RW: Do you want men to push the sexual envelope on a first meet?

[YoungBuck]

Some time ago, I wrote about planning for a first meeting, and I read a few replies regarding being intimate. So I am wondering what's the importance of being intimate on a first meet? Would the total lack of sex be perceived as a deal-breaker by most women or do most people keep it PG-13?

Well, to be honest, I really don't "test drive" when dating. It makes it hard for me to be objective about a person when you mix sex into it. Plus, I know myself, and I already have all these hopes and expectations of how she would be and having sex would be like breaking a dam inside of me; I don't want to get carried away.

Now of course, I won't be cold, but I don't know what are the dating expectations of Russians. I haven't discussed sexual history with her or anything, I personally think it's a bit rude, but I get a feeling she's also a little guarded.
I'm just looking to meet her and explore her city together. Perhaps on another trip once I know where we stand and if she's serious about the whole thing.



 

[GQBlues]

Some time ago, I wrote about planning for a first meeting, and I read a few replies regarding being intimate. So I am wondering what's the importance of being intimate on a first meet? Would the total lack of sex be perceived as a deal-breaker by most women or do most people keep it PG-13?...

 

[Faux Pas]

Some time ago, I wrote about planning for a first meeting, and I read a few replies regarding being intimate. So I am wondering what's the importance of being intimate on a first meet? Would the total lack of sex be perceived as a deal-breaker by most women or do most people keep it PG-13?

Well, to be honest, I really don't "test drive" when dating. It makes it hard for me to be objective about a person when you mix sex into it. Plus, I know myself, and I already have all these hopes and expectations of how she would be and having sex would be like breaking a dam inside of me; I don't want to get carried away.

Now of course, I won't be cold, but I don't know what are the dating expectations of Russians. I haven't discussed sexual history with her or anything, I personally think it's a bit rude, but I get a feeling she's also a little guarded.
I'm just looking to meet her and explore her city together. Perhaps on another trip once I know where we stand and if she's serious about the whole thing.

Don't get offended because this is an honest question. Have you ever had sex? If so, when you had sex, it is with just women you don't date? You're being pretty vague here and that makes no sense. Your question is as if almost asked in fear.

How are you with the ladies at home? You don't need to answer that but, cut out all your own bravado and really answer yourself honestly. Because it is going to likely be the same level of success you'll experience there.

After all the planning and travel, at the end of the day when you get there, it's boy meets girl and game on. These are the same games men and women play at home.

[YoungBuck]

Don't get offended because this is an honest question. Have you ever had sex? If so, when you had sex, it is with just women you don't date? You're being pretty vague here and that makes no sense. Your question is as if almost asked in fear.

How are you with the ladies at home? You don't need to answer that but, cut out all your own bravado and really answer yourself honestly. Because it is going to likely be the same level of success you'll experience there.

After all the planning and travel, at the end of the day when you get there, it's boy meets girl and game on. These are the same games men and women play at home.

Ok, to clarify, I meant casually dating. I had a college sweetheart, but we grew apart a year after we graduated. I don't know what happened, but after we broke up, I was pretty messed up. I dated a lot of women because I read that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone (or in my case over), but after a few romps with different women, I realized how stupid that advice was. There was always a risk of STDs, pregnancy, etc. and expectations just went into overdrive with people I barely even knew. It made me miss my ex-gf even more.

I longed for a real relationship so I've been celibate for a few years now and will continue to be until I find someone worth my while.

The fear you read, is that I don't want to scare her away thinking that there's something wrong with me. I simply want to have another go of a carefree relationship. 

[Fishingguy]

youbuck..the best way to get over your college sweetheart is really to let yourself go and get your heart broken a few times. Get laid. You need it. Your body needs it. And your heart needs it. When you have several women to regret over you won't just have that one. it's the reality of stupid in relationships.

while I applaud you for your celibacy - honestly dude if you have a few guy friends - we'd all be worried about you. your orientation. your lack of confidence. your lack of trying. why are not you trying? sex is what makes the world go round and round. and not to marginalize you but very few guys actually choose to be celibate. you can have casual sex. it's part of life. if every sexual moment you have has to be with your soulmate then you may waste your youth away.

if you are that timid about sex maybe try more religious American women. christianmingle.com though I went to a Catholic school and damn those Catholic girls..

anyway good look on your quest..and always be safe in all your travels.

[ML]

if you are that timid about sex maybe try more religious American women. christianmingle.com though I went to a Catholic school and damn those Catholic girls..

http://christiannymphos.org/

[ML]

The answer to the OP is . . . no one ever knows the answer to this question.

The saying that 'men never understand women' is around for a reason.

You can get some signals that the woman is ready . . . but then she is not.

You can get some signals that the woman has zero interest in sex (at least at that point in time), and she will then complain to her girlfriends that she wished you had made a move.

So just take the action that you want to with any woman;
and you get whatever reaction the woman chooses.

[Faux Pas]

Ok, to clarify, I meant casually dating. I had a college sweetheart, but we grew apart a year after we graduated. I don't know what happened, but after we broke up, I was pretty messed up. I dated a lot of women because I read that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone (or in my case over), but after a few romps with different women, I realized how stupid that advice was. There was always a risk of STDs, pregnancy, etc. and expectations just went into overdrive with people I barely even knew. It made me miss my ex-gf even more.

I longed for a real relationship so I've been celibate for a few years now and will continue to be until I find someone worth my while.

The fear you read, is that I don't want to scare her away thinking that there's something wrong with me. I simply want to have another go of a carefree relationship.

YB, prepare yourself to make grown up decisions. It's different strokes for different folks I know but, sex IMHO shouldn't change a relationship. It will if you let it or are not emotionally prepared to deal with it.

If the moment is right and sex is imminent, sock that puppy up and git'r done. No guilt and no regrets. It's a natural act and if you both want to have it and then you don't because of some baggage you carry, there is something wrong with you. The act of sex is not a big deal. Being unable to deal with it is a pretty big deal.

I understand you are not too far removed from your college sweetheart but, honestly, that's no excuse to go celibate. It's not fair to those you date. If you are not ready to move forward, again IMO, you shouldn't involve others in that baggage. Understand?

That said, if you and this woman hit it off and you refrain from sex, you'll likely regret it deeply before you see her again

[Fishingguy]

oh my goodness dream come true!

pause..clicking link..


okay..how about singlechristiannymphos?

http://christiannymphos.org/

[jmana]

I would like to hear an answer from an actual Russian woman, since that's who this is directed at, but I suspect that it's a lot different than dating someone locally.  The thing is, these women are putting a lot of trust in a guy who's coming all the way across the ocean to meet them.  The tendency is to think he's some horny guy looking for a sex tour, and if you immediately have sex with her you probably are going to confirm that in her mind.  Maybe not right away, but maybe weeks after you go back home that thought will be sitting in the back of her mind.  And for me, if I go all the way over there, and a girl is that trusting to do me right away, I'm going to think she's using sex to lock me in, so it goes both ways.  I personally have never done it, not with the woman I ended up marrying (and divorcing 6 years later), or the woman I am currently involved with.  Not that I would have been able to anyway, the first time I stayed at her grandmother's house, this time I stayed at a hostel and Alina has a 3 year old daughter who was with us most of the time, so it wasn't really ideal conditions for that sort of thing.  I could see things being different if I spent the whole time with her in a hotel room, maybe sparks would have occurred by the end of my stay?  But really it wasn't the first thing on my mind, I just wanted to get to know everything about her, how she lived, how her family was, etc...  Kicking the tires wasn't at the top of my to do list.  I realize with some guys that's their biggest priority, but it's not mine and I'm glad to be with someone who feels the same way.

[Fishingguy]

I actually asked a few Russian and Ukrainian ladies and they said "yeah..after all that communication and anticipation of course we want to be intimate."

on the one hand it is hard to imagine a Russian women answering that question publicly here because parenthetically she'd be putting her sexual limitations out there. RW or AW - I would totally understand if they did not want to address it.

perhaps the OP needs to make sure they are ready to date and do all the "normal" modern dating stuff before they do a more complicated cross cultural and international dating.  it's always harder when she's 6000 miles away than 6 miles away to patch things up.

[Daveman]

I would like to hear an answer from an actual Russian woman, since that's who this is directed at,
...

They are probably avoiding the topic as being just about the most absurd question ever posted...


Here's the closely guarded secret...


FSUW vary.  If you are dating a very religious one then there may be a tendency to somewhat fight against nature. Otherwise, when the time feels right- you have sex. It can't possibly be more simple than that. If you don't make a move, she'll think you have some strange form of cockaralysis or other such debilitating condition.


The "sex tourist" angle of thought is just ridiculous.  You are two consenting adults, right? 

[JayH]

I actually asked a few Russian and Ukrainian ladies and they said 

 I have been doing that survey  since my first trip to Ukraine 3 1/2 years ago!!

Serious answer-- to many variables unknown  to reach a conclusion.Generally--definately do not "expect" it to happen. If it has not been happening in your life previously--it is not going to start now !!
On top of all the issues you may face at home-- western guys in FSU have a shocking reputation  as sex tourists-- that stigma is one of the first hurdles all guys need to overcome. Girls have plenty of horror stories about guys-- easily equals all the forum negatives written about girls. All in all-- it needs some sensitivity to the problems girls face.
Reading the Op's comments again --forget about sex--it is not going to happen for you.

[mendeleyev]

In agreement with JayH about the reputation of WM, just remember that each woman is different, each man is different and thus each couple is different. None of us here can tell you when to set your watch alarm for a condom unveiling. For some it may be 5 hours, others may be 5 weeks or months and others will come up with their own formula. The best thing is that it is a mutual decision and kept private.

Yeah, there are some on forums who offer formulas but that presupposes that we're all one happy box of robots. So, discuss it with her when the time becomes comfortable and come to a mutual decision as a couple. Then don't share it with everyone else.

[lordtiberius]

between the 3rd and 5th meet, but if want to want wait Tebow style, go for it.  But know that haters are going to hate.  With all the aexual ezpeeience amongst the posters, there is a real scarcity of sexual maturity.

[pitbull]

They are probably avoiding the topic as being just about the most absurd question ever posted...


Here's the closely guarded secret...


FSUW vary.  If you are dating a very religious one then there may be a tendency to somewhat fight against nature. Otherwise, when the time feels right- you have sex. It can't possibly be more simple than that. If you don't make a move, she'll think you have some strange form of cockaralysis or other such debilitating condition.


The "sex tourist" angle of thought is just ridiculous.  You are two consenting adults, right?

+1
 What he said 

[lordtiberius]

because there is no ill perception of western sex tourism . . .

[Faux Pas]

I would like to hear an answer from an actual Russian woman, since that's who this is directed at, but I suspect that it's a lot different than dating someone locally.  The thing is, these women are putting a lot of trust in a guy who's coming all the way across the ocean to meet them.  The tendency is to think he's some horny guy looking for a sex tour, and if you immediately have sex with her you probably are going to confirm that in her mind.  Maybe not right away, but maybe weeks after you go back home that thought will be sitting in the back of her mind.  And for me, if I go all the way over there, and a girl is that trusting to do me right away, I'm going to think she's using sex to lock me in, so it goes both ways.  I personally have never done it, not with the woman I ended up marrying (and divorcing 6 years later), or the woman I am currently involved with.  Not that I would have been able to anyway, the first time I stayed at her grandmother's house, this time I stayed at a hostel and Alina has a 3 year old daughter who was with us most of the time, so it wasn't really ideal conditions for that sort of thing.  I could see things being different if I spent the whole time with her in a hotel room, maybe sparks would have occurred by the end of my stay?  But really it wasn't the first thing on my mind, I just wanted to get to know everything about her, how she lived, how her family was, etc...  Kicking the tires wasn't at the top of my to do list.  I realize with some guys that's their biggest priority, but it's not mine and I'm glad to be with someone who feels the same way.

These questions come up from time to time and usually I am surprised at some of the responses. Yours is one of those. You need to understand you are not due pu**y just because you travel the ocean to meet her. Or because you spend money on her, spend time in a hotel or an apartment with her, spent endless hours on the phone or skype with her. Bottom line is, you are not due pu**y at all. If you have sex, only half of it is your decision. In essence, you don't hold the cards of whether it will happen or not. You only contribute to it.

If the meeting and relationship leads to sex, it should be because you both want it to. If you do not want to have sex and chose to pass on such moments, then pass but, don't think something is wrong with her, for thinking something is wrong with you.

[steveboy]

I have been doing that survey  since my first trip to Ukraine 3 1/2 years ago!!

Serious answer-- to many variables unknown  to reach a conclusion.Generally--definately do not "expect" it to happen. If it has not been happening in your life previously--it is not going to start now !!
On top of all the issues you may face at home-- western guys in FSU have a shocking reputation  as sex tourists-- that stigma is one of the first hurdles all guys need to overcome. Girls have plenty of horror stories about guys-- easily equals all the forum negatives written about girls. All in all-- it needs some sensitivity to the problems girls face.
Reading the Op's comments again --forget about sex--it is not going to happen for you.

I have met quiet a few girls where it has been sex after just one hour!! Once I met a really nice girl, I had been communicating with her for a few weeks, she had a very good job, her own apartment. She arrived in her car to meet, within 15 mins she wanted to go back to her place for sex

[mendeleyev]

I have met quiet a few girls where it has been sex after just one hour!!

And what was the hourly rate?

[Boethius]

Some time ago, I wrote about planning for a first meeting, and I read a few replies regarding being intimate. So I am wondering what's the importance of being intimate on a first meet? Would the total lack of sex be perceived as a deal-breaker by most women or do most people keep it PG-13?

Well, to be honest, I really don't "test drive" when dating. It makes it hard for me to be objective about a person when you mix sex into it. Plus, I know myself, and I already have all these hopes and expectations of how she would be and having sex would be like breaking a dam inside of me; I don't want to get carried away.

Now of course, I won't be cold, but I don't know what are the dating expectations of Russians. I haven't discussed sexual history with her or anything, I personally think it's a bit rude, but I get a feeling she's also a little guarded.
I'm just looking to meet her and explore her city together. Perhaps on another trip once I know where we stand and if she's serious about the whole thing.

Do what you are comfortable with.  This is part of who you are, and the woman who will be your wife must accept you for who you are.

Most women will wonder about a man who doesn't make a move on them, so if you are pursuing one woman, you may want to tell her you are not an animal, you are not interested in rutting, you want to know a woman well, and have developed some true feelings for her,  before you are interested in making love to her.  The right woman for you will find this acceptable.

[mendeleyev]

 

if you are pursuing one woman, you may want to tell her you are not an animal, you are not interested in rutting, you want to know a woman well, and have developed some true feelings for her,  before you are interested in making love to her.  The right woman for you will find this acceptable.

Good advice.

[steveboy]

And what was the hourly rate?

Free . There are plenty of highly sexed women in Russia. Doesn't mean she's a hooker? Actually she had a very good job and highly educated.
I have never expected sex on any first date or any further dates, if it happens it happens it happens. I have never visited a hooker in Russia!
Can that be said for EVERY married guy here? I very much doubt it. The service is usually offered to you by the security at the hotel do you think you can say no one on this forum has taken that opportunity

[Daveman]

because there is no ill perception of western sex tourism . . .

And what???


Would you change your natural behavior in an endeavor of Penile Correctness because a woman may have some thoughts of "western sex tourism" floating around in her mind?  Either you are or you aren't... be natural and let her figure it out on her own.
 

[lonedrake]

I'm just looking to meet her and explore her city together.

 My advice is to meet her and concentrate on getting to know her.   If you focus to much on "seeing" the city...she might think you just wanted a free tour guide

Also if the sex issue is bothering you I would suggest bringing it up to her before you go there.She may feel exactly as you do...and if not...you will know.