She wants me to guarantee her security in the US before she comes...

[Brianinaz]

Paul,
First welcome, since you apparently haven't spent much time on the forums I will point out that people often don't have the manners that they would in a face to face conversation so try to take the good advise and take offensive behavior with a grain of salt. That's not to say you should ignore everything that's not what you want hear...don't  do that but sometimes rude is just rude and you have to ignore it.
Second about your post. I find it helpful to hear of other peoples experiences. It can give you a feel for "the norm" in situations where you don't have a lot of experience. So, with that in mind I will give you mine for comparison sake. My wife is (well was actually) a corporate attorney in Ukraine. She had a very good job, supported herself, her daughter, and contributed towards supporting her retired parents. She never asked for anything when we dated and insisted in paying for her own English lessons so we could communicate. She bought her own computer and paid for the internet service so we could communicate regularly. We got married in Ukraine and when it came time to quit her job and move she asked two things. Did she have to sell her Ducha and can we continue to help her parents out so they didn't have to suffer by her leaving. There was no conversations about stipends or security. There was no I want this, that, or the other thing. We've been married almost five years and she ahs not asked for anything that would be considered outside of normal expenses. Of the two of us she is definitely the more frugal of the two. So, for what it's worth to you the behavior you describe from your lady is very different from my experience. From what I have seen behavior like that is reflective of the person's underlying personality and is very unlikely to change for more than a short period of time. Good luck to you. Brian

[ML]

Oh, I wouldn't make a bet on that one.

I would.  The fact you are even still with this woman makes it a sure bet (as described by Misha).

[Paulie]

I would.  The fact you are even still with this woman makes it a sure bet (as described by Misha).

“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” Plato

[Paulie]

Paul,
First welcome, since you apparently haven't spent much time on the forums
I will point out that people often don't have the manners that they would in a face to face conversation so try to take the good advise and take offensive behavior with a grain of salt. That's not to say you should ignore everything that's not what you want hear...don't  do that but sometimes rude is just rude and you have to ignore it.

Second about your post. I find it helpful to hear of other peoples experiences. It can give you a feel for "the norm" in situations where you don't have a lot of experience. So, with that in mind I will give you mine for comparison sake. My wife is (well was actually) a corporate attorney in Ukraine. She had a very good job, supported herself, her daughter, and contributed towards supporting her retired parents. She never asked for anything when we dated and insisted in paying for her own English lessons so we could communicate. She bought her own computer and paid for the internet service so we could communicate regularly. We got married in Ukraine and when it came time to quit her job and move she asked two things. Did she have to sell her Ducha and can we continue to help her parents out so they didn't have to suffer by her leaving. There was no conversations about stipends or security. There was no I want this, that, or the other thing. We've been married almost five years and she has not asked for anything that would be considered outside of normal expenses.

Of the two of us she is definitely the more frugal of the two. So, for what it's worth to you the behavior you describe from your lady is very different from my experience. From what I have seen behavior like that is reflective of the person's underlying personality and is very unlikely to change for more than a short period of time. Good luck to you. Brian

Brian,

It is 2 AM here in Istanbul and I saw your post and decided to write you now while it is fresh in my mind.  I have seen many cogent responses and that includes the latest - yours. 

I have decided to make the best of my situation while I am here.  However, before I leave Wednesday, we will have a very unpretentious conversation about what I've learned from this post, sans the denigrative and insulting remarks.     

As I said in my previous posts, I was in a quandary merely because my emotions became entangled in this whole sordid affair.  Her love surely can capture a man's heart because she is very sophisticated in many ways.  I DO believe she believes a man should take care of her.  She has been used to this.  Even women wait on her.  This past March 8th celebration proved it.  She received many gifts and flowers from her friends, along with many calls from others who admire her.  People all over Istanbul who know her have high regard for her. 

I have learned first hand that her business is not going as well as it needs to be, and know she is struggling.  She owes back rent on her apartment and days ago she suffered a break in at her apartment where a small sum of money was taken.  I was on Skype when she discovered the robbery
happened.  It was sad to see when the police came while I was watching the whole thing virtually. 

In my life, I have always taken care of the women who were with me.  When I was married, I took care of all household expenses, bought the cars, and gave her money for her personal needs.  I have helped several girlfriends in the past as well.  I grew up this way as my grandfather was a very generous man.  I recall several times where my date, girlfriend or wife would pay for dinner, vacations, household expenses, etc.  But for the most part I was the 'breadwinner.' 

So, for me this is somewhat natural to take care of a woman.  BUT, I DO have limits.  As I said in my posts, I will not be buying/gifting any real estate to anyone, EVER!  As for a stipend (as people here have been calling it) or other financial security, I would not mind doing that for a certain period.  You and others do make sense though and have given me pause to consider that this stipend period would not be over so easily.   

Is there a way to collaborate on a solution?  I am unsure at this point.  She HAS made several comments such as 1) waiting until her daughter graduates college, 2) Selling her condo in Ukraine and buying something in the USA on her own, 3) Finding a way to keep her business going in Istanbul to support herself while transitioning to the USA, 4) Building a business in the USA while she transitions out of the Istanbul business, 5) Saving money on her own.  So there has been some positive movement during the course of these posts. 

Perhaps her current plight is making her rethink her position in attempting to get what she wants and is willing to show she can and will play a role in her financial security.  But, this remains to be seen and question is as you stated:  Is this just a temporary aberration from her "underlying personality and very unlikely to change for more than a short period of time?"

I like what Gator, BillyH, Patagonie, and others have said - slow it down, take your time, see if trust can be built, and most of all close your wallet. 

I have two issues I would like to discuss with you:  INITIAL MOVE: How did your wife support herself when she moved to be with you?  Did she immediately find work?  Did you provide any level of support while she gained traction in her new environment? 
DIVORCE:  What if after bringing your wife to the USA, things didn't work out?  What would you do then?  Would you be responsible for her financial welfare, especially given that the US has some very strict community property issues? 

Again, thanks for your thoughtful post.

Best wishes,

Paul

[Misha]

INITIAL MOVE: How did your wife support herself when she moved to be with you?  Did she immediately find work?  Did you provide any level of support while she gained traction in her new environment? 

Did I support my wife? Yes. I did when she moved here and I do now as she is not working. Did I pay her a monthly stipend? No, of course not. I support my wife by paying the usual bills: mortgage, utilities, food, car payments, etc... I would expect any man to do the same. My wife did work, and when she did the money helped in part to cover some family expenses in part to cover some things my wife wanted to buy. Some she saved.

[Boethius]

Her story has changed from making $5,000 to $7,000 a month in a country with a per capita GDP of around $11,000, to a struggling business where she can't even pay her rent.  Does this not raise any red flags for you?

[Faux Pas]

Did I support my wife? Yes. I did when she moved here and I do now as she is not working. Did I pay her a monthly stipend? No, of course not. I support my wife by paying the usual bills: mortgage, utilities, food, car payments, etc... I would expect any man to do the same. My wife did work, and when she did the money helped in part to cover some family expenses in part to cover some things my wife wanted to buy. Some she saved.

This is what most people consider "support", I do.

I never had a financial arrangement plan for my wife in case our marriage didn't work out. We didn't discuss the marriage not working out. Not once, ever. A mistake? Not in my mind it wasn't.

The conversations we had were that I assured my wife (and her mother) That I would take good care of her. I would see that her needs were met and that she would live as comfortably as possible and as comfortable as I did. She would be free to work if she choose or not work if she choose, that decision was hers.

This whole idea of entitlement, that "you pay me because I risk" is quite frankly the biggest crock of pooh I have heard. Marriage is a risk, it's a risk one is willing to take, or not.

[Misha]

I have learned first hand that her business is not going as well as it needs to be, and know she is struggling.  She owes back rent on her apartment and days ago she suffered a break in at her apartment where a small sum of money was taken.

The most likely scenario is that she never did earn what she says she earned. I hate to come across as cynical, and I do apologize for that, but based on the information you have provided, the likely scenario is that incomes were inflated in order to get you to generously provide her a monthly payment to "replace" income that never was... I hope that I am wrong, but there are certainly too many flags to ignore this very real possibility...

[Paulie]

The most likely scenario is that she never did earn what she says she earned. I hate to come across as cynical, and I do apologize for that, but based on the information you have provided, the likely scenario is that incomes were inflated in order to get you to generously provide her a monthly payment to "replace" income that never was... I hope that I am wrong, but there are certainly too many flags to ignore this very real possibility...

Hi,

I actually saw her accounting and know her income.  Also, it was me who offered to give her a specific monthly sum.  It was an arbitrary number based on my estimation of what she would need if I were to help her pay for the last 6-8 months of her daughter's education. 

Overall, there are several other potential red flags beyond the above.   Believe me,  I am not going to jump into any situation that would ruin my health, my financial situation or any other aspect of my life.  At this stage of my life I am not looking to increase my stress levels, but to enjoy my remaining years with low stress.   

Realize that I am not someone who puts my personal story online for the world to see.  My goal in this post when I sought it out was to find out what other people have done in their RW search, and to provide some thoughts about my personal  situation.   I needed some constructive advice and most certainly have seen some very good people support and attempt to understand my position.  For those I am thankful.  And thank you for your thoughtful last post. 

[Misha]

I actually saw her accounting and know her income.

I do hope you know the great FSU tradition of having multiple sets of books depending on who you have to show them to 

[Daveman]

Realize that I am not someone who puts my personal story online for the world to see.  My goal in this post when I sought it out was to find out what other people have done in their RW search, and to provide some thoughts about my personal  situation.   

Don't forget... You used the word "conniver" for a reason... 

[Paulie]

Her story has changed from making $5,000 to $7,000 a month in a country with a per capita GDP of around $11,000, to a struggling business where she can't even pay her rent.  Does this not raise any red flags for you?

That is what her business generates monthly.  I should have been more clear.  After expenses, it is a living.  I am here in her home and see how she lives day to day. 

She was doing well until this past February.  Some of her students have dropped.  I do go with her to her work and see this for myself. 

Actually, there IS an upper echelon here and all of her friends are middle class to 'well off.' 

Irrespective of the above, I am not about to take over someone else's household expenses.  I can only handle one household at a time.  She knows this.  Thanks for your comments. 

[Paulie]

Did I support my wife? Yes. I did when she moved here and I do now as she is not working. Did I pay her a monthly stipend? No, of course not. I support my wife by paying the usual bills: mortgage, utilities, food, car payments, etc... I would expect any man to do the same. My wife did work, and when she did the money helped in part to cover some family expenses in part to cover some things my wife wanted to buy. Some she saved.

Perfect, thank you.  I would do the same.  Her main concern is not to abandon her daughter's college education which costs her about $2,000 a month, sometimes more because her daughter's dad sometimes does not help.  Again, it was ME who offered up to $5K a month to help her get on her feet here.  It could be less and likely will. 

In fact, if I do anything, it will be AFTER her daughter graduates school and that will be March 2014.  This gives us another year to deal with the financial situation.   

She does plan on working and wants to.  It will take time for her to build a business.  She is not the type to work for anyone...for that matter, neither am I. 

[Paulie]

This is what most people consider "support", I do.

I never had a financial arrangement plan for my wife in case our marriage didn't work out. We didn't discuss the marriage not working out. Not once, ever. A mistake? Not in my mind it wasn't.

The conversations we had were that I assured my wife (and her mother) That I would take good care of her. I would see that her needs were met and that she would live as comfortably as possible and as comfortable as I did. She would be free to work if she choose or not work if she choose, that decision was hers.

This whole idea of entitlement, that "you pay me because I risk" is quite frankly the biggest crock of pooh I have heard. Marriage is a risk, it's a risk one is willing to take, or not.

Hi, I take it that you are still married.  :-)  I am on the same page with everything you are saying.  Again, I need to remind everyone that it was me who put that $5K number out there. 

As I said in a post right before this one - my position is now this:  I have no intention of doing anything for a year at which time her daughter graduates. This expense is her biggest burden.  She made a commitment to her daughter to see her through graduation.  (I will do the same for my son when he goes to college.) 

The main issue I would have to deal with is the need for a pre-nup in the event something DOES happen.  I can ill-afford to have half of my assets wiped out if I re-marry and then wind up in another divorce proceeding.  Honestly, Faux Paux I do not know what the pre-nup would look like.  And that would happen with an American woman as well. 

These posts have taught me more than I could imagine.  I appreciate your comments.

Paul

[Patagonie]

Paulie, you let us believe that you live in an other place than her, by skyping her during the investigation done by the police after the robbery ? When you are in the city you don't share the same appartment ?

[Belvis]

Her main concern is not to abandon her daughter's college education which costs her about $2,000 a month, sometimes more because her daughter's dad sometimes does not help. 
...
In fact, if I do anything, it will be AFTER her daughter graduates school and that will be March 2014.  This gives us another year to deal with the financial situation.   

Quite the natural pace of developing a relationship.
What are her risks moving in US? She'll abandon her business and her social circle in Turkey. But she's going to do it anyway as she wants to relocate closer to the daugther. I believe arranging a business in US would be easier for her than in Turkey once she's legitimate there. She has to pay 2 k$ for daughter education, however Paulie's 5 k$ support would fix it. So why she's reluctant? Mutual trust issue is there, I feel. Time will solve that.
I'd like to ask Paul about her daughter, his attitude toward her. If the daughter likes Paul her mother has no other choice but to like him too.

[pitbull]

Hi, I take it that you are still married.  :-)  I am on the same page with everything you are saying.  Again, I need to remind everyone that it was me who put that $5K number out there. 

As I said in a post right before this one - my position is now this:  I have no intention of doing anything for a year at which time her daughter graduates. This expense is her biggest burden.  She made a commitment to her daughter to see her through graduation.  (I will do the same for my son when he goes to college.) 

The main issue I would have to deal with is the need for a pre-nup in the event something DOES happen.  I can ill-afford to have half of my assets wiped out if I re-marry and then wind up in another divorce proceeding.  Honestlyy, Faux Paux I do not know what the pre-nup would look like.  And that would happen with an American woman as well. 

These posts have taught me more than I could imagine.  I appreciate your comments.

Paul

Paul,
You are swinging really wide here in acourse of several days. Didn't you propose to her with an offer to pay for her daughter's remaining education and give her financial help monthly of  $5K? Now you want to wait till 2014 and watch her struggle to pay for her daughter's education and maintain a struggling business all by herself? While closing your wallet and expecting to build up trust from both sides? This strategy of waiting out and getting this woman at the cheapest possible price is very different from tour OP of "I love her so much and want her with me asap". She is a smart woman and this strategy is veryobvious. Won't add to trust from her side for sure. There is a ru saying that describes the tactics that you chose: "he wants to climb a fur tree and avoid scratching his ass"
If you have the means and love her and are contemplating amarriage, there is nothing wrong with helping out the woman you love.
Frankly, so far as a summary of what you've posted - it's more about finances and a good deal for BOTH of you, not just her

[TheTraveler]

I find it helpful to hear of other peoples experiences. It can give you a feel for "the norm" in situations where you don't have a lot of experience. So, with that in mind I will give you mine for comparison sake. My wife is (well was actually) a corporate attorney in Ukraine. She had a very good job, supported herself, her daughter, and contributed towards supporting her retired parents. She never asked for anything when we dated and insisted in paying for her own English lessons so we could communicate. She bought her own computer and paid for the internet service so we could communicate regularly. We got married in Ukraine and when it came time to quit her job and move she asked two things. Did she have to sell her Ducha and can we continue to help her parents out so they didn't have to suffer by her leaving. There was no conversations about stipends or security. There was no I want this, that, or the other thing. We've been married almost five years and she ahs not asked for anything that would be considered outside of normal expenses. Of the two of us she is definitely the more frugal of the two. So, for what it's worth to you the behavior you describe from your lady is very different from my experience. From what I have seen behavior like that is reflective of the person's underlying personality and is very unlikely to change for more than a short period of time. Good luck to you. Brian

good post, brian, but i'm afraid you're missing paulie's point.

it doesn't matter that your wife didn't demand a pre-paid condo for her daughter, an unlocked iphone, plane tickets for her daughter, a better xmas tree, and a camcorder... because everyone else's woman must be an unworthy peasant.

paulie's girl is, after all, a sophisticated morph of martha stewart and bela karolyi.  this wordly former olympic gold medalist earns $100k per year!!... in turkey!!

nevermind the obvious bs flags --- she rents an apartment, and is late on her rent.  and nevermind her claim that turkish and russian men will 'keep' her and yet she apparently has no other who ever did so.  she proved everything by showing him her p&l sheets!!  (btw -- am i the only one who finds that fact bizarre?)

basically, brian's attempt to help define a *norm* of dating behavior would generally be useful and appreciated, but it's irrelevant to paulie's girl.  paulie's apparent view is: apples & oranges!... everyone knows a honda is lower maintenance than a jaguar.

let the fantasy continue!!...

[Paulie]

Paulie, you let us believe that you live in an other place than her, by skyping her during the investigation done by the police after the robbery ? When you are in the city you don't share the same apartment ?

You misunderstood -  I live in California.  When I go to Istanbul, I stay at her apartment. 

One day last week, a few days prior to my going to see her in Istanbul,  she came home, came to Skype and was hysterical that her apartment was broken into.  The thieves ransacked her bedroom, found money and left in a hurry.  She then called the police and I listened on Skype as she talked to them.  The same day she called a locksmith who had to weld the metal door back together.

When I arrived in Istanbul, I suggested she get an alarm system.  We did that over the weekend.  This is a good area but there is some element of crime here in Istanbul. 

[Paulie]

Quite the natural pace of developing a relationship.
What are her risks moving in US? She'll abandon her business and her social circle in Turkey. But she's going to do it anyway as she wants to relocate closer to the daugther. I believe arranging a business in US would be easier for her than in Turkey once she's legitimate there. She has to pay 2 k$ for daughter education, however Paulie's 5 k$ support would fix it. So why she's reluctant? Mutual trust issue is there, I feel. Time will solve that.

I'd like to ask Paul about her daughter, his attitude toward her. If the daughter likes Paul her mother has no other choice but to like him too.

Hi,  You are correct, she will come to the US with or without me in the picture.  Potentially I could accelerate her move because I am able to help.  If I wasn't involved I guess she would 1) find someone else, 2) take her time, say two years and eventually make the move. 

The $5K was based on 1) Having to help her pay for her daughter's college education - up to $3K depending if her daughter's father pays his share (which is sporadic), plus $2K for whatever else she needs - personal items, money to start her business, legal fees, etc. 

I feel as you do that she will be so much more successful in the USA.  Where I live the incomes are upper end and parents spend plenty of money on their kids.  Plus, this woman has a lot of talent in the work she does in addition to being a savvy business woman. 

Trust is the issue for her.  She is still reeling from her previous marriage, so building trust will take her some time.   

I have developed a nice relationship with her 23 year old daughter.  I have children around her age.  She is a kind and intelligent young woman.  She has supported me on many occasions, especially where she knows more English than her mom and understands the context of what I am saying.  There is good energy between us. 

[Misha]

When I arrived in Istanbul, I suggested she get an alarm system.  We did that over the weekend.  This is a good area but there is some element of crime here in Istanbul.

An alarm system for a rented apartment? I have to say this account is getting odder and odder...

[Paulie]

Paul,
You are swinging really wide here in a course of several days. Didn't you propose to her with an offer to pay for her daughter's remaining education and give her financial help monthly of  $5K? Now you want to wait till 2014 and watch her struggle to pay for her daughter's education and maintain a struggling business all by herself?

While closing your wallet and expecting to build up trust from both sides? This strategy of waiting out and getting this woman at the cheapest possible price is very different from tour OP of "I love her so much and want her with me asap". She is a smart woman and this strategy is very obvious. Won't add to trust from her side for sure. There is a ru saying that describes the tactics that you chose: "he wants to climb a fur tree and avoid scratching his ass"

If you have the means and love her and are contemplating a marriage, there is nothing wrong with helping out the woman you love.

Frankly, so far as a summary of what you've posted - it's more about finances and a good deal for BOTH of you, not just her

Hi,  Yes there have been swings because back and forth discussions with her while I am here have shed light on the situation.  The main obstacle is her request for me to buy her a US based apartment in her name.  That will not happen. 

I am feeling exhausted by all of this.  I AM going back and forth as I try to work through the issues.  She wants more than the $5K.  In her mind, she feels I can pull the plug on her any time and leave her out in the streets.  I am not like that.  But she does not know me and all of the folks on this post do not know me either. 

Part of this IS about finances.  I do not mind helping.  I have already helped her in several ways financially.  I think the issue is that I am dealing with a very independent woman who is tired of carrying the load and wants to be taken care of.  I don't blame her - she has a stressful job, I have seen what she has to do to make her business work. 

I can make her life easier.  We need a PLAN.  One that doesn't make me completely responsible for her needs.  As I said, her daughter's education is a big obligation for her.  I too have obligations and soon will have a son going off to college, so I understand what she is doing. 

Trust is a big issue for both of us.  I am not going to BS about that.  I already paid a hefty sum in my last divorce.  What I have left is enough to support two people comfortably.  I also started working again in anticipation of having to help her. 

The numbers I put out in the first post are ideas, thoughts.  It is not easy to bring together two DIVORCED people from separate households, let alone from another country.  I am learning this and making it up as I go along.  There will be a solution that works for both of us. 

This is beyond money too.  I am finding out my girl is a very intense person.  I am a calm and relaxed person.  This is a big issue too. 

Relationships are fun, eh!

   

[Patagonie]

You misunderstood -  I live in California.  When I go to Istanbul, I stay at her apartment. 

One day last week, a few days prior to my going to see her in Istanbul,  she came home, came to Skype and was hysterical that her apartment was broken into.  The thieves ransacked her bedroom, found money and left in a hurry.  She then called the police and I listened on Skype as she talked to them.  The same day she called a locksmith who had to weld the metal door back together.

When I arrived in Istanbul, I suggested she get an alarm system.  We did that over the weekend.  This is a good area but there is some element of crime here in Istanbul.

So Paulie she struggles to pay her rent but she has some cash hidden in the appartement. Did you help her to replace this money, how many was it ?
How is it possible to not pay an owner and keep cash in the appartment ?

[BillyB]

Now you want to wait till 2014 and watch her struggle to pay for her daughter's education and maintain a struggling business all by herself? While closing your wallet and expecting to build up trust from both sides?

In Paulie's first post, he offered a total of 5k allowance to take care of his woman and her daughter's education which is 3k a month. I'm assuming he offered that to make the marriage happened sooner. His lady is most likely the one that wants to wait till daughter graduates in March 2014. If she leaves everything now, she has to trust Paulie to get her daughter through the last year of education. If he doesn't keep his word, it will be a disaster for both ladies.


I understand the lady's need to take care of daughter but she should ask Paulie to put one year worth of cash in a trust account that can only be touched for educational purposes instead of an apartment in her name before marriage which she keeps regardless if the marriage lasts a day.


Now that Paulie will wait till Mar 2014 to advance the relationship, that is a good thing and the update on this story will be clearer if things improved or got worse.


Personally I wouldn't put myself in a situation where money gets in the way of love. If I was a financially secure person marrying another financially secure person, there wouldn't be any talk of either side getting an allowance in marriage.  When it comes to money, Paulie's girl is not his equal.


If I talked to a girl about marriage and she said she needed a year to think about it for whatever reason, I would keep friendly relations with her while she thinks and date other women. I'm not sure how exclusive Paulie is with his lady but if he gives himself the opportunity to see other women are, he may find someone that doesn't give him any worries with money, trust, or love.

[Paulie]

good post, brian, but i'm afraid you're missing paulie's point.

it doesn't matter that your wife didn't demand a pre-paid condo for her daughter, an unlocked iphone, plane tickets for her daughter, a better xmas tree, and a camcorder... because everyone else's woman must be an unworthy peasant.

paulie's girl is, after all, a sophisticated morph of martha stewart and bela karolyi.  this wordly former olympic gold medalist earns $100k per year!!... in turkey!!

nevermind the obvious bs flags --- she rents an apartment, and is late on her rent.  and nevermind her claim that turkish and russian men will 'keep' her and yet she apparently has no other who ever did so.  she proved everything by showing him her p&l sheets!!  (btw -- am i the only one who finds that fact bizarre?)

basically, brian's attempt to help define a *norm* of dating behavior would generally be useful and appreciated, but it's irrelevant to paulie's girl.  paulie's apparent view is: apples & oranges!... everyone knows a honda is lower maintenance than a jaguar.

let the fantasy continue!!...

I could not help but find some of your comment hilarious.  I needed a laugh! 

Candidly, she is a good woman.  I have seen her with her friends.  Many of them live a nice life here in Istanbul.  I've seen her with the children she teaches, they and their parents adore her. 

My girlfriend is trying to negotiate with me, something I am unused to.  I am trying to understand her situation while maintaining a level of rational evaluation. 

She is a struggling business woman.  She has a lot on her head as she runs this small business.  Cash flow is not guaranteed.  I saw her P&L because I asked to see it to determine if I could help her better manage her business finances.  This is not unusual.

She lost some business...this happens.  She is not focusing on her business as much because she spends too much time on Skype with me. 

She was married to a 'dreamer' not a doer and I understand the stress of that.  The putz left her and her daughter in the cold while still professing how much he loves her.  Love is blissful; love without financial planning is sorrowful. 

I think my girl is in the midst of a mental realignment relative to what is important in life.  I am giving her a chance to reconcile that with herself. 

I appreciate everyone's opinions and thoughts here.  It has helped me tremendously.