take care of it. She has more concerns that it would take a year for visa.....and I might change my mind. She has good reason to also. I did explain everything about that situation and got that off my chest. She was very understanding...at least she sounded like she was.

 As far as meeting the fiancee of ccm.....I think it is a mutual benefit to both of us. She can also get advice/info from fiancee.  If I had friends over there like she does....I would take her to meet them. If there was any concerns....they would tell me. Thats what friends do. I have met some of her friends(not sure how close they are) but if they have concerns about me....I am sure they will tell her.

 Its never a bad idea to get a second opinion on important life changing decisions. 

[Valentina Abram]

I just learn in my frist trip to Ukraine that never opinion on what should be set and how factors here are not what they are where you are from. That really gets on people's behavior.

[cc3]

I just learn in my frist trip to Ukraine that never opinion on what should be set and how factors here are not what they are where you are from. That really gets on people's behavior.

Say WHAT ?

[lonedrake]

 I have purchased a flight to visit Eva on March 5th-11th.  Eva and I will be meeting up with cc3 and his fiancee while I am there.  I will be visiting her house and am also going to be sending her money before I go. It's just for her taxi ride to meet me in Donetsk. FWI...if I don't sound excited....do not worry....it's just the way I write

[cc3]

I have purchased a flight to visit Eva on March 5th-11th.  Eva and I will be meeting up with cc3 and his fiancee while I am there.  I will be visiting her house and am also going to be sending her money before I go. It's just for her taxi ride to meet me in Donetsk. FWI...if I don't sound excited....do not worry....it's just the way I write

Taxi ride? I must be a stingy creep. We always take the bus or 'elektrichka' (commuter train). If you are staying with her and don't have to pay for an apartment, however, I suppose, it's an affordable luxury. Nina and I are searching for a long term renovated apartment rental, in or near city central,  in which to begin our shared life, with her daughter.

Have a safe, uneventful trip. We'll see you in Luhansk.

[Brillynt]

LD,

Enjoy your trip, I am glad to see you are going back again. Have a great time with Eva, I hope everything is great between the both of you. I will be waiting to hear how your trip goes.      Don't forget about Women's Day on the 8th. 

I did the taxi on my last trip. My last trip was shorter in duration and the taxi allowed me to be in Lugansk faster. I also had the driver pick her up and take her to the Donetsk airport to be there when I arrived. It is very nice to see a smiling face when you walk out the doors of the luggage area.

My next trip we will stay in Donetsk for 3 days before heading to Lugansk. My girl prefers the bus over the train, so we will transit to Lugansk by bus.  It is a 3 hour bus ride, I just wish the bus drivers knew how to control the temperature in the bus. 

It looks like I will miss you by 2 weeks in country. I am arriving for my 3rd visit on the 27th.  I have been lucky being able to make 3 trips since the end of December. My second trip was a spur of the moment decision. I wanted to be there for my girl's birthday and Valentines day and I was missing her very much. Fortunately my work allows me to go pretty much anytime. I work remotely everyday, so it does not matter where I am.  My limiting factor is my visitation with my children.

[lonedrake]

 Yes...It will be nice to see her right at the airport. See was going to take a bus...but something about a long wait I believe. My flight does not land until 10:15 pm. She reserved a room in Donetsk. If I remember right it is around 450 grivna a night. I had told her to find something between 50.00 and 100.00. She likes the room so thats about all that matters.

 Getting flight tickets this time was a pain. There was a good number of tickets for 1,049.00....but they all had around a 40 hour total return flight time. I was looking for 20 hours or less each way. When I finally decided to buy one of those tickets...they were sold out. I ended up buying tickets that have about a 20 total time each way. The down side is there are three stops. I am leaving from Duluth...short flight to Minneapolis.....then Amsterdam...then Kiev...and finally Donetsk. Flight cost was 1,450.00

 Eva and I are email daily. I must drive her nuts as my schedule varies. We email often and every now and then we catch each other and have more of a chat....with translation. The translation is tricky because sometimes the opposite of what you mean comes out. So far we have had three "arguments" . They were resolved I guess. I still have no clue what happened on two of them.

 I will be heading straight to South Dakota when I return. I get back on the evening of the 11th and need to be in South Dakota before the sun goes down on the 12th. So......no jet lag recovery for me.  I have the trailer packed and it seems like everything should work out fine.

 Today I slept in till 11am and got this message from Eva. It still cracks me up. I am not even sure if she is kidding.....but it is still a gem

Dear my heart! My dear gentle sun and love! I will shoot you without a trial! You do not have time for me!, I understand! Miss! Kiss Kiss million! A lot a lot! Huge pile, I want to cuddle up to my man!

[Brillynt]

Dear my heart! My dear gentle sun and love! I will shoot you without a trial! You do not have time for me!, I understand! Miss! Kiss Kiss million! A lot a lot! Huge pile, I want to cuddle up to my man!

Make sure you take the kevlar. 

[Belvis]

She reserved a room in Donetsk. If I remember right it is around 450 grivna a night. I had told her to find something between 50.00 and 100.00. She likes the room so thats about all that matters.

Just to clarify. 450 grivna=55.4 $

[newjason]

Yes.   He is only trying to help me and I appreciate it. 



 Jason I know you mean well.....but what does that really mean? How much time? Is 44 years not enough? Must one have all the answers about everything before one dates? or falls in love? Do people really know everything they want out of life ....and never change it? They sit down...or whatever one does to get to know themselves....then decide exactly what they really want from life...and never veer of course?

 How does one determine when they are ready? Do you just know?  Or are you just telling me in a polite way that you believe I am clueless?

I am saying, when you find yourself without answers to your questions,  that is not the right time to be making life changing decisions.
Just go have some fun, and forget about marriage right now.

[LAman]

Yes...It will be nice to see her right at the airport. See was going to take a bus...but something about a long wait I believe. My flight does not land until 10:15 pm. She reserved a room in Donetsk. If I remember right it is around 450 grivna a night. I had told her to find something between 50.00 and 100.00. She likes the room so thats about all that matters.

 Getting flight tickets this time was a pain. There was a good number of tickets for 1,049.00....but they all had around a 40 hour total return flight time. I was looking for 20 hours or less each way. When I finally decided to buy one of those tickets...they were sold out. I ended up buying tickets that have about a 20 total time each way. The down side is there are three stops. I am leaving from Duluth...short flight to Minneapolis.....then Amsterdam...then Kiev...and finally Donetsk. Flight cost was 1,450.00

 Eva and I are email daily. I must drive her nuts as my schedule varies. We email often and every now and then we catch each other and have more of a chat....with translation. The translation is tricky because sometimes the opposite of what you mean comes out. So far we have had three "arguments" . They were resolved I guess. I still have no clue what happened on two of them.

 I will be heading straight to South Dakota when I return. I get back on the evening of the 11th and need to be in South Dakota before the sun goes down on the 12th. So......no jet lag recovery for me.  I have the trailer packed and it seems like everything should work out fine.

 Today I slept in till 11am and got this message from Eva. It still cracks me up. I am not even sure if she is kidding.....but it is still a gem

Ahh...the cost of traveling from small town USA!!!! 
Recently found fares for $912 for LA-KBP....with 15 hours total flight time...also with a stop in amsterdam!!! Lucky me!! Careful with those stops.....easy for luggage to get lost.
Can't quite figure out if all emotions with Eva is really real. Is it true feelings or just finally found a man to cling to? I think you just spent a couple days together, correct? I do wish things work out for you two, best of luck!!

[Eduard]

We email often and every now and then we catch each other and have more of a chat....with translation. The translation is tricky because sometimes the opposite of what you mean comes out. So far we have had three "arguments" . They were resolved I guess.

And this is a huge problem. I see so many relationships end because people "thought" that they could just wing it and things would just work out in the end. In my experience most of these "save money on translators" relationships do not end well. All my clients start communicating with their ladies on Skype, one-on-one at some point, and they usually let me review their chats to make sure that there is no big misunderstanding. Much of the time I see a tremendous amount of misunderstanding.  At that point I would get involved and help them understand each other.  Without this, you are just playing a guessing game and basically are just playing the "Russian Roulette". Many of these relationships end badly simply because people don't truly understand and get to know each other. It's a pay now or pay later situation most of the time. But off course people just get lucky on occasion and marry the right person simply by luck.

[cc3]

I have purchased a flight to visit Eva on March 5th-11th.  Eva and I will be meeting up with cc3 and his fiancee while I am there.  I will be visiting her house and am also going to be sending her money before I go. It's just for her taxi ride to meet me in Donetsk. FWI...if I don't sound excited....do not worry....it's just the way I write

LD,
Nina and I are looking forward to meeting you and Eva. Because of Nina's English teaching schedule, from 2:30 pm to 7 or 8 most days, I hope a lunch meeting will be copacetic

Is that better, Boethius?

[Boethius]

I didn't note a post by anyone stating they were disturbed by a forum developed friendship.

[Boethius]

Is that better, Boethius?

No, I don't expect you to revise your post.  I just noted, I didn't read any post by anyone that said you should not have a friendship or meet IRL.

[lonedrake]

cc3,

 I look forward to meeting you and Nina

 I think Eva does to. Here is what she said.

My honey! Called Nina! Your girl friend! We talked, if it you do not mind, it would be one until March 8 in Luhansk: If you do not mind! We could all meet and talk together, I think, it will be very interesting , how you look at it? miss! wait love you! my sunshine favorite! kisses! kisses! kisses!

[cc3]

Then build that trust, don't ask other people to decide for you... By the way, if my husband had ever suggested something like meeting other people to check if my feelings are sincere, I would not have married him.

Boethius, here's one for you.

[Boethius]

Hmm, well I would say meeting for friendship/camaraderie is one thing.  Meeting so you can assess the sincerity of someone's potential mate is something else.  It is dishonest to her, first of all. 


If a person listens to his/her instinct, that little voice inside of you, mistakes don't happen.  It is when people suspend belief that they get in trouble. 







[size=78%] [/size]

[lonedrake]

cc3,

 The lunch deal will work out great!

 People get others opinions of their prospective spouses all the time. As you know....I have never given you one question to ask her. The fact that she wants to meet is enough for me. Don't worry about anything other than we will just have a good time. Remember lunch is on me!

 People are funny sometimes. Take Anechka. She was one person that did upset me....but since I have found her to be very level headed ,compassionate and a great addition to RWD. I respect and like her.
 But....look what she said about her marriage. I am sure if she had someone who knew her husband she would have been all over it.

Here are the doubts I had before getting married:
1) I don't know the guy well enough, I don't know if the marriage would work.
2) I'm moving to a different country with different traditions and mentality, language wasn't an issue for me, but for some women it is a problem.
3) I'm leaving everything behind: parents, friends, life... The job wasn't an issue since I was a university graduate at that time.

Therefore, I had a backup plan in case marriage wouldn't work before I got married, not after.

 She was a fiancee(I assume) at the time and had doubts. Was the trust there? Even a back-up plan!

 Others on here have "secret" way to uncover their WMs finances.

 What we are doing is normal. I even hope Nina and Eva hit it off and become friends(but...I know that asking a lot) You and I will be fine!

[cc3]

LD, not concerned about other posters commenting on our doings. What's important is that, hopefully, you, Brillynt, and I, along with our Luhansk significant others, have the chance to develop our real, non-virtual friendships. 

[Brillynt]

LD, not concerned about other posters commenting on our doings. What's important is that, hopefully, you, Brillynt, and I, along with our Luhansk significant others, have the chance to develop our real, non-virtual friendships.

I agree, although I feel mine is more than a friendship.   

LD, have a great trip. If you need another contact there pm me. I will be back at the end of March for 3 weeks, trip #3 since Christmas.

Good luck beating CC3 to the check, I did not move fast enough when we had lunch together.  So CC3, next time I am buying.

[Gator]

Lonedrake,
 
Bon voyage! 
 
You start from the Duluth area.  Good people there.   Lot of hockey played on the  Range.   A UW will find the Range colder than Ukraine.

[Daveman]

LD, not concerned about other posters commenting on our doings. What's important is that, hopefully, you, Brillynt, and I, along with our Luhansk significant others, have the chance to develop our real, non-virtual friendships.

Other posters will comment and sometimes not favorably.  Nature of the forum.  I saw no one comment on friendships or meeting friends. The commentary (which I saw) was directly related to what they perceived as a sneaky or even disingenuous tactic to gauge a woman's sincerity, i.e., offer her the guise of friendship or friendly meeting while the ulterior motive appeared to be analyzing her for problem points.  Like a 007 mission!


When I met my wife's family/friends there is little doubt I was under the microscope.  That's just what family/friends do.  I doubt my wife put them up to the task but the result remains the same. 


The point being, even if mention were not made here of that 007 possibility, usually a woman (in this case your fiancee) *is* going to say something if an aspect of the situation seems amiss even if nothing more than "be careful, this seems a little strange"..


I'm fairly certain that at some point the detractors have done something similar as well. 

[Gator]

When I met my wife's family/friends there is little doubt I was under the microscope.  That's just what family/friends do.  I doubt my wife put them up to the task but the result remains the same. 

Been there, done that.  I found it interesting to meet different people even though I knew they were judging me.
 
And I have seen it from both sides by having a 24-yo stepdaughter who will bring a new man to the house if she likes him.   RW appreciate the opinions of their family.