The Culture Gap

[jdatbs77]

I met a man from the US who'd married a Ukrainian woman, and they lived in Ukraine. Soon after we became acquainted, they moved to the U.S. When I emailed him and told him that we'd been approved and were coming to the U.S., he wrote back his congrats and said "there will be challenges."

I think I now know what he meant. You don't just pick up someone who's lived under communism and socialism all of her life and expect her to be a perfect match. I'm not here to complain; I really love my wife. But trust me. There IS a difference between your average American woman and your average eastern European. In some ways, a BIG difference. So don't think that life is going to be like it was. Do your homework, take your time, find out everything about everything. Understand what you're getting into. If you're lucky, like I was, you'll decide she's worth it.

"Forewarned is forearmed."

[Slumba]

Would you be willing to give some examples?

[Doll]

It's the mentality, Slumba. FSU people think differently- they have different values.
Like I used to say more than one time here, FSU people and Americans are not compatible.
 

[Slumba]

It's the mentality, Slumba. FSU people think differently- they have different values.
Like I used to say more than one time here, FSU people and Americans are not compatible.

That is quite a sweeping statement!

How do you explain the presence of OlgaH (USA) and BelleZeBoob (Canada) as just 2 examples among many, who prefer life in the USA or Canada?

[Doll]

There are always exceptions, Slumba.
I was just explaining the OP.
 
It is MY opinion.
Actually, it is better to ask the topic starter.
(BTW, "life in the US and marriage to AM are two different (mostly) things).

[Faux Pas]

There are always exceptions, Slumba.
I was just explaining the OP.
 
It is MY opinion.
Actually, it is better to ask the topic starter.
(BTW, "life in the US and marriage to AM are two different (mostly) things).

But that doesn't make it fact 

[Doll]

Nor is the OP a fact. 

[cc3]

It's the mentality, Slumba. FSU people think differently- they have different values.
Like I used to say more than one time here, FSU people and Americans are not compatible.

After nearly 14 months of my relationship with my Ukrainian fiancee, I can safely say she is the most compatible woman, compared to my previous American, Latina, Japanese, Finnish, Italian, Bulgarian, or FSU (both Russian and Ukrainian) partners, with whom I have ever been. 

[GQBlues]

...I'm not here to complain; I really love my wife. But trust me. There IS a difference between your average American woman and your average eastern European. In some ways, a BIG difference. So don't think that life is going to be like it was. Do your homework, take your time, find out everything about everything. Understand what you're getting into. If you're lucky, like I was, you'll decide she's worth it.

"Forewarned is forearmed."

I completely agree. I have, more than a few times, commented about this fact. Wifey's an incredibly wonderful gal and do feel fortunate being married to her. But there will always be a part of me that will always 'appreciate' our good ol' American gals. If I have to spot what the differences are, they will be those subtle things too easily ignored before.

Things like not having to 'explain' the reason or meaning behind what you just said - whether or not it's something simple or complex. It's not necessarily about the language either but rather subtle societal knowledge or tradition. All AWs I've come to know and spent time with were well versed in all the things that were a huge part of me being 'American'. They were athletic. They woke up the same time I did, for the most part. Heck, even 'eat' at past midnight with friends mostly after a night out in town, etc. The 'learning how to drive' period alone is huge!

This may all sound trivial, and they are, but they will be constantly around you and in your awareness that it will be 'noticeable'. This is not about whether it's good or bad just simply different.

The fact is, if it appears that way and is noticeable to you - it is equally so with her.

Maybe this should be in a different topic, but I've been wondering and meaning to ask about something I've noticed more and more. Since this is a topic of cultural difference, I thought to lay this out here...

I've noticed with so many FSUWs, both where we are, here on the board, those I met abroad, and wifey's friend back at home, etc...

Why does it seem FSUW's first impulse/preoccupation, and at times with some unexplainable urgency, is go out and find another man almost immediately after a break-up? Universally, as though everything else in life have little significance, something takes over their minds that they just cannot be alone...Heck, you see this example in this very board. It's like a drug addiction, man.

It just blows my mind everytime because this is so counter with me or with everyone I know, AM or AWs. There's that customary, sought-after 'cooling off' period everyone gets into. No rush jumping into one soon.

[Doll]

GQB, traditionally (it is not that "bad" now), a woman in (Russia and the rest FSU) is "complete" if she is a wife and a mother.
I can call it "traditional Russian thinking" but I also suspect it is something  like "male chauvinism". 
IMXO

[GQBlues]

GQB, traditionally (it is not that "bad" now), a woman in (Russia and the rest FSU) is "complete" if she is a wife and a mother.
I can call it "traditional Russian thinking" but I also suspect it is something  like "male chauvinism". 
IMXO

Doll-

I mentioned this to my wife and she really couldn't quite explain it to me other than say something like *a woman alone is a rejected/discarded woman* type of belief. I'm not sure if this is an appropriate comparison as saying it in the manner you just did.

But what I don't get with your post above is about 'male chauvinism'. Can you elaborate on that, Doll?

[Voyager36]

That is quite a sweeping statement!

How do you explain the presence of OlgaH (USA) and BelleZeBoob (Canada) as just 2 examples among many, who prefer life in the USA or Canada?

Two different topics there Slumba...
1.) Do they prefer life in the west
2.) Do they have different understanding of some things because they were not born in the west.
 
 

[Slumba]

GQB, traditionally (it is not that "bad" now), a woman in (Russia and the rest FSU) is "complete" if she is a wife and a mother.
I can call it "traditional Russian thinking" but I also suspect it is something  like "male chauvinism". 
IMXO

It is generally called "patriarchy" and is the foundation of every successful civilization, because it focuses the man's energy on working for today and planning for the future. 

If men were not marrying and were always playing around with different women (and if there was a male birth control pill that let them control if they could get a woman pregnant), someone else would be complaining that women are being "denied" their rights by selfish "Peter Pan syndrome" men.

Matriarchal societies generally result in subsistence living, because the men don't have an incentive to produce more than their immediate needs.

[jdatbs77]

Would you be willing to give some examples?

Here is just one.
I believe most American couples have a habit or tradition of sitting down to dinner together, eating together, sharing conversation over dinner, etc.
No so in my household any more. Why? She explained that when a woman marries, she can gain 30 lbs. just eating with her  husband once a day. Why? Because a man needs more food, eats fatter foods, and often will make his wife finish what he can't eat, causing her to over eat. So she picks at things all day long, she will sit at the table for a while as I have a meal, and there are times she will share the same meal, but in very small proportions and will leave the table when she is finished, whether I am done or not.

This took some getting used to. Dinner together was something I looked forward to. I understand her thinking, and I respect it. But given a choice I'd prefer the old way....

[Doll]

Doll-

I mentioned this to my wife and she really couldn't quite explain it to me other than say something like *a woman alone is a rejected/discarded woman* type of belief. I'm not sure if this is an appropriate comparison as saying it in the manner you just did.

 

Yes, she means the same.

[Doll]

But what I don't get with your post above is about 'male chauvinism'. Can you elaborate on that, Doll?

Sure. If in a society a woman without a husband is "rejected" then it is a "male" society or "male chauvinistic".
Same about patriarhat that actually means the same- the power of men.
I don't care if it was "traditionally" set so because traditionally it is the power of men.
I am glad it is not THAT bad in the US (slightly better)))

[Doll]

Eating at home together is a VERY Russian trait. Very!

[Faux Pas]

Here is just one.
I believe most American couples have a habit or tradition of sitting down to dinner together, eating together, sharing conversation over dinner, etc.
No so in my household any more. Why? She explained that when a woman marries, she can gain 30 lbs. just eating with her  husband once a day. Why? Because a man needs more food, eats fatter foods, and often will make his wife finish what he can't eat, causing her to over eat. So she picks at things all day long, she will sit at the table for a while as I have a meal, and there are times she will share the same meal, but in very small proportions and will leave the table when she is finished, whether I am done or not.

This took some getting used to. Dinner together was something I looked forward to. I understand her thinking, and I respect it. But given a choice I'd prefer the old way....

My wife is a very healthy eater. She is turning me but, often she won't eat what I am/want and I won't eat what she is. We compromise or agree on what we're going to eat. However, it never fails that we sit at the table and eat together. Usually, neither of us leaves the table until the other is through eating as well. Normally, we discuss the day's events or sometimes discuss nothing at all and remain silent. Why the hard rules?

[jdatbs77]

Eating at home together is a VERY Russian trait. Very!

Well...
She's Ukrainian.

[jdatbs77]

My wife is a very healthy eater. She is turning me but, often she won't eat what I am/want and I won't eat what she is. We compromise or agree on what we're going to eat. However, it never fails that we sit at the table and eat together. Usually, neither of us leaves the table until the other is through eating as well. Normally, we discuss the day's events or sometimes discuss nothing at all and remain silent. Why the hard rules?

Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat. I think she views sitting there with food on the table as a temptation. Who knows???

[Doll]

Well...
She's Ukrainian.

Doesn't matter! All FSU people try to eat as a family- it is a tradition (in Ukraine as well).
Guys, one more time- there is hardly any difference between Ukranians and Russians [dot]in your eyes.[/dot]
Or between Belorussians and Russians (in your eyes).

[Doll]

Sometimes she just doesn't want to eat. I think she views sitting there with food on the table as a temptation. Who knows???

It is something personal- not "national".

[Faux Pas]

Doesn't matter! All FSU people try to eat as a family- it is a tradition (in Ukraine as well).
Guys, one more time- there is hardly any difference between Ukranians and Russians [dot]in your eyes.[/dot]
Or between Belorussians and Russians (in your eyes).

Doll, that's quite a sweeping generalization there of course, it isn't like you haven't done it before 

I am well aware of the differences of many of the FSU countries and cultures. You are correct that they are not the same. Many of us know this

[Doll]

Doll, that's quite a sweeping generalization there of course, it isn't like you haven't done it before 

I am well aware of the differences of many of the FSU countries and cultures. You are correct that they are not the same. Many of us know this

No,it is not- I lived there, was in many "republics" many times.
Ukraine is a couple miles from the city I lived, my dad is Belorussian and I have many relatives in Belorussia.
Only we, FSU residents, can see the difference which is,like I said, slight! It is totally "invisible" for WM (leave alone Americans).

[Faux Pas]

No,it is not- I lived there, was in many "republics" many times.
Ukraine is a couple miles from the city I lived, my dad is Belorussian and I have many relatives in Belorussia.
Only we, FSU residents, can see the difference which is,like I said, slight! It is totally "invisible" for WM (leave alone Americans).

No it is not. I see many differences from the FSU countries and cultures. Many differences from small nuances to traditions and mind set. In our social circle where we live we have Russians, Ukrainians, Kahzaks, Georgians and Uzbeks. Often the differences have been pointed out by my wife but, just as often, I spot them myself. It's not like there is some big secret here Doll that only FSU peeps are in on it. Ya'know?