RW and sense of humor

[Fishingguy]

I find that more RW are less inclined to "get" my sense of humor than Western women. hahaha.  I've had German, English, French and Dutch gf and there really was no problem with them understanding a little joke or self deprecation on my part or laughing at a smalll joke. I've had two occasions where the RW ladies were offended by a simple playful joke.

Mind you I'm not the kind of person that likes to make jokes at anyone's expense naturally I was suprised since my intentions and my communication was not offensive.

Laughing with each other is a integral part of a relationship in my book.  Although a PhD, sexy legs and peircing blue eyes do compensate a little for lack of a sense of humor...

[Daveman]

..
Laughing with each other is a integral part of a relationship in my book.  Although a PhD, sexy legs and peircing blue eyes do compensate a little for lack of a sense of humor...

Nah, not even a little..   

[GQBlues]

Sense of hum(o)ur? RW?

Is that even possible?

 

[ML]

Most of the FSUW I have been with do have a sense of humor; in the sense that they will enjoy and laugh at jokes.

However, like most women worldwide, it is a rare one who initiates the humor or actually tells the jokes.

Just think of the professional comedians;  men probably outnumber the women on the order of 100 to 1, or some such.

Yes, there are totally humorless FSUW, just as there are totally humorless WW.

Like Daveman, I don't want to be around them much.  Either laugh at my jokes . . . or get out!!

[lonedrake]

Either laugh at my jokes . . . or get out!!

 Blame it on the audience. Thats funny

[Patagonie]

Humor with FSU women are a mined land.
The best is to avoid it as possible especially in the beginning and especially in written communication.
I have lost four or five prospects at least because of this.
It doesn't mean that they don't have humor, but you need to do it ONLY when you have reached the comfort zone with her.

[Lily]

I find that more RW are less inclined to "get" my sense of humor than Western women. hahaha.  I've had German, English, French and Dutch gf and there really was no problem with them understanding a little joke or self deprecation on my part or laughing at a smalll joke. I've had two occasions where the RW ladies were offended by a simple playful joke.

Mind you I'm not the kind of person that likes to make jokes at anyone's expense naturally I was suprised since my intentions and my communication was not offensive.

Laughing with each other is a integral part of a relationship in my book.  Although a PhD, sexy legs and peircing blue eyes do compensate a little for lack of a sense of humor...

My view on this would be that Russian and Western people have a different perception of humor. There are a number of instances where a Russian would laugh but a Westerner wouldn't. Similarly, there are jokes or humorous pictures that Westerners find funny but a Russian would not feel anything like that when looking at them.
 
This is a rather complicated thing to understand and to explain. I recall that I probably tried to do it a few times on this forum, where I felt that it was applicable.
 
On a short note, my feeling is that it would be easier to make a Westerner laugh rather than a Russian. I noticed that my Canadian friends laugh a lot when they hear my occasional comments on various topics. My Russian friends probably would not even smile on the same. They would rather take it for something very ordinary. On the other hand, a Russian may react with a loud homeric laugh on some comment that a Westerner may not even understand.

[SANDRO43]

The appreciation of humour is very personal, even within the same culture. Basically, humour comes in 2 forms - as well as mixtures thereof:

1. Situation-based.
2. Word-based. 

The 1st is often almost universal (e.g. someone slipping on a banana skin), while the 2nd is more culture/language-related and therefore not easily 'exportable'.

Another distinction that could be made is whether it's based on plausible reality (banana again) or not (surreal humour).

[jmana]

So what exactly do Russians find funny?  I find that the girl I'm seeing doesn't laugh much at all, it kind of worried me at first because I thought she didn't like me, so I asked her about it and she replied "all Russians are gloomy"    But her mom laughs at stuff I say and seems like a much more happy person, so I don't know?  I'm wondering what it would be like to be married to this person, I mean what would we talk about if she doesn't find anything funny?  When I was married to a Ukrainian it caused all kind of problems.  I'd say stuff in a joking way, she'd take it personally and get offended, then I'd have to explain I was just joking, but she would still be mad.  I don't know why but I never did learn my lesson with her, but eventually she did learn to stop being angry when I'd tell her I was joking.  You'd think I would have learned my lesson and be dating an American or Asian girl

[mendeleyev]

Filters, my man, filters.

Some Russians are gloomy just as some Americans and some Dutchmen are gloomy. Many however are not.

You speak English as your mother language. She speaks Russian or Ukrainian as her mother language.

In her brain, your words arrive via the ears in English and then are translated into English as she formally learned it. Then it is filtered into her understanding of English as it is lived in your region and home environment. God forbid she has yet to live in your environment because then she is limited to understanding English as she formally learned it.

So when you jokingly say "you're crazy, woman" what she hears is not a joke but a reality--you are saying that she is crazy and that is neither a joking matter or compliment. No wonder she is mad. She has no "context" to understand which English words are serious and which ones are a joke. That context by the way can take a long time to filter into her understanding so no wonder your ex was upset.

Announce a joke. Tell her that you are going to tell a joke. Then tell it and wait for the laughter. And wait and wait and then patiently explain the joke. Joking off the cuff rarely works in these type relationships until you both are on the same page contextually in use of language.

[ML]

So what exactly do Russians find funny?  . . .  You'd think I would have learned my lesson and be dating an American or Asian girl

Are you wanting to be with a totally humorous person????

[jmana]

So when you jokingly say "you're crazy, woman" what she hears is not a joke but a reality--you are saying that she is crazy and that is neither a joking matter or compliment. No wonder she is mad. She has no "context" to understand which English words are serious and which ones are a joke. That context by the way can take a long time to filter into her understanding so no wonder your ex was upset.

Announce a joke. Tell her that you are going to tell a joke. Then tell it and wait for the laughter. And wait and wait and then patiently explain the joke. Joking off the cuff rarely works in these type relationships until you both are on the same page contextually in use of language.

I understand what you are saying, but if I say "you're crazy" and I'm smiling while saying it, and saying it in a lighthearted voice, you'd think any person would get that it's not meant as an insult no matter what the words are.  It's almost like Russians can't process the whole thing such as tone and facial expression, they only process the actual words, which is very strange to me.  And sorry, but if I have to announce, and explain every joke, well that just seems very tiring and not worth the effort of telling the joke, and I can imagine myself just sitting in silence rather than risking offending the Russian.  I'm hoping that to not be the case, I'm hoping she just didn't feel 100% comfortable around me and was being guarded, but the more I hear about Russians having no sense of humor, the more I wonder if there might be some truth to it.  I'll never forget when I first met my first wife, she was constantly yelling at me for smiling when we were out and about, she said people would think I was retarded if I smiled for no reason

[Shadow]

Do not expect any type of humour that is based on degrading others to work.

Russians have a lot of humour and the worldwide longest running TV show is a Russian comedy program.

But any humour that is based on pooing, peeing or degrading others just does not sound funny. Unfortunately that seems to describe a large part of American jokes.

The other day we were watching a show on the Comedy Channel called 'the Roast'.
It seemed to be the object to throw as much insults at the others as possible, and everyone sat and laughed at lines that they would sue people for if they place them on Twitter. We decided the show would be a hit in Russia. Not because of the insult throwing but because of the mass fight that would break out, as people will no take such comments as humour ever.

[Doll]

 .  It's almost like Russians can't process the whole thing such as tone and facial expression, they only process the actual words, which is very strange to me.     

It has nothing to do with Russians- you would react same way on any other nation's jokes.
 It takes years to start putting  these "tone, facial expression" and the language itself to tell jokes from something serious.
 
 The way people express their thoughts is different in every language. What is funny for you is sad for somebody else, and vica versa- you will have to think for a long time when you hear let's say Russian joke.
 
My dear, people are different- there are hundreds of cultures besides American.

[Anotherkiwi]

...My dear, people are different- there are hundreds of cultures besides American.

Unfortunately a lot of them haven't yet realised that. 

[mendeleyev]

I understand what you are saying, but if I say "you're crazy" and I'm smiling while saying it, and saying it in a lighthearted voice, you'd think any person would get that it's not meant as an insult no matter what the words are. 

An out of context smile in Russian culture signals either you are up to something devious or you think the other person is stupid. If you smile and say "You're crazy" expect to wake up in a hospital. Better to say "I'm crazy" with the smile and lighthearted voice.

It's almost like Russians can't process the whole thing such as tone and facial expression, they only process the actual words, which is very strange to me.

Actually they often do it better than Americans. Intonation is very important in Russian language. Using the actual words, tone and intonation often indicates whether something is a statement or a question.

It is good to remember that we speak different languages and sometimes have different cultural norms/traditions. When learning a new language the first breakthrough is often the ability to read. That begins to happen when you start to recognize the meaning of words even when you still can't always pronounce them correctly.

The last accomplishments of a new language are usually slang and humour, so if you are going to use humour, be very careful when, how and how often and always make yourself the butt of a joke instead of the other person.

[die_cast]

I can imagine myself just sitting in silence rather than risking offending the Russian.

You have nothing else to say except telling jokes?

the more I hear about Russians having no sense of humor, the more I wonder if there might be some truth to it.

If one/few/some woman/Russians/people doesn't/don't understand your (personally) humour, it doesn't mean Russians have no sense of humour. You probably would not understand some or even many of our jokes - so you have no sense of humour also? 
In my personal opinion, Americans rarely get Russian sarcasm, should I start dating Asians because of it?   

[vwrw]

What is funny for you is sad for somebody else, and vica versa- you will have to think for a long time when you hear let's say Russian joke.
 
My dear, people are different- there are hundreds of cultures besides American.

To illustrate,  farting is funny from American perspective but disgusting and revolting from Russian perspective. A person having his or her ways sexually with another person and referring to it as "rape" is funny from Russian perspective but disgusting from American perspective.

[Shadow]

You have nothing else to say except telling jokes? If one/few/some woman/Russians/people doesn't/don't understand your (personally) humour, it doesn't mean Russians have no sense of humour. You probably would not understand some or even many of our jokes - so you have no sense of humour also? 
In my personal opinion, Americans rarely get Russian sarcasm, should I start dating Asians because of it?   

That would only shorten the problem.

[Ranetka]

Filters, my man, filters.

Some Russians are gloomy just as some Americans and some Dutchmen are gloomy. Many however are not.

You speak English as your mother language. She speaks Russian or Ukrainian as her mother language.

In her brain, your words arrive via the ears in English and then are translated into English as she formally learned it. Then it is filtered into her understanding of English as it is lived in your region and home environment. God forbid she has yet to live in your environment because then she is limited to understanding English as she formally learned it.

So when you jokingly say "you're crazy, woman" what she hears is not a joke but a reality--you are saying that she is crazy and that is neither a joking matter or compliment. No wonder she is mad. She has no "context" to understand which English words are serious and which ones are a joke. That context by the way can take a long time to filter into her understanding so no wonder your ex was upset.

Announce a joke. Tell her that you are going to tell a joke. Then tell it and wait for the laughter. And wait and wait and then patiently explain the joke. Joking off the cuff rarely works in these type relationships until you both are on the same page contextually in use of language.

Mmm let me see...
So you say she is crazy it's a joke and funny but when she replies you are stupid it's suddenly not funny...kind of one way humour must be american type of humour

[Daveman]

My wife and I have no problem with humor.  Never really have.  Sure, we've had some delayed response laughs and rolls of the eyes when something finally sank in but it's never been a problem for us ... because ... wait for it...  we're compatible that way.


While humor is cultural to an extent, I firmly assert that it is mostly a issue of compatibility. Some couples naturally get each other.

[Faux Pas]

My wife and I have no problem with humor.  Never really have.  Sure, we've had some delayed response laughs and rolls of the eyes when something finally sank in but it's never been a problem for us ... because ... wait for it...  we're compatible that way.


While humor is cultural to an extent, I firmly assert that it is mostly a issue of compatibility. Some couples naturally get each other.

That must be the case  with the wife and I. We always make each other laugh and share the same dry hard humor. Early on, I tried attempts at humor gently. Some she just did not get but, most she got right away. Eventually, I determined it had more to do with presentation than the actual humor. She has a wonderful sense of humor. Most of the folks I know in Russia do too.

There is a wall of syntax and verbiage that needs to be negotiated in presentation of humor or jokes because it does not translate the same. By in-large IMHO, I find what is funny to me, is funny to most Ruskies with the same sense of humor. This until, there is a comfort zone and once found, that zone grows exponentially and very quickly.

People are the same. What's funny is funny. Some things are more subject to being made fun of from one culture to another. All that said, this gal may not have a sense of humor. It happens. More likely jmana just don't know how to make or tell a joke. Specifically, where the target audience can comprehend it 

[Doll]

So you say she is crazy it's a joke and funny but when she replies you are stupid it's suddenly not funny...kind of one way humour must be american type of humour

It is if it is said in English. Think of how Russian humor will sound to Americans if it is in Russian We will see how they will "process" it.

[2tallbill]

Joking off the cuff rarely works in these type relationships until you both are on the same page contextually in use of language.

I've managed to get FSUW to laugh fairly frequently (even off the cuff)
usually using more situational type humor like Sandro said.


I often tell stories, using various expressions, arm waving, faces and
sound effects that reduce them to complaining that their faces hurt
from the laughter and smiling.


It's difficult to explain how to do this.
As Lilly said different things will cause a huge laugh where other jokes
will leave them scratching their heads.


Just my two kopecks,


Bill 

[JayH]

To illustrate,  farting is funny from American perspective but disgusting and revolting from Russian perspective. 

Add-and to most of the civilised world.