Ice cold behavior on first meet

[Gator]

It was funny, but she [your -ex] was quite boring.

Why would you have a relationship with someone who bores you?  Is your choice that limited?

That's where I post of my need to change. To fake it till I make it.

 
I find confusing with:
 

I'm doing all these things for my own enjoyment yes, but I think there was always that little bit of fear that kept me from them.

I am confused.  Did you fake it with both the -ex and RW, restraining  your real self?  Don't fake it.  Let the real you rise to the surface.  Do what you want to do.   Say what you want to say.  Have fun.  If it turns off a woman, keep looking.  If it turns off every woman, you have got a problem Youngbuck. 

Russian girl probably saw the same thing, and knew she was just growing up and exploring her world, and that I wouldn't be open to explore some of those places with her (hell no to a devil's threesome, j/k). She just arrived at that
conclusion faster than my ex.

If true,  this is the stuff you discover before deciding to fly to the FSU and meet only one woman.   You need to do a better job of discovery before getting on the plane.   However,  I do not believe your conclusion is true.  The way you wrote, as soon as you met she became a cold fish.  Forgive me but this suggests more of a physical turnoff rather than a revealing conversation about values, goals, compatibility, etc.  You say you arrived very tired, and had not showered.  Thus, it may not have been your facial features.   Only you know, and I think you are missing the point to be learned.
 
As someone suggested, this is the Internet and you can eventually find Ms. Right if you keep looking and are smart about your search.  Heck, even a short man can marry a 6' Princess.   

[Faux Pas]

My opinion of course, but...


I think he should not be looking for a relationship and should be dating as many girls as possible.  Get turned down as much as possible.  Start socializing with people outside of his normal friends.  Hell, make friends with more women.


I think there are a lot of guys like YB out there.  The toughest thing is breaking out of his shell and opening himself up to other people who he may/may not have a lot in common with.


The fact that he went to Russia means he is doing that.  I hope he continues to try new things and hopefully learn from his experiences.  I think the more experiences he has, the better he can gain wisdom from them.

Kudos to YB for actually making the trip but his continued musings doesn't indicate that he's learned anything. YB has a lot of unfinished business and baggage with his ex. He has made a trip to and returned from Russia and still harps about the ex. I'd highly recommend YB to finish or continue with the ex because he clearly isn't going to move forward with all that space she takes up in his head. There isn't room for anyone else and Rooski nerd girl apparently saw that pretty quickly

[LiveFromUkraine]

Kudos to YB for actually making the trip but his continued musings doesn't indicate that he's learned anything. YB has a lot of unfinished business and baggage with his ex. He has made a trip to and returned from Russia and still harps about the ex. I'd highly recommend YB to finish or continue with the ex because he clearly isn't going to move forward with all that space she takes up in his head. There isn't room for anyone else and Rooski nerd girl apparently saw that pretty quickly

I agree but I think the problem could be a matter of prospects.  I really think if he dated more, and became more successful at it, he wouldn't be thinking too much about the ex.

[Gator]

My opinion of course, but...


I think he should not be looking for a relationship and should be dating as many girls as possible.  Get turned down as much as possible.  Start socializing with people outside of his normal friends.  Hell, make friends with more women.


I think there are a lot of guys like YB out there.  The toughest thing is breaking out of his shell and opening himself up to other people who he may/may not have a lot in common with.

I completely agree, especially with your summary: the more experiences he has, the better he can gain wisdom from them.

The fact that he went to Russia means he is doing that. 

Yes, all of us should compliment him for doing that and in fact a couple of posters have.
 
 
One other point suggests there is hope for our Youngbuck.  He wrote this about his -ex:
 

I was inflexible and I wouldn't grow/change with her. She grew increasingly frustrated at me, so I dumped her. We couldn't go 1 hr without her fighting over something stupid. I knew from mutual friends she wanted to get back with me but I was just so angry about her attitude.

Such words suggest Youngbuck is not spineless.    A weaker man would have tried to please the -ex by doing what she demanded, and never would have been the one to break up.   He still needs more fortitude.  Although he dumped the -ex, she still lingers. 
 
Keep at it Youngbuck.  Hit the "delete button" regarding your -ex.  She failed to pass the test.  Do not revisit. 
 
Keep observing your interactions with women.   Your problem could be nothing more than doing a better job of screening women before getting involved with them.   

[GQBlues]

I was just going to post what Live said in response to Faux Pas.

For starters, YB can't yet *buy* a partner or a wife at this point in his life. Even to gals who can only follow finger commands and have no interest in learning their husband's language. Any decent non-desperate man will never do that anyway.

I digress.

My opinion of course, but...


I think he should not be looking for a relationship and should be dating as many girls as possible.  Get turned down as much as possible.  Start socializing with people outside of his normal friends.  Hell, make friends with more women...

Date without the pervasive mentality that it must always lead to something serious each and every time. Date to make friends, date to get comfortable being around women and thus begin to better understand them. Date because women would like for HIM to date them.

Contrary to MOB boards popular garbage musings, Russian women do not have a soul anymore than any other women in this world. The only thing inherently different with Russian women from American women, Chinese/ English..etc is that RWs speak Russian. They are NOT survivors or some other stupid idea guys put out there to add to the confusion. Nor are they a *thing* that can be, or should be, bought and eventually be treated like a disposable trash with a *check*.

They are women. They appreciate the same things in a man and relationship as any other women anywhere. If you find yourself having to *repeatedly fail* in your relationship with a woman - best you understand there's a high likelihood you'll miserable your entire life because you're far too obtuse and caught up with yourself to see things as they are.

...I think there are a lot of guys like YB out there.  The toughest thing is breaking out of his shell and opening himself up to other people who he may/may not have a lot in common with....

It isn't tough. It's the easiest part. He just needs to understand he can't get the proper advice from guys of the same suit. Change your social circle, your activities, maybe even some comfortable habit.

[Boethius]

The advice given by both GQ and LFU is golden.  YB, I think you should listen.

[LiveFromUkraine]

It isn't tough. It's the easiest part. He just needs to understand he can't get the proper advice from guys of the same suit. Change your social circle, your activities, maybe even some comfortable habit.

One of the marketing forums I frequent, I randomly talk to this one guy who markets pua stuff.  I think that is his main business but he dabbles in other markets.


A lot of the guys that end up being his customers have some strong social problems.  Many, in fact, have anxiety just by thinking about being in a room full of people. 


I have always been sociable.  I probably got it from my grandfather since we seem to be a lot alike.  It is hard for me to fathom that type of anxiety but I do believe it exists for many men.  Like anything that holds us back, these guys need to confront the fear and just "do it".  Many guys do just that but that doesn't mean they like it or love it.  They just realize they need to do it in order to meet their biological demands.  hah


I don't know if YB has that problem or not.  I do believe it can be a tough thing for some though. 


That is why I said to get turned down a lot.  After some time, you realize it isn't a big deal and the sky didn't fall on you.  There is always another girl around the corner.  The worst part, he will be dating and making friends with some really cool women even if it doesn't end up in marriage.


YB stuck it out here even after a lot of criticism.  I think he will do what needs to be done in order to be happy.

[Gator]

I just came across the  topic   started by Youngbuck and entitled, "RW: Do you want men to push the sexual envelope on a first meet?".
 
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=16455.0
 
It explains that he does not have much experience.    However, YB is far from hopeless, so keep at it.   
 

[YoungBuck]

Why would you have a relationship with someone who bores you?  Is your choice that limited?

However,  I do not believe your conclusion is true.  The way you wrote, as soon as you met she became a cold fish.  Forgive me but this suggests more of a physical turnoff rather than a revealing conversation about values, goals, compatibility, etc.  You say you arrived very tired, and had not showered.  Thus, it may not have been your facial features.   Only you know, and I think you are missing the point to be learned.
 
As someone suggested, this is the Internet and you can eventually find Ms. Right if you keep looking and are smart about your search.  Heck, even a short man can marry a 6' Princess.   

she was boring on her own,  but together we would do a lot. definitely made for pleasant company.  as for physical turn offs, photos/ video is pretty true to life. I don't think that's the case,  because most people say I look better in person,  younger too,  than in photos,  but who knows.
I normally expect a woman's photo to be better than real life,  and so I always forgive a little moustache or pimples,  bad tooth,  etc. I'm really not looking for a doll.  Like RW was in person, a nice tight little package,  where in the photos she looked sloppy,  but I noticed she had  facial imperfections  but photos  hide,  but who doesn't?

I'm not going to speculate so I wrote to RW  asking for an honest assessment. I  don't know if she'll write back but I know I have devoted  too much time already.
that's the problem with modern dating,  it takes all this work and time,  and it keeps me from doing the things I should be doing,  like working on that business proposal.

[LiveFromUkraine]

that's the problem with modern dating,  it takes all this work and time,  and it keeps me from doing the things I should be doing,  like working on that business proposal.

To think there are people out there that actually enjoy dating and meeting new people. It's crazy to think they waste all that time when they could be working on more important things.   


May I suggest a cat?

[Ooooops]

I'm really not looking for a doll.  Like RW was in person, a nice tight little package,  where in the photos she looked sloppy,  but I noticed she had  facial imperfections  but photos  hide,  but who doesn't?

Do you always say bad things about people who wronged you in the past? 

[LiveFromUkraine]

Do you always say bad things about people who wronged you in the past?

Maybe she rejected him because of insecurities that developed from having large nose nostrils?  Can you imagine sleeping next to someone who could suck the air right out of the room!  She couldn't live with waking up to a dead lover again and broke the relationship off.


They should make a movie out of this love tragedy.  Maybe Justin Beiber will play YoungBuck and Sandra Bullock can play the Russian woman with large nostrils. 

[Ooooops]

They should make a movie out of this love tragedy.  Maybe Justin Beiber will play YoungBuck and Sandra Bullock can play the Russian woman with large nostrils.

Justin Beiber - 


But jokes aside YB always seems to have couple of sweet things to slip into his sad stories.   Reminds me of an old Russian joke:


Guy walks into shrink's office and says - I have no friends!  May be you can help me to solve this problem, stupid ugly miserable old fart?

[LiveFromUkraine]

Justin Beiber - 


But jokes aside YB always seems to have couple of sweet things to slip into his sad stories.   Reminds me of an old Russian joke:


Guy walks into shrink's office and says - I have no friends!  May be you can help me to solve this problem, stupid ugly miserable old fart?

hehe  You Russians have all the good jokes.


I have always found imperfections to be much more endearing.  Perfection is boring.  I remember this one girl I dated that had the highest pitch voice (luckily it wasn't all the time) I have ever heard in person.  I really wasn't sure I could date her when we first met.  After some time, I quite enjoyed it when she got really excited and the pitch just kept getting higher and higher. 

When you see a little high pitched blonde woman, you automatically think dumb but she was very smart and cool. 

[Daveman]

...

When you see a little high pitched blonde woman, you automatically think dumb but she was very smart and cool. 

She must've had a weirdly shaped head!

[Ooooops]

[size=78%]I have always found imperfections to be much more endearing.  Perfection is boring.[/size]

Agree.   Imperfections make us human.  And again, oldie but goldie - beauty is in the eye of you know who.      High pitch can make you smile or can send you skin crawling, depending on your view of the person guilty of such voice.   Same goes for a perfect person - once you don't like 'em you quickly find what to hate about 'em.   

[LiveFromUkraine]

She must've had a weirdly shaped head!

hah  Nah, that was my endearing imperfection.  We were one heck of a power couple. 

[Gator]

I forgot to add - that is why I believe some Russians have soul.

[Ooooops]

He wrote powerful, profound, beautiful poems. 

Not only, I really like his prose writings -  http://www.amazon.com/Tales-Belkin-Writings-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140446753/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1383020216&sr=1-1&keywords=belkin+tales

[Daveman]

Agree.   Imperfections make us human.  And again, oldie but goldie - beauty is in the eye of you know who.      High pitch can make you smile or can send you skin crawling, depending on your view of the person guilty of such voice.   Same goes for a perfect person - once you don't like 'em you quickly find what to hate about 'em.   

But, there are no imperfect men. There are only those who have (yet) to be wifely refined. 

[Ooooops]

But, there are no imperfect men. There are only those who have (yet) to be wifely refined. 

You are a smart man.   And your wife is a very skillful refiner.   

[Ooooops]

Pushkin was a womanizer and a skirt chaser.    His poor Natali must have shed a lot of tears into her pillow at night....

That's why I don't like to read biographies of famous people... 

[Daveman]

You are a smart man.   And your wife is a very skillful refiner.   

 


That she is!  But don't tell her...it could .. ahhh, too late. 

[Ooooops]

That she is!  But don't tell her...it could .. ahhh, too late.

Don't you, Americans, have this universal wisdom - "happy wife = happy life"?   

[Belvis]

I have always found imperfections to be much more endearing.  Perfection is boring.

Well, you're Osgood from the cult classic movie "Some Like It Hot". 
The final  dialogue there:
 

 
    Daphne: Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
    Osgood: Why not?
    Daphne: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
    Osgood: Doesn't matter.
    Daphne: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
    Osgood: I don't care.
    Daphne: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
    Osgood: I forgive you.
    Daphne: I can never have children!
    Osgood: We can adopt some.
    Daphne/Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!  Uhhh, I'm a man!
    Osgood: Well, nobody's perfect!