Ice cold behavior on first meet

[Shadow]

Use those German classes. You will be surprised of how much German the average Russian knows, there are even a lot of German words that made it in to every day language.

[Daveman]

 by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong.  ditto on the men, and half of them are bald or balding. 
...

I KNEW there was more to that Tunguska event than the Ruskies were letting on!

[LiveFromUkraine]

Hmmm, now that you mention it, their foreheads are bigger!


Here is a picture of my ex.  I knew something was different but couldn't put my finger on it.

[Boethius]

I know what YB means.  One of my better half's hobbies was sketching, and even before we married, he said to me that my body type would pass as local, as would my features, but the shape of my head was not common there.

There are certain regions of  Ukraine known for particular types of features.  So, perhaps YB is a student of art, and is just more observant than the average individual.

[GQBlues]

...1. I didn't make the Enrique Iglesias cut.  but then again she's pretty to  me but she's no  Anna kournikova  either.  anyhow, I  told her to just treat this as meeting a dear friend.  be friendly and polite,  and just take things in stride.  she had not. ..

That's good to hear. You're well on your way to separating reality from fantasy. Never, EVER, abandon your instinct and begin second-guessing yourself. No one else is around you right now to witness the things you describe so simply based on what you're saying...let the sleeping dog lie.

Women are prone to be far more direct with their action than men are when they are attracted to someone. Regardless of age, regardless of culture. That's how it is at home, how it was in Russia and any other places on this earth I have been to. Don't also forget that most of the social and/or dating tips you'll get on fora within the MOB are mostly from Medicare recipients whose irrelevant lives had come to past in their own societies and the other are simply social misfits/outcasts. When they spot a fish out of water flopping around, they extract that reaction as an excitable fish. It isn't and don't you believe that. When you do spot one, know that fish is dying and struggling to get air. So, if she's a cold fish to you - it is because she's struggling to get away from you. Move on.

I call it as I see it.

...2.  her behavior around her family was pretty mean/ rude,  especially around company.  she was angry that her family was ultra friendly. she was angry that they used the wrong tea  sets,  etc. that's where my,  crazy radar,  turned on.  this is not me ego protecting.  that's why I asked. I don't want someone who can disrespect her parents because she's definitely going to disrespect her husband.  now is she crazy,  or just flustered?..

If you're basing this on the sound of the tone in her voice, take heed in what Boethius told you. Even when Russians speak conversational English (not those silly electronic-translator dependents), they tend to carry the same *language tone* they naturally have. It just sounds *confrontational* when it really isn't.

Now that would be different if you're also witnessing the reaction of the people who were receiving her verbal deliveries. If there's an obvious strain, angst, and/or unfavorable reaction from them everytime she speaks, then get the hell out. It doesn't matter if it's cultural, bad behavior is just that- bad.

... so I avoided meeting her yesterday,  and she didn't bother to write or call....

Exactly. And neither should you.

...I  sat at the bar thinking  about why I'm here,  after touring town,  and I've decided to try taking her out to the circus and dinner,  I'm going to make arrangements for tomorrow.  I'll talk to her then,  but after some laughs are had....

Someone please turn off Air Supply. It's focking with this guy's mind. You do that, no need to take her to any circus, dude. She's already with you and you'll be a one-man show.

...by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong....

Yup. Truth of the matter is, look closer on those *pretty ones* and take notice how much make-up they have on. The FSU has no monopoly of pretty women. I know you've heard that to be from so many on the boards like this, but like I said, ALWAYS consider the source and those who tell the tales.


Are there beautiful Russian women? Of course. Plenty. Are there more beautiful women in the FSU than any other region in the world? Absolutely no. Are those in AM/RW marriages composed of nothing but beautiful FSUWs? Hell no. Not by a longshot. You don't believe me, attend one of their gatherings, LOL. Then look at the hubbies...these are the same dudes trying to give guys like you *dating tips*.
 

...just wish I knew Russian instead of taking all those German classes in college.

You're in the Capital city of Russia. Highly likely to meet a gal who can speak English than any other place in Russia, except St Pete. Don't weasel out and start to make excuses to not circulate yourself. That sounds a lot like *I'm searching in Russia because ALL AWs are fat* talk. You ain't a loser.

[tfcrew]

3 words...

Back up plan.

[cc3]

YB: "...by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong..."

You are in a most definite minority among the members of this forum, for your lack of appreciation for the beauty of eastern Slavic women. Why not search in Columbia for a partner who meets your esthetic parameters...prettiest women in Latin America and lots of blondes with Hispanic facial features, rather than Slavic.   

[GQBlues]

YoungBuck-

FWIW, here's a blog by Anatoly Karlin. He's pretty pragmatic about all things Russian. There's a small presentation rendered in his blog, titled:

THE 5 TYPES OF RUSSIAN AMERICAN

One of these types he classified are the Mail-Order-Brides variety. So that you understand I'm not alone in speaking the truth, here's a portion within his blog...

"...A common delusion that feeds the “mail order brides” industry is that Russian women are less feminist than their over-entitled Western counterparts, eternally thankful for the opportunity to escape poor, barbaric Russia with its alcoholic Beastmen, and hotter to boot. Sounds like a good deal, no?

But while traditional gender roles are indeed far more prevalent in Russia than in the US or Britain, this does not extend into family relations – Russia’s divorce rate is over 50%, which is only slightly lower than in the US. Furthermore, the type of American man who actually orders a bride online is typically someone who does not have the social skills to compete for America’s admittedly much narrower pool of non-obese women. These Russian brides – strong and adventurous almost by definition, as per their choice to emigrate - don’t respect, let alone supplicate, to these Yankee betaboys.

The customer doesn’t get what he thought he signed up for, *as his Russian wife gets her residency papers, empties his bank account, wins alimony for any children they had together, and dumps him to ride the alpha cock carousel.* The embittered husbands then go on to vent their resentments to anyone who would listen and many who would not. But they have only their own loser selves to blame..."

* There are members here, past and present, who can fully relate to that.*

Also, look at the picture posted in support of this segment.

I do find it fascinating to read about his accounting of the US political leaning of most of these Russian-American living in America. I would have thought they would mostly support liberalism due to their socialist past.


The young hotties are for the most part gone from the MOB. They've had enough of the MOBers. Instead they trek a different pathway in the non-immigrant visa process and have been flooding places the like of South Hampton.


http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/09/01/russian-girls-invade-the-hamptons-in-hopes-of-becoming-trophy-wives.html


Just food for thought.....

What passes for “debate” between Team Left and Team Right in most Western countries is stale, banal, and insipid. Both are bursting at the seams with hamsters. I prefer to deal with objective reality, even if it does put me outside all the mainstream ideological groupings. But what to do? Anything else would just be dishonest, in which case why bother with punditry in the first place?


As such, I hesitate about attaching labels to myself. That said, if it’s really necessary, I suppose “liberal- conservative neoreactionary” would be close enough.


Though formally Orthodox Christian, I adhere to it for mostly cultural and traditional reasons as opposed to true faith. My metaphysics are more a melange of Gnosticism and digital physics than anything specifically Judeo-Christian.

[mendeleyev]

her behavior around her family was pretty mean/ rude,  especially around company.  she was angry that her family was ultra friendly. she was angry that they used the wrong tea  sets,  etc. that's where my,  crazy radar,  turned on.  this is not me ego protecting.  that's why I asked. I don't want someone who can disrespect her parents because she's definitely going to disrespect her husband.  now is she crazy,  or just flustered?

YB, I wish that things were going better but in the big picture, there is danger in trying to make something that just isn't there.

First, I agree with Bo on the emotional exchanges. The language itself lends to this style of speaking and others can read it for what it isn't. I'd be curious as to why she was angry with her family for being friendly. Does she feel they they are pushing her into a relationship and she isn't ready to commit on the first visit?

so I avoided meeting her yesterday,  and she didn't bother to write or call.

Not a good move on your part but neither on hers.

You need to have an honest conversation as has been suggested: We seemed to do so well on Skype, so what happened? Was it something I did or said, or after meeting do you not find me to be your type?

Give her a chance to be honest and direct before making decisions about your next step.

Yes on the foreheads. That is why they wear matching pointy shoes. I personally find that attractive.

[mendeleyev]

GQ, thanks for that link!

[tfcrew]

YB: "...by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong..."

You are in a most definite minority among the members of this forum, for your lack of appreciation for the beauty of eastern Slavic women. Why not search in Columbia for a partner who meets your esthetic parameters...prettiest women in Latin America and lots of blondes with Hispanic facial features, rather than Slavic.   

Agreed...not 'most'. However, go down to your local motor vehicle dept and see how many good looking chicks there are.
The head shape might be 'wrong' if you happen to be standing on yours

[Chicagoguy]

Looks differ wherever you go.
Here try:
1. North Michigan Ave
2. local Walmart
Any of us could go on and on with these comparisons.

[lordtiberius]

Where is YB?  Idk about Russia but Ukie is real Yankee friendly especially in the college area.  It's not hard to make friends there.  Why not make lemonade?

[Ooooops]

Painting a clear picture that suitor is not welcome means that that girl is really not into YB even remotely.   She didn't even bother to pretend to be polite and play the role of gracious hostess.   So either YB had wrong idea in his head before the trip or him in the flesh didn't match up to girls expectations.   

[LAman]

by the way, I don't think most Russian women are attractive.  they have weird foreheads and their head shape is all wrong.  ditto on the men, and half of them are bald or balding. 

Now, now, is this because you had your feelings hurt???? These quotes were before your trip....now they have weird foreheads and head shape wrong!!!!!
............When I would go to conferences, you had these beautiful Slavic women cover topics on semiconductor lasers and non-linear optics. I spoke to a few and they seemed very cool...
......I am not really familiar with Russians, but I'm guessing that just by being on a marriage agency website, that she will not "friend-zone" for lack of intent. It is pretty obvious I think she's hot, and want a relationship, otherwise I wouldnt be on it and neither would she 
 ....  I've browsed through the ads and I see many beautiful women but very few who would complement my personality
 

[lonedrake]

You need to have an honest conversation as has been suggested: We seemed to do so well on Skype, so what happened? Was it something I did or said, or after meeting do you not find me to be your type?

Give her a chance to be honest and direct before making decisions about your next step.

 Excellent advice. Rather than wonder...just talk to her about it.

However, I went back and read some of your posts and I believe you already know the answer.You are honest,intelligent and intuitive.

[LAman]

BTW, what site did you meet this 'cold fish'?

[lordtiberius]

Young Buck is a young buck.  How mang Oracles of wisdom had it figured out at 30?  Cut him some slack!

YB, what about ur Plan B?

[BillyB]

 

3 words...

Back up plan.

YB probably didn't bring one. He can go to mamba.ru and contact ladies in the city or sit in a coffee shop, introduce himself and ask to sit at a lady's table, and meet women on the street. The last thing he needs to do is get depressed asking why he did this or pursue something that isn't there.
 

so I avoided meeting her yesterday,  and she didn't bother to write or call.
 

It's not the responsibility of a lady to contact you and it's not worth asking what her feelings are at this moment because you already know that you're not happy with her so finding any hope in a relationship with the wrong person is not to your benefit.
 

I've decided to try taking her out to the circus and dinner,  I'm going to make arrangements for tomorrow. 

If she accepts, this is the time to thank her for hosting your visit and that you want to remain friends. If she doesn't accept, she beat you to what you should've done by ending this.

[YoungBuck]

thank you all for your comments.
I didn't mean to insult Russian women, I just meant that I find very few of them attractive. I  actually like the Asian looking Russian,  and that's my fault for being so picky.  yes,  I'm observant,  and I  studied  architecture,  art and painting,  music,  and engineering.  I'm a real nerd that's why I won't let up to find my nerdy girl.

I spoke with her,  and she said I looked fine,  but she didn't want me.  she said she was disappointed and that she thought of me differently. I  asked her how,  but she didn't say.
 she also said that she was nervous and unless she found the perfect guy,  she wouldn't consider even dating for fun.  looks like she's really picky too,  and she's a cold fish. maybe a tease?

I tried really hard to make her laugh,  and to agree to a date, but she said no. I'm leaving town tomorrow and visiting my friends in Moscow.  my friend is really hot,  and she's really smart too. I  hope to meet her friends.

 my problem is that my ex was really cute...and she was really smart. I  fucked up by not keeping her when I had the chance to win her back,  but I was so frustrated because she wanted a different life, and I'm a nerd,  not a cool guy.  so I compare everyone to her.

[Ooooops]

I'm a real nerd ..

May be that's why you got a cold shoulder from this girl after she saw real you and not your on-line alter ego "Young Buck"...   Nothing wrong with being a nerd, but chose your nick-name wisely next time. 

[YoungBuck]

I'm nerdy but not geeky. I rock  climb,  go offshore fishing,  etc... but  I'm not a cool guy in the sense of being smooth taking,  etc.
 I'm straight talking,  for sure,  and I wear my feeling on my sleeve.  that's my problem.

[Ooooops]

... I wear my feeling on my sleeve...

I see...   So it must be that girl was playing you, is it so?

[YoungBuck]

 she wasn't p laying me,  she's just really picky.
I don't blame her,  but i blame  myself for reading too much into the online relationship.  that's what I meant about wearing my feelings, I open up a lot.
 now if she was playing me she would have taken me, shopping,  and lighten my wallet a bit.

 I just feel frustrated because  she doesn't understand the effort that was made on her behalf.  meeting someone after months of online  should be different and you owe the person some time.  it's common sense and just plain good manners.

[Ooooops]

you owe the person some time.  it's common sense and just plain good manners.

Well, you had lunch at her home with her family.   Not good enough?