Sad day

[BillyB]

Other than the one incident, there is nothing in Aloe's posts which indicate her husband is physically abusive, and that she needs to be afraid of him. 

Be careful Boethius, certain posters will jump on you if you think like me. On second thought, never mind, you and your husband don't have a large age gap so whatever you say is fine to them.

Of course i might not even be leaving?? Maybe after 1 month in my studio i'll miss him so badly i'll come running back.

You realize you will most likely be back on this forum with another sad story and this may never end? You realize your hubby is immature, you are growing faster than him and that will always be a source of frustration? You realize he doesn't make a lot of money so you must study, work to help provide financially to have a better life and to be able live your dreams to go on frequent trips around the world? Are you ready to continue this struggle and work for your dreams or is a ready-made MAN more appealing?


Most people here probably think I'm hard on you and pushing you hard to save your marriage. Truth is I predicted your relationship to end years ago when you first posted about your marital problems. I said something to the effect of "In your next marriage, look for someone older and mature". A few ladies criticized me for saying that to a married woman looking for help. They were right and I apologized to you.  If you're looking for help to save your marriage, you should get help and I shouldn't give you tips on what to look for in another man or tips to get out of the marriage. I'd still bet your marriage won't survive but we shouldn't encourage you to get out.


I'm another one of those guys who don't believe in 50-50 marriages. Although I've criticized you a lot, I believe your husband bears more responsibility for the problems in your marriage. He should take the lead, guide you, comfort you, teach you but he can't do that if he has failings such as being immature, lacking wisdom and compassion. With that being said, until he grows up, you have to take the lead and set examples. Escalating conflicts and hiding your thoughts isn't going to help him get better. He also won't respect what you say if he thinks you're immature.


You mention you have problems getting your husband to understand the seriousness of what is happening in your marriage. Have you ever heard the "power of the bush?" If I had between my legs what you have, I could influence a lot of men better than most women. Just being a woman gives you this advantage but the way you have approached and talked to your husband is wrong since it's not working. You'll get more out of a man with sugar instead of sh!t.


Why am I wasting my time saying this? Do you still prefer advice for your exit plan?

[mies]

Anyone notice some differences in the comments toward Aloe compared to comments toward MaxxumUSA.

For instance, just consider one aspect - - - financial.

For Maxxum, he was criticised by many for talking too much about the money he spent on his gal.  And about  the money he lost in terms of furniture, etc.  And about 'his' house, 'his' furniture, etc.

Now, in contrast here we hear:  Aloe, make him give back the money your parents gave as wedding gifts, etc.

To tell you the truth, I notice some differences in the comments men receive when they plan to divorce their spouse (RW) vs. the advice to Aloe. Men are told: "don't tell her about your plans or she'll stage DV charges against you, talk to your lawyer before saying anything to her, get a hold of all assets, etc etc" and then suddenly when it comes to advising a woman, everyone is advocating immediate full disclosure of not only all real plans, but also all possible outcomes. How is it mature US men aren't preached on honesty, and the young woman in dire situation is.

[mies]

But how do students rent apartments then?   Oh, sorry, I didn't notice word "normal" at first...   

 I can relate a story of a female friend of my who is a student: she paid a deposit to a homeowner who didn't have the minimum income condition and didn't run the credit check on her. In total she paid the guy about $1'500, cash, (security deposit and first 2 weeks payment). On the third day after she moved in, he sexually harassed her and nearly raped  her. She was so scared that she grabbed her bag and fled, and so ashamed that she didn't report him to the police either. I tried to convince her to go to the police, but she still was so ashamed of her stupidity, and also afraid of possible legal consequences for not signing the proper lease contract that she also lost the 1500 she paid this jerk. She is a russian girl in a doctoral program here in the USA, her annual income is roughly 30K - definitely not enough to meet the "minimum income" requirement for most of decent apartments in DC. That's what I mean by "it's hard to get normal apartment officially." Essentially, people who rent their property without proper background check are either renting property to their friends or at friends' referral, or are the bottom feeders. My other friends who are currently students unofficially "sub-rent" the room in the apartment from people who are on the official lease agreement, and are full-time employees at the World Bank and the like organizations, and whose income qualifies.

[Ooooops]

Essentially, people who rent their property without proper background check are either renting property to their friends or at friends' referral, or are the bottom feeders.

...or that rental property near Uni is usually rented to bunch of students sharing an old dilapidated house between 10 of them (thus making it safe from owner's harassments  ). 

[mies]

...or that rental property near Uni is usually rented to bunch of students sharing an old dilapidated house between 10 of them (thus making it safe from owner's harassments  ).

well, here in DC not many chances of that. Majority of universities have  central location. Not high chance of finding cheap dilapidated housing close to university. Of what I observed about European unis - situation is similar. Plus, not all people, especially post-graduate students, want to share the apartment with bunch of other people (as was the case of my friend). My friend tried to rent the place with roommates, but that didn't work out because her roommates' work ethics wasn't as high as hers, and they preferred to party till late at night and sleep until noon next day, while she needed to get these few hours of precious sleep before going to university to teach the class and then study.
My point is, it's not easy, and it definitely takes effort and time, to find the safe and reliable place, for a person with small income. Let alone no income at all.

[pitbull]

You mention you have problems getting your husband to understand the seriousness of what is happening in your marriage. Have you ever heard the "power of the bush?" If I had between my legs what you have, I could influence a lot of men better than most women.

Фперлы!!!!!


 
Billy, you are just a gem!! Love ya!

[mies]

Фперлы!!!!!


 
Billy, you are just a gem!! Love ya!

:-)))

[Ooooops]

Quite a few influential men bat for the other team, so BillyB still has his chance.   

[mies]

Quite a few influential men bat for the other team, so BillyB still has his chance.   

exactly! An  acquaintance of ours (man) is getting married this March to the influential man Oh Billy, maybe your decision to marry young woman was too rushed.

[Welder]

On second thought, never mind, you and your husband don't have a large age gap so whatever you say is fine to them.

Have you ever heard the "power of the bush?" If I had between my legs what you have, I could influence a lot of men better than most women. Just being a woman gives you this advantage but the way you have approached and talked to your husband is wrong since it's not working. You'll get more out of a man with sugar instead of sh!t.

Why am I wasting my time saying this? Do you still prefer advice for your exit plan?

Billy, this isn't about you.  The above is crass and unnecessary.

[Welder]

And now that i think of it, i've tried to tell him about the gravity of situation multiple times, but his reply EVERY time is, "i'm so awesome, there is no way you'd ever leave me". Even when i was at the hotel, he says it never crossed his mind that i was leaving. He was sitting the entire time wondering when i will be back. I told him "i left you then", he always laughs.

Aloe, does hubby know you are going to see the psychologist?  Does he express any interest in how your sessions are progressing?  Has your therapist considered the inclusion of your hubby at some point?
I agree with the advice provided in being honest with your intentions.  It is clear given your views on the trip to America that there are strong feelings for his well being and happiness.  When the time comes and you are moving to your apartment honesty would serve both of you well.  You will not have a cloud of guilt over you and hubby will realize this may be the end.
Aloe until that time you have other priorities which need not be made more complicated.  Your exams require your attention. 

[Shadow]

To tell you the truth, I notice some differences in the comments men receive when they plan to divorce their spouse (RW) vs. the advice to Aloe. Men are told: "don't tell her about your plans or she'll stage DV charges against you, talk to your lawyer before saying anything to her, get a hold of all assets, etc etc" and then suddenly when it comes to advising a woman, everyone is advocating immediate full disclosure of not only all real plans, but also all possible outcomes. How is it mature US men aren't preached on honesty, and the young woman in dire situation is.

I guess the reason is that most women do not have the risk of being thrown in to jail on the word of a hysterical man.

[mies]

I guess the reason is that most women do not have the risk of being thrown in to jail on the word of a hysterical man.

and most men do not have the risk of their bones broken or life ended by the immature woman.

[Muzh]

You can not be serious!   Do you have any experience with clinical depression? 
 

You are absolutely correct.
 
Aloe, discuss with your doctor the possibility of taking antidepressant. Prozac included.

[mies]

.

[Muzh]

To tell you the truth, I notice some differences in the comments men receive when they plan to divorce their spouse (RW) vs. the advice to Aloe. Men are told: "don't tell her about your plans or she'll stage DV charges against you, talk to your lawyer before saying anything to her, get a hold of all assets, etc etc" and then suddenly when it comes to advising a woman, everyone is advocating immediate full disclosure of not only all real plans, but also all possible outcomes. How is it mature US men aren't preached on honesty, and the young woman in dire situation is.

Because women are made of sugar and spice and men are made with puppy dogs and frogs.
 
If some guy is being taken to the cleaners, I would give him the same advice I would give some woman who's been taken advantage of.
 
I don't know about the rest and I have said this to Aloe more than once, I am giving her the same advice I would give my daughter if she was in the same situation.

[Shadow]

and most men do not have the risk of their bones broken or life ended by the immature woman.

You underestimate the women....

[mies]

Because women are made of sugar and spice and men are made with puppy dogs and frogs.

I am going to ask my husband where is the puppy dog when I see him  tonight
And finally, the mystery solved: why men gain weight once they get married, especially RM - that's because RWs have most sugar of all women!! 

[Ooooops]

You underestimate the women....

Lorena Bobbitt comes to mind...

[Ooooops]

If some guy is being taken to the cleaners, I would give him the same advice I would give some woman who's been taken advantage of.
 
I don't know about the rest and I have said this to Aloe more than once, I am giving her the same advice I would give my daughter if she was in the same situation.

Errrr....   Who's being taken to the cleaners here?   I'm reading a story on "pink forum" - the one for FSU fiancees & wives - where a woman's husband got really sick (cancer) and signed POA to his daughters from previous marriage.   Now this woman is in a shelter (along with her daughter and daughter's son - long story) because she got kicked out of the house by them. 

[Boethius]

In many jurisdictions, the daughter could not do that legally.  Certainly where I live, the wife would have a right to reside in the matrimonial home until her death.  It could not even be sold without her consent.  So, I would tell that woman to call a lawyer or go to a legal clinic.

[Ooooops]

In many jurisdictions, the daughter could not do that legally.

It's a pretty murky story - husband sold this house to his daughters few years ago (I guess tax related issues or something), so officially it is theirs'.  But I don't understand it either - it is really difficult to evict a tenant...

[Ooooops]

I wanted to add - Aloe's story may be sad, as any story about broken dreams and hopes, but it's not as dire as some other FSU wives' stories out there...   There is another story unfolding on that same "pink forum" - Russian girl has been in US for year and a half, no DL, because her "hubby" didn't want her to get one right away, very limited English, no job, no money, etc.   Now her hubby wants a divorce and she's totally lost. 

[Gator]

There is another story unfolding on that same "pink forum" - Russian girl has been in US for year and a half, no DL, because her "hubby" didn't want her to get one right away, very limited English, no job, no money, etc.   Now her hubby wants a divorce and she's totally lost.

Should she not have pushed herself more to improve her English and to obtain a DL, and after that seek some form of employment. 
 
About eleven years ago I started considering Russian women.   I had read a few accounts and been intrigued by agency photos and hype.  I discussed the idea with my business partner's wife who is an eminent psychologist.  I stated my concern about the risk to me.  She quickly corrected me and said a Russian woman had more to lose by leaving her country and coming here.   She was right.   
 
I respect RW who come here and push themselves.   

[Ooooops]

Should she not have pushed herself more to improve her English and to obtain a DL, and after that seek some form of employment. 

I guess she came to US to be a wifie and nothing else.   Language of Love, fresh borzhch every night etc...   Not everybody is an achiever, some just float with current...