Ice cold behavior on first meet

[Konfushus]

To YoungBuck -

Before you spend too much time figuring out where you went wrong with this gal, let me offer you a different perspective.

The biggest mistake you made with this chick is that you took too long to get rejected.

Rejection is good. Without rejection we men would end up with the first hot chick that came along eventually unhappy because we have nothing in common with her. Look at your situation. In person you didn't click with this gal. You didn't like how she treated her family. You go as far as to say you think she's crazy and understand why a pretty girl like her would still be alone...

...and you STILL wanted another date to have a 'chance' with her!

...and now you're reflecting in detail on what you did to blow it and how not to blow it again next time, right?

No no no. You didn't blow it. You should have been done with this chick earlier that's all. Here's what I suggest.

First and foremost, be yourself. If your sense of humor is important to you, display it proudly. If you like to tease chicks like you did with your ex, do it from day one. If you have strong opinions on something, affirm them. Don't be shy to discuss, disagree and argue. Don't be someone else for chicks. You're looking for a wife not a lay, so act as you do around your family and best friend. Your wife will be both.

Be your best self. If there are things you personally don't like about yourself, change them. Improve yourself, but do it for you and nobody else. Don't change who you are for the sake of a chick.

Don't care so much about looks. If this chick was 20 years older and 40 pounds heavier you wouldn't have been thinking about a second 'chance'. When you're mesmerized by a beautiful gal, imagine her 20 years from now. The less you care about looks, the more beauty you will see and the more comfortable you'll be around women. Ironically, the less you care about looks, the more attractive you will be to good looking women.

Don't fear rejection and don't be afraid to reject. Look for compatibility. If it's not there, don't try to create it. Be happy to move on.

Lastly, if you don't find Russian women particularly attractive, don't waste your time looking in Russia. You want a nerdy chick that's cute, find her in the US. There are many.

[Shadow]

Don't care so much about looks. If this chick was 20 years older and 40 pounds heavier you wouldn't have been thinking about a second 'chance'. When you're mesmerized by a beautiful gal, imagine her 20 years from now. The less you care about looks, the more beauty you will see and the more comfortable you'll be around women. Ironically, the less you care about looks, the more attractive you will be to good looking women.

In many cases you can look at her mother and see that 20 years and 40 pounds.
With Mrs Shadow I still have hopes.... but I love her anyway

[ML]

In many cases you can look at her mother and see that 20 years and 40 pounds.

But, with gals still in their 20s, you need to look at their grandmothers.

Then there are some who will take after their father's physique.

In any case, it is a risky undertaking, and best to have warranties and guaranteed value trade in certificates like some auto manufacturers are offering now.

[Chicagoguy]

Many good and thoughtful comments here. Maybe some should be pinned ?

[Daveman]

...maybe not dreaming of full blown comedian, but humor and even a lot of humor (as in frequent jokes or humorous stores everyday) has worked great for me with women the world over (except for orientals).

Yes, there were a few (actually very small percentage, like 10% or less) who didn't appreciate humor . . . and they were quickly dropped.

Agree...


.. and even a fair comedian is a happy comedian... once fully blown

[Shadow]

But, with gals still in their 20s, you need to look at their grandmothers.

Then there are some who will take after their father's physique.

That would leave a very big question to answer in this case....

[ML]

That would leave a very big question to answer in this case....

Yeah, that's where the operation option kicks in.

[Ooooops]

[size=78%].. and even a fair comedian is a happy comedian... once fully blown[/size]

Don't we just loooove happy endings?

[BillyB]

 

YB, in previous posts it seemed as if you had a romantic scenario all laid out, a best case fantasy as it were.

To YB's credit he came to the forum, asked lots of questions and did lots of reading. He did more to educate himself on this process and the culture over there than most but ultimately it was bad chemistry when meeting that did him in. If he did a better job in reading the lady during correspondence, he may have avoided this trip and visited a lady more suited for him.
 
 

a lot of humor (as in frequent jokes or humorous stores everyday) has worked great for me with women the world over (except for orientals).

Having a great sense of humor has worked for me and most RW like that in a man but I find if men try to tell jokes to get RW to laugh, it can backfire. #1,2, and 3 priorities in no particular order for RW looking to marrying a man is that he's serious, responsible and financially stable. Being a comedian is not much of a factor to being a good husband and father for children. At this time YB needs to focus on improving on 1 through 3 before improving his skills as a stand up comedian.

[2tallbill]

 never did I imagine her being so cold and discarding me like last week's newspaper.

In my mind she did you a favor. Instead of stringing you along while
she wasn't interested she gave you the opportunity to find somebody
that you IS interested in you.


Join Mamba, spend a few bucks and become a premium member and
write a hundred girls. I've been in your exact situation myself many
times.


Udachi !


Bill

[Isthmus]

In my mind she did you a favor. Instead of stringing you along while
she wasn't interested she gave you the opportunity to find somebody
that you IS interested in you.


Join Mamba, spend a few bucks and become a premium member and
write a hundred girls. I've been in your exact situation myself many
times.

Bill is 100% correct. She did you a favour and now you must take advantage of a unique opportunity.

I was in the same situation you are in currently, back in August and I made sure that the second part of my trip was not wasted (and it wasn't).

Get out there YB, get out there! 

[Ooooops]

YB must be in Moscow by now, having fun with his college buddies.   

[LAman]

YB must be in Moscow by now, having fun with his college buddies.   

Did I read wrong or was it a girl( singular) that YB wanted to meet her friends????
Does he really want more high foreheads and strange shaped heads??????? 

[Ooooops]

Did I read wrong or was it a girl( singular) that YB wanted to meet her friends????

Ooooops!   I always tend to be a believer and give benefit of a doubt!...   

[Faux Pas]

Did I read wrong or was it a girl( singular) that YB wanted to meet her friends????
Does he really want more high foreheads and strange shaped heads??????? 

He was in "kicked to da'curb" rejected mode. The foreheads will suddenly and strangely start taking a different shape once he finds one to shower him with some attention 

[ML]

Back in my Navy days when we hit the bars in some slimy ports, there were mostly butt ugly gals in the bars.

We guys agreed that it would be best to just drink and ignore these gals.  But, after a few drinks, we would start to discuss how gal X really wasn't too bad looking.  And  shortly we noticed that gal Y was actually quite good looking.

Don't know if we even noticed the shape of heads.

[Shadow]

 
Having a great sense of humor has worked for me

That explains a lot of your posts....

[mendeleyev]

I've been thinking of his situation and am still curious why she didn't at least play the part of hostess for a brief time after informing him that there was no interest in him long term. Even if there was a local guy lurking around a knowledgeable Dad can handle a local boyfriend by firmly letting him know that daughter is playing tour guide temporarily and to cool his jets in the meantime.

Local families most often are thrilled with visitors, especially those from abroad--in fact that can be a point of pride. It is not unusual for a family to brag to neighbors that "a young man from America, son of a friend from the past/exchange student/son of a distant relative, etc, stopped by and we were so proud that our daughter could show him around for a couple of days." I know lots of Russian families that would have told the gal that she invited him over and therefore it was her responsibility to at the least be a polite hostess for a minimal time.

My guess is that they did just that and such was part of her anger with her family. Which if correct, would tell me the 23 year old is still immature and not ready for marriage, therefore YB escaped a possible costly mistake.

[Ooooops]

I've been thinking of his situation and am still curious why she didn't at least play the part of hostess for a brief time after informing him that there was no interest in him long term.

I went back and read some of YB's posts.   This struck me as an eye opener. 

I dont mind an intense nerd since I am like that

 Is this is the case then I can't really blame this girl, 'cause it may be just intolerable.   Which brings it back to "don't pretend to be somebody that you ain't".

[YoungBuck]

After spending some time here in Moscow, I definitely know it's more to my taste.

1) Moscow has some English speakers. I even ran into some Cubans. I was very tired and frustrated not being able to communicate. Felt like a mute, and the only English speaker I knew was my Russian pen pal. and her sister...

I would definitely suggest a neutral ground for anyone contemplating a meet up. No one should have home advantage, or else they could just cut you and carry on like you never existed. At least, both parties feel equally invested and willing to give it a shot.

2) Moscow is like a Russian New York. It has everything a modern city offers yet the history is alluring. Yes I meant, yet, haha. I have spent full days just walking and absorbing it all. It has definitely been the perfect back up.
I don't know about continuing the mob thing though. I've been in this holding pattern in my love life. The prolonged conversation we had, I felt for the first time since my break up, willing to love wholeheartedly again, but I'm back to square one. She, like my ex, seemed so repulsed by my existence. With my ex, I don't know how I went from being her one and only, to despicable. I never cheated, I never hit her, I didn't do anything off. I was just being me. Yeah I know, I'm a mess.

I wouldn't suggest back up plans with more women, but a true vacation. After a disastrous half, a vacation helps reset. Meeting more agency girls and failing constantly is not my idea of a good time.

If your soft hearted this isn't for you. I'm starting to see what people call the mysterious Russian soul, and it's carving an existence from a bleak reality. People act courteous because they need to save face later, but if they will never see you again, courtesy is just a fancy word that's hard to write. That's why we have stories of Russian women walking out with family in tow after the green card arrives. That's cruel but that's life.

3) the genetic diversity in Moscow is greater and with 12 million people I definitely see the Russian girl I'm fond of. It also helps that they are stylish. Picture large Turkic green eyes, on a backdrop of white skin and blonde hair dressed in fur. Unique mixture, combining European and Asian features, but I dig. In voronezh 90% looked the same, and they were frumpy.

Well, I avoided writing to Moscow girls because everyone said they were just gold diggers and sex workers, but for someone willing to do groundwork, a natural approach of a few weeks to meet girls could be more worthwhile than writing letters back and forth.

4) Also, big city personalities, like myself from los Angeles, are not going to like the small town feel. There was a lot of poverty in Voronezh, and it had that Tijuana vibe. The streets had no gutters, they were overflowed, and the buildings were literally falling down inside. There were upturned cars, gutted out, like some war zone. I definitely didn't like that because it was playing into the western man rescuing the eastern girl meme.

I'm afraid to say, but I must have repulsed her a lot if I couldn't even sell the LA lifestyle of a beachfront condo, fashionable clothes, fancy cars, etc. Shit I suck.

I actually never told her about my expensive tastes, but I hinted at it. I just didn't want to give her the wrong impression: that I wanted to buy her. Perhaps I should have said earlier I'm a capable man, instead of looking like some punk kid with a Russian fetish.

Live and learn.

One thing that bothers the most is that she thought I was a sex tourist or player. She's not the only person to say that either, and I really don't know why; I don't touch, look or say anything but everything is misconstrued to their opinion of me. I have never been able to recover from that negative light. It's a vibe they pick up on, but ironically, I didn't even want to have sex. Perhaps they pick up on what my body is craving and not about what my mind is thinking?
Or is it because Latino culture that is just so hyper sexualized that I don't even catch what I'm doing

I don't know. This chapter of my life is over. I don't even know how the next one will begin.

 thanks everyone for the tough love and kind words.

[Ooooops]

Welcome to the real world, Dorothy   

[flitabout62]

After spending some time here in Moscow, I definitely know it's more to my taste.

1) Moscow has some English speakers. I even ran into some Cubans. I was very tired and frustrated not being able to communicate. Felt like a mute, and the only English speaker I knew was my Russian pen pal. and her sister...

I would definitely suggest a neutral ground for anyone contemplating a meet up. No one should have home advantage, or else they could just cut you and carry on like you never existed. At least, both parties feel equally invested and willing to give it a shot.

2) Moscow is like a Russian New York. It has everything a modern city offers yet the history is alluring. Yes I meant, yet, haha. I have spent full days just walking and absorbing it all. It has definitely been the perfect back up.
I don't know about continuing the mob thing though. I've been in this holding pattern in my love life. The prolonged conversation we had, I felt for the first time since my break up, willing to love wholeheartedly again, but I'm back to square one. She, like my ex, seemed so repulsed by my existence. With my ex, I don't know how I went from being her one and only, to despicable. I never cheated, I never hit her, I didn't do anything off. I was just being me. Yeah I know, I'm a mess.

I wouldn't suggest back up plans with more women, but a true vacation. After a disastrous half, a vacation helps reset. Meeting more agency girls and failing constantly is not my idea of a good time.

If your soft hearted this isn't for you. I'm starting to see what people call the mysterious Russian soul, and it's carving an existence from a bleak reality. People act courteous because they need to save face later, but if they will never see you again, courtesy is just a fancy word that's hard to write. That's why we have stories of Russian women walking out with family in tow after the green card arrives. That's cruel but that's life.

3) the genetic diversity in Moscow is greater and with 12 million people I definitely see the Russian girl I'm fond of. It also helps that they are stylish. Picture large Turkic green eyes, on a backdrop of white skin and blonde hair dressed in fur. Unique mixture, combining European and Asian features, but I dig. In voronezh 90% looked the same, and they were frumpy.

Well, I avoided writing to Moscow girls because everyone said they were just gold diggers and sex workers, but for someone willing to do groundwork, a natural approach of a few weeks to meet girls could be more worthwhile than writing letters back and forth.

4) Also, big city personalities, like myself from los Angeles, are not going to like the small town feel. There was a lot of poverty in Voronezh, and it had that Tijuana vibe. The streets had no gutters, they were overflowed, and the buildings were literally falling down inside. There were upturned cars, gutted out, like some war zone. I definitely didn't like that because it was playing into the western man rescuing the eastern girl meme.

I'm afraid to say, but I must have repulsed her a lot if I couldn't even sell the LA lifestyle of a beachfront condo, fashionable clothes, fancy cars, etc. Shit I suck.

I actually never told her about my expensive tastes, but I hinted at it. I just didn't want to give her the wrong impression: that I wanted to buy her. Perhaps I should have said earlier I'm a capable man, instead of looking like some punk kid with a Russian fetish.

Live and learn.

One thing that bothers the most is that she thought I was a sex tourist or player. She's not the only person to say that either, and I really don't know why; I don't touch, look or say anything but everything is misconstrued to their opinion of me. I have never been able to recover from that negative light. It's a vibe they pick up on, but ironically, I didn't even want to have sex. Perhaps they pick up on what my body is craving and not about what my mind is thinking?
Or is it because Latino culture that is just so hyper sexualized that I don't even catch what I'm doing

I don't know. This chapter of my life is over. I don't even know how the next one will begin.

 thanks everyone for the tough love and kind words.

YB,  First thank you for your honest and open writing.  I'm positive that you've helped many who have thought about seeking Russian women but wanted to get a more realistic picture of what they could be getting into.   

From your impressions of Moscow, I'd say your see things as a first time visitor.  You see and notice things you that mentally you are expecting to see, but overlook many aspects of reality..  It's not bad, I've done this too, and believe its normal.  On my 5th trip to Moscow, hanging around the Parks, or going through the Metro system, I realized, there's lots of ordinary looking people.  Normal attractiveness as you'd find in any city of the world.  In general RW are no more special than any other woman in the world.  What makes any woman special is when you find YOUR woman.  Then she truly is special to you. 
Bottom line is that the seeking RW or AW or a woman from any country is that they are all more similar than they're different. 

If it's the first time she is meeting a foreigner, she'll likely have many of the same fears and nervousness that you experienced.  And her actions/reactions might seem strange or deceptive. 

But basically, it about boy meets girl, girl meets boy, decides they like each other... or dislike each other.... Relationships are formed and they break up.  There are no guarantees in any relationship.  We all need to learn to bounce back from failures and disappointments.  With each morning is the beginning of a new day, with new possibilities to achieve/find what we want from life.   
Take time to reflect on what you've experienced, then decide what your next step it.

Best of luck to you!

[Daveman]

 
To YB's credit he came to the forum, asked lots of questions and did lots of reading. He did more to educate himself on this process and the culture over there than most

And he actually got on a plane and went.





 

 At this time YB needs to focus on improving on 1 through 3 before improving his skills as a stand up comedian.

but the comedian would've gotten laid.


YB, better to release that inner comedian!   

[Daveman]

. She, like my ex, seemed so repulsed by my existence. With my ex, I don't know how I went from being her one and only, to despicable. I never cheated, I never hit her, I didn't do anything off. I was just being me.
...

When you settle into the relationship, do you become a pushover?  Some guys just want a woman, especially an attractive one, so much that they, perhaps even without realizing, give off a vibe of "yes dear I'll do anything for you".  or "I may lose you so I'm going to control everything so I don't|"


For the most part, that "fear of losing the woman" will ultimately cause the loss of the woman because it inevitably leads to repulsive (variety of) behavior(s) in one way or three.


This may not apply to you, but it's something to think about.

[Shadow]

Well, I avoided writing to Moscow girls because everyone said they were just gold diggers and sex workers, but for someone willing to do groundwork, a natural approach of a few weeks to meet girls could be more worthwhile than writing letters back and forth.

You must have been reading the wrong 'everyone'. Apart from myself there are a number of member here who found their partner in Moscow, and with around 500.000 available women in that area alone it would be hard to make any characerization.

What is true is that you will not be able to impress a Moscow woman with your wallet, if she is half attractive she has had better offers.
This is why the rejected cheapskates who thought a big wallet and blue passport would be enough will tell not to go after big city women.

I'm afraid to say, but I must have repulsed her a lot if I couldn't even sell the LA lifestyle of a beachfront condo, fashionable clothes, fancy cars, etc. Shit I suck.

I actually never told her about my expensive tastes, but I hinted at it. I just didn't want to give her the wrong impression: that I wanted to buy her. Perhaps I should have said earlier I'm a capable man, instead of looking like some punk kid with a Russian fetish.

Live and learn.

One thing that bothers the most is that she thought I was a sex tourist or player.

One thing here is what I wonder reading this. Did you tell her about the plans to visit Moscow, and if you did when and how.

Remeber that while men are told about scammers, women get to hear equally bad stories about sex tourists. She would not ever tell you, but if you have ever given the impression that Moscow would be more than a vacation that may have been the deal breaker. Especially as you never gave the impression you might invite her along if things went well.