Done!

[Boethius]

Posters can only react to what you post, jmana.  The fact you did not book tickets all the way through suggests you did not put much thought into your lady's arrival.  Surely, in the U.S. there would be a flight, and you could have met her.  If you could not find one online, you should have called a travel agent.  Further, it was you who posted you would not spend $1000 for an overnight flight and hotel stay.  So, based on your own words, what other conclusion can readers draw?

I remember, before my marriage, landing in Moscow.  I needed to arrange the papers for my marriage at the embassy, so was not catching a connecting flight to Kyiv until the next evening.  My fiance took an overnight train to Moscow to greet me at the airport, something I did not ask him to do, as I would be back in Kyiv the next day, and I was used to travelling that route.  In those days (before the Soviet collapse), he could not stay in the foreign hotel I was compelled to stay in, and he would not enter the embassy, so he took a train back to Moscow later that night.  I'm not suggesting that is the only way, but it was a demonstration to me of my importance in his life.  It seems to me that for you, it is about your convenience.  You have not thought about your lady's convenience or comfort.   

[jmana]

Posters can only react to what you post, jmana.  The fact you did not book tickets all the way through suggests you did not put much thought into your lady's arrival.  Surely, in the U.S. there would be a flight, and you could have met her.  If you could not find one online, you should have called a travel agent.  Further, it was you who posted you would not spend $1000 for an overnight flight and hotel stay.  So, based on your own words, what other conclusion can readers draw?

I remember, before my marriage, landing in Moscow.  I needed to arrange the papers for my marriage at the embassy, so was not catching a connecting flight to Kyiv until the next evening.  My fiance took an overnight train to Moscow to greet me at the airport, something I did not ask him to do, as I would be back in Kyiv the next day, and I was used to travelling that route.  In those days (before the Soviet collapse), he could not stay in the foreign hotel I was compelled to stay in, and he would not enter the embassy, so he took a train back to Moscow later that night.  I'm not suggesting that is the only way, but it was a demonstration to me of my importance in his life.  It seems to me that for you, it is about your convenience.  You have not thought about your lady's convenience or comfort.

It's not exactly convenient for me to take an extra day off work and drive all day through terrible traffic in I-95, wait in an airport for who knows how long, then drive all night long    I thought that alone would demonstrate her "importance in my life" but I guess to you guys it's all about the $$$.   Well I think I am going to get her a hotel for the night, now you can go ahead and tell me I'm a piece of crap because I'm not getting her a room at the Ritz Carlton, but that's fine.  All that matters to me is the hotel has a shuttle to the airport so she won't have to worry about getting a taxi.  I don't know if she'll be happy about having to go back to the airport in the morning or not, but if she's not happy I'll blame it all on you guys

[Boethius]

It's not exactly convenient for me to take an extra day off work and drive all day through terrible traffic in I-95, wait in an airport for who knows how long, then drive all night long    I thought that alone would demonstrate her "importance in my life" but I guess to you guys it's all about the $$$.   Well I think I am going to get her a hotel for the night, now you can go ahead and tell me I'm a piece of crap because I'm not getting her a room at the Ritz Carlton, but that's fine.  All that matters to me is the hotel has a shuttle to the airport so she won't have to worry about getting a taxi.  I don't know if she'll be happy about having to go back to the airport in the morning or not, but if she's not happy I'll blame it all on you guys

There you go.  It is not convenient for you.  This is a woman who is possibly leaving her entire life behind for you, and you are griping about taking a day off work and driving.  And then, you contemplated putting her on a Greyhound for yet another overnight trip.  It is thoughtless, TBH.

[Daveman]

...I am going to get her a hotel for the night, now you can go ahead and tell me I'm a piece of crap because I'm not getting her a room at the Ritz Carlton, but that's fine.  All that matters to me is the hotel has a shuttle to the airport so she won't have to worry about getting a taxi.  I don't know if she'll be happy about having to go back to the airport in the morning or not, but if she's not happy I'll blame it all on you guys

Real men would have purchased and furnished a nearby house, with jacuzzi, and full staff, including chef, butler, nanny, gardener, masseur/masseuse and dedicated driver with limousine for her overnight stay in NYC.  And then charter a private helicopter (or just buy one) for the next leg of the journey. WTF is wrong with you??


Comfortable hotel with shuttle is fine. Book the home flight three hours after checkout so she doesn't have to rush or wake up before sunrise.  Depending on her level of English and whether you fly over to meet her, I'd suggest having a driver meet her as she comes out of the passenger area and take her to the hotel (to avoid her having to haul luggage, deal with child, find the shuttle area and specific shuttle, which of course she could do, but it's a nice, and extremely practical, gesture).  She can take the shuttle next day. 


Just take care of it and tell her what you've done and what to expect.  Don't worry too much about her complaining about the hotel if she does.  The point is that you are stepping up to take care of her and her child and that will be obvious.

[dogspot]

Dude, don't you dare put her on a Greyhound bus. That would be the second worse thing you can do, second only to having her hitch a ride.

Your options should be limited to these:

1. Finding them a flight straight through to Raleigh, even if this means eating the cost of the flight you have already purchased. You should also meet them at the POE and fly the second leg with them.

2. Flying to NY and getting a hotel for the night; flying back to Raleigh with them the next morning.
 
Welcoming them to their new country is essential and that means being there at POE. Having her arrive and then put on a bus for another 15 hours is simply not cool. Be a man. Don't subject a woman and a young child to a long, uncomfortable car or bus ride after a trans-Atlantic flight. Man up and make a little sacrifice for the little one who will soon be calling you daddy and the woman whom you love.

[Ade]

Mr cheapskate is getting her a hotel but not turning up to be there when she lands in a foreign country with kid in tow?
And he doesn't see anything wrong with this?

Cheap, selfish and clueless.

[CanadaMan]

jmana,

  I have dated RW who took trips such as the following: 24-hour train to St. Petersburg, 6-hour layover,  12-hour bus ride and ferry to Finland, another 6-hour layover, and then a 3-hour flight to Spain.  They accepted it without complaint. 

Please Gator explain how many women are we talking about here?
At first I thought this was one woman and all one trip.
But then I thought no, it can't possibly be.

But when I saw the "12-hour bus ride and ferry to Finland, another 6-hour layover, and then a 3-hour flight to Spain. " it sounded like it was continuous.

What's the score?

 

[jmana]

Real men would have purchased and furnished a nearby house, with jacuzzi, and full staff, including chef, butler, nanny, gardener, masseur/masseuse and dedicated driver with limousine for her overnight stay in NYC.  And then charter a private helicopter (or just buy one) for the next leg of the journey. WTF is wrong with you??


Comfortable hotel with shuttle is fine. Book the home flight three hours after checkout so she doesn't have to rush or wake up before sunrise.  Depending on her level of English and whether you fly over to meet her, I'd suggest having a driver meet her as she comes out of the passenger area and take her to the hotel (to avoid her having to haul luggage, deal with child, find the shuttle area and specific shuttle, which of course she could do, but it's a nice, and extremely practical, gesture).  She can take the shuttle next day. 


Just take care of it and tell her what you've done and what to expect.  Don't worry too much about her complaining about the hotel if she does.  The point is that you are stepping up to take care of her and her child and that will be obvious.

Haha, yeah I wouldn't be surprised if some guys here would think your first paragraph to be true    I did get an email back from her and she said staying overnight is fine because she isn't planning to have much luggage. 

Yeah I thought about the whole driver thing, but I don't know when she'll be done with the immigration stuff. 

[Gator]

Please Gator explain how many women are we talking about here?

'

One RW did the Russia-Finland-Spain trip.  This was 8 years ago when RW could not travel so freely to Europe.   And she lived in a remote area near the Artic Circle.   I may have my hours wrong, yet it was essentially 2 days door to door.

She had a visa to enter Finland but not other European countries.  To get around that, she had to go first to Finland and take flights from there to places that accepted passengers originating in Finland.

Another RW traveled for 30 hours to meet me in St. Petersburg.  I suggested flying, yet the only flight was a connection, arriving around 2 am.  She liked trains and had the time (teacher).

RW can be troopers.  However, not with a child.  Yet I know an exception.   My ex-wife once went to Zambia with a 12-month baby.  She was supposed to be met at the airport, but the person did not show.  Long story - she went to the Russian embassy.

[GQBlues]

Mr cheapskate is getting her a hotel but not turning up to be there when she lands in a foreign country with kid in tow?
And he doesn't see anything wrong with this?

Cheap, selfish and clueless.

He simply represents and reinforces my point about the men of the MOB.

[Konfushus]

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?"
So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides."

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along."

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: "Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?"

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey's feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.

"That will teach you," said an old man who had followed them:

"Please all, and you will please none."

To jmana:

Funny thing. Faced with the same situation, my wife would would prefer me meeting her at the airport and a 10 hour drive over a second flight without me. A night in New York just to wait for another flight would be her last choice. She enjoys long drives with me and naps comfortably in the car. Beats our usual 30+ hours of travel door to door no matter what you end up doing.

But guess what? You don't need to please my wife, Boethius' teenagers, or the wusses who consider a 10 hour drive grueling torture. 

Alina knows what's most comfortable for her and her child. Work things out with her. Her and the kid are the only ones you need to please.

[Boethius]

I didn't post he had to please me or my teenagers.  My point was that is a heck of a long drive for a three year old, particularly after a long flight.  It is.  Any parent knows that.  It is called "common sense".

[Konfushus]

I understood from the first post that the OP was talking about different prices for the same flight combination. It's true and good advice.

When travelling requires connections, it's always good to check the separate prices for each leg of your trip. I've often found not only better prices, but better connections than what first shows up in searches.

[Gator]

To jmana:

Funny thing. Faced with the same situation, my wife would would prefer me meeting her at the airport and a 10 hour drive over a second flight without me. A night in New York just to wait for another flight would be her last choice.

As I wrote, some of these RW are real troopers when it comes to arduous travel.   And jmana has written that he has discussed such with his wife. It is not what I would do, yet it is their decision.   I hope all goes well.

Perhaps some of the animosity here stems not from the travel decision but the ungentlemanly manner of some of jmana's past posts. 

[Konfushus]

Boethius, I was jabbing you because you posted that his own experience travelling with his child was irrelevant, then offer what you would do or not do with your teenagers - as if that was more relevant to the guy's situation. I found it comical.

You don't speak for all parents, nor for all children. Yes, 10 hours is a long drive. 20+ hours is a long trip. Big deal. It goes with moving to a country on the other side of the world. My kids deal with longer trips and they do just fine, just as I did growing up in a family that travelled long distances often. Kids in Russia travel on overnight and multi day train trides, long haul marshrutki trips and buses all the time. People manage just fine, some better than others. You can make long journeys miserable torture if you like, or you can enjoy them, even with a 4 year old in tow.

If you read the guy's first post, he was planning to drive 10 hours to make things more comfortable for his fiancee by being at the airport when she arrives. That sounds alright to me. Beyond that he should do what is most comfortable for Alina and her child - and the person who knows best what that is is Alina. You disagree? Maybe you know better?

[Boethius]

Did I ever post I was speaking for everyone? 

If you further read the OP's posts, he was also contemplating a luxurious middle of the night Greyhound bus ride for his fiancee, as then he would not have to deal with (potentially) bad roads, and he wouldn't have to take a day off work.

[Slumba]

The words cheap, selfish and absolutely clueless come to mind. Jesus wept, where do these people come from and how on earth do they manage to dupe anyone to come to live with them after just one (!?) short visit? Desperate people lose grasp on their senses I guess.

An atheist, using "Jesus wept" irrelevantly and completely out of context  ... 

[jmana]

Did I ever post I was speaking for everyone? 

If you further read the OP's posts, he was also contemplating a luxurious middle of the night Greyhound bus ride for his fiancee, as then he would not have to deal with (potentially) bad roads, and he wouldn't have to take a day off work.

You guys were the ones putting the fear of God into me about the roads    I really didn't care other than it would add a lot of drive time if it did storm.  And I don't see what's wrong with a bus, hell I've ridden in them and they are quite comfortable, the seats are more comfortable than an airplane, unless things have changed since I've last been in one.  Plus it's a Greyhound Express which supposedly is better, with bigger seats and wifi.  But I'm not going that route, I'm doing the hotel and flight the next day.  She's okay with it.  All is good with the world.  So we can stop arguing now.

[Konfushus]

She's okay with it.

... and that's all that matters.

[Slumba]

For all the talk from the "ladies of the fevered brow" of both genders ... it can in fact, be tough to make all the flights match up, and sometimes driving is the best way to go, even if it is 10 hours of driving vs. 4 hours of airplane and airport time.

The question none are asking is, "what vehicle is jmana driving"? 

A larger car such as Audi A8, Mercury Grand Marquis / Ford Crown Victoria, or a mid size or larger SUV can be very comfortable.  Be sure to bring along a decent number of pillows and a couple of blankets.

If he is making the trip in a Toyota Echo (I used to own one), it won't be quite as comfortable

BTW, if you haven't ridden a Greyhound bus in the last 5 years, you shouldn't be suggesting anyone use them.  They tend to attract, um, rather imperfect people according to my nephews and nieces who have used them.

[Daveman]

All is good with the world.  So we can stop arguing now.

No..
hell no...
yer jmaMa!

[Gator]

BTW, if you haven't ridden a Greyhound bus in the last 5 years, you shouldn't be suggesting anyone use them.  They tend to attract, um, rather imperfect people according to my nephews and nieces who have used them.

Imperfect?  Different is probably more accurate.  A Russian couple visited us who had traveled by long-distance bus.  They had some good comments, yet all was safe without incident.   

[jmana]

For all the talk from the "ladies of the fevered brow" of both genders ... it can in fact, be tough to make all the flights match up, and sometimes driving is the best way to go, even if it is 10 hours of driving vs. 4 hours of airplane and airport time.

The question none are asking is, "what vehicle is jmana driving"? 

A larger car such as Audi A8, Mercury Grand Marquis / Ford Crown Victoria, or a mid size or larger SUV can be very comfortable.  Be sure to bring along a decent number of pillows and a couple of blankets.

If he is making the trip in a Toyota Echo (I used to own one), it won't be quite as comfortable

BTW, if you haven't ridden a Greyhound bus in the last 5 years, you shouldn't be suggesting anyone use them.  They tend to attract, um, rather imperfect people according to my nephews and nieces who have used them.

Oh, I was planning on taking my Volvo wagon, it's really comfortable for long drives.  I also have a BMW and it's got comfortable seats, but just not much leg room.  Yeah you might be right about the Greyhound thing, kind of surprising though considering it's not all that much cheaper than flying.  I had heard good things about the Express service when it first came out, but who knows, I haven't taken any kind of a bus in 10 years. 

[jmana]

Imperfect?  Different is probably more accurate.  A Russian couple visited us who had traveled by long-distance bus.  They had some good comments, yet all was safe without incident.

Sounds like it might be fun for someone like me who likes to people watch!

[CanadaMan]

Now that jmana has made up his mind about how he's going to proceed, he is Done! I can't hijack the thread.

He simply represents and reinforces my point about the men of the MOB.

Sorry GQ but I'm going to have to call you out on this.
The first time you mentioned this in this thread I bit my tongue.

'The men of the MOB'.

Probably sounds familiar to many here.

So jmana is a typical MOB right?

If he is, then why have almost all the responders here (including myself) distanced ourselves from his earlier decisions on how he should proceed?

Aren't all of us supposed to be typical MOB'ers except for you?