What if????

[marcusholgate]

I am new, so I do not know about all the past discussions. But, can I please ask you guys who are married or about to be married or really want this cool Russian woman... what if she says:

'I love you sweetheart, but I am sorry, I just cannot live in the USA; but marry me and let us live in Russia'

...or if already in the west ...

'I love you so much Husband, but I am terribly unhappy here in the west; please, let us move our family and have our lives in Russia'

Seriously guys. What do you do?

[ML]

I would run a Dun and Bradstreet rating check on her to see if she can support me when we live in her country.

And (thrown in here just for Ranetka's benefit), ask yourself if you really want to live in a third rate country.

[Turboguy]

I think it depends a little on how much someone really loves the woman.   I do recall joking with my first fiancee about what we would do if we couldn't get a visa and I said I would move there and with no language would have an occupation choice of ditch digger or street sweeper.


When my wife and I were trying to get our K-1 visa we got stuck in Administrative review for quite some time.  As I talked to more people in the same boat I found people who were stuck in A/R for as long as 8 years.   We thought we could be stuck in it for years.  We were more than willing to live where ever we had to to be together.  Some of our trips to spend time together were to look for possible places to live together if it came to that.  One option we looked at was Sochi.  Neither of us liked that option.  We also considered the Caribbean and had we been stuck forever we had decided Grenada would be our new home.  Fortunately while we were in Grenada for the summer our application came out of A/R along with thousands of others the same day.   I think they must have loaded up a trainload of applications at the FBI and sent the back to NVC.  That was two weeks short of 6 years ago.  Darn, time flies.


I think if you really love someone you do what you have to in order to be with them.  Of course for lots of AM earning a living offers more opportunities here than many other places so the gal needs to be aware that she could well be sacrificing lifestyle if she insists on the man moving there. 

[GQBlues]

...
Seriously guys. What do you do?

I'll seriously bid her good fortune, then fall madly in love and marry a nice American gal and live happily the rest of my sexy life.

[Faux Pas]

If we could have the same standard of living, I would go in a heartbeat.

[Ranetka]

And (thrown in here just for Ranetka's benefit), ask yourself if you really want to live in a third rate country.

I am honoUred to be mentioned in a completely unrelated thread. I knew you aren't impartial to my charms.

[Gator]

Yes, but it would cost too much money for my weekly flights to Thailand to play golf. 
 
Seriously, your question does illustrate the paradox of these endeavors.  Americans expect the Russian spouse to give up friends, family, job, language, culture.... and move to America to start a new life that will be forever.    Yet not many of us would do the reverse, give up our comfortable American life and move to Russia not for a year or two but forever.

[Steamer]

I am new, so I do not know about all the past discussions. But, can I please ask you guys who are married or about to be married or really want this cool Russian woman... what if she says:

'I love you sweetheart, but I am sorry, I just cannot live in the USA; but marry me and let us live in Russia'

...or if already in the west ...

'I love you so much Husband, but I am terribly unhappy here in the west; please, let us move our family and have our lives in Russia'

Seriously guys. What do you do?

Baby, if you make more than me I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth. Until then you follow me.

[steveboy]

Actually its a pretty common scenario now! As per my last thread , the days of every Russians women's dream to live in the "Land of milk and honey" If you could still call the USA are pretty well over. But whats the big problem here? Russia is a great place to live, has a great economy and big prospects unlike the USA.
Ok the winters are dam cold but the summers are nice and warm

Check out expat.ru and see how many other guys decided to reverse the situation and relocate to Russia:)

[Misha]

Three words: quality of life. As I have zero interest in teaching English, and the era of any foreigner getting a high-paying expat job being long over, I would earn at best 20k rubles per month. We would go from a nice comfortable townhouse, with prospects for a very nice house in a couple of years, to most-likely a one-room old apartment. We would say goodbye to having a vehicle. Most of the other daily pleasures of life would be gone, including exceptional bike trails for me, and great parks to go for walks with baby and friends for my wife. I love visiting Russia, but even my wife would not want us to actually live there.

[steveboy]

Nonsense!! your way behind with the times! I live very comfortable in Russia my wife earns well over 4k Euros a month and have plenty of friends earning big salaries) maybe you have been living in the villages in Russia?

[Misha]

I have been traveling to Russia for close to two decades and have spent too many months to remember how many. Interestingly enough, you write how much your wife earns, but are mute on how much you earn as a "commercial member." I expect not much, or you would have told us. If Moscow is so wonderful,why does the elite send off their wives and children to live in London or Paris or New York? Eventually, all the expats go home...

[steveboy]

I earn double the average British salary I think that is enough said on that.
I think you are wrong on the point that eventually all the expats go home, I have several friends from the US who have no intention of ever returning home. I certainly have no intention of moving back to the UK now or ever in the future and I think you will find many with the same views.

If you have been travelling to Russia for nearly two decades you would of noticed the changes in the country, two decades ago any fool could of turned up in Moscow and picked a wife up, its a very different story now.
Most Moscow women just laugh at the foreigners coming over for a bride, well maybe Im wrong and its just the women I know. But I know for sure all my friends certainly would never move to the US.
And what exactly is there in the US to offer any women other than a pretty crap life style unless your wealthy) and the chance of your phones being tapped)

[Gator]

Related to this is Ilya Kovalchuk, the 30-yo All-star hockey player from Russia who has played in America for 10 years.  Yesterday he walked away from a $77 million contract with the NHL  so that he could return to his beloved Russia with his family.
 
Yes, he will be paid to play hockey in Russia, but not $77 million.   
 
As one sports journalist reported, "home is where the heart is."   Who says RM are not good family men!
 
Photo of Ilya and his family:  http://hockeyfathers.tumblr.com/post/27012143487/ilya-kovalchuk-his-wife-and-their-daughter
 
 
 
 

[Misha]

Steve, having been visiting Russia for close to two days, all I can say is plus que ça change...

[steveboy]

Nice:) what part of Russia are in?

[Joonaschuk]

Related to this is Ilya Kovalchuk, the 30-yo All-star hockey player from Russia who has played in America for 10 years.  Yesterday he walked away from a $77 million contract with the NHL  so that he could return to his beloved Russia with his family.
 
Yes, he will be paid to play hockey in Russia, but not $77 million.   
 
As one sports journalist reported, "home is where the heart is."   Who says RM are not good family men!
 
Photo of Ilya and his family:  http://hockeyfathers.tumblr.com/post/27012143487/ilya-kovalchuk-his-wife-and-their-daughter

I don't know how much you follow hockey, but New Jersey Devils (Ilya's latest team in NHL) is my favorite team and I follow them and the league very closely. The fact is that Kovalchuk is going to earn WAY MORE in Russia. One Russian journalist, Dmitry Chesnokov said that he's going to earn about as much in one season as he would earn in New Jersey in 4 years.

And that photo is a little old. He has one daughter Karoline and two sons Artem and Filip (sp?)

I don't know if you guys care about this, but just wanted to share some facts 

[neo]

Firstly lol to the guy who made the third rate country comment about russia, you are either being ironic or have never been to detroit. I've seen as much poverty in the USa as i've seen in Russia, and lets not get started on the trillions of debt.


On a serious note and from personal experience.


If you genuinly feel you live in a superior country and your wife is from a third world state that you wouldn't live in and hate visiting either don't go there and marry a girl in your own country or prebook your divorce.


When my ex wifes visa was refused it started a 3 year battle with the immigration people that never got resolved, i did actually have to move to russia so we could be together and then we spent a good time travelling around as stateless refugees exercising EU family treaty rights before it all got too much.


For many reasons it might not work out in your own country. Maybe you lose your job and fall behind on your payments and get foreclosed? Maybe you get sick and she has to move back home to get a better job and have her family support? Maybe she just hates life in your country but still loves you.


I've been asked by countless girls to move to their country to be with them. I think its a first prize win in this game, it means she wants you and not your visa. A very lovely girl pointed out since i work from home i could live with her in her apartment in kiev where she had a good job and we didnt need to get into debt to buy a house, she didnt care if i earned any money or not.


Success! Im a mail order husband,!


The irony is she thought the economy in ukraine was doing better than most western places because they were used to being broke but werent in debt for everything so were better off. She had a point


In my experience the guys who do really well are world travellers, they are as happy to settle anywhere and are just as happy in their girls country as their own.


A lot has changed, the eastern economies are improving as ours get worse, a lot of women are no longer interested in migration for economic or visa reasons, and simply want a good man. The most genuine see no difference as to why you shouldnt move to them.


and yes i am happy to go wherever i meet the right girl.

[ML]

I've been asked by countless girls to move to their country to be with them. I think its a first prize win in this game, it means she wants you and not your visa.

Not really.

Firstly, many of them know this is a very good thing to say to the man.  Just like they know to say they don't smoke, only drink socially, etc.

Secondly, some might really want to stay  for awhile in their home country; but actually want to leave once X is finished, etc.

Yes, I am not denying that many are sincere when they say they want only you and don't care where they live . . . but don't fall for those words as being the sure thing.  The words are just good marketing.

[neo]

Not really.

Firstly, many of them know this is a very good thing to say to the man.  Just like they know to say they don't smoke, only drink socially, etc.

Secondly, some might really want to stay  for awhile in their home country; but actually want to leave once X is finished, etc.

Yes, I am not denying that many are sincere when they say they want only you and don't care where they live . . . but don't fall for those words as being the sure thing.  The words are just good marketing.

Of course also it depends where you meet the girl in question, obviously if they are on websites targeted exclusively at foreign men then they have a certain agenda.if you meet an average girl in a coffee shop then shes probably never considered leaving her country any more than an average american girl.


We should forget the agency girls are a relatively small demographic and dont represent the population as a whole.

[Chicagoguy]

 
Seriously, your question does illustrate the paradox of these endeavors.  Americans expect the Russian spouse to give up friends, family, job, language, culture.... and move to America to start a new life that will be forever.    Yet not many of us would do the reverse, give up our comfortable American life and move to Russia not for a year or two but forever.

My wife seriously asks me at least once a year. She does go back yearly and I go every other. I could probably get by on my retirement $ and she does have a 2+ bedroom flat but it is in old style. It is too late for me too learn language and I know only one American in her small city. What would I do all day ?  So as it stands she did give up everything and I tell her I am grateful - and I am.

[I/O]

I am new, so I do not know about all the past discussions. But, can I please ask you guys who are married or about to be married or really want this cool Russian woman... what if she says:

'I love you sweetheart, but I am sorry, I just cannot live in the USA; but marry me and let us live in Russia'

...or if already in the west ...

'I love you so much Husband, but I am terribly unhappy here in the west; please, let us move our family and have our lives in Russia'

Seriously guys. What do you do?

There are two questions here. In the first instance geography was not negotiable for me and IMO, if the early preparation work is comprehensive, the chance of the second question actually arising should be minimised.

[Faux Pas]

Seriously, your question does illustrate the paradox of these endeavors.  Americans expect the Russian spouse to give up friends, family, job, language, culture.... and move to America to start a new life that will be forever.    Yet not many of us would do the reverse, give up our comfortable American life and move to Russia not for a year or two but forever.

My wife seriously asks me at least once a year. She does go back yearly and I go every other. I could probably get by on my retirement $ and she does have a 2+ bedroom flat but it is in old style. It is too late for me too learn language and I know only one American in her small city. What would I do all day ?  So as it stands she did give up everything and I tell her I am grateful - and I am.

I would go in a heartbeat if we could support ourselves with a reasonably decent standard of living. Facts are for us, it ain't happening. I'm likely unemployable in Russia for anything even half of what I earn here. Hopefully, the retirement years will be better to us

[Fishingguy]

First time I went to Europe for 2 months and I was extemely homesick. Just our culture. You miss everything American. The way people act towards you, the way sports are, the way you shop and drive around. No matter Paris or London - you just miss what you grow up with. Russian or Ukraine is going to make you that much more lonely than Western Europe.

Even if you were living well in Russia - it's about your culture. The weekly poker games, football games, fishing with your nephews, bbqs. I have some great friends in Barcelona and I could live with them for a wonderful summer but for years - I'd miss home, friends and family. It takes a special kind of family to live the diplomatic life or work in a multi national corporation.  I'll take boring midwest life.   

[GQBlues]

....The weekly poker games, football games, fishing with your nephews, bbqs....

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. These are HUGE sacrifices to make just to have a happy life with a wonderful woman!!! Add a 6-pack of Bud in that deal then it's a definite 'no-way-no-how-not-ever'!

 

The hypothetical question is just that anyway, hypothetical. One has to assume that if the situation is reversed, it is understood that all things must also be in reversed. She has the $$ and a wide open opportunity for you. Will suit you much in the same way WMs do with their wives. Provide for most of everything you'll ever need or desire, vacations, etc...paid trips back home every year all expenses paid plus spending money....


I've already uprooted myself and gave up family and friends to move where I currently am at. Miss them? Of course. That's the natural thing that will happen when you leave the comforts of familiarity. But it passes. Families and friends you never really 'lose'. You simply don't get to see them as often as you did before, but Americans are wired to depart the homefront earlier in life more so than an average person in FSU. So technically, we do this when we reach the age of 18+. Of course you're still technically in your home country but heck no one's buying you a car, sending you to college to get your degree, making sure your closet's full and new, etc...

It was tough when I left my initial 'home', but methinks had I stayed where I was, life would have been far tougher for me today.