Ice cold behavior on first meet

[YoungBuck]

 yeah,  the cool adventure begins tomorrow in Moscow.
I liked the trip because it has changed my perception of my Russian friends.  I think I'll appreciate them way more now,  since they are good people.  also, I'm going to use this trip to hit on the Russian women from home. perhaps it's because I'm in a provincial town but I expected better looking girls. I've had it pretty good,  meeting Russian women through school and I need to  capitalize on that definitely at next conference I'll take the time to introduce myself to one of those hotties,  Lord knows how rare they are.

 now I know many of  you  think that no one owes  anything to anyone but I disagree.
a guest is to be treated with courtesy and respect. it is not respectful to jettison your guest out of your life,  just because.  it is  also not cool to walk out on plans,  like standing someone up on a date. if anything, online personas should be as close to reality,  but they are not,  and I  learned it the hard way. I asked her point blank,  would you show me around town even if we have zero attraction,  and she said yes. I have sat through  plenty of bad  dates,  because that person deserves respect. I  call back and write on how  it will not work out,  being truthful about why. I feel like crap when women pull the Houdini on me,  and I never learn why that didn't like me.

I wouldn't have done anything differently,  other than visit sooner,  but I still would have been totally pissed off by the treatment.

[Shadow]

YB I understand your feelings, but on how many bad dates you sat with your family as witness?

What is done is done, and as pointed out it is far better to kno directly as to be dragged around hoping you might turn around the events. She did not want you to spend any more money on her, and that should be counted as a plus.

Now have some fun in the jungle of Moscow, do not pretend to be gay as it can be expensive  . What starts now is the backup plan part, enjoy the experience to the maximum, you are free for anything.

[Daveman]

We don't live in Utopia.  You cannot control the behavior of others.  You can only create baggage within yourself by allowing yourself to become emotionally embroiled by any situation, even if the other party could have behaved in a more cordial way with no excuse for her behavior.  It is what it is. 


Saying she's a shitty person and having a slew of people agree with that assessment accomplishes what exactly?  How does it change what is?


That's the point.  There are always positives and negatives to every situation which means that there would also have been negatives for the scenario of her being polite and showing you around town for days while she's wishing she and you were somewhere else.


The point being, really, the less judgemental and, especially, less emotionally attached you become about/to that which you have no control, the more free you become. That's only a positive.

[lordtiberius]

yeah,  the cool adventure begins tomorrow in Moscow.
I liked the trip because it has changed my perception of my Russian friends.  I think I'll appreciate them way more now,  since they are good people.  also, I'm going to use this trip to hit on the Russian women from home. perhaps it's because I'm in a provincial town but I expected better looking girls. I've had it pretty good,  meeting Russian women through school and I need to  capitalize on that definitely at next conference I'll take the time to introduce myself to one of those hotties,  Lord knows how rare they are.

 now I know many of  you  think that no one owes  anything to anyone but I disagree.
a guest is to be treated with courtesy and respect. it is not respectful to jettison your guest out of your life,  just because.  it is  also not cool to walk out on plans,  like standing someone up on a date. if anything, online personas should be as close to reality,  but they are not,  and I  learned it the hard way. I asked her point blank,  would you show me around town even if we have zero attraction,  and she said yes. I have sat through  plenty of bad  dates,  because that person deserves respect. I  call back and write on how  it will not work out,  being truthful about why. I feel like crap when women pull the Houdini on me,  and I never learn why that didn't like me.

I wouldn't have done anything differently,  other than visit sooner,  but I still would have been totally pissed off by the treatment.

I had a virtual relationship with a teacher once.  I came back from Egypt to meet her and she was not what she looked like in her pictures.  I didn't want to have much to do with her after that.  Not saying you're a dog, but you know how women are, they could have any variety of reasons why she does not want to hang with you - even as friends.  Just move on.  That's my advice!

plenty of fish and if you are still in RUSSIA?  Game on!!!!

[GQBlues]

look,  oops,

 this is just good manners.  someone takes the time to visit you,  thirty hours of flight,  and the very least,  you owe thema  tour.  you wouldn't understand because you're not Hispanic,  we're friendly and know that this is not an easy trip.  only a selfish Jack ass thinks you don't owe nothing.

YB-

Get yourself together, dude.

It was always your decision to contact the gal, plan the trip, concoct stories in your head, etc...

I grant you that common courtesy can be expected to a degree, but somehow I think the position and eventual expectations on your part could've played a part in the way she eventually behaved with you. Based on many of things you assumed and said from your posts in the past about this particular association, you simply expected how things are supposed to be beyond what apparently they really are. And when it didn't unfold like you imagined, you challenge her decency.

Man, that's just lame.

Now it would be totally different if someone invited you to come and stay with them, then you make the plans accordingly and pay for your itineraries, etc...then once you got all that done, they tell you the invitation is off the table and without so much as making any kind of effort to atone or offer any type of assistance for the predicament they/he/she placed you in.

You see, to me, that's flat-out crass. There apparently are some Americans who are actually capable of doing this.

[Muzh]

If you truly believe this, you will not have a happy marriage.

She is probably nervous.  It is not nothing to contemplate a possible relationship and life away from your family, your language, your country, your life, everything familiar, for the unknown with a stranger who may or may not be good to you.  Plus, a woman's world is very different from that of a man.

I think that is what he did with his GF in UA.
 
He is such a caring and gentle soul, isn't he?

[ML]

Regardless of how much time and effort was involved, or what was said during communication, the first meeting is a long commute for an expensive first date and that's all it is.  Neither of you are obligated for anything.

This may be true for dating within ones own country; but there are definite obligations that are part of the Geneva Convention Treaty when it comes to International Dating.

Any trip greater than 3,000 miles (as the crow flies) requires that sex be furnished to the traveler.

In this case, there were at least 3 options:  The gal, the sister, and the mother.

So it was just a case of family rudeness.

[lordtiberius]

kinda funny   

[YoungBuck]

I think I know the point when she changed her mood,  now thinking about it.
 she said she liked cats and asked me if I had any pets. I  said dog,  and because they are loyal. apparently loyalty is bad because she said that dogs are mindless creatures and that cats are independent.  pretty much I argued that cats treat their owners as pets where a dog as family... afterwards,  she changed mood. I didn't think about it,  but I never argued with her online.
I  guess she didn't like to be told what to think, and felt that I would control her like a pet.
 it also didn't help that I playfully teased her about watching Mexican soap operas. I  joked and I  said,  well I  can give you a list of  good ones to watch but this one kind of sucks.  yeah I  may have come of as rude,  but I used to kid around with my ex a lot and she give it back good.

I find that I changed,  and that I act with women like if I was with her.  now I'm aware I should change that.

[Gator]

  yeah I  may have come of as rude,  but I used to kid around with my ex a lot and she give it back good.

Evidently it did not endear you with your -ex considering she is gone.
 

I find that I changed,  and that I act with women like if I was with her.

Besides removing your -ex from your life, you need to be more serious.    Russian humor in playing around is different from American SOH.  Recognize that Russians think Americans are silly.  And you want an educated RW whose SOH would be even more sophisticated than the average Russian!   You are demonstrating the foolish and socially inept definitions of the word "nerd."
 
 

[GQBlues]

...yeah I  may have come of as rude,  but I used to kid around with my ex a lot and she give it back good.

Yup. Sometimes those pesky images are much closer than they appear.

[Gator]

I asked her point blank,  would you show me around town even if we have zero attraction,  and she said yes. .

So what!  Unless you are a travel geek and her city is a "DO NOT MISS" part of Russia, why would you want to spend more time with a woman who is not your type and who does not like you?   
 
She did you a favor.  She released you to salvage your trip and have more fun than you would ever have with her.   
 

  yeah,  the cool adventure begins tomorrow in Moscow.

Glorious city.  If salsa dancing is among your skills, go to a salsa club.   Many unattached RW there.  Some have heads that were not wrapped tightly as a baby, thus giving them normal foreheads.      

[lordtiberius]

Glorious city.  If salsa dancing is among your skills, go to a salsa club.   Many unattached RW there.  Some have heads that were not wrapped tightly as a baby, thus giving them normal foreheads.   

THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE ON THIS THREAD.

YB, if you don't follow this advice, you don't have a hair on your a$$

[JayH]

YB- thanks for persisting in posting in the thread and updating situation.Forum has a lot of information and this thread personifies so much of it--  virtually every post has some good advice in it--  I mean in general--not just to your case..Probably worth noting by the op--is how well  posters have been able to 2nd guess him and situation-- not 100% perfect but certainly very high degree of accuracy how your trip has unfolded.
FWIW--Iam on her side of the ledger on her behaviour and thinking. I am laughing at the cat/dog example-- you have seen an example of "different" thinking--and crashed straight into the hurdle!!
It is clear you have made mistake upon mistake-- the big trick is to learn and adapt.
   I am pretty sure that most posters offering comment here can tell you of their mistakes in the process--that is called experience!!
  Regardless of who/how/what you are -live and learn--open your mind and enjoy every moment of life.

Big applause to all posters in this thread.

[Ooooops]

. I asked her point blank,  would you show me around town even if we have zero attraction,  and she said yes.

You mean you asked her that before your trip while chatting on-line?   And then she withdrew her offer once you came over?  Ok, I'm with you on that - a promise is a promise, she shouldn't have done that or at least made some other arrangements for you to see the place. 

[Ooooops]

Some have heads that were not wrapped tightly as a baby, thus giving them normal foreheads.   

 

[Isthmus]

YB, there certainly would have been more things than just the dog/cat episode. Meeting in person is a filtering process, you find things out about each other that you never can online. Not everyone is suited for each other. You have now found out that you two are not suited for each other. She actually did you a favour by not going through the motions and telling you early in the piece that its not going to work out.

She has given you the opportunity to have another shot with other ladies whilst on this trip. Don't blow this opportunity by wallowing in self pity or suddenly observing that RW supposedly have odd shaped foreheads, lol.

Get out there and meet some other ladies and enjoy the rest of your trip.

I recently had a similar type of situation and for the second half of my trip organised to meet other ladies and actually hit it off immediately with one of the girls I met and now we talk every day and plan to meet up again soon. The lass I originally went to visit actually did me a huge favour 

[JohnDearGreen]

If you are in Voronezh as you previously mentioned, it is not the place to find a desperate village girl.   Many colleges and professionals in the area and probably no shortage of men.

[Anotherkiwi]

I can understand that the travel was a huge day, especially if it had been delayed.

However.

I would advice any man if a woman is welcoming him at the airport or at the train station :
To get a razor and one hour before the final arrival shave himself.
To wash himself as he can and bring some clothes in cabin to change at least his underclothes.
To perfume himself also.

This a basic, you have some women who are VERY sensitive to smell.

The first ten seconds she see you/come close to you are CAPITAL.

Pat, while your advice is always worthwhile, some of what you have written here just cannot be done on an international flight.  Shaving, for example, is out of the question if you use a non-electric razor (e.g. Gillette or whatever) because it wouldn't be allowed in your cabin bag.  Also, shaving cream would be banned because I've never seen it in a transparent can that is less than 100 ml in size.  The same applies to perfume (I'm guessing that you mean deodorant and/or aftershave/cologne) for the same reason.
 
Washing up and changing underclothes (and shirt) is certainly possible, and should be encouraged.  However, all of the above can actually wait until you get to the airport - collect your luggage, with its oversize containers of deodorant and shaving cream, and head straight to the rest room to freshen up and change (unless you are running late for a connecting flight).  It's not as though your lady friend will be waiting in the baggage claim area to greet you - unless she works in that part of the airport!  The extra 10 or 20 minutes that this takes should be well worth-while, and with luck you can blame Customs and Immigration if you are the last one out into the terminal.

[TomT]

I think I know the point when she changed her mood,  now thinking about it.
 she said she liked cats and asked me if I had any pets. I  said dog,  and because they are loyal. apparently loyalty is bad because she said that dogs are mindless creatures and that cats are independent.  pretty much I argued that cats treat their owners as pets where a dog as family... afterwards,  she changed mood. I didn't think about it,  but I never argued with her online.
I  guess she didn't like to be told what to think, and felt that I would control her like a pet.
 it also didn't help that I playfully teased her about watching Mexican soap operas. I  joked and I  said,  well I  can give you a list of  good ones to watch but this one kind of sucks.  yeah I  may have come of as rude,  but I used to kid around with my ex a lot and she give it back good.

Facts can be debated but opinions and beliefs cannot. This falls into the same cubbyhole as the relax thing.

[Ooooops]

Also, shaving cream would be banned because I've never seen it in a transparent can that is less than 100 ml in size.  The same applies to perfume (I'm guessing that you mean deodorant and/or aftershave/cologne) for the same reason.

You know, you don't have to buy a gallon bucket of perfume, even if it's a good deal.       They come in 50 ml size which is perfectly fine for airplane security. 

[southernX]

  patagonie

She was agressive towards her family because she realized that the best would had been to save her family from this meeting without future, she was angry against herself FIRST.



 Patagonie
 
« Any newby, now or in the future, as reading this thread, should notice :

1/ All emotions and disappointement endured by the visitor.
2/ Do you really think that a guy who suffer from this story today is ready to endure an other failure in six months ?  And do you think that he will stay in the international marriage tour if a third failure should happen to him ?
I let you answer.

Observe also how quickly this girl had rebounded and cut the relationship, and how she is realistic (she had been honest, she wanted to meet him as a possible husband, not to suck him and not to be a guide). She is absolutely right, it makes any sense to spend one minute more time with him.

YB

pats points above are spot on ,

your may have felt you understood this girl , but from your posts it would seem you may have had a chance with her but lost it very quickly by failing to fully understand her ,

just about all FSU people i know are friendly and warm , however you need to be respectfull , patient and understand  know   how to behave yourself and have normal expectations on any dates /meetings until you have really cemented a bond ,
small simple first mistakes on your part can cost you

this girl it seems took very little time to decide you are not for her , for whatever reasons ,

let it go , look at what your actions reflect on them , 

enjoy the rest of your trip ,

best advice i ever had was to keep an ''open mind and positive attitude '',
dont jump to any quick assumptions on things , it often can be your downfall & lead to some classic misunderstandings

you have recieved lots of good advice here , reflect on it ,

learn from the experience ,

enjoy the rest of your stay &good luck

SX

[lordtiberius]

Most of us are pulling for you.  I am.  If you can salsa, why are uou even if the FSU, dancers have no shortage of woman face time.  Date locally and internationally, its all about you.  Be a good guy and you will find a nice girl wherever she is from.

[Chicagoguy]

yb - It seems to me that the women I met respected a take charge type of guy. I don't mean bossy but not obsequious [ not servile ]  either.
Maybe positive and unafraid sounds better ?
Best wishes for you !

[Ooooops]

yb - It seems to me that the women I met respected a take charge type of guy. I don't mean bossy but not obsequious [ not servile ]  either.

I think that this girl is a different type judging by cat vs. dog conversation.