K-1 Konfusion!

[jmana]

You are strangers until you live together.  So, 11 months of correspondence is meaningless.  You posted previously it took you 3 years of living with your ex wife to know her true nature. 

What I meant by short term is, you will have this woman in your home for 90 days, at which time, she will either return to Russia, or you will marry her.  90 days is not long enough to know someone.  I'd say go for it if you didn't have a child, but your desire will have an effect on your child, and he has zero say in the matter.  What happens if you don't agree with how she disciplines your son?  What happens if she favours her child over yours?  How old is your son?  Will she be able to hide this, so you are not even aware of it?

Well I think all single parents, when they get involved with someone else who already has kids, naturally favors their own child, whether they admit it or not.  He's 11, and after the 2 long term relationships I've had with American women since his mom and I split, I know he's ready for me to meet someone who isn't nutty.  Well actually one of the girls was Korean, she was crazier than anyone I've ever known.  She hid it well though.  Took me a year to figure out she was a narcissist and bipolar.  And I lived with her too, and even living with her I never realized her issues until months later.  So I disagree with everyone's suggestion that the best way to get to know Alina is to keep going there.  Only time will tell, not a month, maybe not even a year.  But after what I know about her from nearly a year of talking to her, and from meeting her and her family, I'm willing to take that chance on her.  And she's willing to take a chance on me too, it's not just one sided.  And that's what life is about, taking chances.  Some of you act like old scared men afraid to do anything.  It's like you guys are always looking for the negative in a situation.  Not me, I roll the dice:-)  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but I've never regretted anything.

[Boethius]

I am not a scared old man, and I moved in with my better half very early after we met, quite some time before the collapse of the Soviet Union.  However, I would never have done so if I'd had a young child.  IMHO, you have already demonstrated bad judgment and selfishness by exposing your son to your unstable relationships.

I'm not trying to pick on you, so don't take it personally. To me, it is somewhat ironic that so many men come here and whinge and moan about AW, their lack of "family values", how FSUW still honour the family, etc., and yet, they pull stuff like this.  This is an example of why your society lacks family values.
   

[GQBlues]

Concerns for HIS son? Just his son? What about the WOMAN and her 3 Y.O. DAUGHTER?


What happens when this hero determines prior to the 90-day period the woman isn't cutting his mustard? He said he's going to *marry her* which is why he's filing a K-1. I say BS because his premise for doing what he's doing IS BECAUSE - according to him -  he's convinced even a YEAR is NOT enough time to get to know anyone/someone, so why travel? LOL.


Except now (of course) he's convince also she's worth marrying in 90-days although that's up-in-the-air - but not really because he vowed he'll never do that again (he knows better now)....or, wait, oh shucks it's enough time, or no, wait a minute it isn't really....oh yes it is...no, wait it isn't.......you get the idea.


IMHO, sounds like he doesn't know where is butt is from his arse...yeah, funny. When all is said and done - it is always all AWs that are the crazy ones.

It's Bush's fault.

[GQBlues]

To the OP, I don't think the cost of a K-1 is really the issue here.

LOL. It is the OP. Heck, forty bucks was a HUGE issue for him.

[lordtiberius]

It's Bush's fault.

NAZIS!!!!

[jmana]

LOL. It is the OP. Heck, forty bucks was a HUGE issue for him.

What are you talking about??  And I never said AW are the crazy ones, didn't you read that the craziest one I ever met was Korean?!  My point was that you can fly your ass to Russia all you want, it doesn't matter because you aren't REALLY going to know a person until a year or more AFTER you've spent every day with them.  Yeah, in a perfect world I quit my job, drag my kid to Russia, and live in an apartment for a year so I can get to know a girl I met online, yeah that is SOOO much of a better idea than getting to know as much I can from her by talking to her online for a year, meeting her and her family, and making a judgement call on whether or not I want to pursue marriage with her (and before you go on again about absing a K1, I didn't say I haven't made that decision).  Sorry but I'd say 90% of the guys (maybe more) marrying foreign women are going about it the same exact way I am, and you can't tell me the divorce rate for them is any worse than that of 2 Americans who get married.  Hell arranged marriages have a much better success rate than 2 Americans that get married

[jmana]

And no, it's not Bush's fault, he's too much of an idiot to blame for anything.  That's like picking on the mentally handicapped

[lonedrake]

Thank you lonedrake.

 I am glad you took that in a positive manner...because when I looked at what I wrote, the next day, it was poorly written and not exactly nice.

 We all have bad days.

[Ade]

I have to agree with Boethius on this; when kids are involved the last thing you should do is take a short cut and if that's the only option, it shouldn't even be considered. In other words, if you can't do it right, you shouldn't do it at all.

The more time you spend with someone the more you reduce the risk of failure but yes, nothing is infallible when it comes to relationships and a lot depends on the people involved but that's no excuse not to try to do your due diligence particularly when children will be exposed to the fallout.

[Shadow]

If she has a job in Russia and her father has a good job here I see no reason why a tourist visa would be disapproved. I know some friends of MrsShadow who were students at the time and had little trouble getting a tourist visa to visit distant relatives in the USA.

By the way, did you meet her father or are there any plans to meet him? Meeting a woman for 9 days in a one-year time frame sounds like very little to me, expect a major case of cold feet if the K-1 is approved.

[lordtiberius]

I have to agree with Boethius on this; when kids are involved the last thing you should do is take a short cut and if that's the only option, it shouldn't even be considered. In other words, if you can't do it right, you shouldn't do it at all.

The more time you spend with someone the more you reduce the risk of failure but yes, nothing is infallible when it comes to relationships and a lot depends on the people involved but that's no excuse not to try to do your due diligence particularly when children will be exposed to the fallout.

+100

There are so many men who took their time before they even proposed.  Why didn't you do the same?  Second, do you love this woman?

[GQBlues]

Which part of the statement he made that you folks aren't getting?


"...Now if you really want to meet a Russian girl on the cheap, have her come to you!..."


The kid(s) didn't matter then, actually no one else does but himself, so why will it matter now? The dude's a liberal, so he's got pretty extreme liberal outlook on life.

[Shadow]

Which part of the statement he made that you folks aren't getting?


"...Now if you really want to meet a Russian girl on the cheap, have her come to you!..."


The kid(s) didn't matter then, actually no one else does but himself, so why will it matter now? The dude's a liberal, so he's got pretty extreme liberal outlook on life.

He is right though. On sites like Aweb there are dozens of girls who will come to you and you only have to pay their ticket and visa. If you bargain with them they may even ask only half. How much cheaper can you find them? 

[GQBlues]

It just amazes me some of the basura that spews out of the dude's mind...for example (this is just from the two most recent one, too).

1. ...*He's 11, and after the 2 long term relationships I've had with American women since his mom and I split, I know he's ready for me to meet someone who isn't nutty.*

Assuming they split on the day the kid was born, take away 1 year he's been talking to his latest cheap RW...that leaves 10 years. He's had 2 long relationships in between, the nutty Korean PLUS the other cheap RW from St Pete, give or take 2 +/- years each...yeppers, I'm sure the kid is really ready to for him to meet someone *new*, LOL.


2. ...*My point was that you can fly your ass to Russia all you want, it doesn't matter because you aren't REALLY going to know a person until a year or more AFTER you've spent every day with them.  Yeah, in a perfect world I quit my job, drag my kid to Russia, and live in an apartment for a year so I can get to know a girl I met online, yeah that is SOOO much of a better idea than getting to know as much I can from her by talking to her online for a year, meeting her and her family, and making a judgement call on whether or not I want to pursue marriage with her...*


What an illuminating show of *consideration* no? It really does hover around pretty much the same mentality our large government-welfare-dependent population have. Me, me, me, me...that's all I want and that's all that matters. It's as if none of his reasoning applies to anyone else BUT himself. I almost want to say - dude, how does that silly statement apply to the *woman*? Does she even matter in this *relationship*

 
3. ...*(and before you go on again about absing a K1, I didn't say I haven't made that decision)....*


Well, sue me. I'm still trying to decipher what he can possibly mean with this dandy. I can only hope his cheap RW can at least speak English.


4. ....*Sorry but I'd say 90% of the guys (maybe more) marrying foreign women are going about it the same exact way I am, and you can't tell me the divorce rate for them is any worse than that of 2 Americans who get married.  Hell arranged marriages have a much better success rate than 2 Americans that get married...*


If BS is a rock, this one can official be classified as a planet. Pluto couldn't make the grade, but his anus can..or is it YourAnus?

The dude is a selfish little turd But as Lonedrake advised the dude, always remember this is all about *you*. You gotta do what yah gotta do.

[lordtiberius]

Boom

I have asked this guy about a hundred times, does he love her?   nothing

[Shadow]

It just amazes me some of the basura that spews out of the dude's mind...for example (this is just from the two most recent one, too).

1. ...*He's 11, and after the 2 long term relationships I've had with American women since his mom and I split, I know he's ready for me to meet someone who isn't nutty.*

Assuming they split on the day the kid was born, take away 1 year he's been talking to his latest cheap RW...that leaves 10 years. He's had 2 long relationships in between, the nutty Korean PLUS the other cheap RW from St Pete, give or take 2 +/- years each...yeppers, I'm sure the kid is really ready to for him to meet someone *new*, LOL.


2. ...*My point was that you can fly your ass to Russia all you want, it doesn't matter because you aren't REALLY going to know a person until a year or more AFTER you've spent every day with them.  Yeah, in a perfect world I quit my job, drag my kid to Russia, and live in an apartment for a year so I can get to know a girl I met online, yeah that is SOOO much of a better idea than getting to know as much I can from her by talking to her online for a year, meeting her and her family, and making a judgement call on whether or not I want to pursue marriage with her...*


What an illuminating show of *consideration* no? It really does hover around pretty much the same mentality our large government-welfare-dependent population have. Me, me, me, me...that's all I want and that's all that matters. It's as if none of his reasoning applies to anyone else BUT himself. I almost want to say - dude, how does that silly statement apply to the *woman*? Does she even matter in this *relationship*

 
3. ...*(and before you go on again about absing a K1, I didn't say I haven't made that decision)....*


Well, sue me. I'm still trying to decipher what he can possibly mean with this dandy. I can only hope his cheap RW can at least speak English.


4. ....*Sorry but I'd say 90% of the guys (maybe more) marrying foreign women are going about it the same exact way I am, and you can't tell me the divorce rate for them is any worse than that of 2 Americans who get married.  Hell arranged marriages have a much better success rate than 2 Americans that get married...*


If BS is a rock, this one can official be classified as a planet. Pluto couldn't make the grade, but his anus can..or is it YourAnus?

The dude is a selfish little turd But as Lonedrake advised the dude, always remember this is all about *you*. You gotta do what yah gotta do.

I glanced over most his posts, but even with that I picked up the history different.

12 years ago he marries a woman from Ukraine, that one ended 6 years ago.
Since then he lived with the nutty Korean for one year, and the woman from St Pete.

For the rest he is like many other who has already chosen his path and will do and say anything to justify himself, listening to those cheering him on.
You can try to insult him, shout at him or mock him, but that will have no effect.
Better to wish him luck, he will need it.

[jmana]

Boom

I have asked this guy about a hundred times, does he love her?   nothing

About a hundred times??  You guys are really nuts.  I saw it asked once before, this morning.  Sorry for not getting a chance to reply    No, I hate her guts....   What the hell do you think?  Do you think I'd spend all this time and money on someone I didn't love?  Of course I love her.  That's the dumbest question you people have asked yet.  Boom right back at ya.

[lordtiberius]

If you are in love with her, then the possibility of her abandoning you or taking your life in a direction you had not anticipated is part of the deal when you say "I love you."

[jmana]

I glanced over most his posts, but even with that I picked up the history different.

12 years ago he marries a woman from Ukraine, that one ended 6 years ago.
Since then he lived with the nutty Korean for one year, and the woman from St Pete.

For the rest he is like many other who has already chosen his path and will do and say anything to justify himself, listening to those cheering him on.
You can try to insult him, shout at him or mock him, but that will have no effect.
Better to wish him luck, he will need it.

I don't understand what you are talking about?  Different history?  And what woman from St. Pete?  There is only one woman from St. Pete.  If you must know, I got divorced 6 years ago, then about a year and a half later met someone whom I was with for nearly 2 years.  Then a girl from Moscow came to visit me for a month, she was someone that I had been talking to but I wasn't really interested in doing the whole international marriage thing again at that time.  Plus I didn't really see any relationship potential in her.  Then I met a Korean girl (an American citizen) whom I was with for 2 years.  And for the last year (well 11 months to be exact) I've been involved with Alina who is from St. Pete.  Now I'm sure you guys will try to pick this apart and rip me to shreds for something, personally I don't care

[jmana]

If you are in love with her, then the possibility of her abandoning you or taking your life in a direction you had not anticipated is part of the deal when you say "I love you."

Dude, so is the possibility of one of us getting hit by a bus and dropping dead.  So what's your point??

[Shadow]

I don't understand what you are talking about?  Different history?  And what woman from St. Pete?  There is only one woman from St. Pete.  If you must know, I got divorced 6 years ago, then about a year and a half later met someone whom I was with for nearly 2 years.  Then a girl from Moscow came to visit me for a month, she was someone that I had been talking to but I wasn't really interested in doing the whole international marriage thing again at that time.  Plus I didn't really see any relationship potential in her.  Then I met a Korean girl (an American citizen) whom I was with for 2 years.  And for the last year (well 11 months to be exact) I've been involved with Alina who is from St. Pete.  Now I'm sure you guys will try to pick this apart and rip me to shreds for something, personally I don't care

Only for your math, but probably you are rounding it upwards.

[GQBlues]

Only for your math, but probably you are rounding it upwards.

LOL. See what I mean now, Shadow? 

Let's see....11 (son's age) - 6 (divorce point) - 1.5 (cooling off period) - 2 (wacky relationship #1) - .5 (wacky relationship #2) - 2 (wackiest relationship #3) - 1 (skyping cheap RW #2) = 0 (present time).

The math checks. So the kid was growing up *alone* while his Dad was sorting out himself having relationships with *crazy, cheap* women. Yup, the kid's definitely thinking it's about time for his Dad to continue the cheap saga by now.

Welcome to the MOB.

[Boethius]

About a hundred times??  You guys are really nuts.  I saw it asked once before, this morning.  Sorry for not getting a chance to reply    No, I hate her guts....   What the hell do you think?  Do you think I'd spend all this time and money on someone I didn't love?  Of course I love her.  That's the dumbest question you people have asked yet.  Boom right back at ya.

You can't possibly be in love after only 11 days of physical contact, even if you think you are.  Further, were you truly in love, you wouldn't be posting about this being a "maybe" thing.  It would be a certainty.

So you have had three failed relationships in less than a decade.  Before embarking on yet another romantic adventure, do you not believe it would be wise to look at why your relationships failed?  You are 50% of the problem and 50% of the solution. 

On another forum, I once asked (by PM) a poster Ade aptly renamed the "serial groom" why he believed his upcoming nuptials in Ukraine would be successful.  He had five failed relationships in his past.  He explained that he knew this time would work, because he had examined why his previous relationships had all ended badly, all within a few years, BTW, he knew his new bride was different, and so was he.  Guess what?  Within a year, he was embroiled in a somewhat bitter divorce, and has now moved on to wife number 7.

Now, if you were childless, I'd say hey, go for it!  But you are not.  If this relationship fails, you have exposed your child to yet another break up.  The message you are sending him is women are expendable, and relationships mean little.  You will also be on the hook for child support for this RW's child if she decides to stay in the U.S.
 
 

[lordtiberius]

Dude, so is the possibility of one of us getting hit by a bus and dropping dead.  So what's your point??

I made my point.  Happy Trails dude

[lordtiberius]

You can't possibly be in love after only 11 days of physical contact, even if you think you are.  Further, were you truly in love, you wouldn't be posting about this being a "maybe" thing.  It would be a certainty.

So you have had three failed relationships in less than a decade.  Before embarking on yet another romantic adventure, do you not believe it would be wise to look at why your relationships failed?  You are 50% of the problem and 50% of the solution. 

On another forum, I once asked (by PM) a poster Ade aptly renamed the "serial groom" why he believed his upcoming nuptials in Ukraine would be successful.  He had five failed relationships in his past.  He explained that he knew this time would work, because he had examined why his previous relationships had all ended badly, all within a few years, BTW, he knew his new bride was different, and so was he.  Guess what?  Within a year, he was embroiled in a somewhat bitter divorce, and has now moved on to wife number 7.

Now, if you were childless, I'd say hey, go for it!  But you are not.  If this relationship fails, you have exposed your child to yet another break up.  The message you are sending him is women are expendable, and relationships mean little.  You will also be on the hook for child support for this RW's child if she decides to stay in the U.S.

Some men complain about why family law is so messed up in America.  This is why